Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by Hinshaw, Robert L. |
Categories: car, humorous,

A Ford You Could Afford

Henry Ford mass-produced the Model 'T' Ford,

A contraption the unwashed masses could afford!

'Twas the latest and greatest to include a crank and jack,

And he offered a choice of colors as long as it was black!


Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humor,

My Phone Came Alive on a Tuesday

My phone came alive on a Tuesday
Forgetting to notify me
Remember the old party line?
She decided to get on and add to our conversation.

“I feel blue,” my friend said.
The phone laughed.
There was silence. 
“Is someone else on this line?” I asked.

“Wasn’t that you?” My friend said. 
“Not me,” I told her.
This was only the beginning of several unfortunate conversations.


Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humorous,

Random People Out of Nowhere

They paid me seventy-eight dollars to break dance he told me
After he did a little break-dancing in my four foot by three-foot office
Slamming his feet into my desk and stuff.

Who paid you? I asked him.
Random people.
Where did they come from?
They came out of nowhere.

And they paid your seventy-eight dollars to break dance.
He says, “I know….my mom was amazed too.”
I get to spend all day with these little imaginations.


Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humorous,

Do You Have Any Questions for Me

I am playing in the kinesthetic sand pile
With a child who has never professed to like me
I have done my unusual best to like him though

I believe he has come around today
When we share some stories and a couple of laughs.
He is a fourth grader who despises Chick Filet.

I despise Chick Filet myself, so we establish commonality.
I give him a time limit.
If I don’t, they want to stay all day.

I am the counselor.
My “gig” is playing.
I ask him if he has any questions for me.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” He asks.
“I want to be a race car driver,” I reply.
He nods. “I thought that was it.”

Great start to a Friday.


Poem Details | by Ward, Daisy |
Categories: fun, humorous,

REPAIRS

So, he did his own repairs
How drastic that he even dare
His work fell aparted
Breaking his small heart
He thought that his repairs had flair

Poem Details | by Ward, Daisy |
Categories: fun, humorous,

CHASED AWAY

He chased some spirits away
So, they wanted to make him pay
They came back with force
And knocked him off course
After that, he beg them to stay

Poem Details | by DeBole, Gail |
Categories: computer, cool, funny, humor, social, technology,

Twitter Talk

Written by Gail R DeBole
On September 18, 2021

Likes are nice,
But Retweets are sweet.

(Tribute to the writing style of American poet Ogden Nash and his poem "Reflections on Ice Breaking" written in the year 1931.)

Poem Details | by Hamill, Simon |
Categories: adventure, crazy, fun, funny, garden,

A gardeners revenge

Those bloody slugs have ate my spuds,
Not one leaf left in sight.
I sit all day with my gun,
They must only come out at night.

I've got a plan to catch them,
With nets and traps and snares.
Set my alarm for three AM,
And quietly creep down the stairs.

I set my plan in motion,
Traps around my vegetable plot.
Come on then you slimy sods
Show me what you've got.

Then the onslaught happened,
The gathering around my plot.
One must have caught the trip wire
A cascade of salt came tumbling down,
And killed the bloody lot.

18/9/2021

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Apropos Remark



When the door to Noah’s ark 
slammed shut it was by the hand 
of God, so it’s not difficult to understand 
that those who gasped watching it float
came up with this most apropos remark:
“S--t, I think we’ve missed the boat!”

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: art, humor,

Another Hit on Marcel Duchamp

(French Dada artist, 1887 - 1968)



Marcel Duchamp is most celebrated
for a woman rushing down stairs naked,
a painting critics mocked from the start
as degenerate French modern art.

Wives sighed relief she was less than revealing
so brought their husbands for a viewing.
My critique exposes no new knowledge,
unless it’s her overlapping of too many legs.

I suspect it was a lover’s knock she heard
that had her rushing so hurriedly and blurred.
Who might it have been is not known –
some think Duchamp, discreetly not shown.

Poem Details | by Romios, Panagiota |
Categories: humor,

A VERY STEAMY FANTASY






Hundreds of lascivious lovers, 
Oh, if there were only youth and time!

Like delicious bon-bons, in red velvet,
To party on, just mine, and only mine!

Of course, this is but humor, and fantasy utterly divine.
Better than a yummy steak or a bottle of chilled, 
expensive, Merlot wine!

It’s fun to pen poetry that is more daring than about my
childhood.
Have to go man hunting, ah, but..if only I could,

                 9/17/2021










Poem Details | by POETRY, ALKAS |
Categories: allegory, allusion, appreciation, funny, humor, metaphor,

POETIC NATURE IN MOTION



The monkey
it's a gesture
in motion...
a stain
acrobatic,
a clown
admirable and
a cheater
incorrigible
of time...

