Humorous and funny New Year poems and/or funny poems about New Year. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious New Year funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other New Year Poems.
funny, january, new year,
I’ve been watching my weight since 14,
but with all of the diets I’ve seen,
they’ve become a big no-no.
This here dieting yo-yo
has stopped trying to be super lean!
Other problems I’ll change as I go.
I don’t need a New Year to say so!
Said a wise sailor man:
I yam what I yam!
Why improve on a good thing - ya know?
So the cause of the most bellyaching
at this time of the year I’m forsaking.
When you know yourself well. . .
why then go through such hell!
Resolutions I’ll never be making.
For the the New Year's Resolution Poetry Contest of Regina Riddle
celebrity, humorous, new year,
Just where have the weeks gone
Another year has whizzed past
No New Years resolution, I'd only break it
Unless it’s to meet George Clooney
Ah fiddlesticks he’s married now!
Romance is off the cards
Yeah, but a girl can dream!
January Acrostic Contest
Sponsored by Michelle Faulkner
NB I have never made a New Year's Resolution, this is just a standing joke with my husband
adventure, allusion, anger, art, color, confusion, cool, crazy, fantasy, fun, funny, music, new year, paradise, rap, riddle, rude, song,
Your love is real
the love you feel.
Your love is great
the love you make.
Your records are on fire
its your desire.
Take me out tonight
and go wild and crazy,
or be fat and lazy.
So I played some Doors
and saw some whores.
So I said goodbye
and they all must die, fool.
So dig my guts
and eat my brain
and then go insane.
Care I love it
so forget it, Punk!
humorous, new year,
1st January 2015
humorous, new year,
My new year's resolution is I’m going to get thinner
So I purchased a 'Weightwatchers’ meal as a TV dinner
When I looked at the ingredients I discovered it’s a racket
There is more nutritional value if had I eaten the blinking packet!
25th December 2014
dark, humorous, satire,
welcome to the nightmare
365 days of triskaidekaphobia
where will you hide
The world didn't end in 2012, so now we have to deal with the number 13 all year long. I wrote this poem with that in mind. Of course, my tongue was firmly planted in my cheek.
food, humorous, image, new year,
I let out a scream when I stand on the scales -
the bitter truth, I’ve joined the species of whales!
I plan to go on a new weight loss diet
food is grilled, you must never fry it!
Those pre packed diet foods are such a racket
there’s more nutrients in the cardboard packet
I’ll be enrolling at the local gym
and with luck I’ll be thin as a pin
I’m going to take up weight lifting
and think of the pounds I’ll be shifting
In my Lycra I’ll cut such a dash
I hope I don’t get a nasty sweat rash!
I’ll give up candy and drinking root beer
Looks like I’m in for a depressing year!
New year 2018 Contest
Sponsored by Kim Rodrigues
funny, new year,
All resolutions for twenty thirteen
Always promise to start out peachy keen
dreaming or wide awake
my pet peeve is cheesecake
A wide waistline on bikini screams "mean".
Pineapples, cheeries, strawberries or plain
Calories are the secret to weight gain
trying to deny urge
as fork and cheesecake merge
Choose will power or perhaps go insane.
Only three hundred sixty-four more days
To keep resolution intact from craves
as the replay unhinge
time for a cheesecake binge
Happy New Year rides deep hunger pang waves.
*For Gwendolen's Resolution Limerick in your Pocket.
funny, introspection, new year,
Resolving with age,
the conflict “hard versus dark.”
‘Twill be “dark” all night!
Haiku for a New Year Resolution.
For many, this may well become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
beach, color, dark, fire, kids, fun, giggle, happy, humorous, inspirational, international, july, new year, poetry, senses, voice, youth,
E-Z Glo Punk, Lightning Flash,
TNT Devices will burst, do crash
Southern Night, Piccolo Petes
are hard to beat...
I like hand held Sparklers, Tanks
flashing fountains, Solar Flare
Six to #20 Gold I have to share,
no incidence, no burns, thanks...
Whistles blow, fountains glow,
pop'n sounds, entire sky all aglow
I love those colors, high an low
trails eched onto my retina
inspired me to let ya know
Now you close both eyes
in pitch dark, what a surprise
for you to see, right there
darkness, absolutely anywhere
beautiful trails of lights in motion
"Always read a label of caution"
funny, new year,
H e was always the saintly , quiet one
A and everyone knew his name .
