Humorous and funny Grandmother poems and/or funny poems about Grandmother. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Grandmother funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Grandmother Poems.
boy, grandmother, humorous, relationship,
One day my half brother Eric
From Oklahoma, visited us
He brought with him some fake vomit
Just to see who he could disgust!
When he was close to my grandma
He heaved and dropped it on the floor
We laughed at the look on her face
First a giggle, then up to a roar!
Then we saw her sweeping it up
At the trash can she threw it in
Even though we said, "It's not real!"
She shuffled off, and I saw her grin!
fun, funny, grandchild, grandmother, grandson, humor, humorous,
What does pulverize mean? The five-year-old asks me.
His face is a frown.
“No idea,” I lie.
Having already put up with sobbing wailing
over the Easter Bunny’s beheading
which was explained by his 11-year-old brother.
Brother who giggles and runs off.
No telling how he has used pulverize.
baby, grandchild, grandmother, grandparents, humor, humorous, relationship,
She was born with cat ears.
So cute! Everyone lied.
Some of us felt them.
They were striped, and furry.
Odd for a human head.
Gray, pink in the middle.
“Adorable!” some of us said.
“Can they be removed?” the new grandmother asked.
Making her daughter-in-law her enemy for life.
10th grade, 11th grade, 12th grade, fun, grandmother, humorous,
Pirate Johnny Betty Boobie Bird was in a
bashing, crashing, gnashing mood.
So he stood in front of a mirror,
Making the most swishy sword
movements he could make, with his
Excaliber sword, swearing up his pirate swears.
His mother heard him, rolled his eyes and laughed.
His father smiled, and his grandma went to the bathroom.
Within minutes, Pirate Johnny Betty Boobie Bird and his parents
were all three sitting with a bar of soap in their mouths.
Grandma did not play.
And she did not think
They were being good parents.
James Edward Lee Sr.
adventure, anxiety, caregiving, engagement, funny love, grandmother, grandson,
Can't dial ringers;
Babies cry and crawls;
what do you do?
what do you do?
When their diapers fall?...
written words by James Edward Lee Sr.©2020
age, angel, baseball, beauty, butterfly, caregiving, celebration, character, child, father daughter, feelings, film, fishing, flower, football, children, for her, friend, fun, funny, gender, girl, girlfriend, giving, graduation, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, growing up, growth, hair, happiness, happy, health, heart, hero,
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Just like you!
dad, family, funny, grandfather, grandmother, mother, mom, dad, dad, mom,
My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds. Let's start on
My Dad's side of the family.
My Dad's mom is Irish and English.
My Dad's dad is Irish and German.
My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.
My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.
So in other words,
I'm a mutt! or as others say,
beach, funny, giggle, grandmother, happy birthday, humor, humorous,
To the lake to the lake,
Fish to fry clams to bake.
This has been grandmother's cry
Now on birthdays she brings rye,
If just once she'd bring a cake.
childhood, family, funny, grandmother, hilarious, nostalgia, silly,
Please don't kiss Grandma
With your wrinkled worn out skin
Your breath like stinking ashtrays
With an undertone of gin.
I really love you Grandma,
But when it's time to leave
You always try to kiss me
And it really makes me heave
funny, grandchild, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, grandson, love hurts,
I lost the remote in the living room.
My husband and I ran around looking and looking.
At first it was just the couch pillows, we were looking through.
An hour into it we had made what looks like a bon fire,
Tipping over couches, recliners, and such.
We broke a couple of tables.
Hey, wait, my husband reminded me.
Merlin was here today.
I called Merlin’s mommy, our daughter.
She said, "Oh, darn. We just found it. We thought it
was the one we lost a couple of weeks ago."
Merlin is our two year old grandson
Whom we apparently did not watch
As well as we should have the
5 hours he was here.
He is going to have to
Leave his hoodie and
His diapers at home.
funny, grandfather, grandmother, love,
Grandma and Grandpa were swinging on the porch swing
Remembering some of the good old days and things
Grandma said, "Remember when our dates began"
"It was so sweet how you'd casually take my hand"
Grandpa smiled and said, "I remember it my dear"
Slipping his hand over hers both aged by the years
Feeling somewhat bolder, "Remember," she said,
"Pretending to whisper, you'd nibble my ear instead?"
He said,"I remember." then let go of her hand
When he headed to the door, she could not understand
"But why are you leaving now?", she asked him wide eyed
He said, "Sorry dear, but I left my teeth inside !"
Steve Humphries Artist
My Grandma had big balls,
Big heavy hairy yams,
Swinging boulders under her dress,
She would stand one leg on a chair,
Her hefty doc martin boots tight,
Leaning one elbow on her knee,
Stroking her bold chin with left hand,
Blowing choking tobacco smoke,
From a liquorice papered roll,
Like a musket fuse in the right.
