Humorous and funny List poems and/or funny poems about List. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious List funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other List Poems.
animal, best friend, dog, funny, humor, pets, silly,
Top 10 things my dogs have never said to me. Ever!
Number 10…"Can we get a cat?"
Number 9…"No,…As a matter of fact I`m not happy to see you."
Number 8…"That`s ok, you eat the rest of that rib eye."
Number 7…"Sorry about your friends leg, and of course i`ll pay for the pillow."
Number 6…"Do I need a mint?"
Number 5…"And where have you been?"
Number 4…"Is there a 12 step group for butt sniffing?"
Number 3…"Please!…Do not rub my belly or scratch my ears. "
Number 2…" You threw it…You go get it."
And the number 1 answer is!
"That`s your third beer ya know."
Jerry T Curtis
The day I turned the big 5 0
My friends all said to me
You got to make a Bucket List
Of things to do and see
So, I sat there on my cozy couch
With pen and pad in hand
And wrote a hundred things I'm sure
No one would understand
The first thing on the list I wrote
Was simply getting High
I'd score some Marijuana
and give that weed a try
Now It's been ten years later
You would think I had some fun
And probably went through half my list
But, I'm stuck on number One
So it's clear---this is a work of fiction---lol
family, fate, funny,
The dog's at the door
Leash, collar, mask, rubber paw pads
The cat's doing three to five for
Shredding the toilet paper
The FBI fingerprint lab
Has ceased operation
Arrests are down
Everyone's wearing rubber gloves
And a mask
The Care Bears......DON'T
Virtual kisses smudge the screen
Virtual bar rooms
Together....but drinking alone
I caught the children watching
The Great Escape
My grandson now sleeps
With his baseball glove
My granddaughter stole
A spoon at supper
So how's your sanity holding up??
caregiving, family, food, for him, funny love, giggle, passion,
Today my husband said ' I can really go for some banana bread'
But this is what I made instead.
A gallon of Sweet Tea.
A bowl of Green Pea's.
Turkey Club on whole wheat followed by Smoked Meat.
Corn on the Cob along with Broccoli Raab.
Chicken Wings. Shoe Strings.
Pineapple upside down cake. A chocolate Shake.
Baked Potato served with a Stuffed Tomato
Now my husband has a belly ache.
I don't think he likes it, when I bake.
allusion, humorous, wisdom,
Best for last
As I walk around,
2 windows flawless with absolutely no bugs, spiders, creatures of any kind
2 hanging blinds perfectly dusted and cleaned
1 red toolbox entirely organized by wrenches, hammers, and screwdrivers
1 blue toolbox with little sliding doors utterly sorted by nuts, bolts, and nails
2 shelves with gardening tools separated by size
3 boxes individually labeled “Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas”
and the reason for all this:
I am bored.
©Holly P. Moore
My Janky Car
crowed parking lot,
cars going every which way,
the window roll down,
You need to get a....,
life, I thought she'd say,
but, new car I heard her scream,
laughed oh so hard did I,
screaming woman now transformed,
confused and irritated woman,
laughing still I drive away,
If only that woman knew,
3 x's a day I'd say,
I need to get a new car,
though meaning to offend,
we strongly agreed,
not the reaction she wanted from me,
Ha ha He he.
I go out seeking the sun's rays
I lay there torturing myself
I return inside
WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
New toilet seat in pink and purple flowers.
Jockeyshorts with slogans which puzzle for hours.
Teeshirt printed with “McCartney Farewell Tour 2038”,
Because for me it may well be too late.
Title deeds to twin plots in a prestigious cemetery,
With 15% off on marble headstones when they bury.
Large framed picture of mother-in-law herself,
Designed to fit perfectly over the den bar shelf.
adventure, animal, courage, funny, humor, humorous, nature,
Stan even has his own coloring book on Amazon.com at https://www.amazon.com/Stan-Busy-Snail-Gail-DeBole/dp/B09MDVQLTR!
Poem written by Gail DeBole on 10, 2015 and updated on 6/18/2018
Stan the Snail wished for a ride
On a turtle before Stan died
With his antenna intact
And the wind at his shell's back
He'd relax while enjoying the stride.
