Humorous and funny Horror poems and/or funny poems about Horror. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Horror funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Horror Poems.
Forget to brush; must maintain that gleam
Run to sink, grab a tube, no light stream
Such an odd taste in my mouth
Quickly I must spit it out
Oh, dear Lord, it’s Dad’s hemorrhoid cream!
(Sadly, a true story)
dark, horror, humorous,
puff of smoke.
or cruel joke?
First a bat,
then human form—
And in the mirror,
no image there;
it stilled my heart
and stifled prayer.
But Drac was old
and suffered so;
his timing off,
As he lunged
I stepped aside;
his chest I eyed.
He lay there stunned,
at last my break;
I then asked how
he’d like his stake.
2nd Place, Poems from the Vampire, Just That Archaic Poet
Gerard Keogh Jr.
fantasy, funny, parody, science fiction
Soon the curious swelled to a mob.
as they gathered to gape at the glob.
Someone prods with a stick.
as another screams: " Quick!"
"We must run for our lives! It's the Blob!"
christmas, holiday, horror, humor,
The elves filled Santa's sack with toys
For all the good little girls and boys
When he lifted it up he used his back
Instead of his legs and he tore his sack
An elf gave a band-aid to Santa, their proctor
Santa said, "No, I need to go to a doctor"
But sadly a doctor he would do without
There was no time, so he started his route
He stood up in the sleigh, his jewels in a brace
Yelling, "OW, Merry Christmas!", all over the place!
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
child, food, funny, horror, murder, nursery rhyme, scary,
Bring me a child to eat
I'm too weak to stand on my feet
All I need is meat
So bring me a child to eat.
dark, horror, humorous,
I like it when the Sun goes down,
I like it when it's dark,
I have two pointy fangs you see,
And I like to leave my mark.
What I Like Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Maureen McGreavy
halloween, horror, humorous, word play,
A Crafty invitation
Cut him open, just go nuts
Reach inside and pull out his guts
Cut out his eyes, cut out his nose
Work your way down as you go
Use a little ingenuity
And cut him good for all to see
Don’t be afraid to make a mess
Join the pumpkin carving contest
childhood, food, children, funny, horror, kindergarten, nonsense,
there once was a bear
who lived in belair
he owned a red hen
who made eggs for his kin
then one time like most bears do
the bear got hungery
and ate the red hen
and her last eggs of ten
with a gulp and a swallow
down went the hen
now there was no hen to lay eggs for his kin.
cat, funny, horror,
There once was Princess the cat
Who found a big fat hairy rat
She brought it in to play
But mother said no way
And found her a very big metal bat
Black Eyed Susan
toga party waking up without my sheet
Dorian Petersen Potter
crazy, death, funny, hilarious, horror, humor, humorous,
When Lizzie (Borden) saw what she's done
Thought to herself that was so much fun
So she whack them again
And again and again
Then laughed aloud at what she's done!
Dorian Petersen Potter
angst, horror, humor, humorous, image,
Put chocolate in your pocket on a warm summer day,
Then gracefully try to unwrap it and you’ll find there is no way!
animal, england, hilarious, horror, humorous,
The farmer said to the cow
Be quiet you old sow
To which she replied
I am not a pig, I am a mooing cow!
He looked at her mockingly
Saying "That is yet to be determined"
She huffed and puffed as he called the butcher.
Whether she was a cow, or a pig or even a one legged chicken
She is now the silent one.
For on the table she sits
A rightful dish along with the haggis
The Fox shall enjoy his menu de la soir
Roasted and basted
Merry Christmas to one and all!
fantasy, horror, humor, romantic,
I have a favor to ask of you, Dr. Frankenstein
because this monster needs her mate
please give him strong arms to hold me with
gentle eyes that are electrifying to look into
tender lips with a kiss to die for
give him soft hair that I could run my fingers through
hands like Percy Shelley, so he could write poetry for me
feet like Fred Astaire, so he could sweep me off of mine
give him a sweet voice that could sing me to sleep
and of course, the most important part, a true and loving heart.
