Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by Schatz, Robert |
Categories: humorous,

leap day

leap day
an extra day before March
so what?

Poem Details | by Baker, Bill |
Categories: clothes, funny, humor, rain, weather, women,

The Problem with Leather

I once met a girl whose name was Heather,
whatever she wore ‘twas always leather.
It rained, it poured, we got all wet,
She said, “this leather smells like sweat”,
Before each date, she now checks the weather.


Poem Details | by Baker, Bill |
Categories: adventure, dream, fantasy, flying, happiness, humor, universe,

Just Dreaming

Every wonder where they come from?
I’m just glad that I still have some.
Sometimes they’re pleasant and seem good,
sometimes vague and misunderstood.

At times they’re funny or bizarre,
like riding on a shooting star.
Often it seems they’re teaching me,
past life lessons I didn’t see.

Sometimes they seem like déjàvue,
in another one I was you.
Once I dreamed, I wasn’t human man;
my whole body was made of sand.

Dreams are intriguing, so much fun.
Recurring dreams are never done.

Poem Details | by Peranteau, James |
Categories: humorous, sexy, write,

rated X Tarzan'z daughter iz mad at me

.

                   jane
                   sure
          her purty'z upset
   nothing a banana wouldn't
                   cure

     janes' just piss'd 'cause
            we've known 
             each other 
               for ever
                Almost
         and we've never
                known 
            each's other

          ("boy and wet 
               l'il jane")

Poem Details | by Haight, Sandra |
Categories: funny, romance, word play,

Jacketed - dodo

Backseat bingo- such a blast! Passion pit- made in the shade. Fat City- cranked and crazy! With dolly- cloud nine!


Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humorous,

never again

Fortune teller squirrel gives me the old once-over
I squirm a bit, like my half-blind eye, Cocker Spaniel, Rover.
I see that you think you are special, she says, glaring at me.
Feeling uncomfortable, I wonder how great this teller can be.

Feeling superior because you are a human being, I bet.
I am annoyed at this second, I clear my throat and kick Chet.
Chet is my cousin who thought this squirrel was so good.
Never again! I say as we leave, as if I ever could….

Poem Details | by Farookh, MB |
Categories: cheer up, crazy, fun, how i feel, humor, imagination, moon,

YOU AGAIN - DODO


The Moon yawns, I feel queasy
I yawn, Moon laughs yellow cheese
Ne'er Sun mocks at distraught me,
Just says 'you again'?

Poem Details | by Lawless, John |
Categories: humor,

GAME TIME

Hickory dickory dock
Three mice climbed Grandfather’s clock
Grandpa struck one…
The others could run
and
Clearing concussion protocol
Will compete again next Sunday 

Poem Details | by Culverhouse, Clive |
Categories: humorous, truth, wisdom,

Hatred

hatred 
is a coat
of jagged teeth
but
the teeth 
are on the inside



Poem Details | by Beaufort, Duke |
Categories: food, holiday, humor,

pistachio pride

So often the nut meats we find
Experience life as a grind
So let's not spread
Their butter instead
Eat them whole on this day enshrined

Poem Details | by Etgen-Baker, Sara |
Categories: humor, woman,

The Rest of the Story Poetry Contest-The Old Woman in the Shoe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The old woman in the shoe loved the charity shops. Once she was inside, seems like time stopped. She rummaged and searched and became quite mad, But when she came out, she was very glad. With armfuls of stuff, all very cheap For all her little ones and her peeps. She was somewhat abashed, for the last time she went She searched and gathered to a furious extent! All of those bargains, they made her day, But then she thought she heard someone say… “Look over there at that funny old duck!” “A funny old duck? Oooh, just my luck.” But when she looked around and tried to see Seemed as if they were all looking at she.

Poem Details | by Messina, Charles |
Categories: humorous,

Do You Ewe

Baa baa black sheep or should I call you ewe 
Yes ma'am, yes ma'am but it's really up to you
 
eww, eww there's something on my shoe 
eww, eww I think I stepped in poo 

Baa baa black sheep I think it came from you 
Yes ma'am, yes ma'am it's stuck on you like glue 

Eew, ewe now what should I do
Should I try to get it off by walking in the dew 

Baa baa black sheep do you, ewe have another shoe 
Yes ma'am, yes ma'am but I gave it to the cow...moo!

Poem Details | by Nuwas, Aysha |
Categories: character, crazy, funny,

Intelligence unveiled

In a world of wires, cables and geeks,
a woman sauntered, looking quite unique
with circuits of wit and bytes of charm
mistaken for Ai
what a cause for alarm!

I was the lady, I had to laugh
sure I am smart and intelligent too
a computer I am not, as I sit on the loo
I still need to eat, sleep and also....
poo poo

In a world of silicon, I have plenty to show
so its not my brains that dazzle and glow 
my logics expansive, your hard disks they pale
I am not a machine, but intellect unveiled
I'm a blonde, you see, now what's your tale?

