Funny Poems About My Children or My Children Funny Poems

Humorous and funny My Children poems and/or funny poems about My Children. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious My Children funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other My Children Poems.

Poem Details | by Trevor Mcleod |
Categories: analogy, appreciation, character, destiny, children, funny, nonsense,

Me Myself and I

Me myself and I
were talking to myselve's
when we asked us a question
and they were not themselves.

They themselves and them
now questioning themselves
said we were not like them
and had to be yourselves.

You yourselve's and you
now separate from myselve's
meant you could not be me
and we could be ourselves.

Poem Details | by Sneha Rv |
Categories: child, childhood, children, christian, christmas, funny, mom,

Keeping Mum

Reindeer wait
   by the pane
I see shapes

A present!
   Santa thinks
I’m asleep 

Smells like mum 
   lent Santa 
her perfume...  ?

Poem Details | by Susan Jeavons |
Categories: children, family, humor, husband, imagery, stress,

Monday Morning Madness

Monday Morning Madness

Just because the morning starts
like the morning straight from hell,
and the little one is screaming
and you need a magic spell,
just because you burned the pancakes
and the bacon, well it’s crisp,
do not rant and rave and stutter
or you’ll acquire a nasty lisp!
If your husband’s little habits
drive you batty, do not fret,
but don’t fill his cup with poison;
well, perhaps at least not yet!
If the dog destroyed your curtains
and your mother-in-law is back,
and you hurt your precious pinky
when you tried to nail a tack,
do not turn suicidal
and do not give up, no way!
After all it’s just the morning!
You still have the whole damn day!

Poem Details | by Emma Anonymous |
Categories: children, funny,

Whistle Worry

I cannot whistle
It's sad but true
I try and try
yet no sound comes through

My lips I purse
My teeth I grit
I try real hard
but blow out spit

Poem Details | by Jacob Cra |
Categories: childhood, education, children, funny, dog, dog,

I Didn'T Do My Math Homework

I didn’t do my math homework!
I watched T.V instead!
I better come up with an excuse... and quick!
Or else I’m surely dead!

My brother tore it!
It’s in the garbage!
Mom says it causes brain damage!

My power was out!
I had the flu!
I was having trouble excreting my poo!

You know, why even bother?
My excuses are so lame!
I know! My dog ate my homework!
Now to find a dog I can blame...

Poem Details | by John Williams |
Categories: children, humorous,


My mum just made me a pancake,
So very round and flat,
I put ice-cream and honey on,
Then ate it where I sat.
The taste is quite enormous,
It sweetens all your mouth,
Mum asked, " Where's the pancake gone? "
I said, "I think it headed south."

Poem Details | by William Robinson |
Categories: children, funny, on work and working,

In the Gravy

The sea was unusually wavy,
When a cook in the Royal Navy,
With a roll of the ship,
Accidentally slipped,
Inundating his captain with gravy.

Poem Details | by Lynn Marie |
Categories: food, children, funny, happiness, imagination, uplifting,


It wiggles and jiggles
and feels fun to the touch,
a cinch to make;
something everyone loves.

There are a million flavours,
many are fat free,
jello has been around
for many centuries.

The colours are as vibrant
as a peacock's quills
just pick your favourite;
add water, and let chill.

For something so simple
to bring such pleasure,
it is one of life's mysteries,
that everyone treasures.

So lets pause for a moment
and give thanks to jello;
for who doesn't smile,
at the options of jello.

Poem Details | by Debra Robillard |
Categories: children, funny

Spaghetti Man

There once was a man with spaghetti for hair
It was long. It was stringy, and it flew everywhere

It was white. It was sticky. It collected in clumps.
It was covered in sauce, and meatballs, and junk.

So I went to the man with spaghetti for hair, 
And I said, "Pasta guy, could I ask if I dare?"

I said, "Aren't you embarrased?" and he said, "Not at all!"
He said, "Everyone's different. Some are short. Some are tall.

