Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by vionet, Anais |
Categories: humor, religion, satire,


I bought the shroud of Turin
the vatican had a sale
they have legal expenses
and priests that needed bail.

It was just an old dusty cloth
so I put it in the wash
that Tide detergent, never fails
all the smudges and stuff washed off.

don’t get excited, i was raised a catholic

Poem Details | by jimmy boom semtex, nick armbrister |
Categories: funny, rude, satire,


The gal with the **** cannon
Let’s one rip a right good fart
You can smell it from here
It smells of baked beans
And mushy peas plus cabbage
I wonder what it’s like
When she takes a dump?

Poem Details | by Peckover, Jaden |
Categories: food, funny, happy,

Naan Bread : a Naat Poem

In the oven's warm embrace, you rise,
A doughy delight, a savory surprise.
Naan bread, you're a gift from above,
A culinary creation we truly love.

Your surface adorned with charred grace,
Tandoori-kissed, in every case.
From India's heart to lands afar,
You're the superstar of the culinary car.

With ghee or garlic, you're often paired,
A taste so exquisite, none can compare.
Soft and fluffy, or crispy and thin,
In the world of bread, you always win.

From the tandoor's heat to our plate,
You're the reason we celebrate.
Naan bread, a poem we gladly sing,
A culinary masterpiece, fit for a king!

Poem Details | by jimmy boom semtex, nick armbrister |
Categories: crazy, funny, rude, satire,

**** Hat

**** Hat

The American was an **** hat

A real screw ball idiot

Who didn’t care what people thought

She did this and that what she wanted

A new tattoo left nipple coloured dark green

Right ear extended elf like

Having sex with 70 year old men

Just for the Hell of it

Not to get their cash

A real **** hat gal

She was a local character

One whom people detested

Crossed the road to avoid

Yet she was smart could argue

On vague stupid topics

Her real name was Dawn

In reality they called her slang

Names unprintable here

She’s the **** hat gal

Full of crap a real lunkhead

Imagine if you were her

So full of **** hat !


Poem Details | by jimmy boom semtex, nick armbrister |
Categories: funny, satire, sick,

**** mucus

**** Mucus

The alternative man liked an **** massage

Getting his sphincter muscle lovingly relaxed

This allowed his **** mucus to flow with love

Every time he took a dump in the royal throne room

Pushing a curly big turd with S turns in it out

Plopping into the bowl like a fish back in a pond

The masseur did the best butt massage

It was only money and it all got soothed

Green enjoying his bung hole massage

Making sure he produced mucus to 

That and regular sphincter muscle work outs

With a big black ***** and American butt plug

Poem Details | by Empress, Ink |
Categories: funny, giggle,


       Wicked cold wimp weaving 
       Wrinkled woes on Samhain
       Warlock of witchery
       Waving threefold fiction
       Whilst hanging on chaos
       Wretched and worthless from
       Worn out dry iced love spells

Categories: fun, funny,

A girl ate a hat

A girl ate a hat, what a thrill,
Mistaking it for her contraceptive pill.
In her moment of haste,
A hat she did taste,
Now she's throwing up,  her tummy's bloated still!

Poem Details | by Koplin, Mark |
Categories: humor,

Feed them peanuts

In this land of rhymes, both wild and rare, 
here comes a tale I’ll weave with care.
It’s for those who’ve earned disdainful thoughts,
for actions unkind and deceitful plots.

Feed them peanuts!  Oh, hear my words,
then flush them down like pungent turds.
Let’s raise our hands, a sign for all,
and let that birdy stand nice and tall.

Feed them peanuts! A gesture grand,
let’s show them love and where we stand.
On this bunch let’s shed some light,
then with their fluff they can take flight.

Oh, in this land where tales unfold,
the beautiful people write words of gold.
In ivory towers they spin and sit,
then silently enjoy my words of wit.

Poem Details | by Etgen-Baker, Sara |
Categories: bird, funny, humor,

Goose Haiku


Poem Details | by Flood, Terry |
Categories: fairy, humorous,

Hairy Fairy

There’s a fairy going round who does hair transplants in the night
She does them while your sleeping so you wake with quite a fright
I have no gripe with transplants so don’t think that I’m a moaner
But could I be recipient… and not the bloody doner!

Poem Details | by Breese, Richard |
Categories: autumn, conflict, funny, giggle, humor, insect, september,

autumn bicker

a farmer under a tree

remarked stung by a small bee

seems each september

rain or fair weather

we seldom seem to agree.

