Funny Poems About Age or Age Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Age poems and/or funny poems about Age. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Age funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Age Poems.

Poem Details | by Daniel Turner |
Categories: age, humor, life,

Sucker Punched

I can't recall exactly when
Life swung and hit me on my chin
I"m ashamed to say, it knocked me cold
When I came to, I woke up old

While I was out, I had a dream
Of juggling on a balance beam
While jumping hoops, upon one leg
And one wrong move, cost one nest egg

Was it yesterday or the day before
I had it all but wanted more
When days were long and fears were short
Carouse by day, at night cavort

Yesterday, less was more
It must have been the day before
I wish I'd seen life's sucker punch
'cause now my memory's out to lunch

          by Daniel Turner

Poem Details | by Linda Alice Fowler |
Categories: age, beauty, funny, hair, old, silly, silver,

No Blue Hair

No blue hair or curls for me. I’ll grow old naturally. Hanging breasts and flattened bum, crooked teeth and graying gum. Sagging knees and chicken skin, sunny spots and double chin. Silver streaks through thinning hair, dimming eyesight no repair. Crinkly crow’s eyes and flat feet singing as the Maker I meet. I don’t care what you say, I can’t hear you anyway.

Poem Details | by Rudolph Rinaldi |
Categories: age, funny, nature, society, technology, youth,


Fall and
red yellowing 
leaves in the trees

an old man sitting 
on a bench
watches them 
and thinks of his youth

a youth 
sitting on a bench
looking into his iPhone
simulates the falling 
red yellowing leaves
and googles 
the future 
of trees

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: age, humorous,

59 and Knocking Wood

Eight decades and a half "young" is my mom.
Nine years and half a century am I.
How quickly I have aged gives me a qualm,
but one good thing - I now CAN'T multiply!

And right behind my mom I'm following. . .
The white hairs keep appearing; it's with dread
I picture myself one day swallowing
my food with dentures stuck inside my head!

Mom always was athletic till her knees
gave out. . . so walking fast she does no more.
But luckily, she has no grave disease.
I think she just too often scrubbed the floor!

Well, I don't "stoop" to drudgery. Knock wood!
At least my knees might possibly stay good.

For the Humorous Poetry Contest of Thomas Martin

Poem Details | by Jackson Labaugh |
Categories: age, arabic, assonance, beach, bird, giggle, judgement,

Haiku For the Color Red

As heat bursts around,
silence lets me ponder on,
where I left my phone.

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: humorous,

Mary Ann's Age-Old Excuse

Mary Ann had a boyfriend that she 
gave affection and great loyalty.
Since the age of sixteen
no one else had she seen
but she wanted more at thirty-three!

Her boyfriend, of course, had it made
since regularly, he would get laid.
So excuses he gave
when Mary Ann would rave
about marriage. . . and  unwed they stayed.

Getting pregnant was her coup d'etat 
when she said, “You will soon be a pa!”
She said, “Furthermore, Bruce,
I don’t need an excuse.
In my mind we’re a pair - common-law!”

For Black Eyed Susan's Excuses Poetry Contest

Poem Details | by Cindi Rockwell |
Categories: age, funny, old, silly,

How Time Stole My Body

I am old. Old I am.
And frankly I don't give a damn.
I take bright pills for all my ills
And little rugrats call me gram.

Teeth are gone. Gone are they.
Can't chew my food the normal way.
I glue some in to fill my grin
I'm lucky if they stay all day!

I am vexed! Vexed am I!
And now I'm going to tell you why
I fall asleep in time to leap
And to the porcelain pony fly!

I am slow. Slow I am.
In stores I cause a traffic jam.
Joints go crack, can't bend my back
I failed my walker drive exam!

But say the word. The word just say.
And you and I can spend the day!
Let's eat prunes and sing some tunes
Then cuddle with my friend, Ben Gay!