But I'm one of a kind. And I'm sure you can see,
That in this whole wide world there's nobody like me.

And if I get hungry, and there's no one there,
I just reach up and grab a big bite of my hair!"

Poem Details | by Arthur Vaso |
Categories: bird, children, hilarious,

Poetry Crimes

Little men making laws
Little men seeking flaws
Little men laughing at the meek
Little men weaker than wounded sheep

Oh little men, come ye here
I shall score and brand you till you tear
You will whimper and cry out for the savoir
All due to your immature and cruel behavior

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: children, humorous, parents,

A Parents Grook

Small babies are unpredictable just like the weather Often wet; with sudden outbreaks of terrible wind But would I have altered anything, no never … Being a parent, you become very thick skinned! Contest: Grook Sponsor: Silent One 02~14~16

Poem Details | by David Dowling |
Categories: family, children, funny, happiness, inspirational, love


Why are you so grumpy?
Pray, what made you so?
What gave rise to those dark eyes,
and snivel on your nose?

Why are you so grumpy?
-Don't give me the charade!
I see through that bright red nose,
upon that white clown face!

Why are you so grumpy?
Oh, come now, don't hold back.
I know you know that I know well,
the way you always act.

You cover and hide,
and hurry your stride,
you act as though I'm clueless.
Pout and weep,
mumble and freep,
I know that's no word, BUT YOU DO IT!

So if you're feelin' grumpy,
don't let that raincloud set.
The day that comes after this one,
could be your greatest yet!

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: food, children, humorous,

Kitchen Monster

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’ve got a secret to tell I’ll whisper it to you; as I don’t like to yell I’ve discovered a monster living in my house It’s very very quiet, as quiet as a mouse The biscuit tin is empty, not even a single crumb Yet the packet was brand new, not even undone All the chocolate is gone, oh what can I do If I find the culprit I’ll bid him adieu He invades my fridge when I’m not looking I’ve not poisoned him yet as he survives my cooking A miracle has happened since my son returned to university I’ve not had to keep the kitchen cupboards under lock and key 10~12~14 Contest: Monsters and Marvels Sponsor: Debbie Guzzi ~awarded 4th place~

Poem Details | by Darlene Gifford |
Categories: children, humor, summer,

Mr Crocodile's Back In Town

On a sweltering summer day,
Mr. Crocodile's come to stay.
Slithering into shops and stores,
every cold thing he devours.

Children's mouths drop and drool.
They see what's keeping him so cool!
Cats and dogs linger at his feet,
licking up drippings, of sweet, stolen treats.

Cops and fire trucks roar down the block,
with their sirens blaring, chasing Mr. Crock.
Toddler's cry while their mother's scream,
to see him eating all the town's ice cream.

Poem Details | by Rufus Reed |
Categories: children, funny


Sometimes cakes are upside down,
And brownies are not always brown.
A steak should not be made of wood,
And well done doesn’t mean it’s good.
Sometimes food is sweet and sour,
Petals are not found in flour.

It’s fair to say before they’re eaten
Spuds get mashed and eggs get beaten.
Sugar often gets dissolved,
But there’s no cruelty involved.
One gastronomic puzzle lingers,
What kind of fish is born with fingers?

Poem Details | by Sandra Hudson |
Categories: children, funny, life,

Utter Nonsense

One cold day, I was burning up
The rain outside was dry
The sunshine, mooned each falling star
Out there, inside was I

Reading, when I'm fast asleep
I saw no movement stand
I reached without and outstretched arm
to flick the fly that land

Bouncing, being very still
I thought it lively, dying
When up it sprang, just flatly
All it's energy, spent trying

Salt I sprinkled, as it poured
Atop, the underneath, it's belly
Finally flopping, to and fro
Then landing in my jelly

Poem Details | by William Robinson |
Categories: children, funny, loss, time,

Hearing Things

Long ago, when I was young,
Before my hearing began to fail,
Why, I could hear a boll weevil
Tiptoe across a cotton bale.
But many years have come and gone;
The ghetto blaster took its toll.
Now I couldn't hear an elephant
Dance in clogs with wooden soles.

