Humorous and funny Light_Verse poems and/or funny poems about Light_Verse. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Light_Verse funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Light_Verse Poems.
fun, humorous, word play,
Two scruffy pirates picked me up.
Intending to toss me overboard.
I weighed too much; they were struggling.
They needed to lighten their load.
But I was not going easy.
I purposefully got heavier.
"She is flotsom," the tall fat one said.
"Jetsam," the dumb ugly one argued.
"Let's get a dictionary," I said. "Let's do this right."
This gave me a few more days,
as there were no books on this ship.
The Insolent Rib
humor, mom, sorry,
If I weren't afraid, I'd...
Have pulled that red lipstick
Out of my purse
And with cover
Of sister and cousin
Surrounding your coffin
Replaced that drab pink coral
With your trademark red
We knew it wasn't a colour
You'd have been caught in dead
I received an email today :
"Would you like to join
The Underpants Club"
A new underwear
directly at your door
once a month
(for only 20 bucks)
Did you say once a month?
My mother taught me
Replace after one use - without exception
In the old days
they had not heard of bacteria ...
but changed underpants
at least every other Saturday
When spring came
it was time for laundry
that took place outdoors,
at the creek or the water post
where there was plenty of clean water available
Fleas and lice are nasty
... and itches terribly
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Poem Of The Day: 01.03.2020
OOPS - I must have used invisible ink
Happy April Fools Day to you all
Hugs Jan ***
1st April 2015
family, funny, imagination
Two riding on a single
Man! How fast that bike will go
Down the hill around the curve
Blow wind blow
At the very bottom piled up
In a culvert drain
In great agony and pain
Crumpled metal, torn clothes
Bleeding and blood stains
Harsh words from parents
Tears as soap and water cleaned
All the cuts and bruises
And clothes that had to be changed
What an ending to Christmas
The joy of Santa's gift
Lying dented and scuffed bent
Beside the porch needing to be fixed
Women wore corsets
Men trundled round
grew out of the ground
Of the dragon breathing fire
The far fetched stories
The jolly town cryer
Always so happy
Nobody knows why
It was the magical mushrooms
Everyone was high
No one yet knows why the hen crossed the road.
What could possibly have planted that notion?
But I saw it happen, and even three-toed,
It was poultry in motion -- poultry in motion!
Snap snap snap snap snap snap snap . . . . . . .
Poem of the Day August 5, 2017
funny, humor, poetess, tribute,
I can't believe I'm writing this mess,
but, here it goes, the gifted poetess,
Jan Allison doesn't want to brag, but,
she has a degree,
from the distinguished Poot-Toot University,
in fact, a PhD in Fartology,
an expert she is,
she writes of farts so funnily,
she's the Limerick Queen of Flatulence,
it's a PoetrySoup decree,
and, yes, there's something quite wrong with me!
I’m Cajun scallion, and spicy blue cheese.
I’m avocado lime, and Greek yogurt ranch.
I’m sesame ginger, and balsamic vinaigrette.
She hasn’t had the best of me yet.
I’m roasted red pepper, and hazel nut herb.
I’m light vegan Caesar, and creamy Italian.
I’m bistro bacon bit, and shallot white wine.
Wait’ll she tastes this hot French of mine.
I’m red curry chutney, and maple black walnut.
I’m honey Dijon, and mango green goddess.
I’m miso Thai, Russian, and poppy seed lite.
Gonna drizzle on her tender greens tonight.
I’m dressing for the salad lady.
Gonna cover her right.
I’m dressing for the salad lady.
Open wide and take a bite.
Short rhyme .
fantasy, humorous, life,
Do you remember old aunt Julie
In a hurry she opened all the windows
Even in the middle of the winter,
rain or storm
She suddenly needed to have fresh air
Breathed like a whale
The face changed color
Her cheek, ear and throat became deep red
Talked louder than normal
She was a comic figure
We were just young children
did not understand
The years go by ...
we are there ourselves
Hormonal hot flashes
I'm smiling by the old memories
Aunt Julie's advice was;
No estrogen supplements or pills ... but ...
...... Ice cold champagne ......
- Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
- Copyright © All Rights Reserved
america, education, england, fun, funny, homework, nonsense,
The British call it maths,
but the Americans ditch the s
causing much international scorn.
But for our sake, p'raps it'd be best
to keep subjects
only halfway grasped
in the singular form.
Jerry T Curtis
"I can tell you are a Libra"
"I am seldom ever wrong
Ah, of course you are a Taurus"
"But the feeling was so strong
Now it hits me, you're a Leo
I should have recognized the traits
"Just please give me a moment
In my mind, I see a date
"You're a Pisces now ascending
With the cusp of Capricorn
And Scorpio was setting on the day
that you were born
The moon was in Virgo
With Aries on the rise
and before you say,
Just let me say,
"I love your eyes "
humor, satire, stress,
Heard through the office grapevine
the boss will now resign.
