Humorous and funny Beans poems and/or funny poems about Beans. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Beans funny poems!
Written by
Ralph Sergi
Categories:
humorous, satire,
Magic Beans
Someday I’ll find some Magic Beans to eat
Digest them in the comfort of my shed
They can be black or green or pink or red
The feeling of its warmth inside my tum
And maybe such a bean will go with rum
Then afterward the impetus will start
of breaking wind, to flatulate or fart
to run and hide and take with me the smell
I would not blend in company too well
If only I could make a bean that leaves
The odor of a lovely summer breeze
I’d even add a piquant taste to gel
a Magic Bean without the dire wrath
Exquisite food and not the aftermath
Ralph Sergi
January 8, 2015
Magc Bean Contest
Written by
John Williams
Categories:
funny,
Mexican Jumping Beans
A lively young man from sunny Mexico,
With a giant sombrero was on the go,
Celebrating every kind of fiesta,
Wouldn't sleep when time for siesta,
Must be jumping beans making him flow.
Written by
Mark J. Halliday
Categories:
fantasy, humorous, magic, mystery,
Magic Beans
The old shop was dilapidated;
The entry sign was faded gray.
"Magic Beans", the old gypsy stated.
I was feeling gullible that day.
"What do these magic beans do?"
No instructions were included.
"They do what you need them to do."
A few dollars less, transaction concluded.
I walked home with my magic beans,
And left them forgotten in a drawer.
Nothing changed, of so it seems.
What ever did I buy them for?
Assuming the magic must be broken,
I soaked my beans, gave them a rinse.
Cooked them, spiced, served with bacon;
And forever after haven't farted since.
Mark Halliday 20150105
Written by
Roger Horsch
Categories:
fun, funny,
Magic Beans
Magic beans,
are they good for our hearts?
Cause' the magic that comes from these little beans
seems to give us explosive farts.
There are ones that are silent but deadly
they could kill you.....I'm willing to bet
I don't mind the ones that are noisy and dry
but, I sure hate the ones that are wet.
Magic beans are in the air
just take a big whiff....you can tell
There is only one thing I would do to these beans
I would magically take out the smell.
Roger Horsch
1/14/2015
Written by
Debra Squyres
Categories:
fun, humor, magic,
Magical Writing Beans
Momma soaked my magic beans
Then tossed them in a pot to steam
They lost their skin
Now I can’t spin
A tale that’s worthy of esteem
Those beans I traded for a duck
Coming with them writer's luck
Oh, woe is me
Could she not see
Those beans could earn me many bucks
“Come Eat!” She hollered up the stairs
So down I came and with horror stared
There were no beans
For so it seems
She had traded them for a duck, prepared
A whistle near the window sash
Made me jump and to it dash
The trader beamed
Eating those beans
Winked, and disappeared in a magic flash
©Debra Squyres
Just for fun !! Not an entry in the Member Contest being sponsored.
Written by
Dr. Upma A. Sharma
Categories:
humor, magic,
Magic Beans
Magic beans
Increased appetite,
Magic beans can do wonders,
Bloated abdomen !
Haiku- 5/7/5
Written Jan 17th, 2015
For contest "Magic beans" by PD A
Awarded 9th place
Written by
Larry Belt
Categories:
funny
Magic Beans
I went to the store to buy some bread
Ended up buying some beans instead
He said the beans were magic
The stinky smell was tragic
And my wife kicked me out of the bed
Written by
Sara Kendrick
Categories:
food, funny,
Green Beans Don'T Wait
Snapping those green beans, hear them pop
Hear my whimpering flop.
Multiplying
In the bucket,maybe could swap
Beans for good coffee stop
I am absconding
In secret I'll go to Whistle Stop
Hidden all from view shop
Green beans done now slurping
Written by
Sara Kendrick
Categories:
humor,
Beans
beans at lunch
borborygmi ....
gas-x
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
body, humorous, wind,
Beans Means Farts
in the Jacuzzi
I produce lots of bubbles …
no beans tomorrow!
2/10/18
Written by
Katherine Stella
Categories:
adventure, childhood, dedication, education, fantasy, children, funny, happiness, imagination, inspirational, life, mystery, philosophy, school, time, uplifting, visionary
Don'T Spill the Beans
let's See
If He
Will Hang
With Gang
Or Will
Just Spill
How Many
If Any
Seconds
Are there
In A
Year ?
Now Don't
Leave Me
Hanging ! { LOL}
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
farm, food, giggle,
Epitaph For a Corn and Beans Farmer
Here lies Mr. Stanley McCarver
a proud corn and beans farmer
Stanley ate his yields, didn't bring them to mart
Don't linger too long, you can still smell his farts
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
food, humor, music, parody, satire, silly, song,
Wild Beans
Wild beans
You make my farts sing
You make everything poopy,
Wild beans.
