Funny Poems About Marriage or Marriage Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Marriage poems and/or funny poems about Marriage. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Marriage funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Marriage Poems.

Poem Details | by Gershon Wolf |
Categories: humorous, marriage, relationship, romance,

Sweet Nothings In His Ear

She whispered sweet nothings in his ear
  He seemed so pleased, she’d nothing to fear  

So odd, thought she, he never liked this before
  And now with his smile, he clearly wants more… 

If you can keep a secret, dear reader, I’ll tell you, says he
  I’ve gone deaf as a doorpost; nothing irritates me

I just keep this silly smile glued to my face  
  Nod my head sometimes too, just in case…

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: humorous, marriage, relationship, technology,

He Didn'T Get the Message - Collaboration

There once was a fellow named Ted Who recently in church got wed His wife was in the mood Laying there in the nude… He was texting his friends instead! He was sending text after text His new wife was feeling quite vexed 'I'm after your bone - now get off your phone .... Or I'll leave if I'm under sexed! A collaboration with Jospeh May Both Poems inspired by 'And Nothing Else Matters' By Andrea Dietrich 1st May 2016

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: humorous, marriage, political,

You Can'T Have One Without the Other

The concept of gays in a marriage
One side loves and one will disparage
But rule supreme court
And one side must retort
Justice just had a miscarriage

Author's note:  Regardless of the outcome from the supreme court, I happen to favor gay marriage.  There really is no other conclusion since we are a land of equal rights.  We should do all we can to foster a society without discrimination.  The arguments against these rights reveal a lot about certain people of religious persuasion.  It would be comical if it were not so sad.

Poem Details | by Mark Koplin |
Categories: humor,


I married my future ex wife
She stabbed me one night with a knife
She left me for dead
For a dude named Fred
I barely escaped with my life

Cursed for the rest of my life
It’s now twice I’ve married my wife
With a pipe of lead
She beats on my head
I’d rather get stabbed with her knife

Two Limericks – Let’s Have Some Fun! Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Syllable Checked with the Soup's syllable and letter counter

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny,

A Zsa Zsa Marriage

Too fast to last. 10/7/2012 Submitted Aug. 27, 2021 for Brian Strand's Footle Finale Poetry Contest

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: humorous, husband, marriage,

Oreo Cookies

Oreo cookies
Followed me home

I wanted to keep them but they had better plans.
I ate eight of them yesterday, with cool, cold milk.

My husband asked today if I need anything from the store.
Oreo cookies! My happy side yells.
We have already gained so much weight, my ugly self complains.

My husband does not hear the words,
But he knows me well.

Oreo cookies
Followed him home.

Poem Details | by David Mchattie |
Categories: death, humor, marriage,

Reaper Comes a Calling

It was nigh on to St. Crispin's day
But I found no solace there.
The night curdled with discontentment
As a vile expectation filled the air.
Death himself appeared at my door...
His heinous purpose not yet clear.
It ripped me to the very core...
It tasked my soul with fear.
'Forgive this late intrusion.'
It offered in a throated baritone.
"I am due this night to reap a soul...
But your neighbor's not at home.'
With a firm grip on my mortality...
I could think of nothing more.
I called out towards my husband...
'Honey... you're wanted at the door.'

              The End

Poem Details | by Jimmi Canada |
Categories: graduation, growing up, heart, history, humor, marriage, mentor, mirror, muse, myth, spiritual, spoken word, thank you,


A bulging extremity,

a feminist integrity,

a swaggering centipede,

the cops arresting me,

my dick the right size,

the bang coming out of your eye's,

the sensitivity upon demise,

the dew and dripping from the sky's,

the eagerness of eloping,

the magnitude of doping,

the honesty of groping,

scattering scorpions glowing and scoping.

Poem Details | by Darlene Gifford |
Categories: humor, marriage,

Nagging Wife Pun

He turned on the coffee grinder.
His nagging wife,
no one could find her.

Poem Details | by Robert Candler |
Categories: confusion, home, humorous, husband, marriage, sexy, wife,

Quandary - a Husband's Haiku

The dishes are done,
Kids are asleep and dreaming.
Want to watch T.V.?

Privacy at last.
The kids will not disturb us.
Want to hug and smooch?

The dishes are done.
No one will disturb us, but
She's got a headache.

Whatever I did,
It must have been bad, because
She keeps saying, "No."

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: funny, marriage, men, psychological, relationship, trust, women,

How To Give a Guy a Premarital Suitability Exam

Before the "I do" she must choose
A man that does well in dance shoes
His psyche gives a clue
When employing step two
Ply him to the limit with booze

Poem Details | by Stacey Brown |
Categories: funny, happy, husband, marriage,


His lovely wife is named Heaven
She scolds him seventy times seven
Yet, Big Joe just never really cared
In Heaven he lives happily, hearing impaired!

