Humorous and funny Bear poems and/or funny poems about Bear. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Bear funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Bear Poems.
fish, fishing, flower, humor, river, strength,
big strong furry brown
fishing for salmon with paws~
prancing through flowers
Date Written: 4/12/2022
Wild Animal Haiku Poetry Contest Haiku poetry form only. Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
fun, humorous, tribute, , cute,
Cute black bear has a perfect behind
and her manicured paws are so kind
When she sits on a chair
all the male bears just stare -
her sheer beauty, it just blows their mind!
A friend has given me a little black bear as a replacement for the soft toy we used to have in my husband’s car – I hope she lasts as long as our old ‘guard dog’!
animal, humor, spring,
Inspirational beauty, comes to life every spring.
The baby birds in their nest, to their mothers still cling.
The hibernating bear, still asleep in his den.
Will soon wake up cranky, so we'll let him sleep in.
Many creatures of beauty, some big and some small.
They thrive in the forest, well into the fall.
The bunnies and squirrel, the lark and the wren.
They know to be quiet, by the sleeping bears den.
But here comes a rat, with a stick in his paw.
Knowing his intent, a raven shrieks in caw.
The rat pokes and prods, the air smells foul.
They wait to hear the sleeping bear's growl.
The rat continues, along on his schlep.
The bear now awakens, poked where he once slept.
childhood, food, children, funny, horror, kindergarten, nonsense,
there once was a bear
who lived in belair
he owned a red hen
who made eggs for his kin
then one time like most bears do
the bear got hungery
and ate the red hen
and her last eggs of ten
with a gulp and a swallow
down went the hen
now there was no hen to lay eggs for his kin.
warns us not to brave the ice.
That is until
he quickly disregards his own advice.
NOTE: For those that don't know, Bear Grylls is the host of Man vs. Wild. It's a show that teaches you how to survive in the wilderness...
Are you aware that a Grizzly Bear
Is tall and very powerful,
Don't disturb him while he naps
Or you might get a growl full.
If you see him in a forest,
Then seek shelter from a tree,
Make sure your scent is downwind
Or you just might be his tea.
humorous, political, satire,
Our country is a shooting gallery
Ten cents will buy ten shots at infamy
Just shoot a cop, you'll be on Fox
Skin color now is really hot
So far five out of ten's the best we've seen
Mass shootings now are really all the rage
Like hunting birds locked up inside a cage
High schools are cool, theaters rule
Or you can kill a nightclub full
Your face will make the newspaper's front page
So hurry and go buy yourself a gun
They sell them on the street corner for fun
Don't take no static, get an automatic
Pretend to be a religious fanatic
You'll have to kill a bunch to be number one
an original poem by Daniel Turner
adventure, allegory, angst, animal, child, childhood, confusion, courage, death, dream, fear, funny, grief, hate, hope, humorous, inspirational, introspection, journey, life, lonely, loss, lost, lost love, memory, metaphor, mystery, nature, nostalgia, parody, passion, people, pets, philosophy, recovery from..., sad, satire, sorrow, spiritual, stress, success,
Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?
Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”
There once existed a fierce bear
Nothing with anybody would he share
Then one day he cried
Because friends he denied
Then he vowed to always play fair
The polar bear so they say
Is renowned for being gay
After salmon and stuff
Wants to huff and puff
For gawds sake don't get in the way
Penned 10 November 2017
humorous, memory, nostalgia,
In my bed, my childhood teddy layers next to me.
Absent mindedly I trace his now tattered seams,
And his matted brown fur from years of tears and hugs.
Even though I'm old and gray, privately we talk.
No, I'm not feeble-minded as some might think.
I talk to Teddy of my thoughts I had that day.
As long as I can speak, my Teddy is my guy.
He's my greatest listener where so many are not.
If he begins to talk, they'll surely take me away.
My brain is filled with sticky stuff today
and thoughts will not come out.
Sorry sisters and brothers.
The want is within
and I try to nausea:
I pinch my nose purse my lips
shut tight my eyes and blow fish.
A hint of wit in the silly putty?
Something worth script?
A metaphoric fart judders my cheeks.
Squeezed out is an empty wish
for metrical structure.
My head is hopeless.
Forgive me Voltaire.
My brain is brim sticky
and I cannot share
a poem today.
devotion, food, children, funny, growing up, health, sympathy,
this magical toy was handed down to me,
by no other but my family.
yet to be recognized and told,
never to be sold.
in first sight it was mystical,
it never likes a brat.
so to it's meaning;
you shouldn't always be mean,
show that you are not easily upset,
and is always is a fair kid.
it could protect you,
will always be by your side.
calm you in the storm,
brave you through a fight.
will be there for you through thick and thin,
no matter how your destiny ends.
best friend, crazy, education, farewell, fun, funny, drug,
Teddy Bear - Strange Love
Our new neighbors have guns and drugs
They call me Teddy
Silly!....my toy is Teddy…. Teddy Bear
They must be crazy
I love my little bear
We’re happy happy happy skipping down the street!
