Humorous and funny England poems and/or funny poems about England. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious England funny poems!
Written by
Timothy Hicks
Categories:
america, education, england, fun, funny, homework, nonsense,
Concerning Math and How To Say It
The British call it maths,
but the Americans ditch the s
causing much international scorn.
But for our sake, p'raps it'd be best
to keep subjects
only halfway grasped
in the singular form.
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
england, humor,
Britannia Waives the Rules
The British can not sip their tea
Where tea cups are no longer free
So Bojo proposes
Before a shop closes
Try bra cups temporarily
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
animal, england, food, giggle,
Why the Porcupine Cannot Dine With the Queen
Pity the poor porcupine
on what kind of chair can it dine
It cannot sit on its rear end
for its quills will not bend
And if it stands on its head
it will surely be dead
Written by
I Am Anaya
Categories:
england, humor,
Sancho
Mc Jagger’s swagger, a southern drawl, I fell for
He gets stupid occasionally, bad behavior
So I made him my sancho
and now call him Pancho
The Stones play as he struts through the back door!
Written by
Raj Napal
Categories:
culture, england, food, humorous, nonsense, sensual, tribute,
Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding
Pub in Yorkshire with stout and ale aplenty.
Red faces sweating with alcohol's influence.
Singing fine songs in reverie and ecstasy.
Salivating at arrival of that succulent essence.
Tender juicy slices of beef covered with gravy.
A splendour when touched by crispy bubbling pudding.
Roast potatoes smiling that wicked grin for tongue's activity.
Forks and knives clatter in haste for that delight of tasty supping.
Drowning that deliciousness with ale.
Rhyming lyrics midst throng of patrons' happiness.
Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding you made me hale.
I will visit you often and celebrate tummy's warmth in merriness.
Written by
Arthur Vaso
Categories:
animal, england, hilarious, horror, humorous,
To Kill a Mocking Cow
The farmer said to the cow
Be quiet you old sow
To which she replied
I am not a pig, I am a mooing cow!
He looked at her mockingly
Saying "That is yet to be determined"
She huffed and puffed as he called the butcher.
Whether she was a cow, or a pig or even a one legged chicken
She is now the silent one.
For on the table she sits
A rightful dish along with the haggis
The Fox shall enjoy his menu de la soir
Roasted and basted
Merry Christmas to one and all!
Written by
Gail Foster
Categories:
england, growing up, humor, senses, teenage, travel, youth,
Teen Spirit, a Tanka
smells like teen spirit
the impulse and ammonia
lynx and mary jane
heated hormone heavy air
fogs the windows of the bus
by gail
Written by
Richard Breese
Categories:
anxiety, england, flying, funny, humor, humorous, london,
flying dutchman
once a pilot from london
always carried an onion
but when he would speak
his flight crews would freak
so now he brings a bourbon.
Written by
T Wignesan
Categories:
england, football, humor, military, scary,
Limerick Crochetes: Once Warrior Fifteen From Down Under
Limerick crochetés: Once Warrior Fifteen from down under
Once Warrior Fifteen from down under
Trained so hard Hakka to outclap thunder
Scared s..t off rivals
To reach the Finals
At Twitch-in-Ham where Prince roared like Pauper
Anthems sweet lulled the cheery spectator
World hushed to watch Black Hakka Warrior
Earth shook hearts thumped shrieked gulls
Petrified spell-bound rivals
Warrior lungs burst Cup won by neither
Big-money football magnates cheered together
At last World will look up to footballer
American rivals
Or Pelé-fan Bra-zil’s
Hakka now sole weapon of US soldier
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2015
Written by
Richard Breese
Categories:
abuse, anti bullying, bullying, england, humor, humorous, political,
what a guy
imagine a wanker joke
parliament gone up in smoke
brings in a rocket
hid deep in pocket
well guy fawkes you silly bloke.
Written by
Gail Foster
Categories:
confusion, drink, england, humor, men, sexy, women,
A Devizes Quimmerick
I know men, young and old, from Devizes
Who are wolves in surprising disguises
Sometimes girls are as bad
But it’s often the lad
Who, for whoring, has shelves full of prizes
Pretty Trowbridge girls, all in a row
There will always be one that’s a ho
And some may like a lay
But not all of them, hey
Just maybe the ones that you know
So, fine upstanding men from Devizes
Rendered ‘helpless’ by fit pairs of thighses
Be more cautious when drunk
More in charge of your s***k
Less “Not me, it was her, with her eyeses”
by Gail
Written by
Gail Foster
Categories:
allusion, anger, england, humor, internet, lust, metaphor,
Fie, Sir, Thou Art a Troll
(a response to a provocative post)
Your voyeuristic **** post
Has got me choking on my toast
I should have better things to do
Than commenting on sex and poo
Whilst everybody likes a joke
‘Tis somewhat niche, the **** poke
Night up the alley, hard to see
For those without a front door key
What people do behind closed doors
With wives or husbands, friends or whores
Is up to them when with consent
I question, sir, your post’s intent
We English hide within our castles
No comment when it comes to assholes
Trolling really gets my goat
Fie, sir, flounder in my moat
I hope your banal gasket’s blown
Write what you know and get your own
by Gail
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
appreciation, art, culture, england, funny, lust, sexy,
The Mean
Victorian art is quite clean
Though Roman and Greek are obscene
The Queen did not care
That David was bare
But he was quite shy of the mean!
