Humorous and funny Florida poems and/or funny poems about Florida. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Florida funny poems!
Written by
Paula Goldsmith
Categories:
fun, giggle, travel, uplifting, water, world
Santa Got Stranded in Florida - POTD
Santa and reindeer's were very tired,
they had one more area left to do.
This last place was very big,
it's name was Florida.
They must come in over land,
hitting the water they will make a huge splash.
Rudolph must see the tall lighthouse,
a bright light lighting their way.
It was a hard landing on the sand,
the sled broke.
Sunny Florida with warm temperatures,
a great place for Santa to be stranded.
Written by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Categories:
funny, Grandson,
Florida Mosquitoes
Florida Mosquitoes
A boy stayed with his grandma one summer.
Mosquitoes loved him; it was a bummer!
They liked to drink his blood.
It never was a dud.
They lined up to slurp him for dinner.
Co-written by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen and her 6-year-old grandson who said that the mosquitoes lined up to
eat him.
Written by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Categories:
funny
Winn Dixie Florida
Winn Dixie Florida
Happily filling up my grocery cart I thought I heard snickers.
"Hershey's Kisses and Fruit Loops are smooching,” said Almond Slivers.
Piña-colada razzed Star Crunch, “Let's fight you chicken liver."
Energizer batteries cheered, “Smack him, Star! Give him the shivers.”
Oatmeal started crying. “Cheer up,” said the salt and pepper shakers,
“Fighting is for: snappers, snipers, snoopers, and party-poopers".
“P-a-r-t-y!” shouted Star, forgiving Piña-colada, one super market smoothie.
Heavenly Hash chilled and Luvs laid back dreaming sweet-tart pleasantries.
© August 9, 2010
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
NOTE: PRODUCTS USED AS NAMES ARE CAPITALIZED.
Written by
Alan Draeger
Categories:
humor,
Florida
We had an apartment in Florida
Where a woman just down the corrida
Kept a pet gator
Which unfortunately ate her
Can you imagine anything horrida ?
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
animal, boy, food, funny, girl, lust
Florida Keys
There was a mean, old alligator
Who chanced upon young Master Baitor
Both of them noted
Pheromones floated
When traipsing by came May B. Layder
Written by
Nola Perez
Categories:
funny
Bugless Winter In Florida
There hasn't been
a fly, wasp, or mosquito
For quite some time, now,
making it rather vexing
To diss in rhyme
about local pests,
Though, at the very
least-a, our Cuban anoles
Are guests in Havana
until after Easter.
That's where they went
to observe Lent.
Written by
Elton Camp
Categories:
funny,
More Woe For Florida
More Woe To Florida
By Elton Camp
Living in Florida sure ain't grand
There's skeeters, flies and sand
Lotta old folks with leathery skin
And house prices dropped again
The tap water is yellow and foul
Gators and snakes make 'em howl
If the sea level happens to rise
Then underwater much of it lies
Now it may have a double punch
A hurricane & a Republican bunch
How much more can they take
Before they get a bad belly ache
Written by
Gail Blakeley
Categories:
funny
Florida Fond Farewells
Have a party, all are leaving.
Fond farewells and sad goodbyes,
pack your clothes and try not grieving.
Hug each other, do not cry.
Winter's over head north fast, five days later home at last.
Unload your over swollen car set up the kitchen and the bar.
Call your friends, tell them your near.
"Come on over, have a beer."
Same friends there are same ones here.
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous,
Florida Man 16
A Florida gal seemed just fine
till she had to walk a straight line.
Her Irish folk dance
was not just by chance;
with whiskey comes risk when you dine.
----------
A Florida Gal, when asked to walk a straight line by police, broke into an Irish Folk Dance instead...
Written by
Elton Camp
Categories:
funny,
Deliver Me From Living In Florida
Deliver Me From Living in Florida
By Elton Camp
I can’t see how it can be any fun
To live exposed to the broiling sun
And I most certainly wouldn’t care
To have sand tracked about everywhere
How could any Florida resident smile
When drinking water yellow and vile
And if you should buy a house today
Tomorrow sell it for half what you pay
And almost all of the people you see
Are old with skin wrinkled as can be
In a place I’d certainly hate to stay
Where a hurricane can blow away
And I wouldn’t really enjoy living at all
Where, from the toilet, a gator can crawl
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
culture, humorous,
Florida Man 14
A Florida Man was in court
defending an arson report.
A lawyer for hire,
his pants caught on fire;
at least he now understands tort.
Denying the arson attack,
he need not be bothered with facts.
His extemporaneous:
the car burst spontaneous,
like his e-cig battery pack.