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: hair, humor, literature, nostalgia,

I Thought I Saw One Hair Up There

  One perfect hair
  on a head quite bare
    may seem unorthodox

  Yet it surely was
  for Dr. Suess
    never a paradox

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: america, giggle, kiss, leadership, old, political,

Only in America

  Kissing babies and shaking hands
  A candidate’s boon and bane in most lands

    In the USA, though, it’s hair-kissing and the shaky hand
    of an octogenarian on whom one party is taking its stand

Poem Details | by Henry, Michael |
Categories: humorous, time,

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I’ll try to do the things
I didn’t do today
For even though I try my best
The time just gets away
There’s mail to write and meals to cook
And I need to feed the cat
Then I have to put the kettle on
When friends drop in to chat!
My ‘to do’ list just never seems
To have every item ticked
In fact it’s getting longer
I guess I’ll never have it licked!
I do my best to manage time
So that every task gets done
But as each evening closes in
I know that once again, I haven’t won.
Yesterday was hectic
Today I did the sums
And now I’ve come to realise
That tomorrow never comes!

Poem Details | by Salmonson, Jessica Amanda |
Categories: funny, humor, men, political, satire,

Boogers

"You have to listen to my opinion."
"No I don't. Go away."
"But my opinion is highly informative."
"No it isn't. Don't care."
"I know so much more than you do."
"About your own boogers maybe."

Poem Details | by Slaughter, Jim |
Categories: animal, humor,

Critterature: Sticks and Stones

A rhino's eyesight is really myopic,
Perhaps that's what makes him so misanthropic.
His hearing and reflexes, though, are sublime,
He can turn on a nickel and stop on a dime.
The projection that grows
On the end of his nose
Is not really a horn, though,
As one might suppose.
And when he needs scratching,
There's another small hitch,
His legs are too short
So he can't reach the itch.
He's ugly, pugnacious,
Rude, and unsociable,
And his manners at mealtime
Are simply atrociable.
And should you insult him,
He'll never reveal it.
His hide is so thick
He prob'ly won't even feel it.

Poem Details | by Dome, Peter |
Categories: bird, cheer up, crazy, funny, giggle, humor, humorous,

Rebel Chicks In Leather

The chicks around here are really
Tough and mean
So mean they'd spit in your eye
Steal a babbies ice cream
And make them cry

Dressed in leathers
Riding their noisy roaring motorcycles
At speed
Terrorising the neighbourhood
With their wicked deeds

Their birds of a feather
Rebels without a cause
That stick together

Lock all your windows
And lock all your doors
People run for their lives
The outlaws frighten people all the time
I daren't tell you
What they did to my friend
It was really bad
And really sad

They may only be a mere few inches tall
And should be kept in a pen
So says their mother
Hen

Peter Dome©2024


Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: humor, money, political,

Revised Salary Scale

   My salary, 'commensurate with responsibility'

     A politician's ~ on his ability to rob you and me

Poem Details | by Baker, Bill |
Categories: confusion, funny, games, magic, mystery, nonsense, people,

Skipping Rope

The people all gathered they had such hope,
To see magic tricks, I’d shown to the pope.
I jumped and flipped and spun around,
They booed when I bounced up and down.
I was using my invisible rope.

Poem Details | by Beaufort, Duke |
Categories: allegory, animal, drug, humor,

less than human

While meds clear it as quick as can be
We fear having ADHD
Since feds put a lock
On our adderall stock
We're macaque or like chimpanzee

Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humorous,

dancer annoys grandma

Table top dancer was as graceful as every hippo I knew
She did a waltz, a ballet, and an old familiar soft shoe
The people at the table pushed their chairs out of the way
My annoyed grandma decided to never invite her again that day

Poem Details | by Jones, Karen |
Categories: feelings, funny love,

The Highway

He is patient he is kind
Has a red temper 
But he is mine
Or is he as my mind
Unwinds sipping thoughts
Dripping whine
Why can’t he be Mr Right
And do as I wish when I decide
OK maybe I am the problem 
I want to be giving but I’m demanding 

Talking to myself now not him
How can I ask what I ask on a whim
I need to feel secure and considered
I hear him say that I am difficult 
So why am I could it be
That he finally sees the real me
Yet he seems to wait patiently 
Despite the parade of suitors 
Green is his esteem
And that is so sexy

He knows how to give me space
And that’s amazing grace
Still I choose me and it’s
My way or the highway

Poem Details | by Stubbs, Mark |
Categories: humorous, love,

Love is like bubblegum


Love is like bubblegum fresh at the start

Zesty and fruity, like adrenaline to the heart

Mouthwatering anticipation of bubbles to come

Time spent together it's outstanding fun

Next comes the bubbles it's fun but it's messy

Lots of puffing and blowing, a little bit fleshy

Normally next, things just get chucked away

It was nice when it lasted but the gums had its day

But in just a few cases, the bubbles are special 

The effort for chewing remains well worth the wrestle

And when the bubblegum is all but gone

You are left together with a special someone.


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