Poem Details | by Strand, Brian |
Categories: humorous,

BILKO a vignette

In the base motor pool
See an off-limits card school-
A scheming Bilko takes the pot
Hoodwinking top brass was his game,
Fast talking his claim to fame.

 | Year Posted 2008

NOTE:A vignette is a 5 line variation on a clerhew

Poem Details | by Stoops, Shane |
Categories: age, angst, anniversary, birthday, feelings, giggle,

Stuck at 40

I have never been 40
it's coming soon
it's just around the corner
The big 4-0 looms
I have Never been 40
I haven't got a clue
Will my hair turn grey 
How much will I lose? 
I have never been 40 
What do I do
I've heard all the stories
I don't want to face the truth 
I'm turning 40  
Goodbye to my youth
Can some one help me
I'm turning 40 and singing the blues
 Will I lose my teeth and gum my food
Wear knee high socks?
Watch the news
I'm turning 40
My life is through 
What is next
What have I got to look forward to
It's all downhill 
Oh God damn 
God damn 
What to do
I'm turning 40 
my life is through

Poem Details | by Hinshaw, Robert L. |
Categories: humorous, irony,

Fake Gnus

'Tis noted that some media at times express divisive and jaundiced views!

Hence, such inane twaddle has reputedly become known as fake gnus!

(Written with considerable tongue in cheek and with profuse apologies
to the innocent African antelope known as a gnu!)

Poem Details | by HANKINS, L MILTON |
Categories: how i feel, humorous, perspective,

Sometimes

Sometimes I think; sometimes, I do not
     Sometimes I can’t remember what I forgot,
Sometimes I wonder whether, or not
     Sometimes it is merely an after-thought.
Sometimes I am either coming or going
     Sometimes I am receiving or bestowing,
Sometimes I am lost in a mental fog
     Sometimes I feel like a bump on a log.
Sometimes doesn’t mean always, you know
     Sometimes I merely go with the flow.

written September 16, 2021

Poem Details | by Salmonson, Jessica Amanda |
Categories: animal, dog, faith, humor, love, pets, philosophy,

Belief

We all need to believe in something.
I believe I should hug the dogs.

Poem Details | by ALLISON, JAN |
Categories: body, humorous, wind,

I'M HAVING A FART ATTACK


My cousin’s just earned his degree He majored in fartology Now he can impart What foods make me fart He’s obsessed by scatology I confessed that beans give me wind (It matters not if fresh or tinned) And onions and sprouts In any amounts cause farting that I can’t rescind The wind I produce is quite drastic as medics say my colon’s spastic my poor tummy swells I release foul smells I’m thankful my waistband ‘s elastic FICTIONAL POEM FOR FART-TASTIC CONTEST Sponsored by Chantelle Anne Cooke 09/15/21

Poem Details | by Cunningham, Tom |
Categories: dream, horror, humor,

Nightmare



The creature was huge and it walked, with a loud stomping thud 
Then it opened its jaws wide and they were dripping with blood
My whole body shook with fear and I opened my mouth to scream 
Then my alarm clock started ringing, and it was just but a dream. 


Written on 14 September 2021


YOUR BEST FOUR-LINE LIGHT VERSE, NO. 2 Poetry Contest

Sponsored by L. Milton Hankins.





Poem Details | by McCullough, Kira Marie |
Categories: humor,

Pain


Toddler teething biscuits
assuage
sore
gums

We adults
simply
grind
our teeth

***
kira-marie-mcculough.com


Poem Details | by McCullough, Kira Marie |
Categories: career, humor,

Waiting for 5:00


Time slows
painfully speeding 
up
past 
joy


***
kira-marie-mccullough.com

Poem Details | by Leffanta, Rico |
Categories: humor,

Bare Up

Both Kamala and Newsom confess
California is in a big mess
Pelosi has found
Elephants abound
And their flatulence causes distress*



* Trump's childish attempt to replace
California's Governor with a toady to
support Trump's claim to have won the
2020 election  cost California taxpayers
over $270-million!  Don't let him do that
to your State! 

Poem Details | by HANKINS, L MILTON |
Categories: humorous,

Shanghai Carpenter

There was a carpenter in Shanghai
Who hanging from a roof beam so high
When he grabbed a nail,
He let out a yell
Everyone thought he would surely die.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

My Nutritionist

My nutritionist suggests
I eat only the very best.
Therefore, her advice
is that I ignore the price.
Her hardnose philosophy
is: Keep a healthy body
no matter how pricy.
And so I confidently
eat only the highest quality.
And, yes, I’m healthy,
but not as wealthy.
But now I worry,
namely, that when I squat
to expel all that “quality” 
it still looks and smells 
like the same you-know-what!

Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humor,

Band Aid Please

Give me a band aid please! He said.
He is three and loves them.
Star Wars band aids, Darth Vader band aids, 
Roblox band aids, Power Ranger band aids,
Barbie band aids, puppy band aids.
He is wearing six of them on his legs already.
I give him a box and he adds to his collection.
Pleased to be entertained.
Mommy does not let me do this! He informs me haughtily.
Mommies can’t, grandma’s can, I reply.


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