Funny Poems About Grandfather or Grandfather Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Grandfather poems and/or funny poems about Grandfather. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Grandfather funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Grandfather Poems.

Poem Details | by Jannie Breedt |
Categories: best friend, funny, grandfather, old,

Old Man Time

Redeployed in an ugly skin
Pleated and spotted and grumpy within
What I call walking ,they call shuffling
I'm bending down to tie my shoe
While Im down here what else can I do?

When driving down my lip protrudes
Only for the dentist will I open mouth
Okay , Ill wave at you but I wont smile
The dog and the toilet are my only true friends
You get up to go and then you go again

Memories are yesterday
Forgetfulness is all over today
Ill tell you what it is
But forgot what I was going to say

Got to buy dogfood
Where are my glasses?
Who am I talking to?
They've all gone away

Poem Details | by Dennis Davis |
Categories: culture, funny, granddaughter, grandfather, humorous, political, presidents day,

Presidents Day

I was eating breakfast yesterday with my 12 year old granddaughter and I asked her “What day is tomorrow?”  Without skipping a beat she said, “Its Presidents Day!” She is so smart, so I asked her “What does Presidents Day mean?” I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or even Clinton. She replied “Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have another year of bull ****.” You know it hurts like hell when hot coffee spurts out of your nose.

Poem Details | by Gershon Wolf |
Categories: giggle, girl, grandfather,

Grandpa's Playground

At one-hundred grandpa dreams of a fling
Scoring the streets for a saucy young thing
   He's mastered a line
   That works every time
'Come to my playground, and learn how to swing!'

Poem Details | by David De La Croes |
Categories: family, giggle, granddaughter, grandfather,

I Wish - Poem For My Granddaughter

I wish I could look at a flower through your eyes
and discover why you are so fascinated by it.

I wonder why your eyes glisten
when you look at the stars,
and why you smile at the moon.

I wish I could find out what triggers you
to jump and skip, or giggle with glee
and I strain my ears to hear the silent melody
which causes you to break out in song.

I wish I could embrace someone so firmly
as you do when you jump up to greet me.

I wish I were like you when I was a child.

Poem Details | by Ray Dillard |
Categories: grandfather, humorous,

My Perfect Granddaughter Nr

My perfect Granddaughter,
She did what she outta,
And asked before going to play.

But we didn't know,
The babe needed to go,
So, she did it outside that day.

Her Mom, full of laughter,
Was quick to chase after,
And told her that she shouldn't do it.

The babe said,"It's OK!"
"Whenever I play,
I'll be sure not to run through it!"

Poem Details | by Smail Poems |
Categories: age, angel, baseball, beauty, butterfly, caregiving, celebration, character, child, father daughter, feelings, film, fishing, flower, football, children, for her, friend, fun, funny, gender, girl, girlfriend, giving, graduation, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, growing up, growth, hair, happiness, happy, health, heart, hero,


Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!

Poem Details | by Sarah Cassleman |
Categories: dad, family, funny, grandfather, grandmother, mother, mom, dad, dad, mom,

My Heritage

My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds.  Let's start on 
My Dad's side of the family.

My Dad's mom is Irish and English.

My Dad's dad is Irish and German.

My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.

My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.

So in other words,
I'm a mutt!  or as others say,
"Heinz 57!"

Poem Details | by Michael Ward |
Categories: confusion, fun, grandchild, grandfather, humor, humorous, teenage,

A True Storey

A true storey

My grandson paid me a visit
The other day
And I asked him do you still play
And he said that he wanted a trumpet
I thought  that I would give him a surprise
If I showed a little enterprise

So off to the shops I did go
And I bought a trumpet that
Even I could not blow
I gave my grandson the trumpet
And he said what's this grandad

It's what you wanted I said
I never said I wanted a trumpet
I said I wanted a drum kit 
I can't play the trumpet and the drums
What do you think I am going to do 
Join a band of one man bands

And if I could I would need another pair
Of hands

Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: grandfather, humorous,

Limerick: Once a Lonely Grand-Dad In a Log-Jam

Limerick : Once a Lonely Grand-Dad in a Log-Jam

Once a Lonely Grand-Dad in a Log-Jam
Paid an urgent visit to a Grande-Dame*
She lifted the stuck log
During Pea-Souper smog
Damn ! Got carried down Grand-Dad Rapids – Wham !

