Humorous and funny For Him poems and/or funny poems about For Him. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious For Him funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other For Him Poems.
body, clothes, for him, humorous,
Poor Viv got caught in his loo
(Was sporting his pink tutu)
His Mrs. was mad
Said you ‘stupid lad -
your hairy thighs still show through!
My contst pom Sponsor’d by Viv Wiggly
chckd with how many syllabls 7,7,5,5,7
for him, fun, funny, humor, humorous, tribute, work,
P Pipes corroded
L Lies, folds, and bends
U Under a sink
M Mans the phones
B Butt crack showing
E Extracts gook and hair
R Rodents and snakes
for him, humorous, tribute, words, work,
Steve works in a call center
to earn an honest bob
but some days he can't believe
the words that flow from some folks gob
They cus and curse
Then eff and blind -
you'd not believe your ears
and if he wasn't made of sterner stuff
he'd leave the room in tears!
I said to him when folks are rude
to remember the golden rule
Just imagine them sitting in the nude
that way you'll keep your cool!
So when they rant and scream and shout
He thinks of his meager pay
but still tries his best to sort them out
and ends the call with 'have a nice day'!
Posted with the kind permission of Stephen Pennell
caregiving, family, food, for him, funny love, giggle, passion,
Today my husband said ' I can really go for some banana bread'
But this is what I made instead.
A gallon of Sweet Tea.
A bowl of Green Pea's.
Turkey Club on whole wheat followed by Smoked Meat.
Corn on the Cob along with Broccoli Raab.
Chicken Wings. Shoe Strings.
Pineapple upside down cake. A chocolate Shake.
Baked Potato served with a Stuffed Tomato
Now my husband has a belly ache.
I don't think he likes it, when I bake.
body, for him, humorous,
I feel terribly sorry for Rodger
He developed a kink in his todger
It looked such a sight
when bent to the right
that his poor wife ran off with the lodger!
Submitted to Any poem (not for contest)
Sponsored by Broken Wings
1st January 2016
fashion, for him, funny, hair, hilarious, humor,
It flips and flops from side to side
and if the wind is blowing it will be going.
One ear is covered and the other is not
a curl or lock tied into a topknot.
Some look like a big fluffy feather that's been in a hazard
or the tail of a horse that's been forced.
Don't be scared because your missing hair
to a women a shinny bald spot is always hot!
1/23/15 T Reams
cute love, for her, for him, funny love, humorous, marriage, smile,
Hello Honey, are you feeling sunny
or another day of crummy?
Are you going to be grumpy
because your a little lumpy?
Your still my little hunky
because your always spunky.
I love you my sweet Honey
because your never a dummy!
For my sweet hubby T Reams
beauty, for her, for him, humor, love, people, sexy,
That look in her Scotsman's eyes
When his darling opened her thighs
Such a welcoming sight
He entered his night
As loving groans mellowed to sighs
for her, for him, funny,
If you see
a man opens
the car door
for a woman ....
He certainly has
a brand new car ...
or a very young
and beautiful mistress
His pride ...
a conquest ...
the gleaming varnish
reminds him of
sensual red woman lips
in his eyes -
you will always
be his number two
A-L Andresen :))
for him, humorous,
(Him) Say babe, how'd you like to go out with me?
(Me) Sure but I can tell you're married to your reflection!
Contest: Judy Konos Your best pick up Line
~awarded a 1st place~
boyfriend, care, dedication, devotion, faith, first love, for her, for him, gender, girlfriend, happiness, happy, heart, heaven, home, house, how i feel, humor, husband, i love you, imagination, inspiration, inspirational, kiss, longing, love, marriage, miss you, missing, poems, poetry, romance, romantic, together, words,
When I hear your name
My heart beats faster than usual
It's not that I am ashame
But It's just your name is too special..
Can't control the feelings
When I am with you
Can't stop smiling
When you hold me like you do
When you hug me then
I feel like I'm in heaven
You are a blessing from above
And you are the reason why I loved
I'll promise to love you FOREVERMORE..
And I will cherish you until the end of my borrowed life
And I will keep our precious memories as long as
we see each other in our next life..
body, for her, for him, hair, humorous, mother son,
Phil’s caveman look is very weird
He really should shave off his beard
His mother is right
He looks a strange sight
The Neanderthal look’s to be feared!
Since December Phil’s been hirsute
He needs to give his beard a boot
He’ll cut it off in the sink
But his mum won’t cause a stink
Cos without it he looks real cute!
Poem Posted with Kind permission of Phillip Garcia
To understand the poem please read my comments on Phillip's poem
best friend, blessing, chocolate, for him, funny,
It's an eternal arrangement
Every week or two I have promised to send him some chocolate
Nothing fancy-just a thought from me to him
Just to let him know that I am on board with our destiny
We will be forever friends
Chocolate has medicinal properties too you know
It melts your heart and keeps us on the same page
Best friends forever so more chocolate I will send!
It's sorta like storing up brownie points for the future you could say!
By the time I get to heaven I should have sent him one ton of chocolate
And a gym membership!
depression, faith, for him, funny, future, memory, time,
I write it, but remember not.
I say it, but forget me not.
I feel it how it has to come,
did I not feel like a perfect bum.