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: age, body, humorous,

Sexy Sue

Sue lies in her bed boy she’s feeling HOT HOT HOT dratted menopause! 04~08~17

Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funny

Giggles For Age Hiders

Deceptive Griselda is not so fair
She conceals her real age, will not declare
     On the Net she croons love’s tunes
     To make all the young men swoon
A fantasyland like hers is so rare
The secrets that she always locks within
Mysterious as the Shroud of Turin
     ‘Twould be easier to gauge
     The much-debated shroud’s age
Than guess the date of photos she's seen in

Wherever she goes, she carries laptops
Sexy blog posts from nursing home rooftops
     Delusional minds deceive
     Some catch on, some still believe
But at 87; her figure’s flopped

Entry for Tracie's contest

Poem Details | by Charlie Smith |
Categories: age, humorous,

Old Age

Imagination never diminishes with age;

     on the contrary,
     the loss of memory only enhances 

     the thoughts of what usta be...

Poem Details | by Jennifer Young |
Categories: age, funny,

My Favorite Things As a Middle Aged Chick

Night sweats and crazy
Hot flashes and lazy
Mood swings and a body (?)
That looks pretty shoddy

Eating and bleeding and wanting to scream
These are a few of my Favorite Things

When your doctor
Says a shocker
that your
Uterus is a lobster

I simply remember to pretend I'm filled with glee
and then
I forget that my uterus is in atrophy

Poem Details | by Elizabeth Mccann |
Categories: age, funny,


Put it down to a grey-haired obsession;
Participles are a vexed question.
Even though it sounds quaint,
Elegant it ain't,
Robbing gerunds of their possessions!

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: age, america, humor, husband, old,

Police Report

She told the police, Please help me
My husband is missing you see
First he was there, then he was gone
And I don't know where he could be

The police seemed concerned and said,
Describe this man that's not around
If we don't have a description
We fear he may never be found

He has a patch over one eye
The one that he lost in the war
He  wears a small hat on his head
That doesn't have hair anymore

He lost a finger sawing wood
And a toe when mowing the lawn
I guess he was mostly missing
before he was even gone!

Poem Details | by Gershon Wolf |
Categories: age, health, humor,

Your Age Described

Your age may best be described
                              ~ by the type of pills you are prescribed

Poem Details | by Romeo Naces |
Categories: age, analogy, anxiety, culture, funny love, humor,

Dangling Contemplation

What's a necktie 
dangling for?

     Too stiff, too thin 
     to be scarf, a bib 
     or an apron,

Too smooth to be 
a hankie,

     too short to be 
     a suicide noose
     to contemplate on!

Poem Details | by Anna Hopper |
Categories: age, engagement, humorous, social,


There once was a tweeter who didn’t tweet
An air of mystery, she decided to keep 
Responses bounced
Bad twitter account
But still, she wouldn’t tweet a peep

Poem Details | by Terry Ireland |
Categories: age, humor, irony, life,

Sex After Seventy

Oh, you can’t have sex after seventy
Your children just wouldn’t approve
And if your neighbours found out 
You’d probably have to move

No, you can’t have sex after seventy
You’ve got to be young and fit
And every succeding generation
All seem think they invented it.

You just can’t have sex after seventy
Though it’s not quite against the law
You should be watching the tele
Or maybe doing the odd jigsaw

No, you can’t have sex after seventy
If you get such an unnatural urge
Drink some hot Epsom Salts
And give your bowels a purge.

You just can’t make love after seventy
Just accept it with good grace
No you can’t have sex after seventy
And wipe that smirk off your face

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: age, humorous, memory,

Remember Remember

I’m positive I’m certain In fact I’m really sure That I really locked the door Getting old I just abhor I’m getting quite forgetful Of that I’m really sure Now the only thing That’s on my mind is Did I lock the bloody door! I’m getting quite forgetful And it is a crying shame When I meet ‘Whatyamacallhim’ In the street I can’t recall his blooming name I’m getting quite forgetful And I guess this will remain So I call my hubby ‘Darling’ Much to his delight, (easing my plight) In case I forget his name! I’m positive I’m certain In fact I’m really sure I keep repeating what I’ve said Growing old I just abhor!

