Funny Poems About Grandmother or Grandmother Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Grandmother poems and/or funny poems about Grandmother. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Grandmother funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Grandmother Poems.

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: fun, funny, grandchild, grandmother, grandson, humor, humorous,

What Does Pulverize Mean

What does pulverize mean? The five-year-old asks me.
His face is a frown.
“No idea,” I lie. 
Having already put up with sobbing wailing 
over the Easter Bunny’s beheading
which was explained by his 11-year-old brother.
Brother who giggles and runs off.
No telling how he has used pulverize.

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: boy, grandmother, humorous, relationship,

The Last Laugh

One day my half brother Eric 
From Oklahoma, visited us
He brought with him some fake vomit
Just to see who he could disgust!

When he was close to my grandma
He heaved and dropped it on the floor
We laughed at the look on her face
First a giggle, then up to a roar!

Then we saw her sweeping it up
At the trash can she threw it in
Even though we said, "It's not real!"
She shuffled off, and I saw her grin!

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: baby, grandchild, grandmother, grandparents, humor, humorous, relationship,

She Was Born With Cat Ears

She was born with cat ears.
So cute! Everyone lied.
Some of us felt them.
They were striped, and furry.
Odd for a human head.
Gray, pink in the middle.
“Adorable!” some of us said.
“Can they be removed?” the new grandmother asked.
Making her daughter-in-law her enemy for life.

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: 10th grade, 11th grade, 12th grade, fun, grandmother, humorous,

Grandma Does Not Play

Pirate Johnny  Betty Boobie Bird was in a 
throat-cutting, slashing, 
bashing, crashing, gnashing mood.
So he stood in front of a mirror, 
Making the most swishy sword
movements he could make, with his
Excaliber sword, swearing up his pirate swears.
His mother heard him, rolled his eyes and laughed.
His father smiled, and his grandma went to the bathroom.
Within minutes, Pirate Johnny Betty Boobie Bird and his parents
were all three sitting with a bar of soap in their mouths.
Grandma did not play.
And she did not think
They were being good parents.

Poem Details | by James Edward Lee Sr. |
Categories: adventure, anxiety, caregiving, engagement, funny love, grandmother, grandson,

Affected Art Baby Sitter-

Flickered fingers; Can't dial ringers; Telephone calls; Babies cry and crawls; what do you do? what do you do? When their diapers fall?...
6/8/20 written words by James Edward Lee Sr.©2020

Poem Details | by Smail Poems |
Categories: age, angel, baseball, beauty, butterfly, caregiving, celebration, character, child, father daughter, feelings, film, fishing, flower, football, children, for her, friend, fun, funny, gender, girl, girlfriend, giving, graduation, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, growing up, growth, hair, happiness, happy, health, heart, hero,


Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!

Poem Details | by Sarah Cassleman |
Categories: dad, family, funny, grandfather, grandmother, mother, mom, dad, dad, mom,

My Heritage

My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds.  Let's start on 
My Dad's side of the family.

My Dad's mom is Irish and English.

My Dad's dad is Irish and German.

My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.

My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.

So in other words,
I'm a mutt!  or as others say,
"Heinz 57!"

Poem Details | by Richard Breese |
Categories: beach, funny, giggle, grandmother, happy birthday, humor, humorous,

Beach Birthdays

to the lake yes to the lake

fish to fry and fish to bake

this has been moms cry

birthdays now its rye

if just once she'd bring a cake.

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: funny, grandfather, grandmother, love,

Old Love

Grandma and Grandpa were swinging on the porch swing
Remembering some of the good old days and things

Grandma said, "Remember when our dates began"
"It was so sweet how you'd casually take my hand"

Grandpa smiled and said, "I remember it my dear"
Slipping his hand over hers both aged by the years

Feeling somewhat bolder, "Remember," she said,
"Pretending to whisper, you'd nibble my ear instead?"