—————
A Florida lawyer was in court defending his client against an arson charge by suggesting the car spontaneously caught fire, when the e-cigarette battery pack in the lawyer’s pant shorted and set his pants on fire…
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous,
Florida Man 6
A Florida man and home raider,
hid from cops in a lake; met a gator.
He came to real harm
when it bit off his arm,
and he died not very much later.
----------
Actual headline: "Florida man killed by alligator while hiding from cops"
Matthew Riggins, 22, was fatally chomped by an 11-foot gator after allegedly breaking into a home then hiding from cops in Barefoot Bay lake. When police found him, the 22-year-old was missing part of his arm.
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous,
Florida Man 11
A Florida man found his thrill,
downed two bottles of vodka at will.
He tried to bake cookies;
The man was a rookie -
torched the house with his George Foreman grill.
----------
Yup, straight from a headline - Florida man drinks two bottles of vodka, tries to bake cookies on the grill, and burns the house down in the process...
Written by
Cecil Hickman
Categories:
adventure, daughter, family, food, funny, holiday
Florida Turkey
We will be visiting the land of the sun.
To see our little girl and have some fun.
We are going to have, Florida Turkey to eat.
While we all go shopping for black friday treat.
It will be a quick trip,only a week we will spend.
Family get togethers are almost a forgotten trend.
Feasting together, I know we will get our fill.
Shopping with both, my daughter and wife till.
Truly there will be many stories, that will thrill.
I was told if I did not go, my body she will kill.
Within this little poem of my journey to come.
I wish, poetry soup, Happy Thankgiving, from,
This humble and learning poet, to everyone.
Now it is off we go, to the land of the sun.
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous,
Florida Man 5
A Florida man went to the park,
did martial arts there after dark.
His wax more off than on,
he karate-kicked swans
and yelled at the cranes on a lark.
----------
Actual headline: "Florida Man Arrested in Local Park for 'Practicing Karate' on Swans"
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
humor,
Florida Keys
A nudist camp's "Come-as-you-are"
Was held at Trump's Side-Saddle Bar
There was just one hitch
To Donald Trump's itch:
He could not make Stormy in par!
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous,
Florida Man 1
A Florida man tried to ride
On a gal was exceedingly wide.
He tickled her thighs,
And met his demise,
When that manatee rolled on her side.
----------
Actual headline: "Florida Man Arrested for Illegal Ride on Manatee"
Seems like a Florida Man limerick series might be in order...
(some poetic license may be taken :-)
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous,
Florida Man 3
A Florida man bought a stool.
The seat? A bit hard on the jewels…
Now he takes pills to soften,
and he sits there less often;
this Florida man is no fool!
----------
Actual headline: "Florida Man Thought He Stole Opioids, Got Laxatives Instead"
Obviously, a stretch here... :-)
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous,
Florida Man 4
A Florida man on a bend, he’s
croc’d, but he’s certainly trendy:
drove through, tossed a gator,
yelled out, “See you later!”
She said, “Sir, this is a Wendy’s!”
----------
Actual headline: "Florida Man Charged with Assault with a Deadly Weapon After Throwing Alligator Through Wendy's Drive-Thru Window"
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous,
Florida Man 2
An ATM laughed at his check,
so Florida man said, “The heck?”
He took out his hatchet
to try to unlatch it,
So the cops bounced him onto the deck.
----------
Actual headline: "Florida Man Attacks ATM with Hatchet After it Refuses to Take His Check"
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
friend, humorous,
Florida Man 12
A Florida man missed his mates,
decided that he’d hop the gates.
‘Twas a poor decision,
for this was a prison;
Now they all hang out stamping plates.
—————
A Florida man was arrested when his clothing got hung up trying to climb a fence into the prison to visit his friends…
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humor, political,
Florida Man 17
Ron’s been striding to catch the galoot,
but his misstep was not so astute.
Though his record’s alright,
he fixates on his height,
so his lift in the polls gets the boot.
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous,
Florida Man 10
Seems Florida men never learn
His getaway? A zero-turn
His Deere, not so fast
His lead didn’t last
Now grass is not his main concern
https://nypost.com/2022/07/11/florida-man-tries-to-escape-deputies-on-john-deere-lawnmower/
Written by
John Lawless
Categories:
humor,
Alberta Texas Florida - What
Alberta…..they probably just shook their heads and muttered “ey?”
Texas…probably rode it down, roped it, branded it and sent it on its way.
Florida….they probably took it fishing... in the Everglades…’nuf said!
John G. Lawless
12/5/2021