Humorous and funny Religious poems and/or funny poems about Religious. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Religious funny poems!
Written by
Brenda Mcgrath
Categories:
funny, god, love, religious,
Why Do People Go To Church
Some attend church to be seen, and wear their new clothes,
While others sit on their pew and silently doze.
During the service a few will check their cell phone,
With messages they just can’t seem to postpone.
Some men darken the church door out of fear,
Because if they don’t their spouse won’t let them near.
There are those that go to church because it is fun,
They like to see their friends, and talk to everyone.
Music lovers go to church because they love to sing,
And others wait for the sermon the preacher will bring.
Whatever your reason, God is watching from above.
He knows your true heart, and is full of love.
Written by
Rudolph Rinaldi
Categories:
forgiveness, fun, funny, hilarious, life, religious
Seeking Forgiveness
I pass gas
stand silently still
and look up straight
and away
to heaven
seeking forgiveness
and salvation
Written by
Loch David Crane
Categories:
funny, god, irony, religious, spiritual,
Three Atheistic Limericks
Three Atheist limericks
for April Fools' Day 2006
Dear Mrs. Schiavo: Goodbye.
Dear Mrs. Schiavo: Goodbye.
Fifteen years was a long time to die.
Your husband was brave
To withstand the wave
Of inedible pie in the sky.
Why San Diegans remove Crosses from public Land
The SD City Council must hold strong:
Those mountaintop Christians are wrong.
Crucifixion's the sign
Of insensitive minds
Not the Native Americans' song.
Unrequited Faith
Dear Judeo-Christian God:
Your behavior's exceedingly odd.
You let Hitler misbehave
Then killed thousands with waves
And can't keep your priests' hands off kids' bods!
Written by
Dan Keir
Categories:
child, funny, humorous, prayer, religious, science
Aliens At Your Bedroom Window
Don’t worry now child
There's no god, so worship space
You are not alone.
Written by
Betty Harp Butler
Categories:
humorous, prayer, religious, sleep,
When You Can'T Sleep
I have a secret that is very simple.
I’ll share it with you if I may.
When you can’t sleep,
Don’t count sheep.
Pray...
Pray for those you love,
And those who don’t love you.
Pray for your friends,
And for your enemies too.
Pray for your family-
All of them, not just one or two.
Pray for everyone who is sick, hurting, or lost.
And when you feel you are through,
Pray for you.
Written by
Rudolph Rinaldi
Categories:
car, fun, funny, life, religion, religious
A Better Warranty
If priests sold used cars and
Used car salesmen sold heaven’s land
Would you get a better warranty of faith -
In hand
Written by
Dan Keir
Categories:
funny, god, humorous, on writing and words, religious, spiritual
Haikus About God: Vii
Non-existent God
Subject of poor poetry
Just like this one. Damn.
Written by
Brenda Mcgrath
Categories:
christian, dad, father, humorous, religious,
Little Georgia Peach
She was a Preacher’s daughter and a little Georgia peach,
With a slow southern drawl in her unassuming speech.
Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a shape that caught the eye,
Which made her God-fearing father just want to sigh…
He preached in his sermons to turn the other cheek,
But she had to conquer an unrelenting stubborn streak.
“Stay on the straight and narrow,” her Dad warned her with a frown.
“God is watching up there… you don’t want to let Him down.”
Written by
Brenda Mcgrath
Categories:
childhood, family, humorous, religious, silly,
The Preacher's Kids
We were preacher’s kids in a little Georgia town,
And knew more Bible verses than anyone around.
It was hell, fire, and brimstone three times a week,
Sitting on the pew trying not to make a peep.
If we chatted in church Dad would surely frown,
And point his finger to silence us down.
Hoping he would forget when we got back to the house,
The rest of the service we were as quiet as a mouse!
Written by
Brenda Mcgrath
Categories:
community, food, friendship, fun, humorous, religious
Church Suppers
Church suppers in town are such fun,
And the genuine home cooking is second to none.
One man said to the server, “They ran out of my favorite pie!”
“Take it out of the tip,” was her hurried reply.
With a wink and a smile she picked him a different slice.
Then he left thinking, “Oh these church ladies are just so nice!”
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
christian, giggle, religious, sexy,
Never Once Did He Stare
~ Revised Repost ~
There once was a minister so meek
His sole desire, the Lord for to seek
Despite babes everywhere
Never once did he stare
He just smiled, then turned her other cheek
Written by
Barbara Washington
Categories:
love, passion, religionwoman, may,
I Got It! a Poem of Religious Humor
I may not be the finest of the finest,
but I still got IT
I may not have the bling or swaggard,
but I still got IT
IT been around for a while
ever since Adam said to Eve in the first poem
ever to be spoken
"You are bone of my bone
flesh of my flesh
you are my! woman
because from me you were taken"
Genesis 2:23
Then God say to Adam
"Leave me! your father and mother
Keep your woman and become one flesh"
Genesis 2:24
I am a woman taken from a man
and still got IT
Written by
Mark Toney
Categories:
film, humorous, inspirational, new york, religious, youth
Oscar-Ku 17 -Going My Way
young progressive priest
financially failing Church. . .
swinging on a star
Copyright © 2018 by Mark Toney. All rights reserved.
