Funny Poems About Christmas or Christmas Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Christmas poems and/or funny poems about Christmas. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Christmas funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Christmas Poems.

Poem Details | by Linda-Marie Sweetheart |
Categories: funny,

12 Days of Christmas Craves

"12 Days of Christmas Craves" On the twelfth day of Christmas My true love sent to me 12 twinkling tiaras Eleven emerald elephants Ten Tiffany trinkets Nine naughty negligees Eight echoing elves Seven sequined stars Six sexy singers Five fake fingernails s s s Four furry foxes Three tingling tamborines Two turtledoves And peach tree in pail via e-mails s s s. *For P.D.'S 12 Days of Christmas. *Written by: Linda-Marie "Sweetheart".

Poem Details | by Sneha Rv |
Categories: child, childhood, children, christian, christmas, funny, mom,

Keeping Mum

Reindeer wait
   by the pane
I see shapes

A present!
   Santa thinks
I’m asleep 

Smells like mum 
   lent Santa 
her perfume...  ?

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

Santa's Unexpected Gift For Mrs Claus - Bawdy Limerick

At Christmas he’s a busy chap -
and rarely has time for a nap
  But to his surprise
  He got a huge rise
When Mrs Claus sat on his lap!

Holiday Themed Limerick Poetry Contest

checked with how many syllables


(Mrs classed as 1 syllable on soup counter, 2 syllables on how many syllables)

Sponsored by Tania Kitchin


Poem Details | by Terry Flood |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

Santas Home

Santa came home with a reindeer And Mrs Claus said with a sneer ‘Did you have to bring That horny old thing?’ Rudolph said, ‘Madam, he lives here.’
13 December 2021 For: I Need A Good Laugh: Xmas Limerick Contest Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich

Poem Details | by Anais Vionet |
Categories: 11th grade, care, christmas, feelings, holiday, humor, teen,

Old Fashioned Christmas

It’ll be an old fashioned Christmas,
with Santa due down the chute.
I bet he Purells his reindeer, 
and Lysols his hazmat suit.

It’s an old fashioned Christmas.
We’ll all have on our masks,
and our muffled yuletide carols,
will be just like seasons past.

We’ll observe all the guidelines.
We’ll eat six feet apart.
We’ll have disinfectant under the mistletoe,
and keep safety in our hearts.

Sure, it’s an old fashioned Christmas.
One unique to the times.
The love this year might be careful,
but the feelings are genuine.

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: humorous,

Christmas Tree Fairy

She fell from the top of the Christmas tree Bumped her head and said ‘oh deary me’ With pine needles sticking in various places The Christmas tree fairy pulled funny faces Jan Allison 5th December 2014 Not for Contest

Poem Details | by Joyce Johnson |
Categories: humor,

Christmas Clerihew

Dickens' Jacob Marley
favored drink made from barley,
died before Ebenezer,
that stingy old geezer.

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

You'D Better Not Pout

You got a duff gift from your ‘mate’ Too large, in a colour you hate It simply won’t fit You’ll never wear it No nookie mate now you can wait! 12~28~14 A Quintain Christmas - Andrea Dietrich ~awarded 3rd place~

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

You Must Look After Your Elf

Santa’s little helper felt poorly sick Couldn’t deliver presents for Saint Nick His red nose was gleaming Blue eyes they were streaming I hope that Santa will give him some Vick 24th December 2014

Poem Details | by Sean Kelly |
Categories: funny, seasons, thank you, christmas, christmas,

A Limerick Christmas Three (3) .

Mrs. Santa on last Christmas Eve
Was so naughty , at trying to deceive.
Not the slightest bit coy
When she met her toy~boy....
Now , believe what YOU want to believe .

Rudolf the randy raindeer
Took his lady friend out for a beer.
Then he took off his clothes.
Showed~off his red nose..
Saying.. who the hell said, I was *****...

