Funny Slam Poems - Funny Poems for Life

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Humorous and funny Slam poems and/or funny poems about Slam. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Slam funny poems!

Written by Isaiah Zerbst
Categories: funny, humor, irony, pain, slam,

Jogger and Logger

For "Show Me the Funny (part two)"

There once was a fellow a woggin'*
Who bumped into one who was loggin'
They had quite a spat
The ax was a bat
And the first had a lump on his noggin


* Woggers are those who get all dressed for jogging, but only go at walking speed, while vigorously pumping their arms to delude themselves that they are jogging.

Written by Hidden Sister
Categories: child, humorous, slam, son,

Teenage Blues

My whinny,crabby, hungry teen
Your stinky,spoiled and quite mean
You want, you need, you have to have
The latest,newest, modern fad

Your greasy, grimy, hands smear
My wall, light switches, and the mirror
Empty snack bags,with sweet and sour
Create tall,extensive buildings that tower

Your messy,your dirty,in need of a shower
Please make it quick,not loiter an hour
Your smelly,nasty, disgusting shoes
Are slowly  poisoning every room

Even with big mouth,rolling eyes and sighs
I would not trade you, I surmise

Written by Wendydawn Brindley
Categories: funny, humorous, slam, truth,

Monday Monday

Piece of gum attacked my shoe.
My fingers could not release.
Now, my hair is entangled.
Typical Monday!

Written by Gary Fields
Categories: allegory, funny, slam, time,

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               by GF

Written by Blake Hernandez
Categories: funny, parody, people, romance, slam,

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian is a beaut, but we all know that she can be a sloot.
She was with Ray J for his dime, now their affair has ended up online.
She looks a bit like her Mom but in her prime.
Sorry Kris, it's past your time.

Written by David Smith
Categories: addiction, evil, humorous, imagery, obituary, slam

The Mouse

We have a mouse in the house.
Not an average mouse
But rather a mouse with some nous 
That trips traps as it goes traipsing through the house.
A mouse whose downfall I am planning 
Even while I am jotting.

A foolproof trap I will find, 
Before I go out of my mind. 

It will be one of a kind,
That will attest to my state of mind. 
And show beyond doubt that I have more nous
Than a mouse.

It will send a message to all mouse kind
That it is time to leave this city behind
In case I lose my nous 
And sacrifice the house to get rid of a mouse.

Written by Arlene Smith
Categories: funny, humor, silly, slam,

Evolution Shmevolution

Something's fishy; really stinks.
You say you found your missing link.
Just six months grant was left to thee.
A monkey bone you named Lucy.
Ignorance to thee is bliss.
Why do monkeys still exist?
You say the earth is just like me.
With part of this, I must agree.
Don't flatter yourself, it's you I mock.
I mean you're all dumb as a rock.
Rejecting God and resurrection.
Unable to answer the age old question.
If you're not simply pulling my leg.
Which came first; the chicken or the egg?

Written by John Beam
Categories: cheer up, fun, humorous, inspiration, nonsense, slam

Scat Skene

Raised above the cello ding ding ding                                                                                                 Reaching out to say hello song song song                                                                                           Stepping in the ring gong gong gong                                                                                                  Well that’s just all wrong ping ping ping                                                                                      Pauper’s know not his king pong pong pong                                                                                         The cloth was not cut swing swing swing

Written by Charlie Murder
Categories: business, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, romance, slam, war

Im Just Gonna Snap Okay Get Over It

i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee

i hate you 
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate

you were so nice in the beginning 
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow

i am still the nice guy 
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.

i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant

Written by Jerry Dinzes
Categories: confusion, funny, on writing and words, people, sad

Slam Poetry Is For Orangutangs!

The Orangutang:

There once was a traditionalist,
Who in his ignorance had missed
The beauty of youth,
The ever-changing truth!
He's a typical fundamentalist!


The Traditionalist:

"I can't stand these kids and their slang!
They are just looking for a bang!
Their rhymes are funky,
But so are monkeys!"
  -  Did he just call me an orangutang?

"These darn kids and this gosh darn slam,
It may flow, but it's still a scam!
If it ain't metered,
Then it's petered!
Why waste your ink scribbling flimflam?"

