Funny Poems About New Year or New Year Funny Poems

Humorous and funny New Year poems and/or funny poems about New Year. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious New Year funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other New Year Poems.

Poem Details | by Andrea Dietrich |
Categories: funny, january, new year,

The Non-Resolver

I’ve been watching my weight since 14, but with all of the diets I’ve seen, they’ve become a big no-no. This here dieting yo-yo has stopped trying to be super lean! Other problems I’ll change as I go. I don’t need a New Year to say so! Said a wise sailor man: I yam what I yam! Why improve on a good thing - ya know? So the cause of the most bellyaching at this time of the year I’m forsaking. When you know yourself well. . . why then go through such hell! Resolutions I’ll never be making. For the the New Year's Resolution Poetry Contest of Regina Riddle

Poem Details | by Panagiota Romios |
Categories: funny, new year,

Call the Priest, Humor Potd

Oh, Those New Years Resolutions!
Now, must call a Priest and ask for Absolution!

As If perfection, I could ever in a year achieve!
Will be saying “Bless me Father,” on humble knees!


Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: celebrity, humorous, new year,


Just where have the weeks gone
Another year has whizzed past
No New Years resolution, I'd only break it
Unless it’s to meet George Clooney
Ah fiddlesticks he’s married now! 
Romance is off the cards
Yeah, but a girl can dream!

January Acrostic Contest
Sponsored by Michelle Faulkner

NB I have never made a New Year's Resolution, this is just a standing joke with my husband


Poem Details | by Blake Holland |
Categories: adventure, allusion, anger, art, color, confusion, cool, crazy, fantasy, fun, funny, music, new year, paradise, rap, riddle, rude, song,

Northern Suburbia

Your love is real 
the love you feel.
Your love is great 
the love you make.
Your records are on fire 
its your desire.
Take me out tonight
and go wild and crazy, 
or be fat and lazy. 
So I played some Doors 
and saw some whores. 
So I said goodbye 
and they all must die, fool. 
So dig my guts 
and eat my brain 
and then go insane. 
I don't
Care I love it 
so forget it, Punk!

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: humorous, new year,

New Year Footles

New Year Drinks Beer Gets drunk Heads clunk Drink over Hangover Feels sick Loo quick! Is ill Needs Pill To bed Sore head Morning Dawning Feels sad Looks bad Want drink… Rethink! 1st January 2015

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: humorous, new year,

My New Year's Resolution

My new year's resolution is I’m going to get thinner So I purchased a 'Weightwatchers’ meal as a TV dinner When I looked at the ingredients I discovered it’s a racket There is more nutritional value if had I eaten the blinking packet! 25th December 2014

Poem Details | by Frank Polgar |
Categories: dark, humorous, satire,

The New Year

welcome to the nightmare
365 days of triskaidekaphobia
where will you hide

The world didn't end in 2012, so now we have to deal with the number 13 all year long.  I wrote this poem with that in mind.  Of course, my tongue was firmly planted in my cheek.

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: food, humorous, image, new year,

A Lean New Year

I let out a scream when I stand on the scales - the bitter truth, I’ve joined the species of whales! I plan to go on a new weight loss diet food is grilled, you must never fry it! Those pre packed diet foods are such a racket there’s more nutrients in the cardboard packet I’ll be enrolling at the local gym and with luck I’ll be thin as a pin I’m going to take up weight lifting and think of the pounds I’ll be shifting In my Lycra I’ll cut such a dash I hope I don’t get a nasty sweat rash! I’ll give up candy and drinking root beer Looks like I’m in for a depressing year! New year 2018 Contest Sponsored by Kim Rodrigues 12/31/17

Poem Details | by Sara Etgen-Baker |
Categories: december, new year,

It's Gone! It's Done! Funny New Year's Resolution

I’m in a state of shock Writing this and watching the clock—tick tock, tick tock, Advancing, approaching, relentlessly, A brand-new year. Oh, can it be? The calendar says the same thing, too. Time races, vanishes for me. Boo hoo! No, wait! It was such a short run! A year of wisdom and progress. Poof! It’s gone! It’s done!

Poem Details | by Linda-Marie Sweetheart |
Categories: funny, new year,

Resolutions Replay

        "Resolutions Replay"

All resolutions for twenty thirteen
Always promise to start out peachy keen
dreaming or wide awake
my pet peeve is cheesecake
A wide waistline on bikini screams "mean".

Pineapples, cheeries, strawberries or plain
Calories are the secret to weight gain
trying to deny urge
as fork and cheesecake merge
Choose will power or perhaps go insane.

Only three hundred sixty-four more days
To keep resolution intact from craves
as the replay unhinge
time for a cheesecake binge
Happy New Year rides deep hunger pang waves.

*For Gwendolen's Resolution Limerick in your Pocket. 

Poem Details | by Perry Campanella |
Categories: beach, color, dark, fire, fun, giggle, happy, humorous, inspirational, international, july, new year, poetry, senses, voice, youth,

Caution - Fireworks

E-Z Glo Punk, Lightning Flash,
TNT Devices will burst, do crash
Southern Night, Piccolo Petes
       are hard to beat...

I like hand held Sparklers, Tanks
 flashing fountains, Solar Flare
 Six to #20 Gold I have to share,
 no incidence, no burns, thanks...