He said,"I remember." then let go of her hand
When he headed to the door, she could not understand

"But why are you leaving now?", she asked him wide eyed
He said, "Sorry dear, but I left my teeth inside !"

Poem Details | by Twig Clark |
Categories: childhood, family, funny, grandmother, hilarious, nostalgia, silly,


Please don't kiss Grandma
With your wrinkled worn out skin
Your breath like stinking ashtrays
With an undertone of gin.

I really love you Grandma,
But when it's time to leave
You always try to kiss me
And it really makes me heave

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: funny, grandchild, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, grandson, love hurts,

Lost the Remote In the Living Room

I lost the remote in the living room.
On Saturday.
My husband and I ran around looking and looking.
At first it was just the couch pillows, we were looking through.
An hour into it we had made what looks like a bon fire,
Tipping over couches, recliners, and such.
We broke a couple of tables.
Hey, wait, my husband reminded me.
Merlin was here today.
I called Merlin’s mommy, our daughter.
She said, "Oh, darn. We just found it. We thought it
was the one we lost a couple of weeks ago."

Merlin is our two year old grandson
Whom we apparently did not watch
As well as we should have the 
5 hours he was here.
He is going to have to
Leave his hoodie and
His diapers at home.

Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: dance, grandmother, humor,

Kitschy--Dance, Y'All

Clad in a garish green muu-muu, she danced
wildly to golden oldies.
Dumbfounded grandkids stared.

April 1, 2017

Poem Details | by Judy Valko |
Categories: kids, giggle, grandmother, silly,

Grandma's Teeth

Grandma’s Teeth

Grandma’s teeth are missing.
She left them by the bed
soaking in a cup.
At least that’s what she said.

We searched all through the house.
We looked for quite awhile.
Yet no one seemed to notice
Rover’s brand new smile.

Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: grandmother, humorous,

Grandma's Old Rocking Chair

The cat invariably got his tail crushed as Grandma rocked in her old rocking chair. 

Entry for Rick Parise's "One, One Liner" Contest

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: feelings, grandchild, granddaughter, grandmother, grandparents, humorous, kid,

My Grandchildren Know Me Too

One time after an especially fun Grandma Cousin Camp Week
Where Grandpa was in hiding for 7 days, and 8 grandchildren and I did whatever
we please,
There was a bit of pouting
That it had to come to an end.
My oldest granddaughter, whom I will refer to as EM,
the wisest of the wise, because she is 4 years older
and terribly smart said,
"You know how you guys like to have a friend over?"
There was lots of nodding and yesing because we all love Em.
"Well, Grandma is having a friend over," she explained.
"It's GRANDMA!" 
They all got in the car
and waved good-bye,
Fully understanding

Poem Details | by Steve Humphries Artist |
Categories: grandmother, humor,

Grandma's Balls

My Grandma had big balls,
Big heavy hairy yams,
Swinging boulders under her dress,
She would stand one leg on a chair,
Her hefty doc martin boots tight,
Leaning one elbow on her knee,
Stroking her bold chin with left hand,
Blowing choking tobacco smoke,
From a liquorice papered roll,
Like a musket fuse in the right.
In awe I would see them
The tips of coconuts,
Ponderous, potent, dangerous,
Dangling out from under her frock
Like, Churchill, Drake, or Wellington,
Planning raids of domestic loot,
Planning lethal Sunday Dinners 
Planning bingo hall victories
Planning serious drunken brawls
Grandma’s low hanging British balls.

