Funny Poems About Cousin or Cousin Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Cousin poems and/or funny poems about Cousin. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Cousin funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Cousin Poems.

Poem Details | by Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories: funny, cousin,

Comb Over

Z Z Top and Cousin It took the right approach
     Dark sun glasses and beards detract from scraggly hair
Next time my motley hairdo meets with reproach
     Combing forward I’ll consider, sparing the Nair

*For Rick's "Bad Hair Day" contest

Poem Details | by Thvia Shetley |
Categories: food, funny, history, cousin,

Merry Queen of Squash

Pumpkin, merry queen of squash,
regnant on accord.
With a smooth and ribb-ed rind
clad in pepo-orange,
two strikes to sever
from the vine.

*Mary, Queen of Scots was beheaded by order of her cousin Queen Elizabeth of England in
1587.  Detailed accounts record it took two strikes of the axe to sever her head completely.  

**A pumpkin is truly the sovereign of gourd squashes. .  Ironically, the word 'gourd' is also a slang
term for 'head' giving this poem a most appropriate ending whichever way you look at it!.

***The word ribb-ed in the third line is read as two syllables.

Poem Details | by Mike Martin |
Categories: hilarious, humor, memory,

Cousin Flo

Windy and her cousin Flo
Went down to the rodeo

The cows were walking on the moon
They hadn't seen the crack of noon

Floyd got his fiddle out
They danced the night away

I can't remember anything
I don't know what to say

Poem Details | by Frances King |
Categories: animals, children, funny, cousin,


This little tubby cousin 
Of the dolphins has no beak.

He’s very shy and talks, 
Not with a click, but with a sneezy squeak!

Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, business, education, fantasy, children, funny, happiness, imagination, inspirational, life, people, places, uplifting, visionary, work, cousin,

Twelve Seconds

<                    Once was a bartender named Louie
                      Thought my tales story was quite screwy                                     
                      Asked how many seconds
                      Was in year he reckons
                      Twelve shouted out by cousin dewey

Entry For
Confession To A Bartender

Poem Details | by Charles Henderson |
Categories: confusion, funny, cousin, , cute,

My Whatcha Ma Call It

Has anyone seen my ding a ling? 
You wouldn’t dare ask “what is it”.
I will just say it’s the cutest thing.

It must be a cousin of my widget,
about which my wife often digs.
It hasn’t a name, only a digit.

I also have some thing-a-ma-jigs
that attach to fishing lures, you know.
My heart sings making world famous rigs.

While pointing my do hickey just so
I turn on my color gizmo, git go.

© May 21 2010 For Catie’s “Beautiful Form” contest

Poem Details | by Jack Webster |
Categories: america, anxiety, brother, cousin, environment, fate, funny,

I Accidentally Let One Loose

I accidentally let one loose
while standing by a fire;
marshmallows burst in my wind;
the flames grew ever higher;
Jan fell bank into the cooler,
as ice poured down her collar;
Mikey wailed, just three years old,
and stomped his feet and hollard;
the loons on the lake stopped their song,
as the frogs all gasped for air;
the fireflies fell, one by one, 
as the fish ate up their share;
the dragonflies rolled their eyes
and flew away to the moon,
as the cinders from the campfire rose
and yet spelled out their doom. 

july 11 2018

Poem Details | by Randy Johnson |
Categories: childhood, funny, happiness, cousin,

Oh My God, They Killed Kenny!

(This is a fictional poem)

I loved watching South Park on weekday nights.
But my cousin caused me not to be able to watch it and we got in a fight.
He smashed the TV screen and I had to pick up the glass.
When I got done, I kicked his ***.
I liked watching Cartman, Kenny, Stan and Kyle.
My cousin will be in the hospital for awhile.

Poem Details | by Jimmi Canada |
Categories: cousin, culture, earth, emotions, family, fire, giggle, hyperbole, international, introspection, love, magic, simple, slam, thank you, today, voice, weather, wine,


Metti blic,

over-top soars of the harmonica,

the ancient way takes thee and smoke...

With soliloquies we join the mast-

sanctify the allegory,

sustain some good~ing!