What's the worst place at Christmas to be ?
Perhaps a turkey~dish laced with gravy....
It's more painful and airy
To be some poor fairy
With your +++  on the top of the tree .


Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: christmas, funny, holiday,

Christmas Wishes For You

For anyone struggling in the holiday season!!

Although there's nothing much that I could add
to all the Christmas wishes ever made,
I'll wish for you that traffic won't be bad
the day you shop and that you may get paid
some kind of Christmas bonus for a change,
and when beneath the mistletoe you stand,
I hope you're not approached by someone strange,
but rather by a stranger who is grand!
And should you be so childish (I mean bold)
to ice skate on a lake or board the snow,
I pray for you that you don't catch a cold
or break a leg as down some hill you go.
My wishes, like my gifts, are kind of cheap;
May faith in them require no giant leap!

Poem Details | by Arthur Vaso |
Categories: christmas, hilarious,

Oh Christmas Tree

Oh Christmas tree
Oh Christmas tree
Oh no I’m singing to a Christmas tree

Rum eggnog in me
Rum eggnog in me
Oh no I’m singing to the Christmas tree

Oh Christmas tree
Oh Christmas tree
Much pleasure thou can give me

Oh mistletoe 
Oh mistletoe 
I’hve a Christmas tree I want to show

Oh Christmas tree
Oh Christmas tree
Oh, I just kissed a Christmas tree

Oh Christine tee hee
Oh Christine tee hee
I thought you was a Christmas tree

No more rum for me
No more rum for me

Or my wife will toss me out
With the Christmas tree

Notes: I have no wife, and I have no tree, I may have some rum, but shhhhhh

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

Christmas Present Footles

Bad gifts Cause rifts Be rash Spend cash Debit Credit Worthwhile Their smile 20th December 2014

Poem Details | by Arlene Smith |
Categories: christmas, funny, silly,

You'D Better Not Pout

Kicking Santa is not nice to do.
Chuck Norris has replaced him, 'tis true.
You'd better not pout,
or a swollen snout,
and a stocking of whoop-*** for you!
12/21/14 Contest: A Quintain Christmas Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: christmas, holiday, horror, humor,

Santa's Bad Day

The elves filled Santa's sack with toys
For all the good little girls and boys

When he lifted it up he used his back
Instead of his legs and he tore his sack

An elf gave a band-aid to Santa, their proctor
Santa said, "No, I need to go to a doctor"

But sadly a doctor he would do without
There was no time, so he started his route

He stood up in the sleigh, his jewels in a brace
Yelling, "OW, Merry Christmas!", all over the place!

Poem Details | by Sandra Haight |
Categories: christmas, funny,

Rudolph Clerihew

Rudolph Clerihew

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Lights up Santa’s path to steer.
For his nose to last through the night,
He sunbathes to charge up his light!

© Sandra M. Haight 2014 
   All Rights Reserved

~5th Place~
Contest: A Chrismas Character Clerihew
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich

Poem Details | by Paul Callus |
Categories: funny,

A Light-Hearted Christmas

late at night
 a shepherd
 woke his wife

 I saw...heard
 angels sing
 in the sky!

 it’s the wine
 she mumbled
 or UFOs!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
In this case UFOs is 2 syllables
Contest by Charles Messina
Placed 2nd
© 18th December 2018

Poem Details | by Tom Cunningham |
Categories: christmas, humor,

You'D Better Watch Out

Santa's reindeer went down with the flu 
He panicked thinking what can I do
So he used all his charm
Borrowed cows from a farm
Not the answer but they'd have to do... 

Folks out walking all watched him fly by 
Saw no reindeer and they wondered why
But they started to cheer
Then all cowered in fear 
As cow pats splattered down from the sky. 

 Written 23rd December 2020.