Stan the Snail's Haiku
Stan the Snail's To Do List
Stan the Snail's Point of View
funny, old, garden, old,
A ball of twine, a washing line
A bag of peat, an old dust sheet
An old flat tyre
A roller-skate, a garden gate
Some dry grass seed, a millipede
A sack of sand, one glove, left hand
A painters pallet
A cracked fish tank, a broken plank
A headless gnome, some dried out loam
An old bike bell, a snail shell
A champagne cork
The dogs toy bone, a traffic cone
It's cleared away, it took all day
I find it is, quite safe to say
It used to fit, But who knows how
My garden shed is empty now
President Obama, when asked if he had a bucket list
Replied, well kinda, only my bucket starts with an “f”... list
When he finally retires
To comedy he can aspire
Seems like a career he really might have missed
© Jack Ellison 2015
Getting On Santa’s Naughty List
By Elton Camp
He makes a list and checks it twice
To find out who’s naughty or nice
“Tut, tut,” the old elf will chide
On finding something to deride
At the North Pole, he has Internet
Which gives a clearer picture yet
On the naughty list, Miley Cyrus to enroll
So she gets nothing but a stocking of coal
He sees you if you’re sleeping or awake
A peek at your Facebook page he may take
If bad he happens to see or to hear
You, too, on the naughty list appear
So be careful what you post on the Internet
Or a bad surprise at Christmas you may get
There's someones trash,
Others rare treasure,
A lost estate,
Someones eviction furniture,
Something for everyone
Sometimes a cafe next door
for those who spend the whole day!
-----death by chocolate
----a shepherds pie
Satan seeks to steal, kill and destroy....
cute love, funny love, heartbroken, lost love, poetry,
She was the fiery love
She was the lonely love
She was the unforgettable love
She was the protected love
She was the jealous love
There are different ways to love but there is only one true love
Were you running away from love or running away from yourself
Afraid that you’re not ready, afraid to be wrong
Every time I think we're moving forward you pull away like the tide
Only getting close enough to see a glimpse of love but too scared to stay and see the whole thing
Returning to your deep depths where you don't have to worry about your true feelings
p.s. you can always run but never fully hide…
2016 in review
January – 835 sparrows “OCCUPIED” my garden.
February – I looked out my window
March – They were still there
April – They moved to Bernie’s ‘Garden’
May – Bernie spoke to them
June – The garden fell silent
July - Hillary spoke to Bill
August – Bernie fell silent
September – Hillary didn’t speak to the sparrows
October – Bill spoke to the Attorney General
November – Hillary e-mails
December – Trump tweets
John g. Lawless
black african american, childhood, funny, life, mother, teen,
Child if you don't get yo nappy head;
Imma give you something to cry about.
Get yo butt over here.
Say one mo thang.
Ima beat the black off of ya.
Wait til i'm finish.
I bet not hear another word.
It'll hurt me more than It'll hurt you.
You act up here, I'ma act with you.
Im aint chasing after you.
I put you in this world I sho nuff can take you out.
That's a black mama.
One stone left unturned
The prompt was "Write a poem which is really a recipe".
This Stew Tastes Funny
I personally like to use the more established dramatic processes, but feel free to use your own version of comedy!
Dramedy (serves the whole family!)
Take the character, drive them headfirst
into a community of oppositions
that inexplicably attract,
cue a flurry of activity, sprinkled lightly.
Leave no weaknesses un-attacked.
When the conflict begins to rise,
place them in roles reversed,
have them recognise
that conflict yields no prize.
Leave the melting pot to cool
until each moralistic monologue ends with cheap slapstick verse.
Credit to Adam Sandler.
Bananas and green beans,
a lot of other healthy things.
I’ll probably get some soda pop
and I think we need a new wet mop.
If the cart has room for a new TV
I’ll splurge and get one just for me!
Frozen pizza is on my list
and 3 2-liters of Sierra Mist.
I can’t forget shampoo and soap,
That’s all my shopping for today…
Handicapped access and Six Flags is an oximoron
Overheard in the exit line of the mine train ride:
Four year old girl states "That ride made my tummy very angry!!"
I carry this 30 pound bag wherever I go,
Some call this item a purse,
I say burden!
pink wallet with metallic stars
(not alot within except an unused gift card and an ID)
12 hair ties, all black
2 bottles nail polish
(1 is Lagoon blue, 1 is something called Rant)
6 dollars in change
2 kinds of perfume
(a girl needs to smell pretty)
5 pens, 2 pencils
notebook for poems
Sour Patch Kids and Swedish Fish
eye glasses with case
name tag for work
antibiotics and pain relievers
and a random cat toy, a blue mouse.
What a mess!
fun, hope, humor, light, river, water, weather,
What I had planned for the day is no longer an option for me.
20 minutes on a full body vibration machine
30 minutes in a sauna. Same for the oxygen bar.
A free lunch with my friend, but I cannot get to my car.
It has been pouring down rain for a few days. Everything is starting to flood.
Today I will be unable to meet my friend with a microscope who's fascinated by blood.
Turned on the television. Someone discussing Greek and Roman Parthenons.
Oh goody! What joy! It's an Ancient Aliens marathon.
Flipped open my journal looking for something to do.
Guess I'll enter a poetry contest or two.
May 15, 2015