So what it is I am trying to remember,
my place and where I was December.
body, for him, friend, humorous,
My darling I know have put on weight
But I didn’t expect you to set bear bait
Now I am caught on the traps you set
The pain is intense and I’m getting upset
These boobies can no longer be concealed -
I hope the clamp marks will soon be healed
I will be starting my job as a sexy poll dancer
We need the money - this new job is the answer
Please will you hurry outside and release me
Don't think of charging me a clamping fee!!
29th August 2016
for her, for him, funny,
“He glides into my parlour with his shades a tad too low
Saying can you clip my moustache, I like whisk ‘n’ show.
So I take out my old blade and nip and oops I think I missed
Now he’s suing me for having nicked his upper lip, he’s pissed.”
“She says I tried to kiss her in the most sensual way
Full of Scotch whisky drunk just because I wouldn’t pay.
I saw the old blade heading for my throat thinking a joke
But this old queen pissed her off because I thought her a bloke.”
© Harry J Horsman & Mystic Rose
crazy, cute love, for him, humorous, i love you, love,
CRAZY FOR YOU
I am crazy for you
Crazy enough to jump off
A bridge for you
Even though I’ve only seen you once
I am crazy enough to die for you
Even when I know nothing of you
I am still crazy enough to
Imagine a you and I
I’m crazy enough to stand in the rain
So I might catch a glimpse of you again
Crazy enough to follow you home
So to see you are alone
And I am crazy enough that
No pain hurts me
Crazy enough that I would die for you
Crazy enough to offer my soul for you
Yes I am crazy, crazy enough
To say I don’t know you
Except by site, but yet I am crazy
Crazy enough to love you anyway
for him, humorous, hurt, spoken word,
He’s adept at not mincing his words
Venom flows like enormous great turds
On his throne he will sit
Vitriol he will spit
Packs a punch in the heart of us birds
Some may know a man just like this
Words like fists - he slams us a kiss
He is cruel; he is curt
Using speech that could hurt
His sharp words you cannot dismiss
Can’t control what flows out from his mush
To the point - he won’t beat round the bush
There’s no compromise
No little white lies
Tells you straight that you’ve got a huge tush!
N/A in contest judged on 6/27/16
Submitted to I go Zero,Nothing, Nada 1 sponsored by Broken Wings
Jerry T Curtis
adventure, anxiety, courage, for him, humor, husband, soulmate,
Ah, there's something I must tell you
and although I know it's late
I simply have to say it
'Cause, I don't think it can wait
I know you're sitting there
In the dark and all alone
Know I'ld rather, it in person
Than like this, on the phone
But the distance in-between us
And the years that passed us by
Have shown a light upon this subject
And exposed an awful lie
So when you see me, I'll be different
Don't be mad, and please don't cry
I'll always be your loving wife
Although, I've changed into a guy
body, for him, humorous, pain,
Poor Victor began to feel ill
When he heard the dentist’s loud drill
his knees began to shake
But he had bad toothache
So he sat in the chair quite still
The dentist said “please open wide
There’s a dental nurse by your side
Your fear we understand
And she will hold your hand
This won’t hurt a bit”, OUCH… he lied!
Posted with permission of Victor who challenged me to write a poem about his recent dental experience … the nurse holding his hand is pure poetic licence
allusion, devotion, feelings, for him, funny love, hero, longing,
HER NAME WAS LUNA
They nearly met when younger,
She met him on the 12th of never,
They grew old apart, whatever,
Ships in the night of stars,
Ever fond thoughts from afar,
She met him on the 12th of never,
Luna kept him young forever.
boyfriend, cute love, for him, funny love, love, word play,
His Other Names
by Jason Williams
Although he has a proper name,
and his friends acknowledge but one,
I rarely call him the same because
to me, he has a great sum!
He is often . . .
. . . my Baby.
. . . my Boo.
. . . my Baby Boo.
. . . my Sweetie.
. . . my Sweet Baby Boo.
. . . my Sweet Pea.
. . . my Sugarlump.
. . . my Butter Bean.
. . . my Pumpkin.
. . . my Pookie.
. . . my Snugglemuffin.
. . . my Love.
butterfly, city, desire, fantasy, farewell, for him, funny,
I sit beside a handsome guy.
I imagine his breath on my neck.
He is tall.
His brown eyes are nice and,
O he has such gorgeous brown skin,
dark hair and a deep tan.
I want to kiss him on the lips.
I gesture towards him.
He moves a few inches and gets up.
I realize I don’t know his name.
William Darnell Sr.
celebration, children, christmas, family, for her, for him, funny,
Just Waiting For Me
What is it, what is it?
I'm delighted to see.
Well, there's a big package,
just waiting for me.
I want to unwrap it,
I'm delighted to see.
There's this big package,
just waiting to be.
Can it be, is it, see,
I really do not know?
Let's open it, let's open it,
This big package I bestow.
It's just waiting for me!
Joan Donnelly Ellis
for him, funny love, romance,
How do you expect me to respond
When you say I love you then you're gone
Yes I know you're shy but how can I
Prove my love true when away you fly
Are you teasing and playing a game
If that is so you should be ashamed
Seriously if you really care
Board the love train we've a life to share
9 syllales per line
Joan Donnelly Ellis March 3 2016
Inspired by Silent One's poem ," Come A Little Closer ".