Poem Details | by Kim Rodrigues |
Categories: humor,

Christmas Cataclysm

Christmas day on planet E
each pine tree
deliciously planted

the sky is tinsillated, stars replaced by screwy bulbs

and to top it all off – mind you, like a cherry on top

a fat man in a red suit is flying through outer space

a  U N I V E R S A L  catastrophe

Poem Details | by L Milton Hankins |
Categories: childhood, christmas, humorous,

Atlanta Santa

imagine me upon his knee a little child so meek and mild thrilled to visit our dear Santa in the heart of old Atlanta such a precocious little child thrilled to visit our dear Santa in southern Georgia warm and wild not in the least my mind beguiled in the heart of old Atlanta imagine me thrilled to visit our dear Santa a little child so meek and mild in southern Georgia warm and wild upon his knee upon his knee imagine me
THIRD PLACE WINNER written December 1, 2021 for "Meditative Ballad" poetry contest sponsored by Emile Pinet syllables checked by HMS rhymes check with

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

Snowballs Fright - Bawdy Limerick

Poor Frosty was built upside down and quickly he’s talk of the town He’s not wearing his smalls so folks see his snowballs - his smile soon turns into a frown! When Santa learns of Frosty’s plight he orders some work late that night So his wife Mrs Clause knits Frosty some new drawers - but his ‘carrot’ doesn’t hang right! *drawers classed as one syllable as per the UK pronunciation of the word Both limericks 8,8,6,6,8 Christmas Limericks Old or New Contest Sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire Edited 11/30/18

Poem Details | by Doris Culverhouse |
Categories: funny, holiday

Christmas Sunshine

Make us some sunshine for Christmas Santa
It's mighty gloomy here, grey clouds over head
Put the color back into the day and moon light in the night
Bring me a tender heart and may kind words overflow

Santa you can bring it, bring it like no other
Call on the heavens to roll back the clouds
Warm my muscles and calm the aches
I won't ask for nothin' else Santa

Just put a warm glow in the sky!

Poem Details | by B. Joseph Fitzsimons |
Categories: christmas, holiday, humor, humorous, seasons, thanksgiving, winter,

Its Beginning To Look a Lot Like Crapitalsm

Once commenced the fest of feasting and giving thanks for genocide,
‘Tis the season to be jolly to replace our thoughts of suicide.

Santa claws his way into a child’s mind insidiously, 
And the air begins to reek again of yuletide idiocy.

The bliss of belief in an ancient hippie turned into a homeless wizard,
Adjoins the joy of gifts from an obese geriatric myth flying in a blizzard.

Eight deer reign behind his ninth whose nose an eightball thaws,

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
It follows us everywhere we go,
Take a look and ask like Jack, “what’s this?”
And see it’s but blinding capitalism aglow.

Poem Details | by Terry Flood |
Categories: christmas, humorous,

The Blight Before Christmas

The UK just sanctioned a jab
That scientists made in a lab
My best friend, Maxine
Just had the vaccine 
Which left just a tiny green scab

Her husband was lying in bed
He lay there with eyes full of dread
He didn’t expect
This weird side effect
His wife had just grown a new head

Then Christmas arrived right on cue
And Santa had had the jab too
And while it sounds silly
He’d grown a new Willy
And Maxine screamed... I’ve got one too.

Poem Details | by Anna Hopper |
Categories: christmas, funny,

A Whole Christmas Mess

This year is different
Surly you see
Covid got Santa
He set the elves free

Prancer’s in charge
Of running the sleigh 
The gift bags reek
Of manure filled hay

Comet and Blitzen
Are engaged in a spat
Over which one will fill
The jolly guy’s hat 

Dasher forgot 
To strap down the tote 
Rudolph’s nose has a short    
And started to smoke

Donner’s mask was too big 
So he traded with Cupid
Both were ripped in a fight
Over something so stupid

Now their noses are bare
And they can’t risk the spread 
To innocent children
Sound asleep in their beds

So they’re two reindeer shy
And one big guy less
The sleigh cannot fly
It’s a whole Christmas mess