Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

French Clerihew and Translation



Charles DeGaulle avait un nez géant.
Avant de l’embrasser, Mme DeGaulle insistait 
pour qu’il le mouche d’abord - Pourquoi? 
Pour l’empêcher de couler comme un robinet.

Charles DeGaulle had a nose gigantic
Before kissing him, Madame DeGaulle would panic
and had him blow it first –and why? To stop it 
from dripping like a kitchen fauxcet.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: health, humor,

Ancient Toothpaste



Note: What follows is historical fact
though you may find it more than that.

Ancient Romans, for teeth hygiene,
brushed and rinsed with human urine.
Portuguese was thought the finest
because it made teeth the whitest.
Even the poet Catullus praised it
but never brushed his teeth with it.
And if a Roman ran out of it at home
there’s always his/her homemade own.


Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

When I Consider


When I consider all the pills I take,
my health by now should be first-rate?
My doctor insists my health is fine,
and would improve if I didn’t whine;
so to pacify the complaints I make,
he prescribed another pill I take.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: dark, humor,

Texting and Eternity



With her sports car in high gear,
smoking pot and sipping coffee,
and with her smart-phone to her ear
she drove herself into eternity.

If her hope was to get hold
of friends and loved-ones by smart-phone,
she should have been told
eternity is an absolute dead zone.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Love at first Sight



Believe in love at first sight, do you?
You’re not alone. Many still do.
Most are now divorced, separated, or estranged,
the majority miserable, bitter, even deranged.
A few hopefuls still visit an optometrist,
though most prefer a sympathetic psychiatrist.


Poem Details | by Weiss, Sandra |
Categories: death, food, humorous, woman,

Thin Lynn

There was a lady named Lynn.
Was told she was too thin. 
She ate to increase her size, 
Which led to her demise.
No coffin to fit her in.

Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humorous,

Having Tortoise Family to Tea

We invited the new family to Sunday tea.
Who knew they would all tortoises be?
We pretended it was normal, Gram and me.
They did not reach for a single chocolate chip cookie.

Go out and catch some flies, said Auntie Bea.
They like them fresh and alive with their tea.
The way she knew was funny to little old me.
She used to date an old tortoise, you see. 

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: fun, funny, silly, word play,

For Many a Moon

When the sun's out, it's sunny
  When my nose runs, it's runny
So, why is having fun not always so funny?

I'd pondered this question for many a moon
  When the answer hit me like a typhoon ~
It's the fault of him who did not turn having a ball into balloons

Poem Details | by barry-nishanian, barbara |
Categories: cute, fun, humor,

ICE CREAM


ICE. CREAM

Double scoop
Ice Cream
“Pink 
Paradise"
has strawberries
peeking  … through.

Oops starting to drip, 
gotta lick
and lick …  and lick.

Around, Ice cone 
gotta lick, 
tongue’s
gotta lick
very,
very
quick! 


June 30, 2022
Contest: ICE CREAM
Sponsor: Julia Ward


Poem Details | by Purdum, Fritz |
Categories: children, fun, humorous, silly,

Crunch N Munch or Fiddle Faddle

Crunch N Munch or Fiddle Faddle
don't compare or you will be rattle
Can't be blamed if they taste the same
only difference is in their name

Crunch N Munch I love a bunch
for a snack they are my hunch
caramel popcorn peanut treat
Crunch N Munch fun to eat

Fiddle Faddle sweet to eat
caramel popcorn peanut treat
buttery crunchy flavor pow
hit you taste buds with a Wow

Caramel or butter toffee too
both are fun sweet snack food
but if you think they lack
open up that box of Cracker Jacks

Poem Details | by Kyser, Jeff |
Categories: humorous,

Pillow Talk

Looking up with a gleam in the eye, I offered to read; she said, “Why, when your plots are bizarre, leave emotional scars, and most of your characters die?”

Poem Details | by Leffanta, Rico |
Categories: humor,

Time Travel

It seems that a Latter Day Saint*
Caused Andrea Dietrich to faint
In his quest for more
He knocked on her door
But his halo stayed where he ain't! 


* see Andrea Dietrich's, 
"When Heart Takes Flight"

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Custers Last Sh-t



When Custer saw them Indians prepared for battle,
his teeth and knees were heard to rattle.
And though it’s not official, only prattle –
and the Army has sworn never to tattle –
his rear began sinking in more than his saddle.


Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Birthday Suggestion




No box of chocolates this year.
She doesn't need more calories.
Be romantic and manly instead.
But don’t do as you foolishly did
last year. Think first. Recall 
the pain of your broken ribs 
collapsing under her weight 
when trying to lift her to bed?

