Humorous and funny Dark poems and/or funny poems about Dark. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Dark funny poems!
Written by
Arthur Vaso
Categories:
art, dark, evil, funny, humorous, internet
Modern Poetry
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get dressed
is not that kind of poem
vote
please favorite me
I am flavor to be
like me
love me
photoshop me
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add ads, subtract ads
multiply wine ads
get more wine
is a long damn add
ok
bought the Mercedes
make love
to words
iPassion
is in
snap snap and chat
latex friendships
hollywood dreams
with amex
I never leave home
there she rests
in the trunk
blood mixed
with that new car smell
everything is modern these days
even my jail cell
Written by
Michelle Faulkner
Categories:
dark, humor, people,
An Acquired Taste
You are what you eat; it is true,
So cannibals are people too!
5/06/22
Killing with an Epigram contest
Sponsor: Margarita Lillico
Written by
Mark Peterson
Categories:
dark, horror, humorous,
Farewell To the Vampire
Parted curtains
puff of smoke.
Parlor trick
or cruel joke?
First a bat,
then human form—
eyes aglow,
fangs enorm.
And in the mirror,
no image there;
it stilled my heart
and stifled prayer.
But Drac was old
and suffered so;
his timing off,
reactions slow.
As he lunged
I stepped aside;
mallet ready,
his chest I eyed.
He lay there stunned,
at last my break;
I then asked how
he’d like his stake.
2nd Place, Poems from the Vampire, Just That Archaic Poet
Written by
David Brown
Categories:
anger, break up, dark, humor, irony,
These Bare Walls
On these bare walls
there once hung
artwork that was picked by you,
which you'd then picked over,
leaving only a needlepoint
your mother made for our wedding
and a picture an alcoholic friend gave you
of a bear
How ironic now,
it seems, they're not so bare
since I've hung a painting of
dancing bears on the bare wall where
I took down the needlepoint
and a butterfly,
in the bare spot you left
by the front door
Written by
Elizabeth Wesley
Categories:
funny, dark, dark, time,
His Nose
The nose he wears sits on his head
It's big and round and very red;
And in the dark it always glows
It must be awful to own that nose.
There's two dark holes filled with hair
With whatever else that's hidden there;
Each time I see with great surprise
That glow that sits between his eyes.
It shines as though when night meets day
There never could be another way;
I wonder too if he can tell
If red affects his sense of smell.
Perhaps the problem is I think
He's had in time too much to drink;
I suggested then to paint it white
And he seemed to think this was alright.
For Frank Herrera's Zaniest Poetry Contest
Elizabeth Wesley
Written by
David Brown
Categories:
anxiety, dark, depression, humor, image,
Viral
Thoughts
and
feelings
on a
downward
spiral,
now
that's
what's
truly,
going
viral
Written by
Frank Polgar
Categories:
dark, humorous, satire,
The New Year
welcome to the nightmare
365 days of triskaidekaphobia
where will you hide
The world didn't end in 2012, so now we have to deal with the number 13 all year long. I wrote this poem with that in mind. Of course, my tongue was firmly planted in my cheek.
Written by
Michael Wise
Categories:
boat, humorous, ocean,
The Lark In the Dark
Sammy went out on a lark
sailing his boat in the dark
and while he got drunk
his little boat sunk
so his hangover went to the shark
Written by
David Kavanagh
Categories:
allusion, dark, feelings, humor,
Clairvoyant Unveiled
i see dead people
but they can never see me
~ i see through her too
COMPLETELY YOUR CHOICE (45)
any form any theme Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Brian Strand 10th place
Senryu Humorous, Satirical or Dark
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin 3rd place
Written by
Corinne Curcio
Categories:
funny
Dark Lover
Don't be bitter baby
You're the one I love
And I know how to sweeten you up
I swim into you
My dreamy brown
Steamy queen
Pass over my lips
Your tasty effusions on my tongue
Are intoxicating
When you go down
The warmth spreads through me
And you set my heart to racing
Too bad that's the reason why
My doctor says I have
To switch to dull, lifeless decaf
Written by
Gary Smith
Categories:
dark, horror, humorous,
Leaving My Mark
I like it when the Sun goes down,
I like it when it's dark,
I have two pointy fangs you see,
And I like to leave my mark.
Entry for
What I Like Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Maureen McGreavy
28/2/19
Written by
Evelyn Judy Buehler
Categories:
dark, fantasy, fear, fun, funny, hilarious
Beware
The rimpledeeduggs klacklety splatt britly floaming,
Ere flamping drakkurz snazzle at elvitty gloaming;
Yon jamweezy wudderslimps gamwracks smotly crawling,
Hoytaling pagartrimps flotlessly wrothful in bawling!
Beete stell ere yethle flagorns craithen yere eise,
Ort smoothle yourn mithredoons bakk toon codry skize;
Bodryluntz quidups moost stupuddle cudgely pierdax,
And zakkertic flibboots wraithling in yert tardly tracks!
Written by
Maurice Rigoler
Categories:
dark, humor,
A Two Liner
A burial, if you’ll pardon
my irreverent
though jocular pun
is truly a groundbreaking event.
