Humorous and funny Father poems and/or funny poems about Father. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Father funny poems!
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
allegory, fantasy, father, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness
Viagra Falls
There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
father daughter, health, humorous,
Sugar Daddy - Two Lenses
Childhood Days
I’d heap spoonfuls of sugar in my tea
I wouldn’t drink it without it you see
That sweet syrupy drink
Wasn’t poured down the sink
Every single drop was supped up by me!
Adulthood
Dad’s diabetes made me think -
Did I need to sweeten my drink
So I cut sugar out
And I don’t have a doubt
I’m slimmer and I’m in the pink
Contest: Two Lenses
Sponsor Sara Kendrick
02~20~16
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
12th grade, family, father daughter, humor, humorous, mother daughter
My Princess
When I grow up, will I still be princess?
Of course, says glowing daddy.
A roll of the queen’s eyes.
Written by
Xavier Keough
Categories:
father, funny, introspection, life, time,
Man
I’m a man
In case you couldn’t see
I don’t use the word “poopie”
And I’m addicted to TV
I’m a man
Who doesn't have time to bleed
But who still has compassion
For blind, busty women in need
I’m a man
Who isn’t defined by “it”
Though affectionate enough
To scratch a public itch
I’m a man
Driven by real adventure
Falling asleep on the sofa
Still wearing my dentures
I’m a man
A wild stud in full bloom
Waiting in the Jacuzzi
Picking my Fruit of the Loom
I’m a man
Who hates to be mean
Crying in the bathroom
When it’s time to clean
I’m a man
Nothing more or less
A mountain of masculinity
Who never ceases to impress
Written by
Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart
Categories:
father, humor, mother,
My Dad Is Dead, I Think
Try to recall
What was he like?
Seems so long ago
Years and fathers alike.
Was he the second,
Or maybe the third?
So many behind me
My memory is blurred.
My mom's average is low,
Two years at the most;
Believe me twelve fathers
Is nothing to boast.
He looked so familiar,
How could I forget?
Was he my real dad?
I fill with regret,
For now he lies buried
Six feet below.
Was he my real dad?
I may never know.
circa 1989
Written by
Tom Bell
Categories:
father, funny, imagination, father, father,
True Story
As related by my father;
Once, long ago,
he rear ended a cop car
Not a happy thing you know...
The cop had stopped short
But he wasn't the sort
To admit what he ought
He could find little reason
for legal action,
So he sought another sanction
He had my father tested
by a mental doc
Who asked stupid questions
You know that crock...
His defining question,
"What would you do if
you saw a flying saucer?"
Unflinching, my father replied,
"I'd shoot it down with my
battleship!"
The doc scoffed,
"And where'd you get
your battleship?"
Quick as a whip, he replied,
"The same place you got your
flying saucer!"
Written by
Ernesto P. Santiago
Categories:
father, funny, nature,
Naked Roses
naked roses
—on daddy’s laptop,
aha!
Written by
Tirzah Conway
Categories:
allegory, family, father, funny, husband, mother
She Really Did Get This Call
I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,
“He’s here at the bar
Quick bring us your car,
Your husband just got in a brawl”
Written by
John Posey
Categories:
dad, family, father daughter, humorous, sister,
Daddy's Mantel Clock
Daddy had a mantel clock on that shelf above the fire.
I remember how it sometimes seemed to call my Sis a liar.
Sis would be out on a date and the wheels of time would turn
My dad, it seemed would always be awake when she returned.
Now Daddy was quite strict on Sis – at nine she must be in.
And she was in real trouble if it was as late as ten.
“Darlin’, what’s the time?” he’d yell as she slipped in..
“Daddy, it’s about nine,” she’d shout, as that old clock struck ten.
Written By John Posey
12/25/12
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
child, christmas, conflict, father daughter, humorous, parody
Parody of the Beatles Song - Yesterday
Christmas Day
Pa threw all my new toys away
Now my friends won’t want to come and play
Cos I was naughty yesterday
Suddenly
All the gifts disappeared from ‘neath the tree
Now the carpet’s bare for all to see
Pa snapped at me so suddenly
Why I had to drown our old cat
I cannot say
She fell in the loo so I flushed
the cat awayyyyyyyyyyy
Christmas Day
Pa threw all my new toys away
Santa delivered them on his red sleigh
But when Pa is mad, there’s no leeway
Purely Fictional write inspired by hearing Yesterday on the radio
09-11-17
Written by
Wandering Butterfly
Categories:
caregiving, death, faith, father, funny
The Dumbest, Smart Man
The dumbest, smart man
Has bent his last bow
Common sense he was lackin’
But, intelligent, no doubt
His I.Q. was genius
Human nature was low
So much still to learn
But, for him, time to go
He tought me mechanics,
Math, history, and how to fight
Now his fighting days are over
He went on wading to the light
So, I have a prayer
Dear God, it is for you
Please look after my Daddy
As I wish I could do
And thank you for the time
Well spent by his side
I will never forget
The way he lived with pride
-Miranda Lambert-
4/8/2011
Written by
Patricia Sawyer
Categories:
childhood, father, children, funny
Bubbles
Coins drop
from palm to palm
~ Bubble gum
Written by
Martin Kloess
Categories:
car, daughter, father, funny, humor, student
People Help Survivors After Storm Drives Through a Town
The people who were still alive
Helped other survivors revive
All this didn’t bother
An excellent father
Who just taught his daughter to drive
Written by
Judy Ball
Categories:
father, funny, day, me, fathers day, day
Happy Father's Day To Mom
Happy Father's Day Mom,
Without you this day would be,
Completely non-existant;
This day just would not be.