Written by
Richard Breese
Categories:
autumn, dream, england, funny, giggle, humor, humorous,
autumn guy
this is the tale of ed jeeves
notorious friend of thieves
each fall he will rise
to much darkened skies
and pilfer neighbors red leaves.
Written by
Gail Foster
Categories:
angst, art, celebrity, england, humor, irony, money,
Banksy's Joke
I want to go to Dismaland!
I'll thcweem until I'm thick!
I have blisters on my fingers
From the endless futile click
There'll be secretaries on it
Pulling non-existent strings
There'll be rumours of a con
On social media and things
I want to go to Dismaland
And see the horrid stuff!
How come I can't buy tickets
And my money's not enough?
In the shadows Banksy chuckles
He's got the Art World in his hand
He has turned pretention on itself
As planned
by Gail
Written by
Mark Toney
Categories:
england, film, humor, poetry, romance,
Oscar-Ku 36 -Tom Jones
amorous playboy
eighteenth century England
British wry humour
Written by
Gail Foster
Categories:
cool, england, humor, music, repetition, song, sound,
Changing the Soundtrack
(the bells of St.John the Baptist, Devizes, go Pete Tong)
Sunday, summer, church bells chiming
Ringing patterns, sounding light
Ancient forms of echo, rhyming
Complex rhythms, bounded, tight
Resounding voices throng the breeze
As tower captains keep in time
Wise bells with personalities
In sacred music, old, sublime
Last month the bells went out of sync
And changed the soundtrack of the town
No one heard but me, I think, but
‘Twas the Stranglers, “Golden Brown”
(dum, dum, di dumdumdum...)
by Gail
Written by
Gail Foster
Categories:
england, humor, marriage, political, society, trust, wisdom,
Corbyn's Labour
From something old
Comes something new
A different shade
More red than blue
From Old Labour
Borrowing
Good favour
And
A following
by Gail
Written by
Gail Foster
Categories:
confusion, england, home, humorous, identity, language, places,
Whasson, You
Words from Wiltshire
Hard to define all
You say Mildenhall
And I say Minal
“Ere, whasson?”
We say in Wiltshire
“Ere, areet then?”
“Mine’s a 6Xy beer”
”Catch you laters...”
(Sorry, when?)
by Gail
Written by
Michelle Faulkner
Categories:
england, funny, giggle,
The English Gent
There was a gentleman from England
Who boasted how his land was so grand
Big Ben, Scotland Yard
The Changing of the Guard
It's too bad all the food is so bland!
Written by
Mike Roberts
Categories:
england, funny, history, humorous, london, morning, work,
Mary Smith, a Famous Knocker-Upper
Mary Smith, a famous knocker-upper
in London's East End,
Shot dried peas with her pea shooter.
At workers windows
to wake them up
to get to work on time
Every morning
Mary walks up and down
the east end with her pea shooter
Shooting dried peas at the shattered windows
waking everybody up to that familiar tune
of tap tap tapping dried peas
on my window.
Written by
George Stanworth
Categories:
england, humor, humorous, satire, sports,
I Aim For the Twenty, But Hit the Mc
I aim for the twenty, but hit the MC.
I'm doubting that darts will launch me to fame.
It must be bad luck. How tough can it be?
I aim for the twenty, but hit the MC.
I can't let it get the better of me.
I work hard in practice then play the next game.
I aim for the twenty, but hit the MC.
I'm doubting that darts will launch me to fame.
Written by
Mark Toney
Categories:
england, hope, humor, poetry,
Royal Watchers -Minsk
A woman arrived early from Minsk
Hoping to get a nod from the prince
His procession went by
She never caught his eye
Now her fondness for him is past tense
Written by
Nick Armbrister Jimmy Boom Semtex
Categories:
england, humor, jobs, work,
Crap Night Job
Crap Night Job
I was on the dole for a year plus when they gave me a job, a crap one on nights doing peace work. Get paid for what I did, I fell asleep on my first night. How boring!
Got fired on the spot. Back on the dole, what joy! Got a bollocking at the joke shop due to falling asleep, well you never listened to me would you, you cents. I can’t sleep in the day.
So I do my poem for you, how crap you all are. Buy my book and read about yourself. I suppose you’ll give me a crap job on days moving boxes from A-B but I don’t give a frig, it’ll pay for my vodka and tattoos.
And I’ll tell the lads of this poem for my crap night job and the cents at the joke shop!
Written by
Gail Foster
Categories:
animal, appreciation, art, betrayal, england, humorous, imagery,
Not Feeling Tracey's Badger
Went to the Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy today. Really inspiring. However...(sorry, Tracey, you win some, you lose some)
I liked Tracey Emin's bed
Was partial to the tent thing, too
But what's with the badger?
Is it dead?
And isn't that owl
Too s**t for the loo?
by Gail