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Poem Details | by Black Eyed Susan |
Categories: funny, humorous, journey, poems,

Poems For My Alien Abductors: a Ride Into Space

I thought I could wow them with poems from earth
Poems of joy and humor, poems extolling it’s worth
So I laid out poems from Michael, Gail, and me
From Andrea, David, Gwen, and Ilene
From PD, Harry, Mandy, and Chris
From Jack, Craig, Cyndi, and Liz…
For I was sure once they read our beautiful works
They would embrace us and love our humanly quirks!
So last night I taped them all over my skin
Knowing they’d find them if they took me again…

When I woke up, they were gone and I had a reply:
“We enjoyed reading those poems last night, 
And thanks for the names of the earthlings too -
We have many more experiments to do!”


2/7/13
For Michael's boomerang...send your poem for a ride contest

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: humorous, poems, sexy,

Bawdy Titillating Titles - Inspired By But Not For Contest

Dirty old man In the mood … She's feelin hot hot hot fancy a quickie? Cross dressing Lingerie We should have seen the signs What can go wrong when wearing a thong Long and hard What a whopper Naked Ecstasy Wet dreams moan moan moan Hold on darling - I'm coming This time YOU didn’t come second Tell me why! I was finding titles for Laura Loo’s contest and these are all original titles from some of my old poems…. I do worry about my muse!! 06-10-17


Poem Details | by Honestly J.T. |
Categories: how i feel, humor, irony, poems, poetry, truth, writing,

Contradictionary

I feel that I've not done,
Everything that I should do.
I've not found the sun,
Nor what rain,
May have to prove.
Every word is dry,
With a fighting attitude,
Trying to deny, 
What I'd truly say to you.
I've tried to be the kind,
To write,
And please your very eyes.
Yet there comes a time,
When my muse,
Runs and hides.
Nay! This game of pain,
Is not what I ordain.
Peace will be sustained,
On the day,
I write again.

Poem Details | by Mike Hauser |
Categories: funny, poems,

Mommy, Where Does Poetry Come From

Slight twitching of the toes
A shudder of the shins
The knocking of the knees
Is where it all begins

Vibration of the thighs
Through years of cellulite
Swinging of the hips
As it makes it's little trip

Grumbling of the belly
Way deep down inside
Till it moves up to the chest
To the thump of the hearts delight

Shoots straight to the brain
Where it bounces back and forth
Throughout the cracks and crevices
Till it feels it's run its course

Drops down to a lump in the throat
Giving way to speech
Spilling forth for all it's worth
In waves of poetry

Poem Details | by M. L. Kiser |
Categories: animal, cat, humor, pets, poems, poetry,

Sweet Slumber of Nip-Laden Dreams

Ah, sweet slumber of nip-laden dreams; the milk of mother moon bestowed, a blessed drink and lactose-free to this mine humble, feline throat. Running freely through outer space, I touch upon thy blessed universe. My home of emerald and lapis lace, is where in I lay in furred repose. Chasing neon rainbows in nebulae bright, my dreams are filled with gold doubloons. I’ll spend them on treats and nip-delight, and chase away any greedy tycoons. A feline black as obsidian night, in a home filled with human love; among the faeries and tree sprites, mind flies just like the doves.


Poem Details | by B. Joseph Fitzsimons |
Categories: art, humor, humorous, parody, poems, poetry, poets,

Vomit

Am I vomiting?
Or do I throw down instead of up.
Singing with a sudden frown,
In barf upon a promised gown.

I wore it to prom as a virgin.
I wore it on my wrist.
A flower wrapped around the list,
Of ankles cankled ‘neath a face unkissed.

I’m a pimple.
Pop me till I puke.
Until the thrill of the up I chuck,
Quacks like a drunken duck.

Or high like the school?
Drooling with the fellow mule.
Assing through town unable to procreate.
The father’s horse and mom’s whatever. 

Hybrids are for textbooks.
Useless as the diploma.
I forgot the words to the theorem,
I forgot the words above them.

Am I vomiting?
Am I poeting?
I threw down instead of up.

Poem Details | by M. L. Kiser |
Categories: animal, fun, funny, nature, poems, poetry,

Theres a Goat On My Roof

There’s a goat on my roof and he won’t come down; there’s a goat on my roof, acting like a clown. That clip-clop of hooves, what obnoxious noise; though it’s amazing, his level of poise. What drew him there, I do not know, there wasn’t any food or foe. Just walking around, he thinks he’s hot, I had to tell him, he is not. He’s munching my oak, from the roof top; I’ve yelled till I’m hoarse, to get him to stop. My neighbor says, a goat is good Feng Shui; so, I suppose I will just let him stay.

