Humorous and funny Jesus poems and/or funny poems about Jesus. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Jesus funny poems!
Written by
Deborah Turner
Categories:
christian, funny, giggle, inspiration, inspirational, jesus
What Is Real
Look, to your left a pot of gold, this is not real.
Well, look to your right a pot of silver, this is not real also.
Then, look down money all around, this is not real.
On the other hand, Look! Look! Up at the sky Christ lives, now this is what is really real.
God Bless
Written by
Poetprentice Dupins
Categories:
bible, creation, funny, irony, jesus, silly
Dear Adam and Eve, You Had 1 Job, That's All
Work, work, work, work, work
Work, work, work, wor, wor
Wor, wor, wor, wor, wor, wo
Wo, wo, wo, wo, woe is us.
The irony of the fall of man:
Them yielding to Eden’s free and tempting fruit,
Now cursed us to labor for our fruit.
They should’ve had a hamburger.
Written by
Daniel Sweatt
Categories:
blue, flower, funny, halloween, jesus, love
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue
Roses are red, violets are blue, did you know that Jesus loves you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, on Halloween the ghost says boo.
Roses are red, violets are blue, what’s better, a red rose or a blue violet, anyone have a clue?
Roses are red, violets are blue, indeed every word in the Bible is true.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don’t forget to go to the store and get my Mountain Dew.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I am in quarantine with nothing to do.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I am out of rhymes but I will be back again in no time.
Written by
Vincent Caruso
Categories:
faith, funny, mystery, parody, me,
Jesus Haiku
Jesus, tell me what
heaven, hell, and God are like.
Like, quiz me on it.
Written by
Just That Archaic Poet
Categories:
christian, death, god, humorous, jesus, religion
Twice the Christ
I twice am Christ, self-loved and prized;
Above the Earth, to lift -Arise!
The Devil's deeds seem sweet indeed
(By them, truly, am quite enticed!)
A magic Martyr- now crucified,
To my own great feigned dismay
A Crown of Horns; the King of Lies!
(The Romans make such grand displays...)
If but one of you would thus believe,
Repeat the Gospel, and for me grieve
A lesson to learn should I not return:
There can be nothing that's good about being
misunderstood-
You could be nailed the same as me!
Written by
Dominique Webb
Categories:
faith, funny, future, gender, god, history
Christians Say Jesus Is God
Jesus came along when the god meme had become dietary
The next step was to make god into a man, not a woman,
Where is Jessica?
Written by
Ann Foster
Categories:
dog, friend, friendship, humorous, jesus, peace
Woof
Woof
Translated: small package
Four legs, four paws, big jaws,
fancy ears and a long tail.
My dog is from the pound.
What did I expect?
He is six foot at the shoulder,
Reads books, on Saturday nights.
But, sadly he won’t eat generic brand fudge cycles.
Only the best bunny ice-cream will do.
He was tiny really, just a bitty thing.
Slowly, slowly… Overnight! Life became all too real.
We laugh and talk, and it does not matter, now…
I work two jobs to bring home the bacon, and eggs and
chow and a cow, and, but still.
The surprise of my life, was a furry friend,
that gives more than I can.
God loves dogs,
big, and tiny, whiny small,
all.
Written by
Tony Bush
Categories:
allegory, funny, people, philosophy, jesus,
Finding Jesus
I found Jesus in a cereal box,
flakes tumbled inconsistently,
pauses between each one,
and in one such pause fell
Jesus.
Shrink-wrapped, sermonising,
gape-mouthed,
prayer-clasped hands,
head-cocked
and bright haloed.
Sadly, I traded him
for he had less hit points
than Pikachu.
When all you receive
are scraps from the
table of life,
finding Jesus is no big deal,
when more hit points
are your real salvation…
Amen.
Written by
Tate Papworth
Categories:
funny, humor, humorous, jesus, song,
Divine Intervention
Sneezing fit on the freeway.
Carrie Underwood's 'Jesus, Take The Wheel' playing on the radio.
It's nice when things work out.
Written by
Alfonso II Warally Ngengethe Mussabwa Chris
Categories:
12th grade, christian, education, humor, jesus, religious
Remembrance
I remember when I was in school,
The weather was so cool
Our teacher of religion said," Jesus is God"
One pagan colleague objected ," He is not God."
Teacher was not happy to hear that word
Then I said loudly ," He is the Lord of lords."
All Christian students clapped their hands
Teacher was so happy and called her friends.
Jesus Christ is yesterday, today and forever
Our best teacher , strength, authority , power,
Our saviour, redeemer , Consolation,
Revelator, protection and solution.
We adore and worship Him daily
He is goodly , peacefully and kindly.
May 06/2023
Written for poetry contest
sponsored by Sotto poet.
Form: COUPLET
Written by
John Beam
Categories:
absence, allusion, christian, feelings, humorous, jesus
A Nihilism
a tasteless stone soup everyone puts in a stone offering nothing
Written by
Trevor Mcleod
Categories:
angst, funny, love,
A Girl For Jesus
A girl for Jesus. A story untold.
Except for the rumor; he's kept and controlled.
An opposite lover; one evil I'm told.
