Humorous and funny Captain poems and/or funny poems about Captain. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Captain funny poems!
Written by
Gary Smith
Categories:
bird, humorous, language, pets,
Captain 'Effing' Flint
My parrots name was Captain Flint,
Boy that bird could swear.
I never invited visitors,
So blue was the air.
He'd squawk "pretty effing polly"
Or "give us a cracker you t##t"
I'd never heard such swearing,
I never taught him that.
I bought him off a sailor
Who was heading back to sea,
He said to me, "you'll love him
He's such good company."
And what he said was right
He entertained, it's true.
I said "who's a pretty boy then"
He squawked, " well not effing you !"
The profanities just got too much,
I sold him, with regret.
But the house seems so quiet now,
Without my 'effing' pet !
Written by
John Williams
Categories:
children, funny,
The Pirate Captain
A pirate captain yelling orders on deck,
Was bitten by his parrot on the neck,
His blood-curdling scream
Followed by a volley of blaspheme,
Caused him to be known as Captain Peck.
Written by
Gary Wayne Hill
Categories:
children, kids, funny, grandson,
Typically Luke Poem 14 - Captain Evil Eye
Captain Evil Eye is here
More a super villain than a hero
Just one look from his evil eye
Your temperature drops to zero
Yes it is Luke’s little party trick
This thing he does with his eye
When he stares at you with that look
You don’t know whether to laugh or cry
Go and do your homework
And Captain Evil Eye is there
Go and tidy up your room
You’ll see the steely glare
Come on now it’s time for bed
The evil eye stares you down
Captain Evil Eye looks a little
Like some psychotic clown
But even super villains get tired
And we eventually get our way
As Captain Evil Eye is put to bed
His evil work done for the day
Written by
Jack Ellison
Categories:
funny,
Forty-Three Boxes of Captain Crunch
If I could get back the dollars I've spent
I'd be an extremely rich man
Buying stuff just because it's on sale
Then storing it is not a good plan
Got eighty-three of cans of vegetable soup
Forty-three boxes of Captain Crunch
Even if I lived to a hundred and twenty
We'll still have breakfast and lunch
Some people have a rainy day mentality
You never know what's just ahead
But more than six hundred boxes of KD
Could keep a damn army fed
Now I'm all for spending money wisely
But this concept blows my mind
Can't eat all the food that we've got stored
But the mice think I'm very kind
© Jack Ellison 2013
Written by
Floatingpoet Captainmike
Categories:
funny, inspirational, philosophy, uplifting
Funny Haiku's From Captain Mike
I don't know what to think about Haiku's. Haiku!
it's kinda like a sneeze
haiku kinda sounds like hah chooo
so then ka-zunn-tite!
She's giving me a back rub Haiku!
I need to fart bad
if I do she won't rub me
jeeze I shat my self
The Divine Plan of Nature Haiku!
just for the butt hole
turds are tapered on the ends
so it don't slam shut
The One and Only Law Needed for the World to get Along! Haiku!
Everyone is free
so long as they don't take that
right from someone else
by Capt Mike
Written by
Joe Dimino
Categories:
dad, giggle, humorous, husband, inspirational love, ocean, wisdom,
Captain Of Your Own Ship
A wise poet said:
“You are captain of your own ship!”
My employer said: “Not here, Buddy!”
My wife said, “Yes dear, after you take
out the garbage and mow the grass…”
My son said, “please come to my baseball
practice, daddy…?” God said: “ask Michael,
my authority on sail
and ultimate direction….”
A wise poet…?
Written by
Charles Messina
Categories:
fate, humor,
Captain Jack Sparrow
I was watching
The television
When I Noticed
A clip
Of Captain
Jack Sparrow
All alone
On his ship
He was guzzling
His rum
And continued
To drink
When his Black
Pearl ship
Had started
To sink
He slurred
And he swaggered
From all
That he drank
Then he said
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow
I'll now
Walk the plank"
Hands tied
And blind folded
As he sank
To the bottom
He was rescued
By a mermaid
When she swam
And she got him
She left him
On the shore
Where his journey
Had begun
When he drank
To his fate
With his bottle
Of rum
Written by
Tom Bell
Categories:
confusion, funny, on writing and words, parody,
Captain Quark
Captain Quark,
had a lark,
Driving his poor friends nuts,
But Captain Quark,
his mind so dark,
was nothing but a putz.
Written by
Chetta Achara
Categories:
humor,
Captain Kirk
Captain Kirk had lots of nerve
Solving all things with his verve
Until he did split
And then had a fit
He now wore a woman's curve.
Note: Inspired by the Star Trek
episode Turnabout Intruder in which Captain Kirk's insane ex-lover Dr. Janice Lester forcibly switches bodies with him in order to take command of the Enterprise.
Written by
Kim Rodrigues
Categories:
adventure, animal, humor,
Captain Crook
CAPTAIN CROOK
The telescope-kid eyed old Captain Crook.
Underneath the waves, tic toc croc, a-shook.
His sword unsheathed, Peter Pan...
A roar of seas hits the fan...
The croc did bequeath him a hapless Hook.
7/1/2019
Tania Kitchin’s Humorous Limerick Contest
hits the fan - to have a dramatic, usually negative effect
Written by
Anthony Blake
Categories:
change, character, feelings, funny, hilarious, humor, truth,
CAPTAIN FEARLESS
A man that is supposed to be a Super Hero
Is really a zero
No courage
Unable to protect and defend
All pretend
Fearless not ready for any challenge
No leverage
At least that is what I think
Captain Fearless afraid of a mouse
Scare of flies even in his house
Muscles that are like butter
Shy to the core
Can’t fly nor soar
Captain Fearless with plenty of fear
If I said BOO, he wouldn’t want anybody near
So much for Captain Fearless
Already endless
I wonder the Marvel heroes are doing these days
Captain Fearless is a stay away