These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.
an extra day before March
clothes, funny, humor, rain, weather, women,
I once met a girl whose name was Heather,
whatever she wore ‘twas always leather.
It rained, it poured, we got all wet,
She said, “this leather smells like sweat”,
Before each date, she now checks the weather.
adventure, dream, fantasy, flying, happiness, humor, universe,
Every wonder where they come from?
I’m just glad that I still have some.
Sometimes they’re pleasant and seem good,
sometimes vague and misunderstood.
At times they’re funny or bizarre,
like riding on a shooting star.
Often it seems they’re teaching me,
past life lessons I didn’t see.
Sometimes they seem like déjàvue,
in another one I was you.
Once I dreamed, I wasn’t human man;
my whole body was made of sand.
Dreams are intriguing, so much fun.
Recurring dreams are never done.
humorous, sexy, write,
her purty'z upset
nothing a banana wouldn't
janes' just piss'd 'cause
and we've never
("boy and wet
funny, romance, word play,
Backseat bingo- such a blast!
Passion pit- made in the shade.
Fat City- cranked and crazy!
With dolly- cloud nine!
Fortune teller squirrel gives me the old once-over
I squirm a bit, like my half-blind eye, Cocker Spaniel, Rover.
I see that you think you are special, she says, glaring at me.
Feeling uncomfortable, I wonder how great this teller can be.
Feeling superior because you are a human being, I bet.
I am annoyed at this second, I clear my throat and kick Chet.
Chet is my cousin who thought this squirrel was so good.
Never again! I say as we leave, as if I ever could….
cheer up, crazy, fun, how i feel, humor, imagination, moon,
The Moon yawns, I feel queasy
I yawn, Moon laughs yellow cheese
Ne'er Sun mocks at distraught me,
Just says 'you again'?
Hickory dickory dock
Three mice climbed Grandfather’s clock
Grandpa struck one…
The others could run
Clearing concussion protocol
Will compete again next Sunday
humorous, truth, wisdom,
is a coat
of jagged teeth
are on the inside
food, holiday, humor,
So often the nut meats we find
Experience life as a grind
So let's not spread
Their butter instead
Eat them whole on this day enshrined
The old woman in the shoe loved the charity shops.
Once she was inside, seems like time stopped.
She rummaged and searched and became quite mad,
But when she came out, she was very glad.
With armfuls of stuff, all very cheap
For all her little ones and her peeps.
She was somewhat abashed, for the last time she went
She searched and gathered to a furious extent!
All of those bargains, they made her day,
But then she thought she heard someone say…
“Look over there at that funny old duck!”
“A funny old duck? Oooh, just my luck.”
But when she looked around and tried to see
Seemed as if they were all looking at she.
Baa baa black sheep or should I call you ewe
Yes ma'am, yes ma'am but it's really up to you
eww, eww there's something on my shoe
eww, eww I think I stepped in poo
Baa baa black sheep I think it came from you
Yes ma'am, yes ma'am it's stuck on you like glue
Eew, ewe now what should I do
Should I try to get it off by walking in the dew
Baa baa black sheep do you, ewe have another shoe
Yes ma'am, yes ma'am but I gave it to the cow...moo!
character, crazy, funny,
In a world of wires, cables and geeks,
a woman sauntered, looking quite unique
with circuits of wit and bytes of charm
mistaken for Ai
what a cause for alarm!
I was the lady, I had to laugh
sure I am smart and intelligent too
a computer I am not, as I sit on the loo
I still need to eat, sleep and also....
In a world of silicon, I have plenty to show
so its not my brains that dazzle and glow
my logics expansive, your hard disks they pale
I am not a machine, but intellect unveiled
I'm a blonde, you see, now what's your tale?
hair, humor, literature, nostalgia,
One perfect hair
on a head quite bare
may seem unorthodox
Yet it surely was
for Dr. Suess
never a paradox
america, giggle, kiss, leadership, old, political,
Kissing babies and shaking hands
A candidate’s boon and bane in most lands
In the USA, though, it’s hair-kissing and the shaky hand
of an octogenarian on whom one party is taking its stand
Tomorrow I’ll try to do the things
I didn’t do today
For even though I try my best
The time just gets away
There’s mail to write and meals to cook
And I need to feed the cat
Then I have to put the kettle on
When friends drop in to chat!
