Humorous and funny Horror poems and/or funny poems about Horror. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Horror funny poems!
Written by
Carolyn Devonshire
Categories:
funny
A "brush" With Horror
Forget to brush; must maintain that gleam
Run to sink, grab a tube, no light stream
Such an odd taste in my mouth
Quickly I must spit it out
Oh, dear Lord, it’s Dad’s hemorrhoid cream!
(Sadly, a true story)
Written by
Mark Peterson
Categories:
dark, horror, humorous,
Farewell To the Vampire
Parted curtains
puff of smoke.
Parlor trick
or cruel joke?
First a bat,
then human form—
eyes aglow,
fangs enorm.
And in the mirror,
no image there;
it stilled my heart
and stifled prayer.
But Drac was old
and suffered so;
his timing off,
reactions slow.
As he lunged
I stepped aside;
mallet ready,
his chest I eyed.
He lay there stunned,
at last my break;
I then asked how
he’d like his stake.
2nd Place, Poems from the Vampire, Just That Archaic Poet
Written by
Gerard Keogh Jr.
Categories:
fantasy, funny, parody, science fiction
B Horror On a Beach Day.
Soon the curious swelled to a mob.
as they gathered to gape at the glob.
Someone prods with a stick.
as another screams: " Quick!"
"We must run for our lives! It's the Blob!"
Written by
Pat Adams
Categories:
christmas, holiday, horror, humor,
Santa's Bad Day
The elves filled Santa's sack with toys
For all the good little girls and boys
When he lifted it up he used his back
Instead of his legs and he tore his sack
An elf gave a band-aid to Santa, their proctor
Santa said, "No, I need to go to a doctor"
But sadly a doctor he would do without
There was no time, so he started his route
He stood up in the sleigh, his jewels in a brace
Yelling, "OW, Merry Christmas!", all over the place!
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
child, food, funny, horror, murder, nursery rhyme, scary,
The Clown's Song
Bring me a child to eat
I'm too weak to stand on my feet
All I need is meat
So bring me a child to eat.
Written by
Gary Smith
Categories:
dark, horror, humorous,
Leaving My Mark
I like it when the Sun goes down,
I like it when it's dark,
I have two pointy fangs you see,
And I like to leave my mark.
Entry for
What I Like Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Maureen McGreavy
28/2/19
Written by
Edward Schmitz
Categories:
halloween, horror, humorous, word play,
A Crafty Invitation
A Crafty invitation
Cut him open, just go nuts
Reach inside and pull out his guts
Cut out his eyes, cut out his nose
Work your way down as you go
Use a little ingenuity
And cut him good for all to see
Don’t be afraid to make a mess
Join the pumpkin carving contest
Written by
Dorian Petersen Potter
Categories:
crazy, death, funny, hilarious, horror, humor, humorous,
Lizzie Borden
(Limerick)
When Lizzie (Borden) saw what she's done
Thought to herself that was so much fun
So she whack them again
And again and again
Then laughed aloud at what she's done!
Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000
Copyright@2014
09.16.2014
Written by
Janet Eaton
Categories:
cat, funny, horror,
The Cat and the Rat
There once was Princess the cat
Who found a big fat hairy rat
She brought it in to play
But mother said no way
And found her a very big metal bat
Written by
Brandy Wassam
Categories:
childhood, food, children, funny, horror, kindergarten, nonsense,
The Bear
there once was a bear
who lived in belair
he owned a red hen
who made eggs for his kin
then one time like most bears do
the bear got hungery
and ate the red hen
and her last eggs of ten
with a gulp and a swallow
down went the hen
but wait..
now there was no hen to lay eggs for his kin.
Written by
Black Eyed Susan
Categories:
funny, horror,
Toga Party
toga party waking up without my sheet
Written by
John Posey
Categories:
angst, horror, humor, humorous, image,
Meltdown
Meltdown
Put chocolate in your pocket on a warm summer day,
Then gracefully try to unwrap it and you’ll find there is no way!
Written by
Arthur Vaso
Categories:
animal, england, hilarious, horror, humorous,
To Kill a Mocking Cow
The farmer said to the cow
Be quiet you old sow
To which she replied
I am not a pig, I am a mooing cow!
He looked at her mockingly
Saying "That is yet to be determined"
She huffed and puffed as he called the butcher.
Whether she was a cow, or a pig or even a one legged chicken
She is now the silent one.
For on the table she sits
A rightful dish along with the haggis
The Fox shall enjoy his menu de la soir
Roasted and basted
Merry Christmas to one and all!
Written by
Kelly Deschler
Categories:
fantasy, horror, humor, romantic,
Bride of Frankenstein
I have a favor to ask of you, Dr. Frankenstein
because this monster needs her mate
please give him strong arms to hold me with
gentle eyes that are electrifying to look into
tender lips with a kiss to die for
give him soft hair that I could run my fingers through
hands like Percy Shelley, so he could write poetry for me
feet like Fred Astaire, so he could sweep me off of mine
give him a sweet voice that could sing me to sleep
and of course, the most important part, a true and loving heart.
