Funny Poems About Murder or Murder Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Murder poems and/or funny poems about Murder. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Murder funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Murder Poems.

Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: funny, insect, nature,

Male Mantis Murder

Subtitled: WELL! You didn't have to bite my HEAD off...

Gladly would I die
for your love, my dear. No! Wait!
Just kidding! Just kid...





Poem Details | by Alozor Michael Ikechukwu |
Categories: africa, betrayal, humor, humorous, murder,

APPLES ON OUR ROCK

There once reigned a great king on our Rock
Who dared the West and defied their bloc
Dark shades, face of a frown
Short brute so wanted down
Down, oriental appples on our Rock.

Poem Details | by kathryn collins |
Categories: funny,

Murder at the Prom

Murder at the Prom

Frankie Lyman shrilled his falsetto.
Gwendolyn Gould danced in stilettos.
So callously smothered,
they never recovered.
Poor little piggies, scrunched little toes.

©Kathryn McLoughlin Collins
March 11, 2012

Poem Details | by Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories: child, food, funny, horror, murder, nursery rhyme, scary,

The Clown's Song

Bring me a child to eat
I'm too weak to stand on my feet
All I need is meat
So bring me a child to eat.


Poem Details | by Nina Parmenter |
Categories: fun, funny, humor, humorous, murder,

Wu Is Me

They alleged, when they handcuffed poor Fred
that he’d killed Mr Wu! Shot him dead!
For that night, over beer,
his intent had been clear -
“I could murder a Chinese*,” he’d said.


8 Feb 2020

*British expression meaning “I’d really love some Chinese food”!

Poem Details | by arthur vaso |
Categories: anti bullying, fairy, humanity, humorous, murder, philosophy, integrity,

Little Men

Little Men


They speak
Before thinking
They speak 
After drinking
They speak
When silence would make them wiser
They speak
The words of little men

Sadly they know not the land of the meek
Inheritance shall never be theirs to keep

They obtained a few drops of knowledge
Yet they possess no well of wisdom
They care more the vocal of their own voice
Than the heart to whom they think they speak
They lack honor, integrity, bravery and nobility
It’s simply not in their stock
They ridicule and then they mock

On deathbeds I do wonder
If they shall ever take stock
Or shall they hold greedy
Their stupidity
Taking it with them to the grave

Poem Details | by Nina Parmenter |
Categories: fun, funny, humor, humorous, murder,

I Buried My Boss

I buried my boss by a tree,
When they found him, they knew it was me,
The judge said, “You’ll pay!”
I said “No bloomin’ way!
I did all of that digging for free!”



28 May 2018

Poem Details | by arthur vaso |
Categories: art, death, humorous, murder, obituary, words,

Murder at Midnight

It was approaching the midnight hour
I had drunk, my last whiskey sour
now, I am one who uses coupons
"one free murder"
who could resist?
fearful this one would expire
count closely my dear poets
who reads this
is alive

And who is not
well I bid thee farewell
your silence let us not dwell

Poem Details | by Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories: baseball, humor, murder, parody, satire, song, sports,

Ode to My Barbed Wire-Wrapped Baseball Bat

Take me out to the kill people game
Turn me loose on the crowd
Give me some kidneys and backs to crack
I don't care who it is I attack
Let me bash, bash, bash as they scream loud
If they don't die it's a shame
Cuz it's one, two, three strikes you're dead
In the old kill people game.

Poem Details | by Earl Schumacker |
Categories: corruption, culture, humorous, judgement, murder, political, religion,

Ghost Gun

        Ghost Gun

Officer Smart from Oxymoron
Was called to school one day
Johnny pee pants raised his hands
He was about to pray
Teacher yelled, “He’s got a gun!”
The cop shot Johnny dead
….Then read him his rights….
Years were spent on investigations 
In hopes of finding a clue
The judge had called it a “Suicide”
Nothing else is new
Society went along for the ride
Thank goodness only one child died
Officer Smart from Oxymoron
Still searches the school today
Preventing crimes and looking for fingers 
Loaded and ready to fire
A lesson can be learned from this
That is, where not to pray
Do it in church
Or else you’ll be cursed
By the guns of the Holy Ghost ire

Poem Details | by Earl Schumacker |
Categories: adventure, animal, character, education, funny, murder, spring,

Kill Da Wabbit - Haiku

                    Kill Da Wabbit (a low IQ non fat Haiku)

carrot hangs on branch
kill da wabbit kill da wabbit!
C.I.L.L....... da wabbit!



*Authors note:  As you can see, the 5-7-5 haiku rules were broken here. (spelling rules also.)  The author does not apologize.  He is however, hiding from the haiku high command and related authorities.  He extends his apologies only to Bugs for any incongruities to the facts of the story and any misspellings that may offend or cause confusion.  

