Funny Poems About England or England Funny Poems

Humorous and funny England poems and/or funny poems about England. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious England funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other England Poems.

Poem Details | by Timothy Hicks |
Categories: america, education, england, fun, funny, homework, nonsense,

Concerning Math and How To Say It

The British call it maths,
but the Americans ditch the s
causing much international scorn.
But for our sake, p'raps it'd be best
to keep subjects
only halfway grasped
in the singular form.

Poem Details | by Rico Leffanta |
Categories: england, humor,

Britannia Waives the Rules

The British can not sip their tea
Where tea cups are no longer free
So Bojo proposes
Before a shop closes
Try bra cups temporarily

Poem Details | by Gershon Wolf |
Categories: animal, england, food, giggle,

Why the Porcupine Cannot Dine with the Queen

Pity the poor porcupine
  on what kind of chair can it dine

It cannot sit on its rear end
  for its quills will not bend

And if it stands on its head
  it will surely be dead

Poem Details | by I Am Anaya |
Categories: england, humor,


Mc Jagger’s swagger, a southern drawl, I fell for
He gets stupid occasionally, bad behavior
So I made him my sancho
and now call him Pancho
The Stones play as he struts through the back door!

Written 10/23/22

Poem Details | by Raj Napal |
Categories: culture, england, food, humorous, nonsense, sensual, tribute,

Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding

Pub in Yorkshire with stout and ale aplenty. 
Red faces sweating with alcohol's influence. 
Singing fine songs in reverie and ecstasy. 
Salivating at arrival of that succulent essence. 

Tender juicy slices of beef covered with gravy. 
A splendour when touched by crispy bubbling pudding. 
Roast potatoes smiling that wicked grin for tongue's activity. 
Forks and knives clatter in haste for that delight of tasty supping. 

Drowning that deliciousness with ale. 
Rhyming lyrics midst throng of patrons' happiness. 
Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding you made me hale. 
I will visit you often and celebrate tummy's warmth in merriness.

Poem Details | by arthur vaso |
Categories: animal, england, hilarious, horror, humorous,

To Kill a Mocking Cow

The farmer said to the cow
Be quiet you old sow
To which she replied
I am not a pig, I am a mooing cow!
He looked at her mockingly
Saying "That is yet to be determined"
She huffed and puffed as he called the butcher.

Whether she was a cow, or a pig or even a one legged chicken
She is now the silent one.

For on the table she sits
A rightful dish along with the haggis
The Fox shall enjoy his menu de la soir
Roasted and basted
Merry Christmas to one and all!

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: england, growing up, humor, senses, teenage, travel, youth,

teen spirit, a tanka

smells like teen spirit
the impulse and ammonia
lynx and mary jane
heated hormone heavy air
fogs the windows of the bus

by gail

Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: england, football, humor, military, scary,

Limerick crochetes: Once Warrior Fifteen from down under

Limerick crochetés: Once Warrior Fifteen from down under

Once Warrior Fifteen from down under
Trained so hard Hakka to outclap thunder
	Scared s..t off rivals
	To reach the Finals
At Twitch-in-Ham where Prince roared like Pauper

Anthems sweet lulled the cheery spectator
World hushed to watch Black Hakka Warrior
	Earth shook hearts thumped shrieked gulls
	Petrified spell-bound rivals
Warrior lungs burst Cup won by neither

Big-money football magnates cheered together
At last World will look up to footballer
	American rivals
	Or Pelé-fan Bra-zil’s
Hakka now sole weapon of US soldier

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2015

Poem Details | by Richard Breese |
Categories: anxiety, england, flying, funny, humor, humorous, london,

flying dutchman

once a pilot from london

at takeoff chewed an onion

but when he would speak

the flight crews would freak

now he just drinks a bourbon.

Poem Details | by Richard Breese |
Categories: abuse, anti bullying, bullying, england, humor, humorous, political,

what a guy

imagine a wanker joke

parliament gone up in smoke

bringing a rocket

to work in pocket

well guy fawkes you silly bloke.

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: confusion, drink, england, humor, men, sexy, women,

A Devizes Quimmerick

I know men, young and old, from Devizes
Who are wolves in surprising disguises
Sometimes girls are as bad
But it’s often the lad
Who, for whoring, has shelves full of prizes

Pretty Trowbridge girls, all in a row
There will always be one that’s a ho
And some may like a lay
But not all of them, hey
Just maybe the ones that you know

So, fine upstanding men from Devizes
Rendered ‘helpless’ by fit pairs of thighses
Be more cautious when drunk
More in charge of your s***k
Less “Not me, it was her, with her eyeses”

by Gail

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: allusion, anger, england, humor, internet, lust, metaphor,

Fie, Sir, thou art a Troll

(a response to a provocative post)

Your voyeuristic **** post
Has got me choking on my toast
I should have better things to do
Than commenting on sex and poo
Whilst everybody likes a joke
‘Tis somewhat niche, the **** poke
Night up the alley, hard to see
For those without a front door key
What people do behind closed doors
With wives or husbands, friends or whores
Is up to them when with consent
I question, sir, your post’s intent
We English hide within our castles
No comment when it comes to assholes
Trolling really gets my goat
Fie, sir, flounder in my moat
I hope your banal gasket’s blown
Write what you know and get your own

by Gail

Poem Details | by Rico Leffanta |
Categories: appreciation, art, culture, england, funny, lust, sexy,

The Mean

Victorian art is quite clean 
Though Roman and Greek are obscene
The Queen did not care
That David was bare
But he was quite shy of the mean!