Written by Nick Trim
Categories: funny, humorous, slam, truth,

False Romance

She went from hating me 
to up for dating me 
I led her on most gratefully 
and left her there to wait for me 

but I did not return 
for she's not my concern 
so she went back to slandering 
as I laughed at the burn

Written by Jamila Strong
Categories: art, funny, lost love, slam

I'M Not the One

I don't believe you
You total bastard
Because I didn't give you any
Because I didn't let you get down with me
You wanna walk around with a frown
Treating me so cold and rude
I ain't a piece of food
You chew on and spit out
I don't give a damn if you pout
You think the thing between your legs makes you a man
Check this out you can have fun with your hand
I'm not the one to be treated like dirt
Go ahead and throw your game to another skirt
So go find that store and pick out your whore
And remember I'm a lady with class
When you lay down with dogs and wake up with fleas
I hope you get a rash on your a!!
But I'm not the one!

Written by John Freeman
Categories: funny, love

"give Slam a Ham"

I know little of poet, Sam Slam,
But give him a slice of poet I am.
Of the prime directive,
I am over protective,
So slam your gums down, here comes your ham.

For Anti-Slam Limericks
In Honor of: Carolyn Devonshire
Placed #3

Written by Stephen Parker
Categories: funny

Denny's New Grand Slam

Green eggs and ham I am
Denny's new Grand Slam
Egg whites wriggling like a clam
Yellow yokes oozing over the dam
Ham clods denser than Spam
Coated with a varnish of Pam
Gratuitous cholesterol by the gram
Down unthrottled hatch cram
If green terds your jaded colon jam
And amber waves of gout bloat each gam
To Dr Seus's gluteal factory scram
His stool abusing suppositories are a scam
But his rendering vises are no sham
So with leased enema your red *** ram
Till the ivy clumps ooze through your tram

Written by Murray Mahauariki
Categories: funny,

Wanna Slam Burger 1

You likey burgers,
yes  in deedy, you  eat
t h e m  all  day,  because
they are pleasing. U eat them
in t h e mornings, u eat them at lunch,
 u even eat them between meals like  at
 brunch and trunch. Burgers are ur 
pals. They always help you out,
You’d never  keep that  belly
 if you ever went without  

M.Mahauariki © 2012

Written by Osman Gani
Categories: funny, mystery, nature, slam, visionary,

Rainter

Rainter! O my Rainter! What are you, Rainter?
Are you a new season tinted by holy painter?
Rain is falling hard even in this freezing winter,
Everywhere disgust roams like a lonely hunter.

The winter rain congeals brains, soaks hearts,
With its two ice-cold hands and crying eyes.
Nature is camouflaging itself in several parts
To display how changing carpet of Time flies.

Rainter, a fragment of Nature’s jumbled play,
Is nothing but a cyclic blend of its crude tools.
Some would sense it exciting, others may say
“Rainter, thou art disgusting except to the fools”

Written by Christopher Flaherty
Categories: funny, slam,

No I Am Spartacus

I am Spartacus

No, i am Spartacus

No, i am Spartacus

So am i

Me ?

No sorry i am just here 

For the free bar and buffet

Written by James Mahauariki
Categories: funny,

Slam 3 H8r

the big slamac was hillarious
especially coming from a slob
make fun of working for maccas
bro at least ive got a job
the ice cream truck touche my friend
but at least i could keep up
unlike your little jellybean
brother buy some viagra
i find it hard to take advice
from a brother with no class
or from a man thats forced to take
two trips to haul ***
who was so fat his photo
kept falling off the wall
who went to jenny craigs
saw their lunches and ate them all
so before you try to fool yourself
the scales know your real weight
so eat your word big brother
like they're a peice of chocolate cake

Written by Sheila Van Zant
Categories: conflict, humor, life, slam, word play,

No Time For Liars

  No time for liars no time for cheats
scorekeeper kept my scorecard neat
I played the game clean 
you used a cheat sheet
you got what you wanted 
you'll get what you deserve 
now its time to sit back and observe
I didn't do much but flip it in reverse
sorry if everything now is adverse
now watch me grin as I flip it back again 
well, what do you know now it's my win.

Written by James Fraser
Categories: funny, on writing and words

Slam Dunk


There once was a poetry called SLAM
Driven to the depths and damned
    Is it akin to converse
    This SLAM, or is it Verse
Frankly my dear, "I don't give a damn"







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