Humorous and funny Holiday poems and/or funny poems about Holiday. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Holiday funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Holiday Poems.
All year long he puts my heart on a shelf
No surprise I’d rather be by myself
If there’s no Valentine treat
From this worthless hunk of meat
He can go on making love to himself
Remember there’s an “I” in Valentine
So if no one’s around to say, “Be mine”
Just splurge – get a new hairdo
Party with an all-girl crew
Check out the divorce rate and say, “I’m fine”
*For Francine's Valentine Limerick contest
fantasy, fun, funny, holiday, humorous, love,
I want a piece of chocolate cake
Oh and a delicious piece of cherry pie
I want a piece of that place called Fort Knox
With all those pieces I could afford a lot
I want a piece of that lady over there
In her haute couture she saunters with such flair
I want a piece of the clouds in the sky
I just want it, don't ask me why!
I want some tiny peace of mind
To have some pieces left to be kind
Then I can give you a piece of Art
A piece I promise comes straight from the heart
11th grade, care, christmas, feelings, holiday, humor, teen,
It’ll be an old fashioned Christmas,
with Santa due down the chute.
I bet he Purells his reindeer,
and Lysols his hazmat suit.
It’s an old fashioned Christmas.
We’ll all have on our masks,
and our muffled yuletide carols,
will be just like seasons past.
We’ll observe all the guidelines.
We’ll eat six feet apart.
We’ll have disinfectant under the mistletoe,
and keep safety in our hearts.
Sure, it’s an old fashioned Christmas.
One unique to the times.
The love this year might be careful,
but the feelings are genuine.
giggle, holiday, love,
Carl is still in Rio
He is hooked on the casino
Sweet love in moonlight
Cherry musk all night
His libido is like a volcano
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
6-8-5 -5 -10 syllables
Mark J. Halliday
chocolate, holiday, humorous, religion, valentines day,
Not much is known about him,
But all girls love him.
Saint Valentine's Feast,
On February fourteenth:
It would make more sense
To honor Aphrodite...
So then, why don't we?!
business, funny, holiday, philosophy, time,
The world as we know it will end!
This warning the Mayans did send
But yes there's still time
After reading this rhyme
To honor Black Friday and spend
christmas, funny, holiday,
For anyone struggling in the holiday season!!
Although there's nothing much that I could add
to all the Christmas wishes ever made,
I'll wish for you that traffic won't be bad
the day you shop and that you may get paid
some kind of Christmas bonus for a change,
and when beneath the mistletoe you stand,
I hope you're not approached by someone strange,
but rather by a stranger who is grand!
And should you be so childish (I mean bold)
to ice skate on a lake or board the snow,
I pray for you that you don't catch a cold
or break a leg as down some hill you go.
My wishes, like my gifts, are kind of cheap;
May faith in them require no giant leap!
Silent night, weary night
Worked all day, worked all night
Worked at baking and wrapping of gifts
Hoping the family wont get in a rift
Ohhh and where is the fruit cake
and by gosh now who spiked the nog
Silent night, weary night
House to clean, the cake has a lean
All of the stockings now hung in a row
I think the cat just swallowed a bow
Oh I forgot batteries
Thank God 7-11 won’t close
Silent night, weary night
Family is gathered
The paper is scattered
I still have three more gifts now to build
No understanding the instructions will yield
Oh but these are the good times
I keep repeating this in my mind
christmas, holiday, horror, humor,
The elves filled Santa's sack with toys
For all the good little girls and boys
When he lifted it up he used his back
Instead of his legs and he tore his sack
An elf gave a band-aid to Santa, their proctor
Santa said, "No, I need to go to a doctor"
But sadly a doctor he would do without
There was no time, so he started his route
He stood up in the sleigh, his jewels in a brace
Yelling, "OW, Merry Christmas!", all over the place!
GOOD LUCK, SAM
Shamrocks with green eggs and ham.
Resistance from Sam I Am.
If you offer him gold,
he won’t see the mold.
Leprechauns roar at the sham.
Kim Merryman’s Luck of the Irish Limerick Contest
bird, food, holiday, humor, thanksgiving,
I feel a blockage has occurred...
It must have been all that stuffing and Turkey bird...
The gurgles, the rumbling, the passing of gas...
It’s beyond my control ,Oh dear, please let this pass...
We have guests you see...
So I don’t have the privilege to just get up and flee...
No one should ever be in this state...
And I should never have put so much on my plate...
Cause now I’m paying and to my demise ...
The rite of passage has been denied...
I feel like I may blow up and explode...
It’s times like this when you miss the commode...