Wild beans, I think I'll bake you
Cuz I wanna eat for sure
So come and preheat the oven
I'm lovin' Wild beans...
Written by
Elton Camp
Categories:
funny
The Heist of the Kidney Beans
The Heist of the Kidney Beans
By Elton Camp
In Pascagoula, Mississippi a burglar did grab
Several times from the drug store some Lortab
The Fred’s store manager very angrily griped
Although Lortab was the only thing he swiped
The pharmacist decided he would make a decoy
So a funny trick was what he decided to employ
Thief came but the pharmacist wanted to throttle
He found only kidney beans in the Lorbab bottle
(Note: true story)
Written by
Elton Camp
Categories:
funny
The First Time I Cooked Pinto Beans
The First Time I Cooked Pinto Beans
By Elton Camp
I wanted to eat some pintos
So I cooked up a pot of those
And when done, I tried a bite
Found they didn’t seem right
Didn’t know stones to dispose
Written by
Ann Foster
Categories:
family, funny, heart, nice, poems, relationship, riddle,
Beans
Hurray, hurray!
It’s a special day.
Grandma’s counting beans.
Pick the rocks,
Turn down your socks.
Grandma’s counting beans.
In the pot,
That’s what she taught.
One, two and three for free.
Stir the hot,
Hit’s the spot,
What a "hum" we’ll be…
Written by
Brian Merrick
Categories:
funny, uplifting,
Coffee Beans
Gentle yet strong like a baby ox
Cold yet hot like the trail of a fox
Steam rises like a locomotive
Black as the night, black as ink when I wrote this
Vital energy for the mourning
Alert and awake like a bird singing
Stomach like a quarter in a washing machine
Peeking your head out just to be seen
Heart rejoices such kindness
The compassion thats shown is enlightening
How can a ordinary bean be so intense
Drinking coffee is common sense
Written by
Pat Adams
Categories:
children, humor, silly,
No Nose Beans
A young teacher in Wichita
Excused her class with a strange phrase,
"Don't stick any beans up your nose!"
It just never ceased to amaze!
She told them when she was quite young
She stuck a small bean up her nose
She told no one that it was stuck
Just too embarrassed I suppose
It had been there a couple of months
Before a doctor took it out
But when they saw it, what a shock
The little bean had begun to sprout!
So each day when the class bell rang
You always heard that teacher say,
"Don't stick any beans up your nose,"
And have a nice rest of the day!
Written by
David Porter
Categories:
humor,
Bike and Beans
I got a mountain bike
it sits on my side porch
it sits under a torch
it should go on a hike
I got free beans from Mike
There’s three beans in my jeans
That I’ve had since my teens
or since I was a tike
bought a psych trip to Wyke
I didn’t take my beans
left them on the side porch
all alone with the bike
Bike & Beans
Lyricists Inc.
D.A.P. / Digital Analog Productions
written: 09-30-2022
David A. Porter
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
cat, dog, humorous,
He Ate Beans
He ate beans for breakfast, lunch and supper.
Came out of plastic grandma called Tupper.
Explosions galore.
He blew out the door.
Gas chased the cat and also the pupper.
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
humor,
I Love Refried Beans
I love refried beans
Jalapeno peppers too
I chop them up and eat them in a bowl of sour cream
All day, all night, and on weekends
But then I get old
My throat betrays me
My stomach goes amuck
I get acid reflux when I eat this
Luckily, I have six huge bottles of Tums
Written by
Randy Johnson
Categories:
food, funny, people, me, me,
Those Darn Beans
(This is a fictional poem)
I'm a country boy and I eat a lot of beans.
I've gotten so fat that I'm about to bust right out of my jeans.
The problem with eating lots of beans is that it makes me fart plenty.
I don't know how many times I fart each day, I'd say about twenty.
If I'm with someone else, I always pass the blame.
I farted while I was at a restaurant with my girl and I said "Sally, you should be
ashamed."
I fart over ten thousand times each year.
My stinky farts have finally caused me to lose my friends just like I feared.
I went to a doctor and begged him to tell me how to stop farting and how to lose
my big gut.
He said "Stop eating so many beans you idiot."
Written by
Martin Howard Samuel
Categories:
drink, humorous, marriage, wife, word play,
Has-Beans
One cup was enough
to curl his toes
as caffeine
the psychoactive chemical
allowed no doze
or more than a mug
no matter how roasted
the polyphenols
affected his free radicals
'til he did feel really quite toasted
and yet with no wish to upset
the happy home
after so many years of married life
he chose to grin and bear it
the 'Harried Hubby' syndrome
for altho' his dear wife
brewed her coffee in a pot
bad-tasting as it was
grounds for divorce
it was not
Written by
Matthew Herfurth
Categories:
humor,
Kidney Beans
Kidney Beans
For lunch:16 kidney beans, more
than
enough, but no more than
that in quality is
more than
enough but
no more than
that is
quantity.