Poem Details | by Ronald D Thompson |
Categories: children, color, family, humorous, silly,

Through Your Eyes

Through your eyes

Is the sky blue and the grass green?
It has to be because I’ve seen.
But your green might be my blue, 
I’m sorry that just wouldn’t do.
If the sky you see is my red,
I think I’d lie down in my bed. 
What if your grass is my pink?
I’d have to say that would stink!
Pink grass and red sky,
Dear oh dear, I’d surely die!
I’m glad my blue is my blue,
As far as I’m concerned that will do.
And I like my grass the green I see, 
For how else could it ever be?
Don’t want to see through your eyes,
Just might scare me with surprise!

Poem Details | by William Robinson |
Categories: children, funny, people,

Super Chief

An Indian chief, named Bold Eagle,
Once lived with his faithful old beagle.
He maintained his station,
Without reservation,
In a style that was in tents, but regal.

Poem Details | by Glen Schwartz |
Categories: cat, children, fantasy, fun, humor,

The Tall Cat

I Do not want a window seat .
I do not want to freeze my feet..
I do not want a waiter cat .
I do not like his pin striped hat..
I do not want him to touch my food.
And how he speaks is down right Rude..

So won't you take my order Jerry.
I know the menu, and I'm in quite the hurry..
Scrapple , egg and cheese on toast, 
that is the meal I love the most..
The tall cat can have his green eggs and ham.
    He's not from Philly but Sam I Am..

Poem Details | by Michael Sender |
Categories: dream, children, humor, literature, lost,

My Lost Shadow

Yesterday, in bright sunlight
I turned and looked
No shadow, what a fright
Am I a ghost? So I pinched

Awakening from my dream
At the break of dawn
Getting ready to scream
Instead gave a mighty yawn

I am like Peter Pan in Kensington
Perhaps I left my shadow in bed
Be brave and carry on
Is what I said

Shadow lost and found
To life, I am bound
Yesterday's shadow was on the ground
Sewn on without a sound

Poem Details | by Misty Hoot |
Categories: children, funny, happiness, uplifting,

It Was Me!

There was a boy named Charlie who loved to climb trees.
You could always recognize him by his scraped up knees.

When his mother would tell him to come inside 
he'd climb up his favorite tree and hide.
You could hear the siren as the firemen zoomed through town.
They had, just had to get that little boy on the ground.
The people would say, "There goes Charlie climbing that tree."
They really shouldn't say that because this time it was me!

Poem Details | by Michelle Faulkner |
Categories: candy, children, funny, halloween,

The Witches of Halloween

Face to face with the witches of Halloween
curse black jellybeans

Zombie doctors, unbeating hearts out of whack
raisins giving back

Mad scientists, green goggles, double helix
rejecting trail mix

Undead bug blasters, squishing out eight-legged lice
No to apple slice

String cheese does not bring
Candy's following
Face to face with the witches of Halloween...


Poem Details | by Nick Trim |
Categories: children, humorous, kid,


what's a man to do
when he meets a kangaroo
and the kangeroo's called Andrew

he said how do you do
can you help me out I'm new
I'm a kangaroo called Andrew

is it really true
you're a talking kangeroo
and your name is somehow Andrew

he said yes sir it is true
and you can't spell kangeroo
now can you

No Andrew, 
can you?
No I'm a kangaroo
(called Andrew)


Poem Details | by William Robinson |
Categories: animals, children, funny,

An Odd Couple

A dashing, young field mouse
Once married a shrew,
And they set up housekeeping
In an old tennis shoe.
When their babies were born--
Not shrews and not mice--
They were the proud parents
Of a shoe full of shrice.