Humorous and funny Father poems and/or funny poems about Father. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Father funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Father Poems.
Poem Details | by
Jslambert Mister Roboto |
Categories:
allegory, fantasy, father, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, health, hope, husband, imagination, life, love, passion, people, places, romance, social, wife,
There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
father daughter, health, humorous,
Childhood Days
I’d heap spoonfuls of sugar in my tea
I wouldn’t drink it without it you see
That sweet syrupy drink
Wasn’t poured down the sink
Every single drop was supped up by me!
Adulthood
Dad’s diabetes made me think -
Did I need to sweeten my drink
So I cut sugar out
And I don’t have a doubt
I’m slimmer and I’m in the pink
Contest: Two Lenses
Sponsor Sara Kendrick
02~20~16
Poem Details | by
Caren Krutsinger |
Categories:
12th grade, family, father daughter, humor, humorous, mother daughter, relationship,
When I grow up, will I still be princess?
Of course, says glowing daddy.
A roll of the queen’s eyes.
Poem Details | by
Xavier Keough |
Categories:
father, funny, introspection, life, time,
I’m a man
In case you couldn’t see
I don’t use the word “poopie”
And I’m addicted to TV
I’m a man
Who doesn't have time to bleed
But who still has compassion
For blind, busty women in need
I’m a man
Who isn’t defined by “it”
Though affectionate enough
To scratch a public itch
I’m a man
Driven by real adventure
Falling asleep on the sofa
Still wearing my dentures
I’m a man
A wild stud in full bloom
Waiting in the Jacuzzi
Picking my Fruit of the Loom
I’m a man
Who hates to be mean
Crying in the bathroom
When it’s time to clean
I’m a man
Nothing more or less
A mountain of masculinity
Who never ceases to impress
Poem Details | by
Maureen Mcgreavy |
Categories:
father, humor, mother,
Try to recall
What was he like?
Seems so long ago
Years and fathers alike.
Was he the second,
Or maybe the third?
So many behind me
My memory is blurred.
My mom's average is low,
Two years at the most;
Believe me twelve fathers
Is nothing to boast.
He looked so familiar,
How could I forget?
Was he my real dad?
I fill with regret,
For now he lies buried
Six feet below.
Was he my real dad?
I may never know.
circa 1989
Poem Details | by
Tom Bell |
Categories:
father, funny, imagination, father, father,
As related by my father;
Once, long ago,
he rear ended a cop car
Not a happy thing you know...
The cop had stopped short
But he wasn't the sort
To admit what he ought
He could find little reason
for legal action,
So he sought another sanction
He had my father tested
by a mental doc
Who asked stupid questions
You know that crock...
His defining question,
"What would you do if
you saw a flying saucer?"
Unflinching, my father replied,
"I'd shoot it down with my
battleship!"
The doc scoffed,
"And where'd you get
your battleship?"
Quick as a whip, he replied,
"The same place you got your
flying saucer!"
Poem Details | by
Smail Poems |
Categories:
age, angel, baseball, beauty, butterfly, caregiving, celebration, character, child, father daughter, feelings, film, fishing, flower, football, children, for her, friend, fun, funny, gender, girl, girlfriend, giving, graduation, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, growing up, growth, hair, happiness, happy, health, heart, hero,
Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!
Poem Details | by
Jslambert Mister Roboto |
Categories:
caregiving, childhood, confusion, family, father, children, funny, happiness, holiday, husband, imagination, life, mother, natural disasters, nature, parody, people, places, satire, social, son, teen, wife
***NOTE~TO BE READ WITH A RIDICULOUS "SILKY SOUTHERN DRAWL" (have fun:)***
"Storm over yet...?"
"Well hay'ell ye'ah!
woo-hoo!
sum'body git me a da'gumm cole beer.
whadda'bou that boy th'er?
sum'body git him'a cole beer too!"
"Diddy! that boy ain't nothin' but 8 years old!"
