Humorous and funny Naughty poems and/or funny poems about Naughty. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Naughty funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Naughty Poems.
funny, life, love, passion, philosophy,
Naughty Sex talk
Women will whisper
Pretend they don’t care
Chat about perfume
Or talk about hair
Why is it secret
Hush, hush don’t say
When every ten seconds
In every man’s brain
Frank daydreams of sex
Never test the water with BOTH your feet
To determine the temperature or if it's deep
One pinky at a time
For testing the brine
It's over my head, words I screamed I had to bleep
© Jack Ellison 2016
Order by offer
Ingredients do matter
Stuck in first trouble
Boiling some flavors
Pudding missed in sweet manner
Moulding successfully failed
Yet we feel give up
Deserve for a second chance
Re-mould done! Relieved...
Sit tight in a fridge
Naughty pudding had a plan
Mission to seduce
Tempted by its look
My husband eat for a slice
Naughty pudding finally win in its mission, well, one pudding unsold :p
funny, life, parody, passion, people, satire, wife,
It may come as quite a shock
but Queen Victoria
Loved a curry on a Friday night
liked plenty of sex
and smoked pot.
Queen Victoria and her husband Prince Albert, had 9 children together. Her Indian servant and confidant introduced her to Indian food. Taking drugs and opium were legal in such times.
P Dome. copyright 2012.
The gift he left was black and bleak
I swear to you I didn't peek
with stockings low
a risque show
I only kissed her on the cheek
“Open wide”, said he, “wanna see what you've got
Settle down, I'm your dentist, wanna see your chops
Your mind's in the gutter”
Then he started to stutter
Began to squim as she nibbled his naughty spots
© Jack Ellison 2015
Getting On Santa’s Naughty List
By Elton Camp
He makes a list and checks it twice
To find out who’s naughty or nice
“Tut, tut,” the old elf will chide
On finding something to deride
At the North Pole, he has Internet
Which gives a clearer picture yet
On the naughty list, Miley Cyrus to enroll
So she gets nothing but a stocking of coal
He sees you if you’re sleeping or awake
A peek at your Facebook page he may take
If bad he happens to see or to hear
You, too, on the naughty list appear
So be careful what you post on the Internet
Or a bad surprise at Christmas you may get
When I was a young'un and full of beans
Used to skip rope and climb up trees
But since I got old
Noticed some mold
Appearing on my naughty parts as well as some fleas
the night before yesterday
a boy about six or seven
from a country of far east
where holy waters meet
was disturbing a girl on net
the girl was an extra smart
anyhow she managed to catch
and dragged the boy on a roof
to teach him lesson for life
in anger and raze she dropped
from a height of about fifty feet
but with her wonders she saw
the naughty boy did not die at all
in his armpit he had bird’s wings.
food, friend, fun, humorous, youth,
There once was a youth from Sacramento
Who loved to spice his dish with pimento
His friends thought it worth a laugh
To spike for fun the carafe
They all left quick with no memento
AP: 3rd place 2020
Submitted on December 26, 2018, for contest LET'S HAVE FUN sponsored by SHADOW HAMILTON
and on April 20, 2018, for contest YOUR BEST LIMERICK sponsored by ROBERT HAIGH
Come on Babe
I am sat here at home all alone
With the T.V on that channel you know we both like
And I have a tin of whipped cream
And a bowl of strawberries
Waiting especially for you
Hurry up and get home
The cookery channel is about to start showing
The forest is damp,
The early bird gets the worm,
If the worm shows up.
I'm learning to swear and to curse
And to make my poems sound worse and worse
But when I shouted, oh f**k
It was just my bad luck...
I was standing right next to a hearse.
So then I thought, oh what the hell,
My mind's as unsound as a bell
I cried . what a b*gger
And scared off a mugger.
So here I am with no cr*p in a dell.
Is there a future for the pure on the earth
For those who don't swear and don't curse?
Cor blimey,you're quaint
Is you a saint?
I almost feel a faint tinge of mirth
>I once had an onion
And he was very bad
Kept kicking all the apples
Made them very mad
He once stole a monkey
Then sold it to a stoat
He borrowed someone's hamster
And threw it in a moat
Climbing up a ladder
One day in sunny June
He found a baby rattlesnake
Singing a happy tune
Wrapping it up in a bag
He took it far away
And where they were for a week or two
I really couldn't say
He collected tiny unicorns
And threw them through a hoop
I did get fed up that day
So I made him into soup<
There once was a woman named Pam
Who entertained men with her cam
She'd pose in her undies
On Thursdays and Sundays
And used up her excess of RAM..
beauty, health, humor, love,
You have been,
continue to become
a very bad boy/girl,
yet hard to annoy,
easy to live near,
absorbing your aloof royalty
of sensual pleasures,
eating and purging,
ining and outing
nutritionally sublime arts of undomesticated conscience,
co-empathically wild trust
that Earth shall always love you in return
as is your kinship due.
brother, chocolate, funny, giggle, halloween, humorous, sister,
Every year when it is sweet Halloween time,
my selfish big brother commits the same crime -
he quick gobbles his candy and then steals mine!
I can't tell cause my parents will say I whine
so this Halloween my mean brother, Bobby,
will feel regret and correct his theft hobby.
Tonight, this sis is a sinister zombie
who will see Bro turn squatty, potty sorry!
I foil wrapped sweets he favs as delicious –
he will soon steal Exlax-styled Hershey kisses.
By the time naughty Bobby grows suspicious
his guts will have already turned most vicious!
October 25, 2019
The brain is amazing, mine functions independently
No control, it wanders to naughty places incessantly
Try to make it behave
And make it my slave
But the damn thing has a spoiled childlike tendency
There was a naughty girl
And a naughty girl was she
For nothing would she do
Since the age of two
But pick her nose
She picked it here
For allergy did bare
Near every chair
Santa used our bathroom Christmas Eve.
And oh the Yule log did he leave.
Being in a rush,
he did not proper flush.
I believe it was the worst gift I received.
Rudolph with his red nose so bright,
road with Santa, they had a fight.
Too much eggnog punch,
and cookies for lunch-
flew upside down...naughty kid night!
Funny Reindeer Limerick Contest
December 16, 2018
A poem by my far away friend
inspired the following ditty
in the form of a sexet:
Jack did, Diane did not
Jack was much too hot!
Bodies on fire
Inspired by Christie Moses' Naughty Ditty.
Sorry Christie for this plagiarism
but it is the highest form of flattery!
My better other half
Who I call Secsee
Today did say to me
If you wish to continue our sexual liaison's
Or want me to have sex with you ever again
The next time you take or need a Pish
Then you better remember to leave the toilet seat down
Or the only thing you will be making love to in the not to distant future
Is those dodge sites you keep wiping from your computer
And just them you will be resigned to history
Do you get me ?
The Church of Four Hundred Rabbits*
Needs Vows of Silence from blab-its
The Altar wine
Is so divine
That monks and priests probe loose habits
*Prior to Lockdown, Nottingham's
400 Rabbits Tequila Bar
I once took in a cat
whose fur was white as snow;
wherever the feline sat
there he left a halo.
And then one night
I woke up with an awful fright:
that sound, that gush!
I leaped and made a rush –
damn! not fast enough.
There, on my Queen Ann’s chair
a halo of white hair
encircling foul-smelling stuff!
In seconds he went cruisin’,
blindly through the night air,
and right behind him, a ruin,
my Queen Ann’s chair.