Stacey Brown 2-6-14
Dr. Ram Mehta contest
Husbands are in heaven
whose wives scold not

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: baby, humorous, marriage,

Call the Midwife

The vicar surveyed her wide girth Was scared that in church she’d give birth He raised his eyebrows Then rushed through their vows ... He wasn’t adept at childbirth! Inspired by the poem ‘Decision Needed’ by Maurice Rigoler 13TH April 2016

Poem Details | by Tammy Reams |
Categories: cute love, for her, for him, funny love, humorous, marriage, smile,

It's Time For a Funny

Hello Honey, are you feeling sunny
or another day of crummy?

Are you going to be grumpy
because your a little lumpy?

Your still my little hunky
because your always spunky.

I love you my sweet Honey
because your never a dummy!

For my sweet hubby     T Reams

Poem Details | by Gayle Rodd |
Categories: funny love, humor, humorous, marriage,

The Proposal

The night you got down on one knee
it truly changed my life
You were just about to ask me
If I would be your wife, right?
Then I really blew it
the times that I loved best
were thrown right out the window
the moment I said "Yes!"

Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: fun, humor, husband, loss, marriage, wife,

Prepare For the Worst

That's a week the wife has been missing For years I've so longed this hoping Prepare for the worst the Police said Panic thoughts in my head The Charity shop was not my so wishing

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: funny, funny love, humor, humorous, husband, marriage, relationship,

He's a Keeper

He’s a keeper, the relatives all agreed.

You’re lucky to have this one.

Marriage will link me too

Poem Details | by Paul Schneiter |
Categories: humor, marriage, wedding,

Enough Already

It was the sixth wedding for daughter Judy
who was quite plain and hardly a beauty.
Time came to give away the bride
whereupon her Father replied
"five times I've tried--I've done my duty."

Poem Details | by Anna-Marie Docherty |
Categories: anniversary, caregiving, christmas, devotion, family, freedom, girlfriend, growing up, holiday, home, hope, humorous, imagination, journey, life, love, marriage, people, relationship, romantic, satire, song, song-thanksgiving, uplifting,

12 Days of Kiss-Mas

On the 12th day of kiss-mass my true love sent to me
12 dirty undies
11 socks a stinking
10 shoes a humming
9 shirts for pressing
8 trousers 
7 days of take-out boxes
6 flagons of beer
5 D V D's
4 mischievous children
3 dozen wine bottles
2 ex partners
and an engagement ring under the tree

Poem Details | by Just That Archaic Poet |
Categories: baby, fun, horse, humorous, marriage, words,

The Fool

Naught to say I shan't disparage
A cherub in its stroller
Laugh at married horse-drawn carriage: 
Denounce a Holy-Roller!

Point my fingers in their direction,
And have a hearty chuckle!
In Truth it is my own reflection-
One which leaves me puzzled...

No one should suffer ridicule,
By the words bled from my tongue...
But in the end, I am the Fool
Who should never make the fun!

Poem Details | by Mark Ackerson |
Categories: divorce, humorous, love, marriage,

Cupid's Arrow

All my exes were pros of the game,
                                  Spending years at perfecting their aim.
                                          They thought it was funny
                                             To take all my money
                                  When the judges said I was to blame!

"Insanity:  doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."  - Albert Einstein

Poem Details | by Mark J. Halliday |
Categories: conflict, life, love, marriage,

Love and Humor

Nobody's spouse is perfect. Marriage always has conflicts. You need a sense of humor To remain in love.

Poem Details | by Anthony Beck |
Categories: art, crush, desire, engagement, funny love, humor, marriage, romance,

Art Girl

'Tis so, I adore a polychromatic Muse. She's a plethora of jolly dramatic hues. Not to bore yuh surely with rant sophomoric, But her aura is purely phantasmagoric. I hear people ask, “Am I her signif other?" But fear she might see me as only a brother. It is quite fantabulous and those sorts of things; So we, the two of us, will be looking at rings.

Poem Details | by Faye Gibson |
Categories: funny, marriage, vacation,

Honeymoon Vacation

Just a honeymoon beach vacation,
a fine nuptial love celebration;
   we arrived a night early,
   we would find hotel surely:
“No rooms” was the sad proclamation.

“An hour away you might find one.”
They were right for we only found…NONE!!
  We got off beaten path.
  too tired then to laugh,
looked for a place “mom and pop” run.

Well, it must have been close to midnight,
exhausted the lady and her knight;
  we found Motel Warwick,
  a guest house illicit,
and christened our honeymoon site.

Copyright, July 13, 2014
Faye Lanham Gibson

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: funny, marriage, time,

The Reluctant Companion

The wife plans a spree to buy all
With husband on board at the mall
But as this takes place
He just looks for a space
To sit on a bench in the hall