Humorous and funny Grandfather poems and/or funny poems about Grandfather. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Grandfather funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Grandfather Poems.
best friend, funny, grandfather, old,
Redeployed in an ugly skin
Pleated and spotted and grumpy within
What I call walking ,they call shuffling
I'm bending down to tie my shoe
While Im down here what else can I do?
When driving down my lip protrudes
Only for the dentist will I open mouth
Okay , Ill wave at you but I wont smile
The dog and the toilet are my only true friends
You get up to go and then you go again
Memories are yesterday
Forgetfulness is all over today
Ill tell you what it is
But forgot what I was going to say
Got to buy dogfood
Where are my glasses?
Who am I talking to?
They've all gone away
culture, funny, granddaughter, grandfather, humorous, political, presidents day,
I was eating breakfast yesterday with my 12 year old granddaughter and I asked her “What day is tomorrow?” Without skipping a beat she said, “Its Presidents Day!” She is so smart, so I asked her “What does Presidents Day mean?” I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or even Clinton. She replied “Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have another year of bull ****.” You know it hurts like hell when hot coffee spurts out of your nose.
giggle, girl, grandfather,
At one-hundred grandpa dreams of a fling
Scoring the streets for a saucy young thing
He's mastered a line
That works every time
'Come to my playground, and learn how to swing!'
David De La Croes
family, giggle, granddaughter, grandfather,
I wish I could look at a flower through your eyes
and discover why you are so fascinated by it.
I wonder why your eyes glisten
when you look at the stars,
and why you smile at the moon.
I wish I could find out what triggers you
to jump and skip, or giggle with glee
and I strain my ears to hear the silent melody
which causes you to break out in song.
I wish I could embrace someone so firmly
as you do when you jump up to greet me.
I wish I were like you when I was a child.
My perfect Granddaughter,
She did what she outta,
And asked before going to play.
But we didn't know,
The babe needed to go,
So, she did it outside that day.
Her Mom, full of laughter,
Was quick to chase after,
And told her that she shouldn't do it.
The babe said,"It's OK!"
"Whenever I play,
I'll be sure not to run through it!"
age, angel, baseball, beauty, butterfly, caregiving, celebration, character, child, father daughter, feelings, film, fishing, flower, football, children, for her, friend, fun, funny, gender, girl, girlfriend, giving, graduation, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, growing up, growth, hair, happiness, happy, health, heart, hero,
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Just like you!
dad, family, funny, grandfather, grandmother, mother, mom, dad, dad, mom,
My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds. Let's start on
My Dad's side of the family.
My Dad's mom is Irish and English.
My Dad's dad is Irish and German.
My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.
My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.
So in other words,
I'm a mutt! or as others say,
confusion, fun, grandchild, grandfather, humor, humorous, teenage,
A true storey
My grandson paid me a visit
The other day
And I asked him do you still play
And he said that he wanted a trumpet
I thought that I would give him a surprise
If I showed a little enterprise
So off to the shops I did go
And I bought a trumpet that
Even I could not blow
I gave my grandson the trumpet
And he said what's this grandad
It's what you wanted I said
I never said I wanted a trumpet
I said I wanted a drum kit
I can't play the trumpet and the drums
What do you think I am going to do
Join a band of one man bands
And if I could I would need another pair
Limerick : Once a Lonely Grand-Dad in a Log-Jam
Once a Lonely Grand-Dad in a Log-Jam
Paid an urgent visit to a Grande-Dame*
She lifted the stuck log
During Pea-Souper smog
Damn ! Got carried down Grand-Dad Rapids – Wham !
* Dame : pronounced as in French
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
Jan Oskar Hansen
giggle, girl, golf, gothic, grandfather,
Short fun haiku
God didn`t like snakes
So he told lies about me
Man loath and fears me
I`m a crippled tree
In the middle of a wheat field
I`m the big rock
The farmer ploughs around me
One day he bitterly says.
It was the tallest tree
In the petrified forest
Lightning struck in half
I`m the smallest tree
In the woods of trepidation
I starve to stunt growth
At the restaurant
I`m the last the waiters see
Serving stops at three
funny, grandfather, grandmother, love,
Grandma and Grandpa were swinging on the porch swing
Remembering some of the good old days and things
Grandma said, "Remember when our dates began"
"It was so sweet how you'd casually take my hand"
Grandpa smiled and said, "I remember it my dear"
Slipping his hand over hers both aged by the years
Feeling somewhat bolder, "Remember," she said,
"Pretending to whisper, you'd nibble my ear instead?"
He said,"I remember." then let go of her hand
When he headed to the door, she could not understand
"But why are you leaving now?", she asked him wide eyed
He said, "Sorry dear, but I left my teeth inside !"
funny, grandchild, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, grandson, love hurts,
I lost the remote in the living room.
My husband and I ran around looking and looking.
At first it was just the couch pillows, we were looking through.
An hour into it we had made what looks like a bon fire,
Tipping over couches, recliners, and such.
We broke a couple of tables.
Hey, wait, my husband reminded me.
Merlin was here today.
I called Merlin’s mommy, our daughter.
She said, "Oh, darn. We just found it. We thought it
was the one we lost a couple of weeks ago."
Merlin is our two year old grandson
Whom we apparently did not watch
As well as we should have the
5 hours he was here.
He is going to have to
Leave his hoodie and
His diapers at home.
grandfather, humorous, silly,
"Believe me or not when I say
my Pappy has had a rough day-
Diaper soaking wet,
how could he forget!