Written by
Joe Dimino
Categories:
baptism, dark, depression, humorous, introspection, longing
A Bad Day All Around
I determined to take seize
of a lightning bolt! Paused
at every tree. Flashed and
thundered all about – stood
by every metal post, just
to see if God wanted me.
Went to the nearest church…
prayed for a voice or sign:
and from behind the altar
heard a gulping sound,
pastor draining the sacrament
wine. Not a good day.
Written by
Lizzy Love
Categories:
animal, best friend, caregiving, dark, humor, pets
My Pet Monster
My pet monster
best friend I ever had
through all the good times
and even all the bad
we walk the streets together
some people gawk and stare
when you moan "hi" to them
it gives them quite the scare
I don't mind when you drool
and your eyes roll in your head
your still totally cool
and always welcome in my bed
and when your limbs and tail
fall off and need repair
I can stitch them on again
I will always be right there
Written by
Paul Callus
Categories:
dark, humor,
Crocodile Tears
He made her life a living hell.
Her heart immune to the death knell
She breaks down and cries
Tears spring from her eyes
Her acting days now serve her well.
-----------------------------------------
Contest: Open Poetry
Sponsor: Charlotte Puddifoot
11th July, 2015
Placed 7th
Written by
Perry Campanella
Categories:
beach, color, dark, fire, fun, giggle
Caution - Fireworks
E-Z Glo Punk, Lightning Flash,
TNT Devices will burst, do crash
Southern Night, Piccolo Petes
are hard to beat...
I like hand held Sparklers, Tanks
flashing fountains, Solar Flare
Six to #20 Gold I have to share,
no incidence, no burns, thanks...
Whistles blow, fountains glow,
pop'n sounds, entire sky all aglow
I love those colors, high an low
trails eched onto my retina
inspired me to let ya know
Now you close both eyes
in pitch dark, what a surprise
for you to see, right there
darkness, absolutely anywhere
beautiful trails of lights in motion
"Always read a label of caution"
Written by
T Wignesan
Categories:
crazy, humor,
Limerick: Once a Dark Horse In a Handicap
Limerick : Once a Dark Horse in a handicap
Once a Dark Horse in a handicap
Led head, tail and hoof in the last lap
All eyes on winning post
Cameras clicked the most
Horse lost in the negative, so clap !
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
Written by
Rhoda Tripp
Categories:
dark, eulogy, funny, giggle, humor, prison
Sick, Dark, and Scary Humor
That woman you sext...
Her husband got out early.
Ten years for murder?
Entered in contest for
Brian Strand
2 or 3 line poem.
Written 11/25/17
Written by
Charles Pullen
Categories:
dark, emotions, humor, nonsense, people, silly
Colorful Expressions
Bright,
tight strings,
colorful
unraveling
nerves.
Written by
Jimmi Canada
Categories:
brother, caregiving, crazy, dark, funny, goodbye
Maturity
Two prates,
sick paste,
wanton waste,
yet terrible brain.
One more way,
for me in the daze,
then the song with the wait,
then the bong and your faith-
yes it's gone,
but no you're still to gait-
you're still to frame,
you're still to blame.
Written by
David Brown
Categories:
cry, dark, depression, funny, humor, satire
Swimming the Dark Sea
Such pain, such pain this poor heart's born,
with so little pleasures in return,
much gifts it has bestowed, unearned
now, here it lies; morose, forlorn
Alas, alas, what curse has brought this
wrath upon such an innocent soul,
its spirit broken by this tragic role
like Atlas or more so, Sisyphus
Fall down again from feet to knees
to plumb the dark and dreary depths,
the length and seemingly infinite breadth
of this warm, salty sea of self-pity
These murky waters, born from tears
these waves and tides that chop and churn,
these silent sobs leave one to yearn
for one small thing; a tender ear
Written by
Ngoc Nguyen
Categories:
dark, food, humor, irony, parody, satire
Packaged, Dried Instant Earthworm Ramen Noodles
Like Ramen noodles,
packaged, dried worms are instant.
Just add hot water, stir, and eat.
Written by
Tim Smith
Categories:
dark, humor,
My Old Bag - Dark Humour
I lay my dearest Susan down to rest
Of tall tales and humour she was the best
An excuse each night
Wouldn't hold me tight
There's something I need to get off my chest
See, Susan was a talented old hag
Three men at once she quite often would shag
The gents often told
Of her lips of gold
and the tricks hidden deep inside her bag
I put up with her, turned the other cheek
She was built of strength, I a man so weak
Shame filtered these eyes
She laughed at my cries
Til they found her in the bag by the creek
*no bags were hurt in the making of this poem*
Written by
Fotu Taeoalii
Categories:
dark, death, humorous,
Mary's Poor Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb
The sheepy had to die
We pushed it off a cliff
And little sheepies do not fly.
Mary had a little lamb
But now it is no more
It drank some liquid nitro
Now it’s frozen to the core.
Mary had a little lamb
Her daddy shot it dead
She took it to school the next day
Between two slices of bread.
Mary had a little lamb
And Mary had a gun
The lamb just lies around all day
little lambs are not much fun.
Mary had a little lamb
But now it has no head
For what it thought was curiosity
Was a guillotine instead.
Mary had a little lamb
They could have gone real far
But nothing will ever happen now
They were run over by a car.
By:
Fotu Stephen Taeoali’i