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: humorous, irony, poems, poetess, poetry, poets, voice,

A Melody On Parchment

Feelings on paper
A melody on parchment
easy poetry

your heartfelt humor
delighting unknown strangers
while you ignore him

pouring out your soul
into a painting or poem
husband catches up

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: humorous, poetry,

Three Questionku Poems

Find furniture
In a pitch dark room
Do you use your shin bone?

A diamond gift
Female Viagra
Could they be the same thing?

Look now and see
Really ugly sheep
Where virgin wool comes from?

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: confusion, humor, poems, poetry, silly,

So Many Types of Poetry

Since I've been on Poetrysoup
I admit I was taken back
By how many types of poetry
My education seems to lack

Could I make my rhyme a sixette
Or would I be 3 short
If I charged for a freeverse
Would I be forced to abort

How much must I remove
to make my hexaverse diminished
and then do I need more words
before I can be finished

Can I let my Rondeau Redouble
Without too much trouble at first
And must I be affiliated
To attempt a political verse

I guess I'll learn them one at a time
Until then I'll just call them a rhyme

Poem Details | by M. L. Kiser |
Categories: animal, cat, funny, nature, pets, poems, poetry,

Tp Trails

My toilet paper regularly trots out of the bathroom, throughout the whole house, no, it is not trained. If it were trained I am certain it would proudly stay nice and neat. My cat walks it every single day; Toilet Paper trails.

Poem Details | by M. L. Kiser |
Categories: celebration, christmas, fun, humor, pets, poems, poetry,

Wishing You a Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to you all, we’re having such a great snowfall? These tasty stars, a delicious treat, we hope your Holiday Meal is great! For this card we’ve donned our best, felt antlers ever so, neatly pressed. These snow-stars are falling with such glee, filling up branches on the trees. We hope that Santa brings you all, the best'est presents, a real haul. Stay warm and cozy, don’t catch cold, your warmest blankets, do unfold. For your New Year, we wish the best, better than any of the rest. Blessed blessings to you be, upon this wondrous, Christmas Eve!

Poem Details | by Colin Amato |
Categories: funny

Three Funny Poems-Haikus (Poems From 7th Grade #6)

1. A gnat under blue
    days will next spin on apples 
    Look! More frogs arrived 

2.  The terrible tree
     Covers my house. That summer 
     I counted wagons 


3.  The frog above red 
     Songs will soon remember you
     Winter dreams with ducks

Poem Details | by Dorothea Smith |
Categories: children, games, hockey, humorous, men, poems, sports,

Stripes

They both wear black and white,
Sport’s fans will see some tonight,
As one type skates on frozen water,
The other keeps a herd in order.

The man can get caught up in media hype,
Each has the same angle of stripe,
Only one has them down to the toes,
And tries to out run the foes.

Seeing far away is their asset,
Always watching out for a threat,
While the other kind may need to hide,
Making some calls they seem crossed-eyed.

A zebra is born looking like this,
All the while, hoping their enemy will miss,
Linesmen and refs are known to make a bad call,
In the end, it could be a team’s down fall.

Poem Details | by Shanity Rain |
Categories: candy, change, desire, food, kids, funny, house, husband, imagination, mystery, poems, senses, sweet,

Sweet Carmel

The taste of homemade Carmel so sweet/ everyone I know desires the treat.

After one night in the kitchen covered/ half the pan gone, next morning discovered. 

 Is it my beagle Lily whom loves any food? / she seems in a hyper beagle mood.

 I know I heard a squeak in the night / a dream ? No, for low was the kitchen light.
           
 T'was my husband, for he can't resist/ soft , buttered brown sugar , a Vanilla twist.