"Wha'choo sayin?
wha'th'a?
na'I don't give a jolly'durn, if he ain't nuttin but 8 year'owed!
shoot!
'dat boy dun' sat him thr'ew a big ol', storm!
torna'durr warnin' too!
he gonna have him'a cole burr;
on me!"
my treat!
mama, git him'a cole burr!
ro'tt now;
ya'here?
besides...
ta'days father's day!"
© 2011 ~JSLambert Esquire
Poem Details | by
Ernesto P. Santiago |
Categories:
father, funny, nature,
naked roses
—on daddy’s laptop,
aha!
Poem Details | by
Tirzah Conway |
Categories:
allegory, family, father, funny, husband, mother, wife
I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,
“He’s here at the bar
Quick bring us your car,
Your husband just got in a brawl”
Poem Details | by
John Posey |
Categories:
dad, family, father daughter, humorous, sister,
Daddy had a mantel clock on that shelf above the fire.
I remember how it sometimes seemed to call my Sis a liar.
Sis would be out on a date and the wheels of time would turn
My dad, it seemed would always be awake when she returned.
Now Daddy was quite strict on Sis – at nine she must be in.
And she was in real trouble if it was as late as ten.
“Darlin’, what’s the time?” he’d yell as she slipped in..
“Daddy, it’s about nine,” she’d shout, as that old clock struck ten.
Written By John Posey
12/25/12
Poem Details | by
J.W. Earnings |
Categories:
angst, confusion, crazy, dad, environment, father, fear, feelings, kids, funny, growing up, how i feel, inspiration, life, lost, memory, pain, stress, time, words, youth,
Oh no!! I forgot –
I had a plate of dessert
In the cool freezer
Oh no!! Dad forgot –
He left his blue bowl of fruit
On the clean counter!
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
child, christmas, conflict, father daughter, humorous, parody,
Christmas Day
Pa threw all my new toys away
Now my friends won’t want to come and play
Cos I was naughty yesterday
Suddenly
All the gifts disappeared from ‘neath the tree
Now the carpet’s bare for all to see
Pa snapped at me so suddenly
Why I had to drown our old cat
I cannot say
She fell in the loo so I flushed
the cat awayyyyyyyyyyy
Christmas Day
Pa threw all my new toys away
Santa delivered them on his red sleigh
But when Pa is mad, there’s no leeway
Purely Fictional write inspired by hearing Yesterday on the radio
09-11-17
Poem Details | by
Wandering Butterfly |
Categories:
caregiving, death, faith, father, funny
The dumbest, smart man
Has bent his last bow
Common sense he was lackin’
But, intelligent, no doubt
His I.Q. was genius
Human nature was low
So much still to learn
But, for him, time to go
He tought me mechanics,
Math, history, and how to fight
Now his fighting days are over
He went on wading to the light
So, I have a prayer
Dear God, it is for you
Please look after my Daddy
As I wish I could do
And thank you for the time
Well spent by his side
I will never forget
The way he lived with pride
-Miranda Lambert-
4/8/2011
Poem Details | by
Martin Kloess |
Categories:
car, daughter, father, funny, humor, student,
The people who were still alive
Helped other survivors revive
All this didn’t bother
An excellent father
Who just taught his daughter to drive
Poem Details | by
Malcolm Dyer |
Categories:
father, food, funny, husband, sports,
fried chicken is good
with rice and beans and butter
ice cold glass of tea
and some football action for me
Poem Details | by
Patricia Sawyer |
Categories:
childhood, father, children, funny
Coins drop
from palm to palm
~ Bubble gum
Poem Details | by
Judy Ball |
Categories:
father, funny, day, me, fathers day, day, me,
Happy Father's Day Mom,
Without you this day would be,
Completely non-existant;
This day just would not be.
Dad is great, don't get me wrong,
I think that he is grand.
He's always there to play some game,
Spend time or lend a hand.
He taught me how to cast a line,
When we go out fishing.
He taught me how to speak my mind,
That there's no gain in wishing.