One day the neighbor guy took my teddy
Threw him in the air
Like a taxidermist dream
I screamed, “Teddy can’t fly leave him be!”
The bad man zeroed in on Teddy
With an AK-47 in hand
And blew my friend away.
The tiny head flew off
Oh Daddy come quick!
I think my teddy is sick!
funny, hair, care, night, care, hair, night,
A bear has hair
A bear without hair is bare
A bare bear without hair won’t sit in a chair
A bare bear without hair not in a chair doesn’t care
A bare bear without hair not in a chair doesn’t care about the night air
Can you stare at a bare bear without hair not in a chair that doesn’t care about the night air?
Can you stare at a bare bear without hair not in a chair and not caring about the night air as he climbs a stair?
If you stare at a bare bear without hair not in a chair and not caring about the night air climing a stair,
you had better beware!
Terry L. Allen
children, funny, nostalgia,
Good Morning my precious
I see you warm and cuddly
your fur crumpled and mussed
from my loving care.
You give me peace and comfort
through the night
from all pain, sorrow
and worldly fright.
I'm crazed, lost and so up tight
when of you I loose sight.
Without you to hug
things wouldn't be right.
When the day is at end
and on comes the night.
I look for you
to hold so tight.
Without your care
how will I make it
through the night.
animal, humorous, nature,
One day I was walkin' through the woods
Amongst the cool, crisp mountain air
When cold and burley there he stood
Lickin' his chops this hungry bear
I tried so hard to find a tree
And scamper fast, I tried to run
Before his claws took hold of me
The dang thing nipped me in the bum!
And quick I thought to grab a stick
And slap him hard across the nose
I took for brush, the trees were thick
And that is how the story goes
The moral of this tiny tale
Is never walk alone out there
And if I ever hear you wail
Don't count on me if it's a bear!
Two little Indians alone in their tent;
One to the other a message he sent.
I'm only but eight but I know the score;
To earn my true name a bear slain before.
Out to the forest before the sunrise,
My bow and arrows my only disguise.
When I come upon that dreaded vile bear,
I will slay him down with arrows to spare.
If I encounter his evil red eyes,
I'll be last person he sees, fore' he dies.
My name will be Great Bear, one whom I'd slain;
Thunder then started, was starting to rain.
Crashes of thunder, great flashes of white;
Really so beat, let me sleep thru the night.
Allow me sleep the sound sleep of the brave,
Knowing full well my very best I gave.
funny, health, parody, people,
I rassled a bear when i was only two yars old...
I wooda kilt him had i not hadda cold.
I rassled with a crockedyle when i was three yars old...
I ritely brag cause i'm really quite bold.
I kicked a cougar's butt when i wuz but ownly four...
That day i ownly walked away just kindda sore, That
varment ran cause he didint want any moor.
I rassled wit a rhino won day, i made him wished he nevert sawed me,
i made dat sucker pay.
Well today i just turnt five...
If yew mess wit me yew wont b 2 long alive.
Well, i gotta go pee pee, bye, bye.
There once was a silly old bear,
Who could find nothing to wear;
He went to the mall,
Found nothing at all,
And so the poor bear goes bare!
There’s a bear in the kitchen
He’s ever so rude
He’s drinking my milk
And he’s eating my food
He’s broken the table
He’s broken a chair
And most every surface
Is covered in hair
He’s smashed off the lock
That was once on the door
He’s ruined the curtains
And pooed on the floor
The fridge he ripped open
Stuff strewn all about
I’ve nothing for dinner
He’s eaten my trout
When this one is gone
I will do some repairs
Fit a strong door
To repel wild bears
But should they get in
Their work will be harder
I’ll store all my food
In a solid steel larder
© John W Fenn 06-12-2009
funny, humorous, nonsense,
OLD WILL'S THE BEAR
Will's the bear had not one careHappy his fleas he was to shareIf one was brave enough to hugHe likes his tea - so bring a mugCampsite fires down by the riverFresh cooked fish; he can deliverFinished off by a cup of Earl GreyIs how Will's likes to spend a dayAfter be sure to scratch his backAs manners to a bear do not lackFor old bears are easily temperedNothing worse you dismembered
Indiana Shaw . . .
James Edward Lee Sr.
9th grade, adventure, analogy, appreciation, environment, for teens, funny,
I came across a sleeping bear;
Wild in the forest, while we were camping there;
My father and camp instructor always shared;
They often said never poke a sleeping bear;
But alas I didn’t listen, as I picked up a stick…
I began sticking the snoring, sleeping bear
Laughing in delight, I turned around in fright
For I screamed and hollered there was mommy, BEAR
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2019©
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
animal, candy, food, funny, humorous, music, silly,
Gummy bear! Gummy bear!
Gummy gummy gummy bear!
Dropped you down my underwear!
Sticky sticky gummy bear!
funny love, humorous, love,
For my loves kisses are like honey~
So smooth, sweet and delicious~
For I'm like a little honey Bear~
Forever feeding upon them~