Poem Details | by John Lawless |
Categories: age, humor, memory,

I'Ll Never Forget What's His Name

It would seem
That age should
Soften and feather
Our memories
Smooth off the edges
Make them user friendly.

As I get older
As in being “old”
Longer than most are “old”
I still stumble on
Old discarded lies
Prick myself with
Shattered dreams
Burn myself by touching
Still too hot …you know

There are still a few
I’d like to go back and….
Well, should’a done it then.

I believe it is a curse
One I must endure
Until “death do I part”
For I learned years ago


Poem Details | by Anne-Lise Andresen |
Categories: age, humor, uplifting,

- My Silver Gray Ferrari -

Never give up, fight if you can

Rheumatism has already attacked joints all over the body

Hands, shoulder, elbow, hip, ankles and knees are not as they once were

You have to fight on ... but is not easy getting old

My brilliant car ... so raw and simple ... a cure for depression

It is not difficult in any way

I just love it ... a real Ferrari puppy

Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved

Poem Details | by Zamreen Zarook |
Categories: age, angel, beautiful, beauty, body, boyfriend, celebration, celebrity, change, character, creation, desire, emotions, children, friendship, girl, girlfriend, hero, humorous, i love you, image, life, memorial day, memory, middle school, relationship, romantic, school, society, student, teen, teenage, truth, wisdom, woman, women, words, world, youth,

Fake Words

Fake Words – Zamreen Zarook

God have given us mouth,
Not to speak to north and south,
Tongue is given under an oath,
So it’s our duty to protect them both.

Girls chat fake with boys,
Having a notion that the boys are toys,
They often make varied noise,
Thinking to keep a trap on handsome guys.

Boys are also human being,
So it’s not possible being clean,
Things varies in the way they are seen,
So positive thinking will make you keen.

Boys’ minds are pure,
As it is pure bio,
So don’t try to pour vino,
Which will take decades to get cure.

Poem Details | by Mariam Traore |
Categories: age, funny, homework, humor, school,


Homework oh' homework
All kids say it stinks,
They say they wont do it,
but that it would disappear once they blink,
They say who invented it;
and who brung it forth,
They say they wish teachers would stop giving it,
And all though I agree
Homework is a good thing,
It will help you, you'll see
It will help tomorrow, today, 
and years later
It will help you be smarter
it'll help you participate
So don't say that you hate it
All though you clearly do, because
you know that you need it
Don't you?

Poem Details | by Smail Poems |
Categories: age, angel, baseball, beauty, butterfly, caregiving, celebration, character, child, father daughter, feelings, film, fishing, flower, football, children, for her, friend, fun, funny, gender, girl, girlfriend, giving, graduation, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, growing up, growth, hair, happiness, happy, health, heart, hero,


Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: character, funny,

A Stone Age Transport Woe

Wilma cried, “We are going too slow!”
But poor Flintstone could no faster go.
Not because of a flat. 
No, for nothing like that.
It was just Fred had stubbed his big toe!

Written Nov. 14, 2014 
For the Limerick Clean and Clever Contest of Roy Jerden
Yabba Dabba DOO!!!! And Boo Hoo Hoo!!!

Poem Details | by Tulisha Blackshear |
Categories: humor, prejudice,

Old Age Is Hell

Face full of wrinkles, got a second chin
Hair is all greying, needs dying again
Don't quite remember these curves being there
And when did my hips get so big and square

Eyesight is failing, hearing bout gone
Arms waving bye bye, lost all their tone
OMG what happened to my chest
What used to point onward now points SE & SW

Gravity is not prejudice, it grabs us all
What once was so perky has taken a big fall
Arther and Rhitis have both moved in
Now Bengay and Icyhot are my new best friends

They say that the memory is the first thing to go
Slowly forgetting all that we know
Mother Nature is cruel, this we know well
Take it from me, old age is hell.