In awe I would see them
The tips of coconuts,
Ponderous, potent, dangerous,
Dangling out from under her frock
Like, Churchill, Drake, or Wellington,
Planning raids of domestic loot,
Planning lethal Sunday Dinners
Planning bingo hall victories
Planning serious drunken brawls
Grandma’s low hanging British balls.
kids, giggle, grandmother, silly,
Grandma’s teeth are missing.
She left them by the bed
soaking in a cup.
At least that’s what she said.
We searched all through the house.
We looked for quite awhile.
Yet no one seemed to notice
Rover’s brand new smile.
food, grandchild, grandmother, humorous,
Jeez - how much mess can a
jovial toddler make!
Jello is smeared on his
jubilant face, and grape
juice drips from the highchair!
Just like his daddy, his
jaded granny recalls!
Checked with how many syllables
J Pleiades Contest
Sponsored by Kim Merryman
feelings, grandchild, granddaughter, grandmother, grandparents, humorous, kid,
One time after an especially fun Grandma Cousin Camp Week
Where Grandpa was in hiding for 7 days, and 8 grandchildren and I did whatever
There was a bit of pouting
That it had to come to an end.
My oldest granddaughter, whom I will refer to as EM,
the wisest of the wise, because she is 4 years older
and terribly smart said,
"You know how you guys like to have a friend over?"
There was lots of nodding and yesing because we all love Em.
"Well, Grandma is having a friend over," she explained.
They all got in the car
and waved good-bye,
dedication, family, funny, happiness, grandmother,
A grandmother is someone who loves you and your soul
Someone who hugs you when you feel alone
She reads bedtime stories for you
And when you sleep she does the same too
She is the one who gifts you hugs and kisses
And when you are not there next to her you are the one she misses
For you she will be on her toes the whole time
And give you whatever you want from a stuff toy to a lime
She is the one who comforts you and loves you from her heart
And doesn’t care if you are dumb or smart
She is a person you can never forget
For if you want to also she will never let :)
dance, grandmother, humor,
Clad in a garish green muu-muu, she danced
wildly to golden oldies.
Dumbfounded grandkids stared.
April 1, 2017
Robert L. Hinshaw
The cat invariably got his tail crushed as Grandma rocked in her old rocking chair.
Entry for Rick Parise's "One, One Liner" Contest
grandmother, humor, nostalgia,
Never thought I'd arrive
at the age of the Sunday Drive
Grandma did it
when I was a kid it
probably kept her alive
I was the driver on one of her last
needless to say, going too fast.
I touched her hand
said, "I understand,"
but I didn't, for soon she passed.
I've no particular fear of a drive on Sunday
But I sincerely hope I make it to Monday
The way my grandkid drives
I hope she survives
to bury me, like I did my grandma, some day.
car, funny, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, humorous,
Strange things happened that last time my Grandpa drove to town
He scrapped a nine eleven and mowed a phone booth down
Folkies in the future will very likely sing
The man trashed a McDonald’s but spared a Burger King
It barely made the papers, just local news in some
Someone should have told them that there was worse to come
Spielberg’s gonna make a movie, if the rumour’s sound
Of the total devastation when Grandma drove to town
19 December 2018
For Succinct contest
Sponsor Michelle Faulkner
Outside with one shoe
The shoe I took from the dumpster
My hair is filled with flies
Oh do I stink
Brown flames comes up from my butt
Flies come by my way
They all die
Oh do I stink
Never in life was I applause for my smell
Can it be that bad
I guess so
Since everyone has abandoned me
My teeth so rotten
It scares the mirron into broken pieces
Yellow as a my grandmother big toe nail
Stink bomb comes my way
I can't hold it in
I let in the air
Oh do I stink
Grandmother Is Not Amused
By Elton Camp
Queen Elizabeth certainly isn't amused
That Prince Harry again stands accused
Although his latest is easier to understand
Than wearing a uniform with Nazi armband
But playing strip billiards isn't nearly as bad
As some of the things done by Harry's dad
Henry the Eighth showed the royals the way
They have followed his example to this day
If the worst he does is all his clothes to doff,
It's likely the public will just laugh it off
But the next time Harry decides to strip
He'll check if a camera his pals did slip
candy, conflict, grandmother, humorous, mother daughter, parents,
Given treat –
Mummy cross …
"Fem Bogstaver" Contest
Sponsored by Rhoda Tripp
boy, grandmother, humorous, innocence,
"How old are you Granny?", her grandson wants to know
Said with a yet to be learned, decorum to show
She said, "Thirty and holding!",
With a smile and not scolding
He asked, "How old would you be then, if you let go?"
Granny so often tried to roam
We had to take her to a home
Being new they had apprehension
Trying hard to give her attention
It sure was a bit of a fight
Stopping her leaning too far right
Suddenly too far left she leaned
Righted soon when a nurse intervened
When asked, "Are they doing their part?"
She said,"Yes, but they won't let me fart!"