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: england, humor, marriage, political, society, trust, wisdom,

Corbyn's Labour

From something old
Comes something new
A different shade 
More red than blue
From Old Labour
Good favour
A following

by Gail

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: angst, art, celebrity, england, humor, irony, money,

Banksy's Joke

I want to go to Dismaland!
I'll thcweem until I'm thick!
I have blisters on my fingers
From the endless futile click
There'll be secretaries on it
Pulling non-existent strings
There'll be rumours of a con
On social media and things
I want to go to Dismaland
And see the horrid stuff!
How come I can't buy tickets
And my money's not enough?
In the shadows Banksy chuckles
He's got the Art World in his hand
He has turned pretention on itself
As planned

by Gail

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: cool, england, humor, music, repetition, song, sound,

Changing the Soundtrack

(the bells of St.John the Baptist, Devizes, go Pete Tong)
Sunday, summer, church bells chiming
Ringing patterns, sounding light
Ancient forms of echo, rhyming
Complex rhythms, bounded, tight
Resounding voices throng the breeze
As tower captains keep in time
Wise bells with personalities
In sacred music, old, sublime
Last month the bells went out of sync
And changed the soundtrack of the town
No one heard but me, I think, but
‘Twas the Stranglers, “Golden Brown”
(dum, dum, di dumdumdum...)
by Gail

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: confusion, england, home, humorous, identity, language, places,

Whasson, You

Words from Wiltshire
Hard to define all
You say Mildenhall 
And I say Minal
“Ere, whasson?” 
We say in Wiltshire
“Ere, areet then?” 
“Mine’s a 6Xy beer”
”Catch you laters...” 
(Sorry, when?)

by Gail

Poem Details | by Mark Toney |
Categories: england, film, humor, poetry, romance,

Oscar-ku 36 -Tom Jones

amorous playboy
eighteenth century England
British wry humour

Poem Details | by Michelle Faulkner |
Categories: england, funny, giggle,

The English Gent

There was a gentleman from England
Who boasted how his land was so grand
Big Ben, Scotland Yard
The Changing of the Guard
It's too bad all the food is so bland!

Poem Details | by nick armbrister jimmy boom semtex |
Categories: england, humor, jobs, work,

Crap Night Job

Crap Night Job 
I was on the dole for a year plus when they gave me a job, a crap one on nights doing peace work. Get paid for what I did, I fell asleep on my first night. How boring! 
Got fired on the spot. Back on the dole, what joy! Got a bollocking at the joke shop due to falling asleep, well you never listened to me would you, you cents. I can’t sleep in the day.
So I do my poem for you, how crap you all are. Buy my book and read about yourself. I suppose you’ll give me a crap job on days moving boxes from A-B but I don’t give a frig, it’ll pay for my vodka and tattoos. 

And I’ll tell the lads of this poem for my crap night job and the cents at the joke shop!

Poem Details | by Richard Breese |
Categories: autumn, dream, england, funny, giggle, humor, humorous,

autumn guy

this is the tale of ed jeeves

notorious friend of thieves

each fall he does rise

with much darkened skies

to pilfer neighbors red leaves.

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: animal, appreciation, art, betrayal, england, humorous, imagery,

Not Feeling Tracey's Badger

Went to the Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy today.  Really inspiring.  However...(sorry, Tracey, you win some, you lose some)


I liked Tracey Emin's bed

Was partial to the tent thing, too

But what's with the badger?

Is it dead?

And isn't that owl

Too s**t for the loo?

by Gail

Poem Details | by George Stanworth |
Categories: england, humor, humorous, satire, sports,

I Aim For The Twenty, But Hit The MC

I aim for the twenty, but hit the MC.
I'm doubting that darts will launch me to fame.
It must be bad luck. How tough can it be?
I aim for the twenty, but hit the MC.
I can't let it get the better of me.
I work hard in practice then play the next game.
I aim for the twenty, but hit the MC.
I'm doubting that darts will launch me to fame.

Poem Details | by cheryl hoffman |
Categories: england, humor, work,

Pleiades J-Jester

Jester is a poet,
Joyfully reads in court,
Jokes good and bad he tells,
Jingles his hat with bell,
Jeers from his king he fears,
Job loss promotes clown tears,
Juggles balls king applauds!


Poem Details | by Mark Toney |
Categories: england, hope, humor, poetry,

Royal Watchers -Minsk

A woman arrived early from Minsk
Hoping to get a nod from the prince
His procession went by
She never caught his eye
Now her fondness for him is past tense