P etula Francis Xaviar
P uts Johnny Cash's Sue to shame .
Y et , he always held his dignity
N o matter , who would provoke
E specially , his crazy sister
W alter Benedict , who he'd gladly choke .
Y es , it was time for big decisions
E specially for twenty ten
A nd sissy names , particularly , ain't for real men ;( so he is now )
R egina , Catie , Seanie , Carol Poetry , the Pen ..
Inspired for Carol's Happy New Year contest and "dared "to write and present this , by Catie .
funny, new year, philosophy, satire,
with each moment we
start a New Year
best to leave the old behind
hope, humorous, new year,
Oh, you charming, New Year,
What a great excuse you are
All my Ill-fated efforts of the
Year just past, to forget!
© Demetrios Trifiatis
24 JANUARY 2015
Suresh Babu Palani
celebration, cheer up, dance, emotions, feelings, holiday, humor, life, new year, new years day, poetry, seasons,
New year's eve-
Regrets and hopes dance
food, funny, new year, new years day,
In the New Year I resolved to lose weight
I thought I'd start by using a small plate
But with a big sigh
I piled it up high
Dang, once more the idea not so great...
For the New Years Resolution contest.
drink, holiday, humorous, new year, sad, stress, wine,
2020 drove me to disappear,
2021 is almost here.
Off for drinks and zen, all I can say is hooray and amen.
3 Place Christmas Chastushka - Rules Revised Contest Judged:12/24/2020
Sponsored by: Andrea Dietrich
childhood, faith, friendship, funny, life, lost love, teen, new year,
Dear dead properties, L-o-L
Now back to earth and for what it’s worth
A new year is a laudable blessing commencing rebirth
Advance in life and don’t come back, kidding
Just don’t retreat or look back
Sweet sixteen I’m glad you’re that
On your back, me support thou sat
Feliz cumpleaños, and good luck
Love, a hungry acquaintance
crazy, funny, giggle, humor, humorous, new year, silly,
Fumble, bumble, flop and drop
Our new neighbor is a sop.
His new year's resolution
To uphold the constitution,
Dust himself off with a mop.
funny, new year,
“’til Christmas? Just two shopping days
With New Year a few more away
Considering (what you call) merchant ads -
With Big Dave there still exists a good will
Deck the rooms with Dave’s fine ‘threesome’
The ad while not in fine spiritual keeping
shows good will with Big Dave, you save
Merry Christmas all you fine shoppers
out there in holiday land
Drop on by for some egg nog and
A tune from our Jingle Bell Band
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Come on down y’hear”
funny, new year,
The New Year is round the corner again
I have started to wrack my brain
A resolution to keep
For which I would not weep
And would be proud and bring out champagne
I decided to quit chocolate
And so will take the help of my mate
Not to gorge myself on any treat
Maybe couple of times cheat
For to keep a resolution I do hate
fear, funny, hope, love, peace,
Shades stored away
Room painted as clay
Tarot left unread
Ink spills on pencils
Got rid of nickels
American heroes return
New medals are given
End their hurdles again
With a handful of kindness and generosity
Year after year they fought the enemy
Enraged mothers wail with pain
America still mourns
Rampage of innocents
funny, life, mystery, seasons, old, old, new year,
The new year has arrived
With a new format for the brain
Made promises to myself
Made with intentions to keep
All the ones of the past
Now gone with an old year
One now at rest
One I gave all my best
Now like the old saying
It's time to
"See Monkey See"
desire, humorous, new year,
In perpetual motion
The unfulfilled dreams
Years that have passed!
© Demetrios Trifiatis
08 JANUARY 2014
Robert Long Mellott
funny, holiday, seasons, travel, new year,
Kangaroos look funny in horns and underoos
Nothing like the holidays down under…
So many sweets to taste and plunder…
Mistletoe hung over head…
Sweet dreams in our slumbering bed…
The jolly man shimmying down
The hot family hearths
Not making a sound making his rounds
Asbestos underwear protecting his parts
The sweaty old boy in red
Cursing the heat of points this far south
While blimey citizens are snug in bed
Explicatives flowing from his mouth
Merry Christmas to all those down under
And happy New Year a day bloody sooner
Having no snow is a god awful blunder
The whole island should be sat in a corner!
funny, life, time, new year,
The years are picking up speed
This last one just seemed to fly
To old age I soon must concede
But before life passes me by
Hang Gliding I really must try ..
Barbara Gorelick 1/8/12
Happy New Year contest