Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by HANKINS, L MILTON |
Categories: humor,

Sir Jonathan Smoot

Here lies Sir Jonathan Smoot
Unfortunately wearing only one boot,
He tangled with an alligator
And failed to say, “I’ll see you later!”

written January 15, 2022


Poem Details | by Caliri, Matt |
Categories: funny,

Fun Advice Column Titles

How Do I get My Dog Out Of My Mailbox?

My Husband Keeps Trying to Kiss Me. 
What Do I Do About This?

The Rain Just Won’t Stop. 
Begging For Help In the Carolinas.

My Wife Left to Buy More Compost Bags. 
She’s been gone for 37 hours. 
Do I Call the Police?

Someone Burned All My Clothes? 
Help Me I’m Freezing. 
Somewhere In Denver.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: dark, humor,

Mutuality



Not long ago, on her death-bed,
his mother-in-law, in a rare tête-à-tête,
pressed his hand into hers and calmly said:
Son-in-law, our relationship was never close,
never warm, never cordial, and I suppose 
for all the wrong reasons. Now it’s too late.
And so wherever I end up – I think I know –
for it’s where you’ve told me many times to go.
But no matter; wherever be my destiny
I’ll insist the Lord put you there with me.
It’s the least a mother-in-law can do;
after all, I often wished you’d go there too.

Poem Details | by Leffanta, Rico |
Categories: humor, magic,

The Learning Curve

Our Vicar has a magic wand
A gift from some old vagabond
Though our choir can't sing
His "uppity" thing
Will rise to salute every blonde!


Poem Details | by lawless, John |
Categories: humor,

TODAY - snip snip

TODAY
I trimmed my nose hairs
                                      …….Nuff said!!

John G. Lawless
1/15/2022

Poem Details | by Miller, Terry |
Categories: 12th grade, humor,

Pi-man

Simon met a man called Archimedes,
both slow traveling to fair on pedis.
"Yo, Archie dude," said Simon, very loud.
"Long time no-see, my gosh, you look so proud."

"They call me Pi-man now," replied the Greek.
"Why's that?" said Simon, sounding rather meek.
"For finding three point one four two, you know."
"It's rather set the universe aglow."

"What for?" said Simon tugging his earlobe.
"For measuring a circle, orb, or globe,
It's simple, Simon; I'll show you with a penny."
"Sorry, Pi-man dude, I don't have any."



Complex Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Julia Ward 
Date wrote: 15th January 2022

Poem Details | by Atoui, Lama |
Categories: addiction, funny,

An ode to my PC

You make the minutes dribble
Down the meanderings of time
First drizzling 
Then dripping
In dribs and drabs
Then dropping 
In driblets
That drain the hours
And drown the days 
And I
With my drowsy eyes
My drifting mind
And shaking hand
Turn a deaf ear
To the hue and cry
To the whys
And the wherefores
of your fatal lure
For I have no time
To let go of you
And live my life
As you have already
eaten it up

Poem Details | by HANKINS, L MILTON |
Categories: history, humor, voice, woman,

Suffragist

There once lived a lady in Scranton Named Elizabeth Cady Stanton She dared to promote Women’s right to vote, ‘Tis said she threw many a tantrum.
written January 14, 2022

Poem Details | by Lillico , Margarita |
Categories: humorous, insect, nature,

Insect Inspection

Some disgusting and cute, Many creepy and mute, Some exotic and vain, Mainly local and plain, Some revolt, some amaze, Most pest, bother and chase, Some crawl, slither and jump, Buzz, bite, scavenge and vamp, Some work hard days and nights, Others - pure parasites, Gutsy settle indoors To the horror of yours, Bold get under your skin, After where they have been, Shameless species would thrive In depth of afterlife, There’s no equal rival To their harsh survival, They lodge in and about And one can’t do without. January 14, 2022

Poem Details | by Wright, Tom |
Categories: candy, child, funny, growing up, work,

Cotton Candy

Cotton Candy Couplets Miracle Man 1/14/2022 Back in the day when suckers cost a penny, money was scarce and this kid hadn’t any. But “scrapping bolls” one fall, the job I found, and shortly after dawn, to the fields I was bound. Three “tow sacks” sewed together held my glean, all we could afford for a kid nearing thirteen. A penny a pound is what pulling usually paid, long days in the sun, wiping sweat, with no shade. Cotton was hauled, team and wagon, and truckers, and what little I made went mostly for suckers.

Poem Details | by Romios, Panagiota |
Categories: funny, humor,

IM NOT A ROBOT





The silliest sentence in the world.
I see that, and why does is not ask..
Is my hair straight or curled?

And if it is for security.....
Why does it ask it only once?
The pictures are anything but clear.
At least for me, I wonder, am I drunk?
It surely is not for security!
It best be called, an irritating anomaly.

Remember we all use different devices.
Nonetheless, I’m not a robot.
It needs to destroyed into slices.



              1/12/2022






Poem Details | by Cunningham, Tom |
Categories: humor,

A COUPLE OF LIMS

TIGHTWAD TIMMY

Tightwad Timmy bought some very cheap meat
With fresh vege t'would be a nice tasty treat
But something was wrong 
There was a strange pong
And maggots were dropping off by his feet...



FINGERLESS FRED

Fred lost his finger in a meat grinder 
Offered a huge reward for the finder 
But short sighted Sue
Used it in her stew
And felt poking and prodding inside her...