First published 2018 in Hollywood Haiku via wattpad.com
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
funny, humor, mythology, philosophy, psychological, religious
The Minds of Mina and Eunice
Mi: Does God eat his boogers?
Eu: No of course God doesn't eat his boogers.
Mi: But I thought God could do anything.
Eu: Well he could eat his boogers but he just wouldn't.
Mi: So he does have boogers.
Eu: I don't know, I don't think God has boogers.
Mi: God can have anything he wants.
Eu: I don't think he wants boogers.
Mi: I don't think we can understand the mind of God.
Eu: We can't.
Mi: Maybe god is a booger.
Eu: God's not a booger.
Mi: But if God is all things, he's an all-knowing booger.
Eu: Stop it.
Mi: He's a wrathful all-knowing booger.
Eu: I'm not talking to you anymore.
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
education, faith, funny, humor, philosophy, religious
The Mirror of Stupidity
People love to believe stupid things. Some of us find it hard to believe stupid things and laugh at those who do, until someone laughs at us for something we believe and somehow didn't realize was stupid.
Written by
James Horn
Categories:
humorous, religious,
Am Still Alive
Am Still Alive
Trump is still on earth and alive
From sins managed to survive
Thanks to God and all He did
Kept him from flipping his lid
No longer lies or will connive.
Jim Horn
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poets/top_100_poets_most_poems_all_time.aspx
Written by
James Horn
Categories:
humorous, religious,
Soon She Won'T Be
Soon she won't be our great secretary
Which to all of us does seem so scary;
As audacious, administrative assistant
Performance is persistent and consistent.
Also, forever in future we always regret
Her going away which we had to let
If longer with us would stay for a while;
You would see us still wearing a smile.
In church, we were wiggling and squirming
While we did listen to Father Dave's sermon
Which quite a congregation they all drew
We even found Lovett sitting in front pew.
James Thomas Horn
www.poetryoup.com
PS. Lovett is our church secretary
who will be a full-fledged parishioner
again at the end of April 2014.
Written by
James Horn
Categories:
humorous, religious,
Fools Think That This Is a Fib
Fools Think That This Is a Fib
God's prophecies are a preamble
Things to come and child in a stable
And there had been born in a crib;
Only fools think that this is a fib.
Jim Horn
Motivated by poem written by:
FUNOM MAKAMA
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
bible, god, humorous, people, religious,
Soul Saving
The fact that He saves only souls
not fully consoles.
Volodymyr Knyr
2014
Written by
James Horn
Categories:
humorous, religious,
An Urge To Purge
Had an urge to purge songs which were a dirge
And on many spiritual songs start to splurge
Which will really liven up the whole place
And put a smile on each and every face.
We sound like being in a period of mourning
When all around us is always adorning
Which is none other than God and Jesus
Who can cure my many cases of enuresis.
When I go to church I get so excited
Because by Them I have been invited;
On God's Son Jesus I have a big crush
Then go to bathroom and have to flush.
I have an experience which is really moving
I started to rock and roll and am grooving
After giving it my all and whole entire
They actually want me to join the choir.
James Thomas Horn
www.poetrysoup.com
Written by
Alfonso II Warally Ngengethe Mussabwa Chris
Categories:
12th grade, christian, education, humor, jesus, religious
Remembrance
I remember when I was in school,
The weather was so cool
Our teacher of religion said," Jesus is God"
One pagan colleague objected ," He is not God."
Teacher was not happy to hear that word
Then I said loudly ," He is the Lord of lords."
All Christian students clapped their hands
Teacher was so happy and called her friends.
Jesus Christ is yesterday, today and forever
Our best teacher , strength, authority , power,
Our saviour, redeemer , Consolation,
Revelator, protection and solution.
We adore and worship Him daily
He is goodly , peacefully and kindly.
May 06/2023
Written for poetry contest
sponsored by Sotto poet.
Form: COUPLET
Written by
Freddie Robinson Jr.
Categories:
humor, humorous, religious, satire, spiritual,
Satan's Patsy
You've been tricked
and you don't even know it
You got played
'cause you're dumber than a slow wit
Satan used you like a chump
on the ground your head got thumped
And you skidded and burned your rump
such a wicked fall when you got dumped
Now you're just an understudy corpse-to-be
buried in your role as Satan's patsy
Written by
Solomon Ochwo-Oburu
Categories:
humor, religious,
Priest At Mass
Priest saying Mass
saw snake coiled at altar
He shouted, ran fast
Written by
Freddie Robinson Jr.
Categories:
funny, humor, religious, truth,
Grovel Groan To the Bone
Ahab puppy loved him some evil Jezebel
Lassie boy collar eyes wag the fancy tale
He sleep on her good side,
sob say the cuckold bride
Groomed so wail to fetch her bones in hell
Written by
Solomon Ochwo-Oburu
Categories:
humorous, integrity, religious,
Sparrow Perched On My Head
Sparrow perched on my head;
whispered to me in the ear;
“Come let’s go to Virgin Island
I’ll carry you on my back.
and you will enjoy my turn
when I’m there right on your back.”
“Stop it,” I rebuked the mad bird
“How shall I conceive my babies?
by binary fusion?
by grafting?
is there Holy Spirit?
Devil, go away.
Never tempt someone’s mistress again.”