Humorous and funny Bed poems and/or funny poems about Bed. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Bed funny poems!
Written by
Seren Roberts
Categories:
funny,
My Bed the Synathroesmic Cat
oh lovely bed, dishevelled bed,
warm and cosy snuggle bed
too nice to get out of bed
too big for one it should be shared
crisp clean sheets, to curl the toes bed,
pack of pillows for my head.
duvet to wrap around me, bed
wish you served meals, need to be fed.
coffee and toast make it a special bed
crumbs to lie on, isn’t good it’s said
best you throw me out, get a shower,
oh bed, can I sneak back in an hour,
my bed I love you.
Penned 11th April 2013
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
humor, lust, romance, sleep,
You and Me In Bed
The thought of you and me in bed
rings alarm bells in my head
I don't know, it just doesn't seem right
to have you for myself all night
Of course, I love your torrid affection
I'm just very concerned about the direction
that our ahem, uh, er -- you know what I mean
when our lips meet under covers unseen
So I'll be the adult right here and now ~
I shall not sleep with my beloved meow
Written by
Poet Destroyer A
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, love,
Bed Bug Bites
BED BUGS BITES
It's time to fix the mattress
fluffy pillows and blankets,
enough room for just one more.
BITE ME' if you can!
Swat after, swat, after swat!
Red itchy skin, what the h3ll!
The open breeze feels real good,
crawling too bite NATE!
BY; PD
________________________________________
NOTE~ I've never been bitten by these insects,
I just love the way my mother would always say...
"Don't let the bed bugs bite!"
Contest: "Bite me!"
**I bite Nathan, who'll probably will love it ;-)**...LOL...
Written by
Rhonda Johnson-Saunders
Categories:
humor, work,
Bed Sores - For Wit of Twain Contest
He spends one more day in his bed.
To-do-lists run all ‘round his head.
Noon came and then passed,
he’s still on his ***.
A hard day of work, he most dreads!
“If man had created man, he’d be ashamed of his performance.” – Mark Twain
Written by
Frances Scott
Categories:
funny, introspection
I Am Drunk In My Bed By Every Speculative Adolescent
My space ship of a lamp shade,
This little cardboard room.
What genius exists here,
In the abscence of the moon?
Written by
Subimal Sinha-Roy
Categories:
cat, funny, sleep,
A Cat On the Bed
There was a fat man who slept on the floor
Like the roar of tiger he used to snore
Sensing danger to her life
The house cat ran to his wife
Deaf lady put her on bed, closed the door.
July 16, 2018
Syllable count : 10 10 7 7 10
Syllable count checked on howmanysyllables.com
Written by
Brian Pierre-Alexander
Categories:
funny,
My Bed Calls
With heaping speed like the flash
Am ah make a dash
My bed calls, dive in... splashhh
It was an honor and a pleasure
Poetry writers you'll so clever
Poetrysoup had me in a spell
O! well, farewell...
Goodnight ya'll
Catch you on the rebound
Tomorrow then, sleep well
o·ver·whelm·ing zzzzz-ing song
yeah...my bed Call!
©Copyright January 22, 2012 by Brian Pierre-Alexander
© All Rights Reserved
Written by
Bruce Adams
Categories:
funny,
I Should Have Stayed In Bed
Tried to stay in Dream Weavers world ,silenced alarm
Back to dream weavers sow
Hour late for work, I'm a charm
Freeway flat tire, rain and snow
Clothes soaking wet, slipped wrench injured hand
So late for work, speeding ticket mine
Boss shaking head, strike up the band
Injured hand dropped heavy box, foot not fine
Finally home, slipped on ice like sled
I can see stars, 20 IQ points lost
Broke arm too, in hospital rest my head
Dream weavers world I'll stay, except now it will cost !
01/26/2017 It's time for hilarious poetry contest of Jamie Pan
Written by
Victoria Anderson-Throop
Categories:
funny, satire, science, tribute,
How Did That Man Get Into My Bed
HOW DID THAT MAN GET INTO MY BED?
Lord Gravity ,
the king of kings
through" hands on" science
Taught me things--
From plopping
apples on my head
To plopping men
Upon my bed.
Victoria Anderson-Throop 2013
Written by
Larry Freeman
Categories:
funny, hilarious, humor, humorous, silly, smile,
Bugs In My Bed
Bugs in my bed,
I sure hope they're dead.
I hope they're not nestled,
In the hair on my head.
What if they're all, over my pillowcase, then they'd be crawling all over my face.
Is this really happening, or am I just paranoid, cuz a bug infestation I must certainly avoid.
How will I know if they are really really small, maybe an exterminator is who I should call.
What if they eat me, real slow til I'm dead.
I guess a good way to start, is to get OUT of this bed.
Written by
Christie Mills
Categories:
childhood, funny
Bed Time Remake
Twinkle twinkle little cutie.
Off to bed, or I'll bust your booty.
How I wonder what your dreaming.
Awh peace and quiet.
No more screaming.
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
halloween, humorous,
From Bed To Worse
Young Peter destroyed his bed sheeting
So he could go out trick or treating
His mother went mad
And so did his dad
Their language is not worth repeating!
Written by
Peter Lewis Holmes
Categories:
humor, youth, mum,
The Bouncing Teenage Bed
Sex was why I left the homely coop,
lack of it to tell the truth.
And when I got into my flat, with every
girl I hung my hat.
Thank you mam and wham bam bam,
at last my life, was full of jam.