Dad is great, don't get me wrong,
I think that he is grand.
He's always there to play some game,
Spend time or lend a hand.
He taught me how to cast a line,
When we go out fishing.
He taught me how to speak my mind,
That there's no gain in wishing.
I don't think I'll e'er repay,
All that he's done for me.
I know for sure in all the world,
There's no one just like he.
I'd like to give him something,
To show there's none like he;
But you already did that,
On the day you gave him me.
Written by
Malcolm Dyer
Categories:
father, food, funny, husband, sports,
Sunday Afternoon
fried chicken is good
with rice and beans and butter
ice cold glass of tea
and some football action for me
Written by
T Wignesan
Categories:
humor,
Limerick: Once Step-Father Gave Daughter Away
Limerick: Once step-Father gave daughter away
Once step-Father gave daughter away
But first exercised his rights of sway
Droit de cuissage decree*
Gave to Wife repartee:
Doubled their joy now in every way!
* In European feudal societies during the Middle Ages and thereafter
in succeeding centuries, it is thought that
the Lord of the Manor or Seigneur of the Serfdom arrogated for himself
the Droit de cuissage, i.e. the right to sleep with the bride of a serf on
the wedding night.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2014
Written by
Mark Goodson
Categories:
father, funny, nostalgia, son, sports,
Ice-Cream Baseball
As a new father I coached my little league son
He was clumsy and uncoordinated
Picked dandelions in the outfield
Watched bumble bees fly and hum
Would run to a grounder and watch it stop
pick it up to throw it but it would drop
He enjoyed his team mates for they were friends
He struck out more than hitting the ball
Funny thing was he would always run whether he did or not
How I wanted him to hit the ball so hard
Perhaps a grand- slam homerun for him and my heart
But the greatness was in him- he was part of the team
His greatest joy was afterwards
When we’d all go get ice-cream
Written by
Olusegun Arowolo
Categories:
humor, relationship,
Father Francis
Father
Francis
fried
five
fishes
for
four
favoured
Flamboyant
families
from
far
Favela
farms.
10-26-2019
Contest:Tautogram poems sponsored by Eve Roper.
Written by
Dialectic Crisis
Categories:
angst, father, father daughter, father son, funny, integrity
Existentially Deconstructing the Knock-Knock Joke Into the Perfect Moral Tale
"Knock-Knock!" - Who's there?
"Diaphragms!" - Diaphragms who?
"Diaphragms...Don't always seem to work...
...I don't know how else to tell you this...
...So I am just gonna say it
as politically correct
and incorrectly apolitical
as I've been reprogrammed to speak
by The Disney Company:
"Luke, I am your sperm donor!"
- I sure hope I don't disappoint you as much
as George Lucas disappoints God and such..."
Written by
Julie Grenness
Categories:
dad, family, father, giggle, growing up, river
My Father Used To Say
MY FATHER USED TO SAY.......
My father used to say...
"Don't come back if you drown!"
He often acted the clown...
My endearing mum used to say..
"They'll come home in time for tea,
Wait and see.."
My Father used to say...
"Kids come home when they're hungry!
Now don't come back if you drown...."
My Father was always playing the clown..
River of time, all water under the bridge,
Time and the river, flowing away.
Things my Father used to say.
Written by
Cecil Hickman
Categories:
childhood, family, father, funny, life, peace
Fathers Cute Little Words
My fathers’ cute little words and sayings,
Like, that is just for the birds, in lashings.
Akumpucky in way,
Epigutis he’d say.
My father was big man in displaying.
.
Akumpucky was cream or compound.
Epigutis was the disease he found.
His words were so very cute.
You would never try dispute.
Powerful man would win any round.
Written for
Sponsor Francine Roberts
Contest Name My Parent
Written by
Brenda Mcgrath
Categories:
christian, dad, father, humorous, religious,
Little Georgia Peach
She was a Preacher’s daughter and a little Georgia peach,
With a slow southern drawl in her unassuming speech.
Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a shape that caught the eye,
Which made her God-fearing father just want to sigh…
He preached in his sermons to turn the other cheek,
But she had to conquer an unrelenting stubborn streak.
“Stay on the straight and narrow,” her Dad warned her with a frown.
“God is watching up there… you don’t want to let Him down.”
Written by
Elijah Johnson
Categories:
child, fantasy, father son, children, humor,
My Pet Dragon
If dragons were real asked my son
Would I be able to keep one?
He could stay with me up in my room
Saturday morning we'll both watch cartoons
I could take him with me to school
And play Marco Polo in the pool
But what would you feed him asked I?
He'd need to fly high in the sky
If you catch one they get pretty mean
Dragons live in our wildest dreams.
Written by
John Trainer
Categories:
birth, father, father daughter, humorous, universe,
The Birth of a Thought
I gave birth to a thought today
A shiny little supposition
It wept about all the possibilities
Endless creativity
Directionless refractivity
Like protons racing around an atom blaster
My thoughts began to multiply
It was the Big Bang of my Universe
Then I heard the voice of an angel
Say, “Daddy, this is my science project.”
And now the birth of a thought
Gave birth to a Black Hole
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
dedication, father, funny, health, history, satire
Nfl Golden Child Injured
Finished before start
Colts fans leap from Bandwagon
Peyton Manning's hurt