  Whistles blow, fountains glow,
 pop'n sounds, entire sky all aglow
 I love those colors, high an low
  trails eched onto my retina
  inspired me to let ya know

  Now you close both eyes
in pitch dark, what a surprise
  for you to see, right there
 darkness, absolutely  anywhere
beautiful trails of lights in motion
"Always read a label of caution"

Poem Details | by Suresh Babu Palani |
Categories: celebration, cheer up, dance, emotions, feelings, holiday, humor, life, new year, new years day, poetry, seasons,

Cocktail Party

New year's eve-
Regrets and hopes dance

Poem Details | by John Trusty |
Categories: funny, introspection, new year,

Introspection By Gender

Resolving with age,
the conflict “hard versus dark.”
‘Twill be “dark” all night!

Haiku for a New Year Resolution.
For many, this may well become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: food, funny, new year, new years day,

Sounded Good At the Time

In the New Year I resolved to lose weight 
I thought I'd start by using a small plate
But with a big sigh
I piled it up high
Dang, once more the idea not so great...

For the New Years Resolution contest.

Poem Details | by Sean Kelly |
Categories: funny, new year,

New Name Year .

H e was always the saintly , quiet one
 A and everyone knew his name .
 P etula Francis Xaviar
 P uts Johnny Cash's Sue to shame .
 Y et , he always held his dignity

 N o matter , who would provoke
 E specially , his crazy sister
 W alter Benedict , who he'd gladly choke .

 Y es , it was time for big decisions
 E specially for twenty ten
 A nd sissy names , particularly , ain't for real men ;( so he is now )
 R egina , Catie , Seanie , Carol Poetry , the Pen ..

Inspired for Carol's Happy New Year contest and "dared "to write and present this , by Catie .

Poem Details | by Paula Goldsmith |
Categories: drink, holiday, humorous, new year, sad, stress, wine,

2021 a New Year

2020 drove me to disappear,
2021 is almost here.                                                                                   
Off for drinks and zen,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  all I can say is hooray and amen.                                                                                                                          
Date Written:12/20/2020

3 Place   Christmas Chastushka - Rules Revised Contest Judged:12/24/2020 
Sponsored by: Andrea Dietrich

Poem Details | by Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories: hope, humorous, new year,

What An Excuse

Oh, you charming, New Year,

What a great excuse you are


All my Ill-fated efforts of the

Year just past, to forget!

© Demetrios Trifiatis
   24 JANUARY 2015

Poem Details | by Rudolph Rinaldi |
Categories: funny, new year, philosophy, satire,


with each moment we 
start a New Year
best to leave the old behind

Poem Details | by Richard Breese |
Categories: crazy, funny, giggle, humor, humorous, new year, silly,

Clumsy I Guess

fumble, bumble, flop and drop

yes no doubt i am a sop

this new years resolution

uphold my constitution

dust myself off with a mop.

Poem Details | by Darian Brown |
Categories: childhood, faith, friendship, funny, life, lost love, teen, new year,

Happy Day of Birth

Dear dead properties, L-o-L
Now back to earth and for what it’s worth
A new year is a laudable blessing commencing rebirth
Advance in life and don’t come back, kidding 
Just don’t retreat or look back
Sweet sixteen I’m glad you’re that
On your back, me support thou sat
Feliz cumpleaños, and good luck
Love, a hungry acquaintance

Poem Details | by Daver Austin |
Categories: funny, new year,

Smooth Talker


“’til Christmas?    Just two shopping days
With New Year a few more away

Considering (what you call) merchant ads -    
With Big Dave there still exists a good will 

Deck the rooms with Dave’s fine ‘threesome’
    fa-la-la-la-laa-re-mem-ber Dave
The ad    while not in fine spiritual keeping
    shows good will    with Big Dave, you save

Merry Christmas all you fine shoppers
    out there in holiday land
Drop on by for some egg nog and
    A tune from our Jingle Bell Band

Ho! Ho! Ho! 
Come on down    y’hear”

Poem Details | by Tahera Mannan |
Categories: funny, new year,

My New Year Resolution

The New Year is round the corner again
I have started to wrack my brain
A resolution to keep
For which I would not weep
And would be proud and bring out champagne

I decided to quit chocolate
And so will take the help of my mate
Not to gorge myself on any treat
Maybe couple of times cheat
For to keep a resolution I do hate

Poem Details | by Robert Long Mellott |
Categories: funny, holiday, seasons, travel, new year,

Kangaroos Look Funny In Horns and Underoos

Kangaroos look funny in horns and underoos

Nothing like the holidays down under…
So many sweets to taste and plunder…
Mistletoe hung over head…
Sweet dreams in our slumbering bed…

The jolly man shimmying down
The hot family hearths
Not making a sound making his rounds
Asbestos underwear protecting his parts

The sweaty old boy in red
Cursing the heat of points this far south
While blimey citizens are snug in bed
Explicatives flowing from his mouth

Merry Christmas to all those down under
And happy New Year a day bloody sooner
Having no snow is a god awful blunder
The whole island should be sat in a corner!

Rlm ‘10

Poem Details | by Andrew Crisci |
Categories: fear, funny, hope, love, peace,

Starting a New Year

Shades stored away
Tattoos removed 
Articled reviewed
Room painted as clay
Tarot left unread  
Ink spills on pencils
Nails manicured  
Got rid of nickels 
American heroes return 
New medals are given
End their hurdles again
With a handful of kindness and generosity
Year after year they fought the enemy
Enraged mothers wail with pain
America still mourns
Rampage of innocents

Poem Details | by Cecilia Patterson |
Categories: funny, life, mystery, seasons, old, old, new year,

See Monkey See

The new year has arrived
With a new format for the brain
Made promises to myself
Made with intentions to keep

All the ones of the past
Now gone with an old year
One now at rest
One I gave all my best

New patterns 
New people
New thoughts
New harbor
New begin 
New me

Now like the old saying
It's time to
"See Monkey See"