I know that no man is perfect, but this is as close as it gets.
Is this too much to ask?
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
animal, cat, fear, horror, humor, nursery rhyme, pets,
Kitty Katy
Kitty Katy, bigger than holsteins
Killed a St. Bernard
Pretty Kitty scratched up my blue jeans
Left my legs all scarred.
My big kitty scares the bejabbers
Out of my sorry hide
Such loud thuds of her pitter-patters
The blood-prints of her stride.
What did she kill tonight?
Who did she rend and bite?
What did she eat?
What kind of meat?
When must I stand and fight?
Kitty wrestled an anaconda
Then ate just the head
I took off on my cherry Honda
Scared I'd next be dead.
Written by
Bill Lindsay
Categories:
funny, horror,
Ding Dong Dither - For Contest
Campanologist
forgets to let go the rope
His face rings a bell
Written by
Abdulhafeez Oyewole
Categories:
character, conflict, fear, horror, humor, life,
From Rocket To Little Town
There once was a knight from Rocket town
Who lured and let his amour men down
But on a night not too young
Nemesis caught up with Doung
When his archers incursed Little town.
Written by
David Smith
Categories:
anxiety, beautiful, education, father daughter, growing up, horror, humor,
Hopes For My Daughters
I have two daughters beautiful and smart,
I knew that from the start.
Equality with men
I know is important to them.
I just hope they are not in a hurry
To marry.
As I don't know many men who can be
Right 50 percent of the time like me.
And if they by chance marry some swine,
Will they have to share their jail time.
Written by
Mark J. Halliday
Categories:
body, death, halloween, horror, humor,
Cannibal Morticians--A Halloween Poem
Nobody looks closely
At corpses in a funeral.
You usually just see
Their faces and hands.
Who checks the bodies?
Of course it’s assumed
The bodies are all there.
They are rarely exhumed?
During the embalmings,
How much gets consumed?
Some parts are for science,
Or given as replacement organs.
Maybe out of defiance
To laws and mores, parts are
Eaten by one without conscience.
If I were to voice my suspicions,
I’d ask who handles corpses,
Using which institutions?
Mortuary workers look well-fed…
Are they cannibal morticians?
10 Sep 2015
Written by
Chriss Todd
Categories:
beauty, betrayal, death of a friend, devotion, forgiveness, future, god, goodbye, horror, humorous, image, inspiration,
Frankly
i have crafted and shafted and then re positioned
divulged and indulged to precise disposition
yet frankly my points are most blunt at the end and my walls tend to fall at the slightest of bends
be it not such a bridge but a try at amends, with a friend who is quite hard of hearing
come step in my cauldron both women and children, these are the crimes i admit to both willinging and wildered
For i am the poet of pilgrims ,
what was left has been pillaged and raped, and only i who had managed escape
have been left to rebuild from the timbers
Written by
Mike Martin
Categories:
analogy, anti bullying, appreciation, hockey, holiday, horror, humor,
Uncanny
To say we wish the very best
Uncanny nor uncommon
To actually help to make that happen
Might very well be both
Written by
Tom Cunningham
Categories:
dream, horror, humor,
Nightmare
The creature was huge and it walked, with a loud stomping thud
Then it opened its jaws wide and they were dripping with blood
My whole body shook with fear and I opened my mouth to scream
Then my alarm clock started ringing, and it was just but a dream.
Written on 14 September 2021
YOUR BEST FOUR-LINE LIGHT VERSE, NO. 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by L. Milton Hankins.
Written by
Freddie Robinson Jr.
Categories:
horror, humor, humorous, satire, scary,
I Like Your Costume
Ding dong
Mom, there's a big kid
in a Terminator costume at the door
He asked does Sarah Connor live here
I played along with the joke, and said: Yeah, sure
I told him I like his costume,
and I really liked his gun
He said, "Hasta la vista, baby
But I'll be back, John"
You must have really scared him, mom
Coming out of the kitchen with a butcher knife,
looking like the Bride of Frankenstein
You really ought to stop it, mom
Because the kids on Halloween,
won't come trick-or-treating here next time
Written by
Richard Breese
Categories:
funny, giggle, girl, horror, humor, introspection, silly,
daydreamer
once an old girl from old kent
dreaming ten years in a tent
awoke to find
out of her mind
shes ten years behind in rent.
Written by
Mark Martin
Categories:
fun, funny, horror, humor, humorous, poems, poetry,
Poetry Panic
Haiku aversion
Heptadecaphobia
Tanka therapy
Entry to "anxiety" contest
Written 25th February 2017
Note: heptadecaphobia is the fear of the number seventeen, the number of syllables in a haiku
Tanka is an alternative Japanese poetry form