Poem Details | by Jerome Malenfant |
Categories: dark, gothic, humorous,

Cousin Eustace Makes Such a Horrible Sight

Cousin Eustace makes such a horrible sight
When he walks down the second-floor halls every night.
 “He’s been up there for years,”
  Said Aunt Agatha in tears,
“And it's such a bother when guests die from the fright.”

Poem Details | by Deloris Booher |
Categories: humorous, me, cousin,


Witch, witch, witch
You see them in the streets
You see them in the stores
You see them standing in front doors
Witch, witch, witch
You're mother's a witch
You're sister is too
You're cousin is one
You're brother too, if he's that frufru
Witch, witch, witch
They're in the schools
They're in the town
Witches are all around
Witch, witch, witch
You can call me a witch
Call me what you will
But to you, that's MRS. *****!

Poem Details | by Cecil Hickman |
Categories: family, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, life, parody, people, socialsweet, sweet, cousin,

Usa Marriage Justice Today

Oh, my sweet girl, come and shack up, with me.
We shall live on welfare and space out to see.
How many food stamp cards, we can arrange,
We shall visit for meds and beg for change.
Upon the riverbanks, we shall catch a cold.
Then we shall collect our oxy-cotton gold.
I shall gather clothes from good wills chest.
You prepare to go visit relatives in the west.
My sweet girl I shall give you no gold.
However, get you, giving us babies to hold.
A bed of daisies, I shall have waiting for you.
For freshening up our pet hound, old blue.
Our cousin Joe has a house that is so big.
We shall move in, us all, even with our pig.

Poem Details | by Romeo Naces |
Categories: funny, cousin,

Kinship Lesson 2

Rat to Bat: "Sir, up close you look like a rat.
I"d like to call you cousin 
if you won't mind that."

Bat to Rat: " No, impudent rodent, you're crass,
denizen of the gutter 
without a touch of class.

You creep while I swoop, you crawl while I fly.
In evolution's totem pole 
you're low, I'm high.

Im cousin of the larks, you're kin of the gnats.
Listen: Angels are to humans 
as bats are to rats!"

Poem Details | by Volodymyr Knyr |
Categories: body, cousin, food, humor, humorous,

The Least Delicious Part

The least delicious part of veal, 
that's what your anus must reveal.

Volodymyr Knyr

Poem Details | by Randy Johnson |
Categories: friendship, funny, on writing and words, cousin,

Say It, Not Spray It

(This is a fictional poem)

My cousin spits lots of saliva when he talks.
If you're near him, you'll slip on the floor when you walk.
If he's standing on dirt, he turns it to mud.
If he talks too long, he causes a flood.
People are getting tired of being covered with spit.
I'll kick his ___ if he doesn't learn to say it, not spray it.

Poem Details | by Randy Johnson |
Categories: funny, cousin,

Big Nose

My cousin sure does have a big nose.
10 pounds of boogers come out when he blows.
Restaurant owners have to protect theirselves by installing huge sneeze guards.
Once he got some boogers on me and I hit that moron hard.
He soon learned that when I slug somebody, it really stings.
His nostrils are so big that you can put bowling balls in those things.
If he wants to stay with you for a day or two, you'd better not let him stay.
And if you see my cousin about to sneeze, you'd better get out of the way.


Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: child, children, cousin, funny,

Aunt Windell

Aunt Windell liked to control  and direct

They immediately laugh

All toddlers under 4

Poem Details | by Geoffery Mchugh |
Categories: funny, cousin,

Couch Blues (John Popper Rules!)

I was sitting on the couch with my cousin yesterday
watching old reruns of wonder-woman
eating funyans
and shootin' the breeze.

I said to him
"yo cuz, did you know that tv causes brain cancer?"

He didn't respond.

a couple of minutes later, when I lit a cigarette, he asked me
"Do you suppose Wonder Woman's boobs are real?"

"Nah,"I said."those are just pixels."