* Dame : pronounced as in French
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013

Poem Details | by Jan Oskar Hansen |
Categories: giggle, girl, golf, gothic, grandfather,

Fun Haiku

Short fun haiku 

God didn`t like snakes 
 So he told lies about me
Man loath and fears me  

I`m a crippled tree
In the middle of a wheat field 
Doing nothing 

I`m the big rock
The farmer ploughs around me
One day he bitterly says.

It was the tallest tree 
In the petrified forest 
Lightning struck in half   

I`m the smallest tree 
In the woods of trepidation
I starve to stunt growth 

At the restaurant 
I`m the last the waiters see 
Serving stops at three

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: funny, grandfather, grandmother, love,

Old Love

Grandma and Grandpa were swinging on the porch swing
Remembering some of the good old days and things

Grandma said, "Remember when our dates began"
"It was so sweet how you'd casually take my hand"

Grandpa smiled and said, "I remember it my dear"
Slipping his hand over hers both aged by the years

Feeling somewhat bolder, "Remember," she said,
"Pretending to whisper, you'd nibble my ear instead?"

He said,"I remember." then let go of her hand
When he headed to the door, she could not understand

"But why are you leaving now?", she asked him wide eyed
He said, "Sorry dear, but I left my teeth inside !"

Poem Details | by Lu Loo |
Categories: grandfather, humorous, silly,

Poor Pappy

Believe me or not when I say my Pappy has had a rough day- Diaper soaking wet, how could he forget! I had to change it right away. So I dragged him in the bidet speechless I didn’t know what to say- "Oh, Pappy don’t fret," had a cigarette, burned his depends just yesterday! ***True story about my friends Pappy (grandpa)- he just couldn't break that darn smoking habit!*** Syllable count 8-8-5-5-8 January 26, 2017

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: funny, grandchild, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, grandson, love hurts,

Lost the Remote In the Living Room

I lost the remote in the living room.
On Saturday.
My husband and I ran around looking and looking.
At first it was just the couch pillows, we were looking through.
An hour into it we had made what looks like a bon fire,
Tipping over couches, recliners, and such.
We broke a couple of tables.
Hey, wait, my husband reminded me.
Merlin was here today.
I called Merlin’s mommy, our daughter.
She said, "Oh, darn. We just found it. We thought it
was the one we lost a couple of weeks ago."

Merlin is our two year old grandson
Whom we apparently did not watch
As well as we should have the 
5 hours he was here.
He is going to have to
Leave his hoodie and
His diapers at home.

Poem Details | by Gary Wayne Hill |
Categories: children, grandchild, grandfather, humorous,

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Out of the mouths of babes Words of wisdom are spoken Don’t make a promise you cannot keep They’ll remind you a promise is broken Despite having little minds I have to date not met A toddler who when given a promise Will simply just forget I’ll say “I’ll play with you tomorrow” The reply “you said that yesterday, So you must come and play with me, Tomorrow is now today” “Grandad, will you play with me” I reply “sorry I haven’t the time” “It’s alright Grandad, I have. It’s almost half past nine” “Sorry Grandad really can’t. Grandad is very tired” That’s when I got my marching orders When told “Grandad, you’re boring, you’re FIRED”

Poem Details | by Rico Leffanta |
Categories: autumn, endurance, funny love, grandfather, lust, natural disasters, sensual,

Pinch An Ear

O help me!  I've fallen
And I can't get it up!
I'm stuck here acrawlin'
Up a Double-D cup

Now don't let us dicker
I am over the hill
Just be a mite quicker
Slipping me that blue pill!

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: age, celebrity, confusion, family, grandfather, humor, words,

Sigourney's Beaver

"Eh?  Sigourney's Beaver?"
Grandad's hard of hearing
"Weaver, Grandad, Weaver"
Deafness.  How endearing.

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: confusion, funny, grandfather,

Grandpa Say What

Grandpa said, "I bought a hearing aid of late"
"Though It was expensive, it really works great!"
His grandson said, "I see,"
"And what kind might it be?"
Grandpa then replied, "It's ten minutes till eight!"