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

In Retrospect



O daddy’s little pound of joy,
a perfect, healthy blue-eyed boy!
Could a man be any prouder,
or his boasting any louder?

Cigars and champagne, too,
make the rounds with a big to-do.
Fast forward sixteen years later
and given the boy’s behavior

he cusses at how so dumb
to not have used a condom
and his wife so negligent
to let herself get pregnant!

Poem Details | by hansen, jan |
Categories: best friend, giggle,

artists

Artists

Alfred, by chosen father, vehemently denies
the paternity and has had his statue erected in Faro.
At last, he was honoured for being glorious
bringing colour to an otherwise gloomy town.

Graffiti made by the like of Banksy charms
the rest is scribbling on a wall.

I know little about painters except for Caravaggio 
he spoke the unvarnished truth about our life. 
His critics like to point out that he was illegal too
what else to expect of the fearful.

 

Poem Details | by Ress, Joseph |
Categories: humorous, poetry, truth,

Masculine Toxcicity

(Shakespearean sonnet form: ABAB CDCD EFEF GG)

If there exists in your vicinity,
Presence of Toxic Masculinity
Give many thanks to your divinity
For this male fortunate proximity.

T’was men created engines, made the wheel.
Now look around, and all that you can see
Was made by toxic men who smelted steel
And conceived by male creativity.

You’ll find Ms. Curie heads a tiny list
Revealing gifts of femininity
A list so small that often it is missed.
Search if you will into infinity.

So ladies all, you should be grateful then,
That we are blessed with many toxic men.

Poem Details | by Leffanta, Rico |
Categories: humor,

He Bruise

The Israelis can not agree
Upon whom their leader should be
They are told to pray
But what should they say -
Pronoun M, F, X, or all three?

Poem Details | by hansen, jan |
Categories: absence, dream, funny love,

a port in Italy

A port in Italy

Livorno was a dark town with sparse light that appeared Russian
at an open place with many trucks and many women milling about
I paid one she bent over the bonnet of a car
did this to relieve the boredom and the onset of depression.
When the deed was done, I walked to a restaurant and bought
a bottle of wine, it was surprisingly good, probably Russian 
I do not care for Italian wine.
The woman followed me, wanted wine also, said I was gentle.
After two bottles, she said she loved me.
When she went into the loo. I jumped into a taxi and drove
back to the ship feeling annoyed.
What has love got to do with this?


Poem Details | by Tugaff, Ernilando |
Categories: age, beautiful, dog, grandmother, howl, humorous, song,

Singer

Singer
Haiku

Beautiful old woman
Singing at the shower room
Dogs are howling

Poem Details | by V., nj |
Categories: holiday, humorous, society, spiritual, surreal, world,

gaseous weekend

clinging to
the pump
of gaseous
spirit
 
a long
lost
weekend

the world
on fire

Poem Details | by Kyser, Jeff |
Categories: humorous,

A poem short

To craft a poem short, one that cavorts, holds court, exhorts, perhaps retorts of sort and not resort to ***ort: a sport that does comport in support of a certain forte.
---------- H/T to Maurice Rigoler's The Art of the Short Poem

Poem Details | by Slaughter, Jim |
Categories: humor,

The Curious Passing of Li Po

Two figurines fell out of the sky
Dropped from a crop duster plane passing by.
The pilot yelled, "Look out down below!",
But no one could hear, he was flying so low.
The dolls struck Li Po who was filling his sack,
Now the rice farmer lifelessly floats on his back.
He does not move, first victim of
A double knickknack paddy whack.

Poem Details | by Slaughter, Jim |
Categories: cat, humor,

Elegy For Mister Boots

Poor Mister Boots is lying dead,
A porcelain feline near his head.
He climbed the shelf to better see
What that peculiar thing could be.
He slipped, they fell,
And that was that,
'twas thus a curio killed the cat.

Poem Details | by DiMino, Joe |
Categories: forgiveness, growth, humorous, inspirational, love, sky, wisdom,

Grace

When I think of sky
it is a study of shapes,
radiance with motion;
a lidless stadium for
wings and blissful soaring...
the mental athlete I am
some nature of me giving
all artful snapshots flight, 
no ceilings to my heavens,
and trapdoors to all my
belows – 

I like to think that nothing
is definite, all Time having
added space – all sentences
lavishly repealed by grace;
my affection for endlessly
happy endings – even wrecks
like me, God yet loving, putting
new heels and soles on my 
wayward, panting soul, 
out-pacing Him and now 
needing blessed, merciful
mending....


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