To wake up with a damsel’s cheer,
convinced my friends I was not *****.
So I could walk, and play the ball, and in
my arms, more gals would fall.
With bouncing boobs and butts like jelly,
I had no time to watch the telly.
Sighs and butts and boobs and squeals,
Now I know how heaven feels.
But in my lust I ne’er forgot; the coop
and mum and dad I got.
Written by
Jod!E Quintero
Categories:
adventure, funny, imagination
Get Out of Bed
Trying to get out of bed,
Which I really dread,
Sounds of rain falling on my head,
Making me tired instead,
Maybe I’ll find a book that I‘ve already read,
And go back to bed,
With sheep jumping overhead,
Dreaming of making banana bread,
With some yummy spread,
While riding on Santa’s sled,
Wearing only warm furry red,
Nope it’s time to get out of this bed,
And start a new day instead.
Written by
Delice Arleen Skelly
Categories:
funny, rain, weather,
Only Place Is Bed
Storms and gales are closing in
Heavy rainfall we just can't win
Hail and thunder lightning too
Prediction dire and possibly true.
Weather forecast no big surprise
Take to my bed refuse to rise
Sounded just awful, so very bleak
Elements grim it's warmth I seek.
Electric blanket thermostat high
Hyperthermia unlikely in comfort I lie
Blizzard warning maelstrom of snow
Temperature dropping mercury low.
Icicles decorate our old tree
Arthritic branches a bit like me
Best to hibernate winter away
When spring flowers bloom~Liberté
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, lust,
Early To Bed, Early To Rise - Bawdy Limerick
My auntie’s a consummate flirt
and always wears a mini skirt
Uncle sees her toned thighs
and quickly gets a rise
It’s early to bed says old Bert
He deftly removes her silk stocking
And quickly their headboard is knocking
Much to their neighbours chagrin
The party wall’s very thin
Their bedroom antics he finds shocking
Dear Auntie Eth’s ninety years young
(And Uncle Bert’s very well hung)
They’re old, but not wrecks
They adore having sex
Both glad their mattress is well sprung
07/31/21
Written by
Christine Saputo
Categories:
funny, writing,
Should'Ve Stayed In Bed
Awoke to the buzzing of my alarm clock
Didn't want to get up after sleeping like a rock
Stretched my arms up over my head
Thinking I should just stay in bed
Got up and on the bed post stubbed my toe
Oh great is this how the day's gonna go
Walked a little further tripped over my cat
On my face with a thud I fell flat
Laid there for minute and then sighed
If someone saw I would've been mortified
Finally got up from the hard floor
Now my body was aching and sore
Decided I was going to call in sick
So I made the call and made it quick
Then I stumbled back into my bed
Pulling my blanket up over my head
-C.A.Saputo xoxo
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
humor,
To Each His Own Bed
When Ozzie & Harriet wed
Censors decreed one to a bed*
Desi & Lucy
Never got juicy
But McCarthy still dubbed them, "Red!"
* It was not OK in the USA for
married couples to share the
same bed, but always OK for
people and puppets to beat
the crap out of each other,
leaving Soup poets to wonder
why people are so cruel!
Written by
Xavier Keough
Categories:
funny, life, on work and working,
Bed
Hello tomorrow
Goodbye today
Indelible inklings
Left yesterday
Will I find my keys
Or lose my car
I hate the bus
My mind’s ajar
God I love to sleep
Especially at night
Please tell me my dog
Just turned on the light
Nothing like a pillow
To soften a numb life
My arm’s asleep
When did I get a wife
Eyelids like anvils
As heavy as Sisyphus’ rock
I guess they lift weights
It’s but a tawdry five o’clock
Tears of delirium
Rolling down a wilted head
“It’s only Saturday, honey…
come back to bed”
Written by
Jack Ellison
Categories:
humorous,
Would You Like To Go To Bed
Well pleased to meet you
Would you like to go to bed
Result was a slap
© Jack Ellison 2015
Written by
Robin Davis
Categories:
humorous, loss, money,
An Unsafe Bed Bank
A fool thought inside his head
His money's safe inside his bed
Until one day it's repossessed
Now all his thoughts he regrets
But the new owners having fun
With the new "lottery" she's won
Written by
Lin Lane
Categories:
humor,
No Socks In Bed
I don't need Gucci haute couture to make me purr
My shoulders will never be draped with real fur
I don't want diamonds to be my best friend forever
There's only one thing from my life I'll not sever
Don't give me a free ticket to Rome or Paris, France
I'd rather Tango with a man who knows how to dance
One who won't climb in bed with me wearing his socks
Just give me the precious gift of chocolates in a box
Written by
Rhonda Hero Aka Hero-Wilson
Categories:
funny
* Sitting Along the Creek Bed
sitting along the creek bed
bare footed with feet dangling in the
cool water rippling over them.
Written by
Alex Klugman
Categories:
funny,
My Wife Wish Variety In a Bed
My wife wish variety in a bed,
And I never argue with her at all.
She sleeping now by the wall,
But for me -the edge not so bad?
Written by
Kendall Dyer
Categories:
daughter, family, children, funny, mother,
The Mysterious Person Under My Bed (Written By 9 Year Old)
The mysterious person under my bed
Is my Mommy
But, at the time
I had no clue who was under my bed
So then I was scared
And I did everything I could
Then I looked underneath my bed
And I saw my Mommy
Then I chased her around
Because she scared me