I don't think I'll e'er repay,
All that he's done for me.
I know for sure in all the world,
There's no one just like he.
I'd like to give him something,
To show there's none like he;
But you already did that,
On the day you gave him me.
Poem Details | by
T Wignesan |
Categories:
humor,
Limerick: Once step-Father gave daughter away
Once step-Father gave daughter away
But first exercised his rights of sway
Droit de cuissage decree*
Gave to Wife repartee:
Doubled their joy now in every way!
* In European feudal societies during the Middle Ages and thereafter
in succeeding centuries, it is thought that
the Lord of the Manor or Seigneur of the Serfdom arrogated for himself
the Droit de cuissage, i.e. the right to sleep with the bride of a serf on
the wedding night.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2014
Poem Details | by
Mark Goodson |
Categories:
father, funny, nostalgia, son, sports,
As a new father I coached my little league son
He was clumsy and uncoordinated
Picked dandelions in the outfield
Watched bumble bees fly and hum
Would run to a grounder and watch it stop
pick it up to throw it but it would drop
He enjoyed his team mates for they were friends
He struck out more than hitting the ball
Funny thing was he would always run whether he did or not
How I wanted him to hit the ball so hard
Perhaps a grand- slam homerun for him and my heart
But the greatness was in him- he was part of the team
His greatest joy was afterwards
When we’d all go get ice-cream
Poem Details | by
Cecil Hickman |
Categories:
childhood, family, father, funny, life, peace, satirewords,
My fathers’ cute little words and sayings,
Like, that is just for the birds, in lashings.
Akumpucky in way,
Epigutis he’d say.
My father was big man in displaying.
.
Akumpucky was cream or compound.
Epigutis was the disease he found.
His words were so very cute.
You would never try dispute.
Powerful man would win any round.
Written for
Sponsor Francine Roberts
Contest Name My Parent
Poem Details | by
Courtney Courtney |
Categories:
adventure, art, brother, education, father, fear, funny, imagination, life, native american, passion, peace, people, religion, sad, school, science, travel, tribute, war,
"My Big Brother" up and down the street
He could be anyone you meet
Spying on you from the street
Looking in from every beat
"My Big Brother" isn't that sweet
"My Big Brother" and I don't know why
Casting in from above the sky
"My Big Brother" the commie spy
Listening in do or die
Bringing his book in
Taught within
My Big Brother, 1-800-LET-US IN
Caught with paper and a pen
All because, "My Big Brother" let himself in
Poem Details | by
Janice Canerdy |
Categories:
father daughter, humor,
Young Deborah's text to her dad
revealed that her skills are quite bad.
She meant, "Just got paid,"
but said, "Just got laid."
Her dad was astonished and MAD!
When Deb realized what she'd said,
her face turned a bright, glowing red.
What did she do next?
She sent a new text:
"I ment PADE, firgiv me!" she pled.
July 25, 2016
written for Royal Ninja's Crimson Poetry Contest
Poem Details | by
Dialectic Crisis |
Categories:
angst, father, father daughter, father son, funny, integrity, silly,
"Knock-Knock!" - Who's there?
"Diaphragms!" - Diaphragms who?
"Diaphragms...Don't always seem to work...
...I don't know how else to tell you this...
...So I am just gonna say it
as politically correct
and incorrectly apolitical
as I've been reprogrammed to speak
by The Disney Company:
"Luke, I am your sperm donor!"
- I sure hope I don't disappoint you as much
as George Lucas disappoints God and such..."
Poem Details | by
Brenda Mcgrath |
Categories:
christian, dad, father, humorous, religious,
She was a Preacher’s daughter and a little Georgia peach,
With a slow southern drawl in her unassuming speech.
Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a shape that caught the eye,
Which made her God-fearing father just want to sigh…
He preached in his sermons to turn the other cheek,
But she had to conquer an unrelenting stubborn streak.
“Stay on the straight and narrow,” her Dad warned her with a frown.
“God is watching up there… you don’t want to let Him down.”