Poem Details | by Romeo Naces |
Categories: animals, funny, people, cousin,

Some Conceited Bat

The rat to the bat: " Sir, up close 
      you look almost like a rat
            so, I'd want to call you cousin, 
                  if you don't mind being that."

The bat to the rat: "No way, impudent
      rodent, you're so crass
            denizen of the foul gutter,
                  you're without a touch of class,

" listen, presumptuous fool, I swoop, 
      you creep, you crawl, I fly
            in evolution's totem pole,
                  you're down below, I'm way up high

" I'm first cousin of the larks,
      you're brother of the ticks and gnats
            remember this, angels are to humans
                  as bats are to rats."

Poem Details | by Randy Johnson |
Categories: funny, husband, wife, cousin,

George Bush Has a Tiny Wiener

(This is a fictional poem)

My cousin discovered something embarrassing about George Bush when they 
were in the men's room together.
He lied when he told Bush that he'd keep it a secret forever.
The President has a wiener that is incredibly small.
He has to use a magnifying glass when he urinates because he can't see it at all.
His wiener is so small that it makes a tootsie roll look like a broomstick.
Bush is upset because all of America knows about his tiny ####.
Now that his secret is out, his wife is getting a divorce.
My two inch wiener used to embarrass me but compared to Bush, I'm hung like a 

Poem Details | by Randy Johnson |
Categories: angst, animals, funny, cousin,

Molested By a Dolphin

(This is a fictional poem)

I warned my cousin not to swim with that dolphin.
He swam with it anyway but he won't do it again.
I told him the dolphin would molest him just like that dolphin molested Hank Hill.
When my cousin got in the water, he didn't know that the dolphin was looking for 
a thrill.
He got molested and whenever he thinks about it, he gets ill.
I knew it would happen because I watch King of the Hill.

Poem Details | by Romeo Naces |
Categories: animals, funny, nature, cousin,

Millipede's Stampede

just moving about on its two rows of countless legs
looks to me a most complex and 
complicated concern of the

      I wonder how its motor nerves ensure synchronization
      of milli-leg motion so that not a single 
      leg may ever accidentally 

            the smooth movement of the rest of its legs, avoiding
            errors that might cause either limb 
            entanglements or a weird 

                  a blunder the millipede would rather keep to itself
                  and guard against being gossiped 
                  about by creepers like cousin 
                  centipede !

Poem Details | by Randy Johnson |
Categories: family, funny, on writing and words, cousin,

He Took a Toke

(This is a fictional poem)

I sold my cousin some poison ivy but I told him that it was pot.
When he started itching, he regretted what he bought.
He rolled up a joint and took a toke.
When he didn't get high, many of my bones got broke.
I learned a valuable lesson as I looked at my bruises, cuts and scars.
Never try to pass poison ivy off as pot if the guy is bigger than you are.

Poem Details | by Randy Johnson |
Categories: family, funny, people, lost, lost, cousin,

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Dumb

(This fictional poem is based on a cartoon I drew)

My cousin is as dumb as he can be.
His IQ score is only twenty-three.
He and I both love those Indiana Jones movies.
We think they are neat and groovy.
But when we watched Raiders of the lost ark, we got in a fight.
It's a shame that this poor boy isn't very bright.
When I told him that Raiders of the lost ark was made in 1981, he said I was 
I couldn't convince him it was the truth even though I kept trying.
I asked him why did he think I wasn't right.
He said it couldn't be true because from 1980 to 1983 Harrison Ford was frozen 
in Carbonite.

Poem Details | by Randy Johnson |
Categories: family, funny, people, cousin,

He's a Nut

(This is a fictional poem)

I have a cousin who's an idiot.
Everyone in town wants to kick his butt.
He smokes and drinks through his nose.
He does it wherever he goes.
He sticks a straw up his nose and sucks pepsi down his throat.
He has no friends because he has the table manners of a goat.
He had a cigarette up his nose and it had a big booger on the end of it.
When he offered me a puff of hi cigarette, I had a fit.
I gave him a black eye and I shoved a lit cigarette up his ###.
He got a bad burn and it hurts when he passes gas.
He's a moron and a nut.
People love to break their feet off in his butt.