Poem Details | by Rudolph Rinaldi |
Categories: beautiful, feelings, fun, funny, life, poetry,

It Is Nice To Write Happy Poems

it is nice to write happy poems
nicey nicey 
happy happy 
poems
that make the sky 
and everything around me
brighter 
and me 
and everything around me
much much lighter

Poem Details | by Bhavna Khemlani |
Categories: character, community, emotions, funny, people, poems, remember, world,

Traffic Jam

Sitting on the soft cushion seat
Start of turtle movement
The advert on the bus
Is the only catchy appeal
The drumming of the engine
The grunting of the taxi
Dusk getting crisp
Dull glow of the sun
The glance at the sky
With a wish to fly

The buttocks begin to get sore
I see my finger nails
Then back to the next lane
I feel my eyes burn
A long ribbon of taillights flashing
The next lane is fast moving
Taxi driver snoring
The turtle movement
Develops anxiety
Feeling thirsty

Phone rings
Good news
Another party
Feeling oozy
Glazing outside the window
Another turtle movement
Nerves rest - feet asleep
With an effort
Feet wake up
Anxiety rising - start to walk

Poem Details | by Cona Adams |
Categories: confusion, humor, poems, stress, writing,

All Is Lost

Sick, sick, sick
I must be sick,
subjecting myself to
this level of frustration.

Hours of work at
this monster they
call a computer -
type, edit, cut, paste , 
thoughts aside in italics,
line breaks scrutinized.

This needs changing,
take that line out,
add this pithy phrase
for clarification.

Finally, it's as near
perfect as I can make it, 
lean back and sigh, 
admire the finished draft.

Just space the whole thing
a tad to the right.

NO! NO! Quick  
as a lightning flash,
blank page appears.
where is it?
Can't get it back -

X*#0?*#X*@#

Poem Details | by Jon A Cavanaugh |
Categories: funny, poems,

Pathetic Poems Parody of Wondrous Poems

Pathetic poems are parodies
Chopped and severed from mad trees
Which escape from limb and trunk
Then appear in books as junk
Transplanted in the minds they've fried
Transplanted till their poets have died
Echo in "ruinic" rhyme
That degrade through passing time
Written down as so much clutter
They find their way into the gutter
How hilarious these poems can be
Poems also known as parody

                                       




ruinic - a fictitious word derived from runic as obscure and ruin as degraded
          - a degraded and obscure rhyme

Poem Details | by Jerica Sanchez |
Categories: boyfriend, care, dedication, devotion, faith, first love, for her, for him, gender, girlfriend, happiness, happy, heart, heaven, home, house, how i feel, humor, husband, i love you, imagination, inspiration, inspirational, kiss, longing, love, marriage, miss you, missing, poems, poetry, romance, romantic, together, words,

Forevermore

When I hear your name
My heart beats faster than usual
It's not that I am ashame
But It's just your name is too special..

Can't control the feelings
When I am with you
Can't stop smiling
When you hold me like you do

When you hug me then
I feel like I'm in heaven
You are a blessing from above
And you are the reason why I loved

I'll promise to love you FOREVERMORE..
And I will cherish you until the end of my borrowed life
And I will keep our precious memories as long as
we see each other in our next life..

Poem Details | by Susan Gentry |
Categories: humorous, poems, poetry, poets,

Sensitive Susan

I once knew a poet named “Susan”

Who first found PS quite confusin’

Learn forms she was told

Free verse overload

Blogs, contest N/A not amusin’

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Written 2-24-2016
For Sensitive Community 'a pd contest'
Limerick
8th Place

Poem Details | by Jimmi Canada |
Categories: brother, caregiving, crazy, dark, funny, goodbye, nice, poems,

Maturity

Two prates,

sick paste,

wanton waste,

yet terrible brain.


One more way,

for me in the daze,

then the song with the wait,

then the bong and your faith-

yes it's gone,
but no you're still to gait-

you're still to frame,

you're still to blame.

Poem Details | by James Horn |
Categories: humorous,

Poems For Children Only

Poems for Children Only

If poem seems bad straighten it out for me
So maybe soon eventually I can start to see
What I thought were to be my eccentricities
Compared to yours were all inadequacies.

Many of my verbs may be in wrong tense
Word arrangement never made much sense
Some adverbs should be adjectives instead
And ending of my people often did dread.

Okay, my comrade poets I must confess
What should I do to straighten out this mess?
Start trying to tear all of my poems apart;
Write poems for children only soon do start.

James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran

Poem Details | by Lin Lane |
Categories: humorous,

Insane Poems

NOT CONTEST BOUND

I used to know a poet named Lin Lane
she often walked in the thundering rain
one day she got a jolt
from a fierce lightning bolt
and now all of her poems are insane

Poem Details | by Mark Toney |
Categories: bird, humor, poems,

Birds of a Feather

Toucan
Two can