Funny Poems About Retirement or Retirement Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Retirement poems and/or funny poems about Retirement. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Retirement funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Retirement Poems.

Poem Details | by Mike Gentile |
Categories: humorous, retirement,


I’m thinking about thinking about retiring
     Not sure when that will be
I know I need to make a change
     I’ll do it soon, you’ll see

I’m thinking about thinking about moving
     To a warm place by the sea
Guess I’ll do that another day
     It’s dinnertime for me

I’m thinking about thinking about everything
     That I have to do
I suppose that I could start right now
     But…I’m off to the zoo

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: humor, retirement,

all good and some bad things come to an end

Retirement offers things new
I'm shouting a hip-hip yahoo
If what you’re feeling
Comes from a glass ceiling
Stop squealing and just say I'm through!

Retirement offers a lift
With no bad-*** boss who gets miffed
Since freedom will ring
The songs that I’ll sing
Sound more like those by Taylor Swift

Poem Details | by Drjim Martin |
Categories: funny, life, retirement, may,

Retirement Plan

Retirement Plan

Dr. James E. Martin
©February, 2013

Now that I’ve reached a ripe old age,
I sit on the porch and sip sweet tea.
Some may question the wisdom in this,
My response is simply, “It works for me!”

Jealousy is undoubtedly fostered in some,
For that matter anger may surely arise.
I simply continue in my well designed plan
And know that many my life they despise.

Poem Details | by Dan Keir |
Categories: adventure, angst, confusion, dark, dedication, depression, devotion, education, faith, farewell, funny, humorous, imagination, introspection, lonely, loss, lost, memory, pain, parody, passion, people, places, retirement, sad, science fiction, sorrow, sorry, space, star, teacher, time, travel, tribute, visionary,

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.

Poem Details | by James Study |
Categories: celebration, funny, work,

Retirement Poem

This is the day you hang it all up
We drink to you from a paper cup
From the boss not a tear
Let the door hit your rear
For his office you did corrupt
Hunting and fishing ahead for you
Play cards drink beer if you want to
Excuse if I enquire
What's new when you retire
How will we know the day you do
The future I see one change real soon
The company I see a major boon
Toilet paper and stock
Towels and soap not lock
Big jump in supplies for the wash room
I don't want to seem a bit lofty
For real I'm just a big softy
Something you should know
We will all miss you so
Cause you made the best pot of coffee

Poem Details | by John Posey |
Categories: business, fantasy, funny, imagination, retirement,

Haiku Shoppe

Great idea here Let’s open a Haiku Shoppe They go great with beer Easy to find I’m told They hide under nibs of pens Don’t let them get old To make a great stew Take a limerick or two Mix well with Haiku If all has gone well And your mix has turned out right You’re ready to sell One more thing to do We must put them on a bun - Sit and have a few Written by John Posey 12/22/12

Poem Details | by Rudolph Rinaldi |
Categories: funny, humorous, life, old, retirement,

A Package From Amazon

getting old
sitting on my rocker
waiting for mail 

a package
from Amazon 
with my first fast elder walker with seat

they say that this fast elder walker with seat
could last 
up to ten years to the day

I do pray 
that this walker 
is not my last 

and that it and I 
don’t go too fast

Poem Details | by Dan Keir |
Categories: adventure, angst, autumn, business, confusion, dark, dedication, depression, fear, grief, growing up, happiness, happy, hate, health, home, hope, humorous, imagination, inspirational, introspection, journey, life, lonely, loss, lost, love, on work and working, pain, parody, people, relationship, retirement, sad, satire, school, social, stress, success, sympathy, time, work,

Reflections: Midlife Crisis

P     aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A     cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N     othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I      nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C     hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace

Poem Details | by Julian Bohan |
Categories: angel, angst, art, bible, boyfriend, eve, god, humor, language, nature, nice, retirement, science, senses, silly, snow,

From the National Poet of Slovenia In a Language People Understand - E Pluribum Anus


In modus fasciculumque Brady pus.
Rogationes, confractum egemus.
Minara excommunica
Ripa nostra, sus amica,
Sic superbum precum, pape beatus.


The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand moves in mysterious ways. Just ignore him.

Poem Details | by Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen |
Categories: funny, life

Retirement and the Mountains

Retirement in the Mountains

There once was an old mountain man.
He hunted and lived off the land.
He always felt fine.
When he danced in moonshine.
So he danced and imbibed like he planned.

© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
March 11, 2010

Poetic form:  Limerick

Poem Details | by Jan Oskar Hansen |
Categories: absence, humorous, retirement,

Fidel Castro

Fidel Castro 
So you do know Fidel Castro? I think I do
that was the name of the mess boy, the one who 
had to do the dirty dishes and clean floors
 “Fy” as he was called was older than me and had
a much better education, and I, as his boss felt his 
contempt being told what to do by an officer of
working class, roots. But I knew as everybody who
read knows, the little man is but a servant for 
the rich, they need someone educated to tell them 
what to do; In Venezuela, Fidel jumped ship he was
not missed and we got another mess-boy 
who could not read or write because the wage he got
could support his family. The downside was I had
no one to argue with

Poem Details | by Aniruddha Pathak |
Categories: humor, husband, retirement,

Retired Husband, Tired Wife

When a man retires from working life,
That’s when a full-time job gets his wife.
The job of a day’s time
Rewarding rare a dime,
And as perks— life on edge rife with strife!
When I wrote this I wondered why it took me15 long years to pen a small ditty like this. But it is hard on men to confess truth. I’m sure all suffering spouses must be feeling somewhat like this. Yet, to be fair on me, I get all along solid firing from the new boss— much more than I might have received all of working career.
Tongue-in-cheek | 01.05.15 |

Poem Details | by Donna Ahsinger |
Categories: age, change, depression, humor, retirement,

Golden Years

Oh what's so good about the golden years?
Kids are grown and gone away.
Still there's no time to play.
Once in awhile they'll stop in to say,
have you got a couple of bucks?
I'm a little short today.

Oh what's so good about the golden years?
If you can't remember and you can't hear.
You got experience behind you, they say.
Learned it all through trial and era.
Wonder if that'll look good on my resume?

Oh what's so good about the golden years?
What once was important,
has faded away.
Our minds are weaker,
our bodies are feeble.
Oh what grim display.
Just to survive another day.

Poem Details | by Richard Breese |
Categories: autumn, dog, funny, giggle, humor, humorous, retirement, silly,


dog catcher ferguson jeeves

found a new job raking leaves

since he turned eighty one

neighbors now have more fun

hes no longer spreading fleas.

Poem Details | by Nola Perez |
Categories: funny,


Thirty years in the work force, 
I might have stopped earlier, of course, 
but kept on working with my hard-earned skills.
It kept me out of trouble and paid the bills.
Eight hours travail, then home in time
to do the "rest", which was nothing of the kind.
Friday night laundry and pushing the vacuum, Say?,
'til two in the morning so as have a free Saturday.
How did I do it without risking a seizure?  
As stay-at-home writer, do I have any leisure?
You guessed it: my busy life is out to get me.
I'd like to quit, but my Boss won't let me.

              for Andrea, who asks where I've been

Poem Details | by Larry Bradfield |
Categories: humorous,

Rudolph's Retirement

Old Rudolph sired a reindeer last June
In hopes Santa would retire him soon
But the young one's red nose winks
Like a brothel's red light blinks
So they tied him outside the saloon

For  contest Funny Reindeer Limerick for Tania Kitchin

Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: humor,

Planning For Retirement

I will not go for collagen,
I'll just stay away from halogen.

Poem Details | by Gershon Wolf |
Categories: humor, nature, poetry, retirement, work,

Past My Heyday

For fifty years I went to work
    Minimum wage; was I a jerk
  I'd slave away every day
    Bus ride home, eat, hit the hay

  Now a new life has opened up for me 
    Doing something I can hardly believe
  Waking up, I go outside; gaze at the grass, sky and trees
    Thus fortified, I head back in and write poetry

  It'll never pay the bills, but there are no bills to pay
    Only one complaint ~ I keep on hitting the hay

Poem Details | by Gershon Wolf |
Categories: humor, money, retirement, time,

Time To Rewire

When a person retires
  It's time to rewire

The first thing to do?
  Break your clock in two

No more 'early,' no more 'late'
  No train to catch, no bus for to wait

And when you no longer obsess about time
  For Pete's sake, stop counting every last dime

Go ahead, sport, enjoy spending your money
  Your grandkids will love you, and so will your honey

Now just follow these tips exactly as written
  ~ And an early grave is what you will sit in

                 November 07, 2020
    Completely Your Choice (39) Poetry Contest
                Sponsor: Brian Strand

Poem Details | by Greg Gaul |
Categories: age, emotions, feelings, humor, perspective, retirement, romance,

Elder Interest

Some archaeologists like to
date older women.

Thanks Ogden
7 words

Poem Details | by Stephanie Musarra |
Categories: humor,

Retirement Sucks

Canes break
Walkers fly
Dentures are thrown
No one asks why
With no livelihood
We fail to thrive
Nothing to do
But watch the paint dry
Retirement sucks
Work was my life

Poem Details | by John Lawless |
Categories: humor, retirement,

Waiting List

His soul lament
He’s not here yet
His retirement
Still life with breath


An Epitaph to Make Us Laugh 2
Jesse Rowe - sponsor

Poem Details | by Line Gauthier |
Categories: age, life, longing, perspective, retirement, solitude, time,

Funny How Friday Lost Its Cachet

fridays were exciting ~ breaking workweek from weekend ~ however now retired don't miss adventure mostly crave quietude
posted on May 29, 2020

Poem Details | by David Crandall |
Categories: graduation, humor, retirement,

Can't Get Fired

I am not in school,
and I am retired.
I can’t get an “F”,
And I can’t get fired.

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: anxiety, humor, retirement, wife,

the real edge of tomorrow

Now retired and set for this life
I'll hang in the kitchen with wife
Am I paranoid?
She seems so annoyed
It scares me when she grabs a knife