Poem Details | by A. Juman |
Categories: bird, children, cry, dark, freedom, hilarious, humanity, imagery, irony,

Said the turkey - Murder

Said the turkey,
Please, Please, Please pardon me.
Look at how I tilt my head in plea!
You HUMANS!
Y'all are ugly fat-head Killers?
A lot of gall,
even telling God you'll are going to killing me.
You flesh eating devils.
Parasites!
Y'all disgust me.
 11/26/2013       © A. Juman The "said" Poet
Type In (A. Juman) For A relaxing and astonishing moment with all my POEMS

Poem Details | by randy johnson |
Categories: funny, humor, humorous, murder, parody,

Barnaby Jones

I'm a PI named Barnaby Jones and I send killers to jail.
But when people receive my bills, they always yell.
Three years ago I exonerated a woman's husband of murder.
She screamed when she got my bill, you should've heard her.
I make plenty of money, I sure don't work for free.
I buy fancy suits with the money that clients pay me.
Letting people get away with murder is something I won't allow.
I drink so much milk that sometimes I suck the udders on cows.
When people see me doing that to their cows, they pull shotguns on me.
I'm a damn good Private Investigator but you will not like my fee.

(This poem is a parody of the TV show.)

Poem Details | by Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories: death, funny, humor, life, murder, repetition, violence,

Dead Yet

Am I dead yet? 
No.
Am I dead yet?
No.
Am I dead yet?
BASH GUNCH CRUSH!
Yes gawdam it.

Poem Details | by Brian Davey |
Categories: abuse, addiction, death, funny, imagery, murder,

Crack Kills

Crack Kills Crack and Pill went up the hill to fetch a pail of slaughter, Crack fell left, Pill just slipped face first in muddy water. Crack smokes pipes, Pills a hype, someone's perfect daughter, when they reached the top there's a pop, pop, pop, yah Crack he shot her. He needed the money... 01/17/2016

Poem Details | by Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories: body, death, food, funny, humor, murder, sick,

I Eat You

I eat you, I eat you, I eat you so well
I f a r t you, I f a r t you, you surely do smell
I s h i t you, I s h i t you, and now as I spoil it
I flush you, I flush you, around-down the toilet.

I never did like you, that no longer matters
For all that remains are a few greasy splatters
I killed, cooked, and ate you; you lacked a rescuer
And now you are wending your way through the sewer.

Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: funny

Contemplating Murder

   Won't snore
    no more




Footle for Brian's contest

Poem Details | by Susan Jeavons |
Categories: funny, heartbreak, humor, marriage, murder, romance, true love,

Love is Fickle

Love is Fickle

There was a young man from Medina
Who had a young wife named Regina
She fell for the waiter
And they left for Decatur
now Regina is nowhere to be seena!

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Poem Details | by Kimberly Clarke |
Categories: confusion, food, funny, imagination,

Murder in the Bakery

There was a murder in the bakery,
But all that was left was Doe, you see.

Poem Details | by cheryl hoffman |
Categories: humor, murder,

The Medicine Man

The medicine man sold it with a grin,
the townsfolk dying again and again,
tried to runaway,
townsfolk without delay,
gave him a taste of his own medicine.






11-19-16

Poem Details | by Gary Smith |
Categories: halloween, humorous, murder, scary,

'Head' Of The Household




Mother carved a pumpkin head

Boy, how it filled me with dread.

Laughing, "it looks so real I said,

It could be taken from the dead."

I thought she'd smile, but instead

I saw her flush, her face went red.

I asked "where is father, still in bed ?"

It was then that mother fled.







Entry for BOO - Poetry Contest 
Sponsored by Alexis Y.
9/10/2017

Poem Details | by Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories: animal, humor, insect, murder, nursery rhyme, violence, word play,

Kill a Man, Jaro

Jaro was a killer
He bonked me on the head
He laughed and laughed
"You're dead, you're dead!"
Is what the killer Jaro said.

But I jumped up and kicked his crotch
That knocked him down a knotch
"You're daft! You're daft!"
Said I, said I, the woolly caterpillar.

Poem Details | by Malcolm Carr |
Categories: funny

Murder by the cornets?

They found him in the ice cream parlour
Covered in nuts and syrup.
They say he topped himself.

Poem Details | by Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories: death, family, fire, funny, garden, murder, nursery rhyme,

Loovly House

Look at the loovly garden!
Narry a thorn there scratches.
Look at the loovly birds!
A peeping chick soon hatches.
Look at the loovly house!
Such loovly locks and latches.

A loovly family inside.
In nightgowns lacking patches!
Each retires to loovly beds.
As I light loovly matches!
Come morning see the loovly dead.
Reposed upon the ashes!






"Loovly House" was in FANTASY & TERROR 4, 1984.

Poem Details | by Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories: history, horror, humorous, love hurts, lust, murder, soulmate,

Elizabeth Bathory

Bathory, Bathory
Come take a bath with me
I hear it's a cure for asthma.

Bathory, Bathory
Please scrub my back for me
And do not pee in the plasma.

Bathory, Bathory
Take off your hat for me
Hang out with me on the piazza.

Bathory, Bathory
Lay down and nap with me
That might erase my miasma.