Have to beat the deadline
or that position won't be mine.
I need to work and sacrifice
no sleep tonight, a wink's just nice.
Your Red Bull in my coffee
I drank, now look at me!
Thank you Lyric Man and FJ Thomas for the inspiration.
Reminds me of those days of endless coffee and antacids. :-)
Acknowledgment to flckr for the image of a Philippine tarsier
Kim Patrice Nunez
26 June 2015
beauty, cute love, grave, humor, obituary,
Took me the breath of all my life
A soul mate who could consume my heart wither a smile
I found that Gothic girl after dark
A little to late to consummate
I lie in waiting with a dead round smile
Empty eyes and a lot of guile
I found a girlfriend even if late
We lie together
Frigid is our state
baseball, funny, humorous,
I am a fat oriole from Baltimore
With baseball cap and baseball mitt
I became a star cause well I could really hit
Made my money, to build my nest
Never grew up, cause I was born with good luck
I am a big fat Oriole I say to you
Now I am retired
So I sit in by chair
Eating my Oreos, double stuffed flair
Oriole oriole eating my oreos
I am fat cookie, a Baltimore storio
adventure, funny, tree,
Mountain Lake is my favorite place to write
under shade tree are my pencil, paper, and pole.
Scribble down words while waiting for a bite
fishing my most popular angling hole.
Fish are jumping all around hook and line
small cork sits still and does not move or fade.
Patiently I sit in wait for that fish to dine
beneath weeping willow of cool tree shade.
Inspiration overwhelms biding snare
while creative mind laggardly transcends.
In far distance I see lone grizzly bear
and leave a good fishing pole to his friends.
Copyright © 2011 By Caryl S. Muzzey
Fourth Place Winner ~ "Inspired” Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Miranda Lambert
July 20, 2011
addiction, funny, nonsense, simple, word play, words, writing,
(don't tell anyone)
humorous, life, love, romance,
Double oh Sevens
The gamble of dangerous men
Poets who carry guns
To shoot out the hearts
Of unsuspecting ladies
A single word, a bullet
That can wound or kill the love
Of any careless romance
Yet they fall at the feet
Of mystery and sweet words
And later in the evening
Tears flow from ladies of sadness
Left alone among the sheets of love
The Spy, he could save the world
Yet save not one single love
He grew old and alone
His last thought among the living
I die a lover, and never felt love
Weigh to go
Best weigh to do this
Weight to the midnight hour
Is there a better weigh
Weight just a moment
She was described this weigh
Weighter in a diner
The only weigh to escape pain
Proper weigh to do this
Students learn in many weighs to do things
Step on the scale and way yourself for GODS sake.
There I sit in every home,
in the corner of the room.
I collect discarded items
including bottles of old perfume.
Bills and advertisements
magazines and letters too,
especially those that come
with urgency typed in blue.
You never seem to take the time
to appreciate what I do,
with all this information
I could really blackmail you.
So don't you think it would be nice
if you took care of me?
Just clean me up and wash me out
this way I stay germ free.
When you're done
Just line me up,
with a garbage bag
To show you care for me.
How could I not forgive you?
Just one look at your puppy dog eyes
Thaws the heart of this ice maiden
Contest - Micropoetry ain't that tweet – Sponsor Casarah Nance
(105 characters with spaces)
animal, bible, christian, humorous,
Chirp chirp chirp
Cluck cluck cluck cluck
Dirty little men
One insane wee little hen
Let me introduce you
To a really big huge man
A heart sent from angels
A voice lowered from the heavens
A man whose humble heart
Can squash a 1000 little men
So when in life you see a fork in the road
You can be the Hen
Or you can be the bigger man
bird, children, hilarious,
Little men making laws
Little men seeking flaws
Little men laughing at the meek
Little men weaker than wounded sheep
Oh little men, come ye here
I shall score and brand you till you tear
You will whimper and cry out for the savoir
All due to your immature and cruel behavior
I just KNEW I was a woman
a woman inside a man’s body
therefore I went under the knife
(My surgeon said it went well)
But when I looked in the mirror
I was appalled and yes, horrified
Even after applying makeup
and donning a push-up bra
I was just plain----Ug-LEEE
(We shan’t discuss chest-down)
Thus, I had a change of heart
I wanted to restore my manhood
and kindly asked my doctor
for a reverse operation...
Wanna know what she told me??
“GIRL, you ain’t got the BALLS”...