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: food, grandchild, grandmother, humorous,


Jeez - how much mess can a jovial toddler make! Jello is smeared on his jubilant face, and grape juice drips from the highchair! Just like his daddy, his jaded granny recalls! Checked with how many syllables J Pleiades Contest Sponsored by Kim Merryman 03~04~17

Poem Details | by Terry Flood |
Categories: car, funny, grandfather, grandmother, grandparents, humorous,

Smash N Gran - For Succinct Contest

Strange things happened that last time my Grandpa drove to town
He scrapped a nine eleven and mowed a phone booth down
Folkies in the future will very likely sing
The man trashed a McDonald’s but spared a Burger King

It barely made the papers, just local news in some
Someone should have told them that there was worse to come
Spielberg’s gonna make a movie, if the rumour’s sound
Of the total devastation when Grandma drove to town

19 December 2018
For Succinct contest
Sponsor Michelle Faulkner

Poem Details | by Paavani Dua |
Categories: dedication, family, funny, happiness, grandmother,

A Grandmother

A grandmother is someone who loves you and your soul
Someone who hugs you when you feel alone

She reads bedtime stories for you
And when you sleep she does the same too

She is the one who gifts you hugs and kisses
And when you are not there next to her you are the one she misses

For you she will be on her toes the whole time
And give you whatever you want from a stuff toy to a lime

She is the one who comforts you and loves you from her heart
And doesn’t care if you are dumb or smart

She is a person you can never forget
For if you want to also she will never let :)

Poem Details | by Lim'Rik Flats |
Categories: grandmother, humor, nostalgia,

Sunday Drive

Never thought I'd arrive
at the age of the Sunday Drive
Grandma did it
when I was a kid it
probably kept her alive

I was the driver on one of her last
needless to say, going too fast.
I touched her hand
said, "I understand,"
but I didn't, for soon she passed.

I've no particular fear of a drive on Sunday
But I sincerely hope I make it to Monday
The way my grandkid drives
I hope she survives
to bury me, like I did my grandma, some day.

Poem Details | by Jennifer Fenn |
Categories: grandmother, humor,

Grandma Tutu and Her Gun

When Grandma Tutu said she owned a gun,
my mother freaked! She gasped! How she was stunned!
She wanted Tutu to throw it away,
but then forgot. The gun was there to stay.
We never knew where Tutu had it hid,
not even when she moved and she got rid
of lots of stuff. But in the nursing home
where Tutu died, my mom went through each tome,
and trinket, and shirt. She thought she was done,
but opened a drawer. There was the gun!
My mom’s dropped jaw I wish I could have seen.
The gun was thrown in River San Joaquin!

Contest: Guns
Sponsor: Anthony Biaanco

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: boy, grandmother, humorous, innocence,

Enquiring Minds

"How old are you Granny?", her grandson wants to know
Said with a yet to be learned, decorum to show
She said, "Thirty and holding!",
With a smile and not scolding
He asked, "How old would you be then, if you let go?"

Poem Details | by Kim Rodrigues |
Categories: food, fun, funny, grandchild, grandmother,

Dunking Cookies While It Rains

Sugars and butter -
cream them together.
White and brown mix ‘round.
Flour, salt, baking powder,
vanilla…fond scent…
add chips, scoop, wait - while they bake.

choc’late chip cookie
broke in half into his cup -
splash of milk in eye

grandma and grandson munching on cookies
our laughs are grand too…splashes
occur in and outside ;)

grandma runs off…he asks:
“are you writing a poem?”
“Of course!” she winks,
as he washes the milk from his eye.


reverse epulaeryu 1/3/5/5/7/5/7
senryu 5/7/5
kimo 10/7/6
free verse

Poem Details | by James Edward Lee Sr. |
Categories: adventure, analogy, car, flower, funny, grandmother,

No Live Dead Flowers Grams Wants a Sports Car-

Grams, She said don't give me thm dead flowers plae em by the tree~ Dun giv me no live flowers Fer they will wilt wit me Dun giv me naw dead flowers I wan sumthin alive Give me sumthin that movin like a sports car LOL

Poem Details | by Charles Messina |
Categories: grandmother, humorous,

Grandmother's Secrets

five hours on the stove 
garlic, onion, tomatoes 
the great smell of sauce 

My grandmother in the kitchen all day
Cooking dinner while her kids were away 
Nobody ever knew 
She always used Ragu 
And drank a bottle of fine cabernet 

the fine cabernet hidden, inside a vat of red wine vinegar