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: feelings, grandfather, humor, perspective, satire,

Don'T Worry About It

Snap crackle pop's not my cereal sound anymore
Now that's how I sound getting up off the floor

It's not new if I'm up at the crack of dawn
For an emergency journey to the John
I get a new wart or spot every day
I've now abandoned watching what I say

Though not W.C. Fields to any degree
I did say, "Go away son you bother me!"

I can come off as a little cranky I guess
I am a bit coarse and grumpy I confess

But if you think that I'm too brazen or bold
Don't worry about it I'm just getting old!

Poem Details | by Lew Jay |
Categories: angel, anger, friend, funny, grandfather, grief,


Here lies my old pal Michael,
His spirit set free by wind,
because the storm which kicked his bucket,
trapped the poor old git within,
A Scotsman by his name,
and a carpenter by trade,
should of built yourself s door mate,
to stop the barn which caved you in.

I love you Bic.

Poem Details | by Terry Flood |
Categories: car, funny, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, humorous,

Smash N Gran - For Succinct Contest

Strange things happened that last time my Grandpa drove to town
He scrapped a nine eleven and mowed a phone booth down
Folkies in the future will very likely sing
The man trashed a McDonald’s but spared a Burger King

It barely made the papers, just local news in some
Someone should have told them that there was worse to come
Spielberg’s gonna make a movie, if the rumour’s sound
Of the total devastation when Grandma drove to town

19 December 2018
For Succinct contest
Sponsor Michelle Faulkner

Poem Details | by L Milton Hankins |
Categories: character, grandfather, humor,

Gramps Is Not An Acronym

My gramps was a long-staunch Baptist of the sort S.B.C., 
Until his local congregation got beholden to the R.N.C. 

Gramps was a hoot – on a Friday he joined the K.K.K., 
Saturday, he quit because it wasn’t a branch of the Y.M.C.A. 

Afterwards, he feared a knock on his door from the C.I.A. 
Would negate all his years working with the B.S. of A. 

Gramps continued his strong support for the N.A.A.C.P. 
But said he was canceling his membership in the B.B.B. 

He was a coal miner, but Gramps never joined the A.F. of L. 
It was years before he learned the union was not a U.R.L.

Poem Details | by Joe Flach |
Categories: funny, grandfather, me,

Sands of Time

The list of my shortcomings is not coming up very short
The hair that grew on top of my head has decided to abort
There are notches on my belt that no longer can I reach
The sands of time I have experienced could fill up Myrtle Beach

The things that I’ve forgotten outnumber those that I have not
When I party late at night, I’m still in bed by ten o’clock
Things that I bought brand new are now considered old antiques
The skeleton inside me hurts to move and then it creaks

But you won’t hear me complaining, at least, not so very loud
Because of the accompanying grandchildren of which I’m very proud

Poem Details | by Jerry T Curtis |
Categories: confusion, creation, grandfather, humanity, humor, humorous, truth,

If the Truth Be Mcgee

McGee's young grandson walked out to the porch
Where McGee was rocking away
"Grandpa, where did mankind come from ?''
So, McGee thought of what he should say
"A long time ago, it was Adam and Eve
They got married, and made love in the woods
Then she got pregnant, and her babies had babies
And this fill the earth as it should"
"That's just find," the young boy replied
But Grandma said something depicting
that we all evolved from the Monkeys and Apes
So why are your stories conflicting"
McGee scratched his head, then softly He said 
"Your Grandma's still right, don't you see 
She was merely referring to all of those folks
that came from Her own family tree"

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: analogy, humor,

Grandfather Clock

A grandfather clock sure is grand
Chime the time, on an antique stand  
But if late you get 
There's one sure bet
That old clock won't give you a hand!

Poem Details | by Indiana Shaw |
Categories: bird, grandfather, humorous, write,

Blew the Feathers Right Off


Cats are lounging, small puppy's gruff 
One hen a strutting just doing its stuff 
Sunny afternoon, we can’t get enough 
Gramps, then snorts some of his snuff 
One loud sneeze; the hen’s in the buff

Indiana Shaw . . . *o*

"Bare truth, I swear on my Granny's toe clippings" . . . ; )