Who keeps him in line with hands that are cold.
You're prayers keep him busy.
In answering each one.
Though it's really his honey.
He longs to be from.
So ask him forgiveness.
For everything done.
And wait for his answer.
That Several may come.
His time is not money.
Or luck as we know.
But a curse; to a cry; o'ver someone; to crow.
And if you feel sorry. Pitty him some.
Remember he loves her; no matter where from.
Behold a great halo.
Some say overdone.
For if you look closely.
Surrounding someone.
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
humor, jesus,
Drought Nought
Jesus went to a Wishing Well
And flung a coin straight down to Hell
Then his wish came true:
The water turned blue
And temperatures cooled for a spell
(With Trump as our mentor,
it is SO easy to tell lies!)
Written by
Beata Agustin
Categories:
character, christian, faith, god, humor, jesus
Vain Accuser
There was an infidel* in his vain mind
who accused God as unfair to mankind
along his schemer’s route
with awful gloomy pout…
then a blind child sharing gifts… he did find.
*1Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
March 4, 2021
Edited on February 21, 2023
5th place, "Put Your Best (ONE) Limerick Forward (be like Rico Leffanta)" Limerick Poetry Writing Contest
Sponsored by Andrea Dietrich; judged on 3/13/2023.
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
humor, jesus, wine,
Oenologists
When Jesus turned water into wine
Some of the guests were heard to whine,
"It's such a waste
For us who taste!
Diluted Sherry is Philistine!"
n.b. Oenologist="wine snob"
Written by
John Beam
Categories:
anti bullying, christian, humor, jesus, wisdom,
Whiplash
Do you know how to recognize a sheep from a sheep in wolf’s clothing? Look at its grin
Written by
Jeff Kyser
Categories:
humorous, jesus,
Fish and Chips
When Jesus stopped in for a bite,
The barkeep near fell out with fright:
“I’ve got some goat cheese,
But no fish and chips, please!
Last time, that was it for the night!”
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
hair, humorous,
Jesus Counts Hairs
The Good Book states that Jesus knows the number of hairs on your head,
And I assume He also knows the color be it blonde, purple or red.
I would also presume that His calculations are somewhat lessened over all,
Considering those members of His flock who are as bald as a bowling ball!
(Matthew 10:30 & Luke 12:7)
Written by
Anil Deo
Categories:
analogy, humor, jesus, science, wisdom, words
Common Sense Nonsense - Series 201
Common Wisdom is not really either. For example ..
1. Let the past bury the past
Can not be done that way.
Use funeral parlors, or celebrate a dead person's with memorial
When Jesus said similar words, "it was to rebuke a procrastinator, "Let the dead bury the dead." The living dead make much of human traditions including ceremonial matters. Real life is in God, his living word. Not in idols!
2. What goes around, cones around.
How much time you have?
If it's a shooting star, comet, quasar, or even an Everest climb, you need intervals at the very least.
Written by
Vladimir Tumanov
Categories:
bible, christmas, humor, humorous, jesus,
Activity In the Nativity
Some people possess the proclivity
to build every Yule a Nativity.
They illustrate praying,
portray homage paying.
That’s it. There’s no other activity.
Written by
Anil Deo
Categories:
bible, business, god, humor, jesus, jewish
Humor At Jesus' Expense - 22 May 2020
Why was Jesus a Leftist? please extrapolate.
In John 2, Jesus overturns the money-changers' tables
In Mark 11, and Matthew 23, He cleansed the Temple of trade
He got to the City, took a left turn, not right to Roman garrisons
Jesus made a left, upset trade, earned his stripes as a LEFTIST.
Smith Wigglesworth, on the Bible, the only book he learned to read at 23: "When I read the newspaper I feel dirtier than I went in. When I read the Bible I feel cleaner than I went in. And I like feeling clean."
Written by
Anais Vionet
Categories:
dream, friend, humor, religion, teen,
Coffee With Jesus
Leong dreamt of meeting Jesus,
at the Koffee coffee shop.
It was early and not too busy,
so they had a chance to talk.
He was well dressed and looked quite nordic,
which was a surprise to her at first.
“Because we all know he was born in China,
and Beijing the city of his birth”
At first, he kept it casual,
he talked a lot about his dad,
but he began to be rather judgey,
as some religious people can.
When he asked her for her digits,
she was put off by his entitled vibe.
In the end he got fake-numbered.
“it was a lowkey way to decline,
and both pacify the “boss’” son,
and keep him on her side.”
Written by
Anil Deo
Categories:
12th grade, bible, christian, hilarious, humor, jesus
Potd For All Non-Members On Ps Poetry Soup Scoop
J Jesus is good All the time!
O Over and over. Until life is over
K Kind jokes make Jesus smile, too
E Ever think of that? He wept, smiled too, for me and you. Then paid more than words ... Words can ever say or promise PTL
1st April
Written by
Rio Jansen
Categories:
bible, humorous, jesus,
What I find a little disappointing about the story of Jesus is
that when his sacrifice on earth was finally done,
there's no scene of God the Father hugging him and saying,
"I dearly missed you! Welcome home, Son."
_________________