I know that no man is perfect, but this is as close as it gets.
Is this too much to ask?
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
animal, cat, fear, horror, humor, nursery rhyme, pets,
Kitty Katy, bigger than holsteins
Killed a St. Bernard
Pretty Kitty scratched up my blue jeans
Left my legs all scarred.
My big kitty scares the bejabbers
Out of my sorry hide
Such loud thuds of her pitter-patters
The blood-prints of her stride.
What did she kill tonight?
Who did she rend and bite?
What did she eat?
What kind of meat?
When must I stand and fight?
Kitty wrestled an anaconda
Then ate just the head
I took off on my cherry Honda
Scared I'd next be dead.
forgets to let go the rope
His face rings a bell
character, conflict, fear, horror, humor, life,
There once was a knight from Rocket town
Who lured and let his amour men down
But on a night not too young
Nemesis caught up with Doung
When his archers incursed Little town.
anxiety, beautiful, education, father daughter, growing up, horror, humor,
I have two daughters beautiful and smart,
I knew that from the start.
Equality with men
I know is important to them.
I just hope they are not in a hurry
As I don't know many men who can be
Right 50 percent of the time like me.
And if they by chance marry some swine,
Will they have to share their jail time.
dream, horror, humor,
The creature was huge and it walked, with a loud stomping thud
Then it opened its jaws wide and they were dripping with blood
My whole body shook with fear and I opened my mouth to scream
Then my alarm clock started ringing, and it was just but a dream.
Written on 14 September 2021
YOUR BEST FOUR-LINE LIGHT VERSE, NO. 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by L. Milton Hankins.
Mark J. Halliday
body, death, halloween, horror, humor,
Nobody looks closely
At corpses in a funeral.
You usually just see
Their faces and hands.
Who checks the bodies?
Of course it’s assumed
The bodies are all there.
They are rarely exhumed?
During the embalmings,
How much gets consumed?
Some parts are for science,
Or given as replacement organs.
Maybe out of defiance
To laws and mores, parts are
Eaten by one without conscience.
If I were to voice my suspicions,
I’d ask who handles corpses,
Using which institutions?
Mortuary workers look well-fed…
Are they cannibal morticians?
10 Sep 2015
analogy, anti bullying, appreciation, hockey, holiday, horror, humor,
To say we wish the very best
Uncanny nor uncommon
To actually help to make that happen
Might very well be both
Freddie Robinson Jr.
horror, humor, humorous, satire, scary,
Mom, there's a big kid
in a Terminator costume at the door
He asked does Sarah Connor live here
I played along with the joke, and said: Yeah, sure
I told him I like his costume,
and I really liked his gun
He said, "Hasta la vista, baby
But I'll be back, John"
You must have really scared him, mom
Coming out of the kitchen with a butcher knife,
looking like the Bride of Frankenstein
You really ought to stop it, mom
Because the kids on Halloween,
won't come trick-or-treating here next time
beauty, betrayal, death of a friend, devotion, forgiveness, future, god, goodbye, horror, humorous, image, inspiration,
i have crafted and shafted and then re positioned
divulged and indulged to precise disposition
yet frankly my points are most blunt at the end and my walls tend to fall at the slightest of bends
be it not such a bridge but a try at amends, with a friend who is quite hard of hearing
come step in my cauldron both women and children, these are the crimes i admit to both willinging and wildered
For i am the poet of pilgrims ,
what was left has been pillaged and raped, and only i who had managed escape
have been left to rebuild from the timbers
funny, giggle, girl, horror, humor, introspection, silly,
there once was a girl from kent
who dreamt she lived in a tent
then awoke to find
she was out of mind
and ten months behind in rent.
fun, funny, horror, humor, humorous, poems, poetry,
Entry to "anxiety" contest
Written 25th February 2017
Note: heptadecaphobia is the fear of the number seventeen, the number of syllables in a haiku
Tanka is an alternative Japanese poetry form