Written 14th January 2022.




Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor, music,

Claude Debussy


It’s one of many odd facts
about the French composer
few know, that he loved cats.
It’s said he let them gambol over
his keyboard to produce many a tone
and for which his music’s known
and therefore his name Claude Debussy
should be changed to Clawed Depussy.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: food, humor,

Cheese Tart



A recipe for a cheese tart
included a pound of cheddar for a start
followed by a pound of mozzarella,
followed by a pound of gorgonzola.

The bad news? Excessive cheese has risks –
a stubborn post-digestive blockage hard to fix –
and better known as constipation,
often fraught with days of straining aggravation.

The good news. As a natural agent
to unblocking this stubborn cheesy glob,
the recipe recommends the best expedient –
prunes, as many as will do the job.

Poem Details | by POETRY, ALKAS |
Categories: allegory, allusion, analogy, fantasy, humorous, metaphor, seasons,

SEASON TURN




When the season turns
summertime wears pullover
shivering with cold

Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: dog, hilarious, humor, humorous, husband,

Why Bother Vacuuming

My husband is torn.
He wants a clean house.
But he loves our big puppy.
The chewingest dog in the whole dang town.

He says I guess I should vacuum.
I do not comment.
He is tired of hearing me say “why bother?”
So, I lift my feet
And tolerate the annoying drone
Which drowns out my TV show.

Ten minutes later there is snow in the living room.
At least thirty fluff balls. Buddy has chewed the heck out of something.
Football, pillow, stuffed animal, mattress, something.
My husband comes in and gives a big sigh.
“Why do I bother?” he says.
I turn the volume of my TV show up.


Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humorous,

The Deal Breaker

She was a health food junkie.
That is okay. We could get along.
She could not bear the smell of meat.
I could not cook it there.
Could we still be roommates?
Of course.

I could not bring a hamburger or meat pizza in.
The rent was almost too good to be true.
Okay, I agreed.
We juice on Wednesdays, she told me.
This is why there are two toilets.

Wait! We both have to juice?
It’s my rule she told me.
What kind of juice?
Celery.
Any sugar in it?
No.
This was the deal breaker.

Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: animal, fantasy, humor, humorous,

How Do You Think They Have Children

I had no idea that bears had a ceremony I said.
You are hilarious! Yelled my nature loving cousin Fred.
How do you think they get married? He asked with a sniff.
I didn’t know they did I said, which tickled Aunt Biff.

How do they have children then? She asked me Tuesday.
I guess, well, I think……………………….in the usual way?
Without marriage or preacher? You are a scoundrel she said.
So, I attended their wedding. Their colors were pink, honey and red.


Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: 4th grade, 5th grade, 7th grade, 8th grade, 9th grade, humorous, moon,

What Kind of Worm Are You

By the light of the moon the skeleton danced
He was exuberant, happy, thrilled with his mission
The surrounding shadows hid their eyes
Fearful of his excitement, afraid of who he might convert
What if they all started to shed their flesh? A chipmunk asked.
A worm who had been hiding under the same leaf nodded.
It could be anarchy, mayhem, a catastrophic Armageddon.
What kind of worm are you? The chipmunk asked. “A bookworm?”
The bookworm was silent; for he was a CIA bookworm.


Poem Details | by Starkey III, James |
Categories: horror, pain, pets, truth, wisdom, work, write,

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toy Store

or

Teacup Cat

When I was small I had a toy named Jet,
A cocker spaniel black whose eyes were brown,
With but a little tail, which loved a pet,
And too a friendly smile turned upside down;
Jet found me near a local pound in town,
The one a little ways here by the sea 
Where Buddy, my best pal, saw his toy drown,
Though after Buddy got a teacup free;
Jet shared a lot of memories with me, 
Still one--which he remembered rather well--
Here happened when from off our balcony,
He leaped while on his leash to hang a spell;
   And then at last one day I grew up good
   When Buddy's toy was found beneath our hood. 


January 13, 2022
Sonnet (English) (Spenserian)

Poem Details | by HANKINS, L MILTON |
Categories: humor,

Aberdeen Gal

I once met a girl in Aberdeen Sweetest little gal I ever seen Her face was fair, Had auburn hair Her reputation was squeaky clean.
written January 3, 2022

Poem Details | by ALLISON, JAN |
Categories: how i feel, humorous,

Oh pooh


I arrive at work, need the loo Bowl’s splattered with gloopy brown poo Can’t folk use the brush Just after they flush It’s something that I’d always do! *happened at work this morning 01/13/22

Poem Details | by HANKINS, L MILTON |
Categories: humor,

Caveat Emptor

I learned the lesson “let the buyer beware” When I didn’t have that much money I could spare, Took by an itinerant grifter Who was quite a likeable drifter He took me for a ride and didn’t even care!
written January 13, 2022 for "Latin Lessons Poetry Contest" sponsored by Margarita Lillico

Poem Details | by Leffanta, Rico |
Categories: humor,

Fly Hi

Kamala Harris laughed outright
At Donald Trump flying his kite
For Trump's ding-a-ling
Was caught in the string
The only up Trump had all night

Poem Details | by Ibeh, Edward |
Categories: fun, humor, weather, word play,

A Day of Thunder

sunray 
no way 

please pray
bad day

oh, dear
why fear?

dark clouds 
enshroud 

under 
thunder 

bull's-eye 
bye-bye 



Date written: 01/13/2022


All Funny Poems