I had to change it right away.
So I dragged him in the bidet
speechless I didn’t know what to say-
"Oh, Pappy don’t fret,"
had a cigarette,
burned his depends just yesterday!
***True story about my friends Pappy (grandpa)- he just couldn't break that darn smoking habit!***
Syllable count 8-8-5-5-8
January 26, 2017
Gary Wayne Hill
children, grandchild, grandfather, humorous,
Out of the mouths of babes
Words of wisdom are spoken
Don’t make a promise you cannot keep
They’ll remind you a promise is broken
Despite having little minds
I have to date not met
A toddler who when given a promise
Will simply just forget
I’ll say “I’ll play with you tomorrow”
The reply “you said that yesterday,
So you must come and play with me,
Tomorrow is now today”
“Grandad, will you play with me”
I reply “sorry I haven’t the time”
“It’s alright Grandad, I have.
It’s almost half past nine”
“Sorry Grandad really can’t.
Grandad is very tired”
That’s when I got my marching orders
When told “Grandad, you’re boring, you’re FIRED”
age, celebrity, confusion, family, grandfather, humor, words,
"Eh? Sigourney's Beaver?"
Grandad's hard of hearing
"Weaver, Grandad, Weaver"
Deafness. How endearing.
autumn, endurance, funny love, grandfather, lust, natural disasters, sensual,
O help me! I've fallen
And I can't get it up!
I'm stuck here acrawlin'
Up a Double-D cup
Now don't let us dicker
I am over the hill
Just be a mite quicker
Slipping me that blue pill!
feelings, grandfather, humor, perspective, satire,
Snap crackle pop's not my cereal sound anymore
Now that's how I sound getting up off the floor
It's not new if I'm up at the crack of dawn
For an emergency journey to the John
I get a new wart or spot every day
I've now abandoned watching what I say
Though not W.C. Fields to any degree
I did say, "Go away son you bother me!"
I can come off as a little cranky I guess
I am a bit coarse and grumpy I confess
But if you think that I'm too brazen or bold
Don't worry about it I'm just getting old!
angel, anger, friend, funny, grandfather, grief,
Here lies my old pal Michael,
His spirit set free by wind,
because the storm which kicked his bucket,
trapped the poor old git within,
A Scotsman by his name,
and a carpenter by trade,
should of built yourself s door mate,
to stop the barn which caved you in.
I love you Bic.
confusion, funny, grandfather,
Grandpa said, "I bought a hearing aid of late"
"Though It was expensive, it really works great!"
His grandson said, "I see,"
"And what kind might it be?"
Grandpa then replied, "It's ten minutes till eight!"
car, funny, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, humorous,
Strange things happened that last time my Grandpa drove to town
He scrapped a nine eleven and mowed a phone booth down
Folkies in the future will very likely sing
The man trashed a McDonald’s but spared a Burger King
It barely made the papers, just local news in some
Someone should have told them that there was worse to come
Spielberg’s gonna make a movie, if the rumour’s sound
Of the total devastation when Grandma drove to town
19 December 2018
For Succinct contest
Sponsor Michelle Faulkner
L Milton Hankins
character, grandfather, humor,
My gramps was a long-staunch Baptist of the sort S.B.C.,
Until his local congregation got beholden to the R.N.C.
Gramps was a hoot – on a Friday he joined the K.K.K.,
Saturday, he quit because it wasn’t a branch of the Y.M.C.A.
Afterwards, he feared a knock on his door from the C.I.A.
Would negate all his years working with the B.S. of A.
Gramps continued his strong support for the N.A.A.C.P.
But said he was canceling his membership in the B.B.B.
He was a coal miner, but Gramps never joined the A.F. of L.
It was years before he learned the union was not a U.R.L.
funny, grandfather, me,
The list of my shortcomings is not coming up very short
The hair that grew on top of my head has decided to abort
There are notches on my belt that no longer can I reach
The sands of time I have experienced could fill up Myrtle Beach
The things that I’ve forgotten outnumber those that I have not
When I party late at night, I’m still in bed by ten o’clock
Things that I bought brand new are now considered old antiques
The skeleton inside me hurts to move and then it creaks
But you won’t hear me complaining, at least, not so very loud
Because of the accompanying grandchildren of which I’m very proud
Jerry T Curtis
confusion, creation, grandfather, humanity, humor, humorous, truth,
McGee's young grandson walked out to the porch
Where McGee was rocking away
"Grandpa, where did mankind come from ?''
So, McGee thought of what he should say
"A long time ago, it was Adam and Eve
They got married, and made love in the woods
Then she got pregnant, and her babies had babies
And this fill the earth as it should"
"That's just find," the young boy replied
But Grandma said something depicting
that we all evolved from the Monkeys and Apes
So why are your stories conflicting"
McGee scratched his head, then softly He said
"Your Grandma's still right, don't you see
She was merely referring to all of those folks
that came from Her own family tree"
A grandfather clock sure is grand
Chime the time, on an antique stand
But if late you get
There's one sure bet
That old clock won't give you a hand!
bird, grandfather, humorous, write,
BLEW THE FEATHERS RIGHT OFF
Cats are lounging, small puppy's gruff
One hen a strutting just doing its stuff
Sunny afternoon, we can’t get enough
Gramps, then snorts some of his snuff
One loud sneeze; the hen’s in the buff
Indiana Shaw . . . *o*
"Bare truth, I swear on my Granny's toe clippings" . . . ; )