My ‘to do’ list just never seems
To have every item ticked
In fact it’s getting longer
I guess I’ll never have it licked!
I do my best to manage time
So that every task gets done
But as each evening closes in
I know that once again, I haven’t won.
Yesterday was hectic
Today I did the sums
And now I’ve come to realise
That tomorrow never comes!
Salmonson, Jessica Amanda
funny, humor, men, political, satire,
"You have to listen to my opinion."
"No I don't. Go away."
"But my opinion is highly informative."
"No it isn't. Don't care."
"I know so much more than you do."
"About your own boogers maybe."
A rhino's eyesight is really myopic,
Perhaps that's what makes him so misanthropic.
His hearing and reflexes, though, are sublime,
He can turn on a nickel and stop on a dime.
The projection that grows
On the end of his nose
Is not really a horn, though,
As one might suppose.
And when he needs scratching,
There's another small hitch,
His legs are too short
So he can't reach the itch.
He's ugly, pugnacious,
Rude, and unsociable,
And his manners at mealtime
Are simply atrociable.
And should you insult him,
He'll never reveal it.
His hide is so thick
He prob'ly won't even feel it.
bird, cheer up, crazy, funny, giggle, humor, humorous,
The chicks around here are really
Tough and mean
So mean they'd spit in your eye
Steal a babbies ice cream
And make them cry
Dressed in leathers
Riding their noisy roaring motorcycles
Terrorising the neighbourhood
With their wicked deeds
Their birds of a feather
Rebels without a cause
That stick together
Lock all your windows
And lock all your doors
People run for their lives
The outlaws frighten people all the time
I daren't tell you
What they did to my friend
It was really bad
And really sad
They may only be a mere few inches tall
And should be kept in a pen
So says their mother
humor, money, political,
My salary, 'commensurate with responsibility'
A politician's ~ on his ability to rob you and me
confusion, funny, games, magic, mystery, nonsense, people,
The people all gathered they had such hope,
To see magic tricks, I’d shown to the pope.
I jumped and flipped and spun around,
They booed when I bounced up and down.
I was using my invisible rope.
allegory, animal, drug, humor,
While meds clear it as quick as can be
We fear having ADHD
Since feds put a lock
On our adderall stock
We're macaque or like chimpanzee
Table top dancer was as graceful as every hippo I knew
She did a waltz, a ballet, and an old familiar soft shoe
The people at the table pushed their chairs out of the way
My annoyed grandma decided to never invite her again that day
feelings, funny love,
He is patient he is kind
Has a red temper
But he is mine
Or is he as my mind
Unwinds sipping thoughts
Why can’t he be Mr Right
And do as I wish when I decide
OK maybe I am the problem
I want to be giving but I’m demanding
Talking to myself now not him
How can I ask what I ask on a whim
I need to feel secure and considered
I hear him say that I am difficult
So why am I could it be
That he finally sees the real me
Yet he seems to wait patiently
Despite the parade of suitors
Green is his esteem
And that is so sexy
He knows how to give me space
And that’s amazing grace
Still I choose me and it’s
My way or the highway
Love is like bubblegum fresh at the start
Zesty and fruity, like adrenaline to the heart
Mouthwatering anticipation of bubbles to come
Time spent together it's outstanding fun
Next comes the bubbles it's fun but it's messy
Lots of puffing and blowing, a little bit fleshy
Normally next, things just get chucked away
It was nice when it lasted but the gums had its day
But in just a few cases, the bubbles are special
The effort for chewing remains well worth the wrestle
And when the bubblegum is all but gone
You are left together with a special someone.
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