Poem Details | by Messina, Charles |
Categories: humor,

The Kibitzy Kleptomaniac

A kibitzy klepto keeked like a kakapo at a kerfy knotholey kist that kept knickknacks made from kidskin and krimmer in it. His knockoff kiths were knackered of the kookie knucklehead's kleptomaniacism- kudos to them!

Poem Details | by ALLISON, JAN |
Categories: drink, humorous,


My neighbour, Mellifluous Myrtle Her urine she’d stir with a spurtle She’d give me a wink Then down it as drink She’s loopier than the mock turtle! One Sunday we’d watched the Grand Prix She proffered a flask of her pee I said, “Sorry dear It’s cloudy not clear - I much prefer my English tea!” Her pubic hair she'd tried to perm The lotion gave a nasty burn I phoned up Bill, her son And said ,"Please visit mum, Her conduct is cause for concern." I recently heard some great news That Myrtle’s son won a year cruise I must hope and then pray When they leave on Friday Her bev’rages ain’t from the loos!

Poem Details | by lawless, John |
Categories: humor, irony, kid,

the eye of the beholder

Surrounded by toys the toddler played in the sand with three rocks and five sticks.

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: fantasy, giggle, hyperbole, ocean, scary,

Oceanic Encounters of a Pinching Kind

     Swimming in the ocean
       a wincing couple pinches
     Little creature on my leg
       not more than six or seven inches
     I looked again, to my surprise
       Hello! - a trilobite!
     Two pincers jutting from its head
       tiny, fearsome sight

     I scolded it: 'You are extinct'
       'Now go away and I won't tell
     You'll get to live another day.' 

     He stayed... So, I swatted him
       to prehistoric hell ~

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: humorous, scary,

What -- Was I Thinking

  What... Was I thinking -- again... Dangerous habit... Got to kick it soon... 

             September 21, 2023
        What Was I Thinking' contest
            Sponsor: John Lawless

Poem Details | by Flood, Terry |
Categories: humorous,

What Was I Thinking

The gas leak in my cellar made me yelp ~ I’d thought the candle might help

Poem Details | by Etgen-Baker, Sara |
Categories: humor, poetry,

Not Needed

life is beautiful the other twelve syllables are just not needed

Poem Details | by Rodrigues, Kim |
Categories: funny, work,

What Was I Thinking

when I spilled a full vat of maple syrup - more pancake…more butter

Poem Details | by ALLISON, JAN |
Categories: confusion, humorous, internet,

What was I thinking

I googled "AI" ... found notes on Artificial Insemination!!!

Poem Details | by Bellevue, Belle |
Categories: dog, humor,

A Grand Barking Contest

There was to be a grand barking contest To find the dog that barked loud and longest A man came on his scooter Farting loud as a trouper And said he couldn’t tell a b from an f.

Poem Details | by Bellevue, Belle |
Categories: bird, humorous,

An Omelette Made for Two

I had a tasty ****-a-doodle stew Now I crow at dawn as cockerels do I pulled a sweet hen And now and again We dine on an omelette made for two.

Poem Details | by Schatz, Robert |
Categories: child, funny, god,

What do you want to be when you grow up?

One time when I was in nursey school, Miss Shanahan had everyone sit in a circle and one-by-one say what we wanted to be when we grow up.

It was what you’d expect…
Astro naught
Truck driver
Race car driver
Police officer
Movie star
Baseball player
Engineer…and the like

Then it was my turn:

“What do you want to be when you grow up Bobby?”
I thought about it a minute, and said

That threw her for a loop.

There was no braggadocio involved.
No narcissism, no conceit, no misplaced pride
I didn’t think I had a shot at it or anything.
Just seemed to me that it would be the top job.

Can’t blame me.

Poem Details | by Sarvida, Hugo |
Categories: faith, humor, introspection, perspective,


The clang of the bell
Bringing spiel to my ear,
Funny thing 'bout faith.

Poem Details | by Andresen, Anne-Lise |
Categories: dark, gothic, humor,


                                        Vivid illustrations
                               Velvet draped black long cape
                                    Vibration from bat wings
                              Veins cracked by his sharp teeth
                                      Violets blue - not red
                                            Virgin anemia
                                    Vegetable soup, no thanks

All Funny Poems