Joseph Spence Sr
adventure, family, fantasy, funny, happiness, holiday, music,
World of Walt Disney
The day after Thanksgiving
Shoulder to shoulder
© Joseph 11/23/07
© All Rights Reserved
Author’s Comments: The Japanese Senryu format has three lines as follows:
the first has five syllables, the second seven syllables, and the third five
syllables. The pattern is 5/7/5 for a total of seventeen syllables. The Senryu is
about an emotional expression, human nature, and things in the human realms
which maybe satiric or humorous.
autumn, fun, funny, halloween, holiday, humor, october,
There was a vampire named Vlad. 7
The Village all thought he was bad. 7
But the true story. 5
Just wasn't gory. 5
It turns out Vlad was just sad. 7
October 23. 2019
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to pay that credit card today.
Lots of stuff, mostly junk, keeps us in the red,
Need to keep a little back, just to keep us fed.
Dashing through the store, pushing left and right,
Looking for the sales.. Couldn’t sleep last night.
Country’s in a mess, shouldn’t spend this way,
Just found out I kept my job, for at least another day.
Jingle bells, Jingle Bell, Jingle all the way,
Holy Cow, I can’t wait, until the month of May.
Linda Alice Fowler
celebration, fantasy, halloween, holiday, humor, silly,
There once was a cool guy named Jack
Jack o’ lanterns attacked his back
Witch Cate blew straight through
She saved the famed wizard Jack Black
*The House with a Clock in Its Walls
Make us some sunshine for Christmas Santa
It's mighty gloomy here, grey clouds over head
Put the color back into the day and moon light in the night
Bring me a tender heart and may kind words overflow
Santa you can bring it, bring it like no other
Call on the heavens to roll back the clouds
Warm my muscles and calm the aches
I won't ask for nothin' else Santa
Just put a warm glow in the sky!
Carol Sunshine Brown
children, funny, holiday, uplifting,
Easter bunny race
Fell as he could not keep pace
Muddy bunny face
animals, funny, holiday, imagination, easter,
Do the Easter Hop
Basket filled with Sweet Joy
Candy and A Toy
adventure, angel, beautiful, business, childhood, death, education, fantasy, farewell, freedom, friendship, funeral, funny, growing up, happiness, happy, health, holiday, home, hope, humorous, imagination, inspirational, nostalgia, on writing and words, parody, passion, patriotic, peace, people, philosophy, slam, social, song, sorrow, sorry, spiritual, time, woman,
Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
funny, holiday, thanksgiving,
Written by Gail DeBole
When a turkey, who yearly escapes
From his owner's Thanksgiving plate,
Was asked to reveal
Why he's never a meal
He said, "That much of a turkey I ain't!"
Note: Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of each November in the United States. President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed this as an official holiday in 1863.
holiday, humor, humorous, ireland, irony,
I lost my old bucket so sadly,
And felt oh so terribly badly;
Then lo and behold
A pot full of gold!
I'd lose me another and gladly.
"It's a cuckold I am!", Mick sadly said
"I'm after finding black hairs in me bed!"
"An' there's a relief!"
Sighed Ginger O'Keefe
"I was shure ye were aboot ta say red!"
JSLambert Mister ROBOTO
caregiving, childhood, confusion, family, father, children, funny, happiness, holiday, husband, imagination, life, mother, natural disasters, nature, parody, people, places, satire, social, son, teen, wife
***NOTE~TO BE READ WITH A RIDICULOUS "SILKY SOUTHERN DRAWL" (have fun:)***
"Storm over yet...?"
"Well hay'ell ye'ah!
sum'body git me a da'gumm cole beer.
whadda'bou that boy th'er?
sum'body git him'a cole beer too!"
"Diddy! that boy ain't nothin' but 8 years old!"
na'I don't give a jolly'durn, if he ain't nuttin but 8 year'owed!
'dat boy dun' sat him thr'ew a big ol', storm!
torna'durr warnin' too!
he gonna have him'a cole burr;
mama, git him'a cole burr!
ta'days father's day!"
© 2011 ~JSLambert Esquire
Robin L. Gass
Little pumpkin very sad
for in white he'd been clad
To be a lantern was his dream
but woeful he was white as cream
So I said, to his delight,
that I liked his coat of white
Now, because I liked him most,
my Jack O' Lantern is a ghost
Inspired by Raul Morenos' White Pumpkin contest
adventure, anniversary, caregiving, daughter, family, fantasy, forgiveness, funny, happiness, health, holiday, hope, imagination, life, passion, peace, travel,
Angels in heaven
Dancing on a small puddle
Always stay afloat