Humorous and funny Nuts poems and/or funny poems about Nuts. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Nuts funny poems!
Written by
Pat Adams
Categories:
humorous, identity, imagery, mystery, nature, symbolism, tree,
Love Nuts
When coco de mer trees were found
Their nuts had most people enthralled
They all thought they looked erotic
So "Love Nuts" is what they were called
Still unknown how they reproduce
Explained in some of the wild tales
On stormy nights, the female trees
Are approached by uprooted males!
Viewing this mating process though
Would cause you to die or go blind
Seek not shelter under male trees
They might come at you from behind!
Written by
Kory Calhoun
Categories:
funny
Don'T Touch My Chocolate Covered Nuts
Some think love and romance are sublime
Others feel they're a big waste of time
Both views maybe so
But there's one thing I know
Candy prices are surely a crime!
I'll buy her candies and flowers and charms
When we kiss I'll hear bells and alarms
But one thing can't compare
Is when I'm standing there
Silently holding her close in my arms!
For: Francine Roberts
Valentine's Day Limerick contest
Written by
Arthur Vaso
Categories:
fruit, funny, humor, humorous, myth, nature,
Am I Nuts
Am I Nuts?
Chestnuts don’t grow on chests
Walnuts don’t grow on walls
Peanuts don’t come from peas
Cashews come from the fruit on trees
Pecans don’t come from peacock feathers
Pistachios fall from Pinocchio’s nose
Hazelnuts relax in the hazy sun
Macadamias are MacDonald’s big Mac nuts
Almonds are singing nuts, called the Almond Brothers
Acorns come from the unicorns tusk
Nuts are nature’s ways of making sure
We all have a little fun
The biggest nut there ever was
Surely you can see
Is the Nutty Arthur Vaso
Whom wrote these verses three
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
food, funny,
I'M Nuts About Cheerios Honey Nuts
Cheerios Honey Nuts will grace my bowl
Their scrumptious flavor I shall e'er extol
No bacon and eggs for moi
They are so humdrum and blah
Honey Nuts set my day on cruise control
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 8 in PD's "(LIMERICK) Your Favorite Cereal Contest" - October 2011
Written by
Sandy Ivy D
Categories:
funny,
Egg, Nuts and Rock-Roll
Egg, Nuts and Rock & Roll
Chicken eggs are not handy when it comes to cholesterol,
Dieting is a waste of contributing, to satisfy his monster balls.
How many nuts can I crack in the palm of my hands?
Holding them one by one, until someone understands.
Rock & Roll is good for my heart disease.
Holding off on eggs and nuts is such a tease!
6-16-12
show me the funny
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
humorous, western,
Nuts and Bolts
The High Constable received quite a jolt
When the nut he nabbed decided to bolt
T'was discovered he muffed
When the scoundrel he cuffed
Worse yet, he fled on the Constable's colt
Written by
Connie Gildersleeve
Categories:
humor, mom, son,
Ma You'Re Driving Me Nuts
Spun web way up high, too far to reach from the floor-
Slightly bent forward, working with gloves and a broom,
Swinging away, causing the ladder to wobble even more,
She let out a scream when the spider crawled onto her broom.
I softened her fall, when she tumbled down, landing right on top of me.
"Ma you're driving me nuts, you're not that young anymore."
I was mad as hell, but we started to laugh as we lay there on the floor.
What can you do with an old stubborn woman like ma?
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
funny, sea
Nuts To the Skipper
There once was a skipper called Handy
With his girl crew became very randy.
In his strategic place,
One kick see his face,
He now sings soprano, just like Mandy.
Written by
Syamala Tadigadapa
Categories:
confusion, crazy, funny, giggle, humor, nature, passion,
Nuts
Very nice, aren't they
How I love peanuts
Oh! They are just peas
OK, OK, I am nuts
Written by
Brandlynn Young
Categories:
food, funny, life, together,
A Big Bowl of Nuts
Life just aint peaches and cream
But it’s more like a bowl of mixed nuts
They’re all together in a big ol’ bowl
All together through the why’s and buts’
Sometimes you can meet up with people
That is a pecan pie all by them self
Mostly sweet of Corse, but as we all know
They’re nuts in and by them self.
Some people just take and are crazy as all
An overgrown peanut, you see.
Some are so salty, they make you thirsty
But just let them alone; let them be.
One nut can not really judge another
On how nutty the flavor is.
We are all in this bowl of nuts together
And remember what will be just is.
Written by
Gbenga Onalaja
Categories:
funny, philosophy, political,
Our Leader Are Nuts
What makes a nut
Want a national cut
To spend on ale and a raving ****?
What makes a nation in want
Want to play a giant
When even he is not self reliant?
What makes a rat
Want to call a cat to combat
If he has not a nut in his hat
Or a desire for early death?
We are in want
Our leaders' gone coo coo in their cot
I'm beginning to wonder what
But let our observations shut
We can say naught
'Cos death comes in fast and hot
But truly, out leaders are nut
I am going to bolt now
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
humor,
Altar Nuts
The wedding was scheduled for three
But the groom took off for a pee
How the bride's bra strap
Got caught on my lap
Remains a complete mystery . . . .
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
fruit, health, humorous,
Fruit and Nuts
Grants gonads turned purple like plums
To 'Doctor' Google he succumbs
But his wife insisted
His nuts may be twisted
He’s praying an ambulance comes!
Written by
Mike Gentile
Categories:
food, humor, love,
She Liked It With Nuts
There were no guys quite like Ben and Jerry
She depended on them for her dairy
She liked it with nuts
No ifs, ands or buts
And she often found room for a cherry
Written by
John Lawless
Categories:
humor,
Date Nuts
Date Nuts
My first date turned out to be a fig
her hands, though soft, were rather big
to my relief
and disbelief
t’was an older guy wearing – a wig
John G. Lawless
7/21/2017
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
business, celebrity, giggle,
Joe Dimaggio's Nuts
Pistachio and Dimaggio do not rhyme
most of the time....
Yet when nuts seek out celebrity
~ advertisers extend them charity
Written by
John Read
Categories:
humor,
Nuts
Spring has certainly arrived
I hear there's even a Nut in the Whitehouse.
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
humorous,
Mrs Mcdowell Went Nuts
Mrs. McDowell went nuts on Tuesday last.
She did some crazy things, which was a blast.
To us neighbors, who ran over to look.
First she tore pages out of an encyclopedia book.
Then she launched herself off the kitchen sink.
Her husband was embarrassed. His cheeks turned pink.
She’s getting ready to jump off the ironing board now.
We all gathered to watch. Someone yelled out “wow!”
Mrs. McDowell put on quite a show that night.
We still talk about it, and we laugh at her husband’s fright.
Terrified, he finally packed up and walked out the door.
Now she does not have to put up with the slob any more.
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
humorous,
She Thought She Was Nuts
She had heard rumors of a fuzzy snail.
He had been traveling in the forest leaving bits of his coat.
She saw some marks and wondered if it was him.
She spoke of it to others.
They thought she was nuts.
She thought she was too
Until she found him in her monster closet that night.