Funny Spider Poems - Funny Poems for Life

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Humorous and funny Spider poems and/or funny poems about Spider. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Spider funny poems!

Written by Charles Messina
Categories: humorous,

Along Came a Spider

All things can tempt me, but some things tempt me more 
Like Squashing a spider, that crawls 'cross the floor 

Bring out the bugles...and sound the alarm 
Wait! I say to myself "She means me no harm" 

Her web in the corner, has caught her a fly 
That's where she was going...when she passed me by 

Quickly, she ran...with her tiny eight legs 
Carrying on her back....dozens of eggs 

I thought, "Not squash her- I'll go sleep on my couch" 
Then, I awoke with a bump, she bit me- OUCH!  



All Things Can Tempt Me Poetry Contest 
Sponsor: Beth Evans 
2-20-2020

Written by Kim Shaw
Categories: assonance, fear, funny,

Spider Hyper

Picnic was peaceful

A spider crawled down her neck

screech heard round the world

Written by Leon Wilson
Categories: humor,

I'M Just a Little Spider

I'm just a little spider
And I really am quite shy
So why is it when you see me
You shout, scream and cry.

I do not mean to frighten you
So I come out late at night
And if you are quite nervous
Don't turn off the light.

I could be hiding in your cupboard
Or underneath your chair
And if you need the loo at night
Remember I could be there.

Why is it when you see me
You start whacking me with your shoe
I'm only a little spider
What have I done to you.

Before you go to sleep tonight
Just remember what I said
Spiders can hide anywhere
You better check your bed.

Written by John Williams
Categories: children, funny,

Gambling Spider

A spider on a windscreen wiper
Is gambling with his life,
He better pray the sun stays out
Or he just could be in strife.

Perhaps he could take up poker,
Or roll the dice around,
I think he'd stand a better chance
Than when the rain comes down.

Written by William Robinson
Categories: animals, children, funny,

Pickled Spider

Now, wasn't it sad about Snyder,
The light hearted, fun loving spider?
He got a gnat in his eye,
While pursuing a fly,
And fell into a barrel of cider.

Written by Sabrina Robillard
Categories: animals, children, funny,

Spider

I see a big fat spider
Crawling on my wall
Someone come and squash it
Before I start to bawl!!!

Written by Kenneth Fordham
Categories: funny, imagination, insect, scary, visionary,

The Spider of the Night

The Spiders home
So small so thin,
Do you ever think
Where's she's never been?

She spins her home
Then just waits
Hoping for a meal
At her gate.

You'll never see
A tear she might shed
For getting love
Her mate does dread.

Saunter to the web
Is what he must do
Hoping she doesn't
Turn him to stew.

A simple life
Like so very many
Exiled to ground
With legs so skinny.

 Feared by many
When sneaking around
Heavy breath
Does abound.
Kenneth Fordham 9-25-2017

Written by Ram R. V.
Categories: funny, insect,

The Spider and the Fly

While the fly can fly
And the spider can’t, 
How is it that the spider
Eventually has the better of the fly?

***

Written by Jim Tidd
Categories: humor,

Chat Spider

I sit in chat room
Want to catch chatter in web
But not to eat them.

Written by Johnette Loefgren
Categories: funny, imagination, mystery,

Spider Serenade

Spiderese starts with a sneeze
now that's your introduction.
Hand off a fly and wink your eye 
a subtle sweet induction,

into the world of webby things
like dewdrops in the early spring
with twinkly notes you'll learn to sing
a spider serenade.

  I'm looking for the antidote 
to change the passage that I wrote
(at least she's not a surly goat)
and she loves lemonade.

Ms Purple likes the old cafe
she's gonna hang there everyday
until I figure out a way
to fix this mess I made.

Written by David Crandall
Categories: humor, insect,

Why Does a Spider Have Eight Legs?

Two of them are for the steering wheel;
To drive unsafely is to be a heel. 
One is to make penciled calculations;
To make missteps is to spoil relations. 
Two more make amorous advances;
Based on calculations, he has good chances.
One makes careful notes, oh so detailed,
So, one day, his memoirs can be retailed.
Two are needed to solemnly pray 
That a baby spider is not on its way.

Written by Caryl Muzzey
Categories: funny

Sticky Spider

A black spider got stuck in his lair,
stuck firmly by his sticky black hair.
He ate a sweet bug
that crawled on his rug;
now he cannot get out of his chair.

Copyright © 2006 By Caryl S. Muzzey

Written by Gary Smith
Categories: humorous, silly,

Little Spider

He abseiled from the ceiling

He rode a silken thread,

I blew a little breath his way

So back up he sped.

A plucky little fellow

He certainly was game.

He waited for a minute,

Then came back down again.

Written by Larry Belt
Categories: funny

Poor Spider

She looks like death
Eatin on a crippled spider
With a voice like a banshee
And the face of a fighter

She stands in the garden
To keep the crows scared away
When she walks 'cross the floor
The house starts to sway

Medusa was a goddess
With snakes in her hair
But she's no goddess
I promise - I swear

You would have sympathy
If ever you saw
The woman I speak of
My dear Mother-in-Law

Written by Sara Kendrick
Categories: animals, funny, imagination, introspection, life, nature, on work and working

Slugabed Versus Spider

The slugabed rarely moved upon his bed
While the spider slowly spun his web
Crisscrossing his web over slugabed's head
Gradually slowly working his woven tapestry with flow and ebb

Work, rest, check and test busy and rest
Web slowly spent all the ends tied and kept
Slugabed tried to raise his lazy head
Came eye to eye with spider and web instead

Moral of this story is: work_accomplish much, rest a little with some sleep on your bed
View and check your handiwork
Don't be a slugabed never raising your head

Written by Natasha L Scragg
Categories: car, funny, parody,

Spider Car

( To be sang to the Spider Man theme tune ... )

Spider car.
Spider car.
Does whatever
A spider car can.
It can spin
Very far,
Cast its webs
Wherever you are.
Look out!
Here comes the spider car.

Written by Seren Roberts
Categories: funny,

The Spider

I just looked at my ceiling
What do I see
A ruddy great spider web
Looking back at me

How the heck  do they do it
This ones suspended in space
The beginning is a wall
The ceiling is its  base.

Are they dead acrobats from the circus
Still showing what they  can do
You think  theyre  after flies
But secretly spying  on you

Or maybe just maybe 
It knows its halloween
So want to frighten me to death
Whens they dangle in front of me.

So then mr spider
Take up thy bed and walk
I dont want u in my house
When u go you can take the mouse.

Written by David Welch
Categories: humor, image, insect, life, nature, satire, silly,

The Unfortunate Spider

He lilts upon a silken bed,
gossamer beauty in his web,
a small figure of black and red,
cliché yes, but it must be said

that I am amazed by the sight,
glints of fleet, yellowed sunlight,
the strands wave as if in flight,
briefest flash of purest white…

But he spun his web in my
bathroom, so…WHAM!!

Written by James Fraser
Categories: funny

A Spider I Dream!

Woke up from the dream
I had last night
From 6' 2" to a spiders height
Stuck in the bath with polished sides
Tried to climb, all i could do was slide

Where do i go what do i do now
I'm so small i can hardly shout
What do i say, hey it's me down here
Any females that walk in, will they fear?

Not the dreaded punishment that's awaits our fall
Squashed flat, newspaper and all
Down the drain in a torrent of fear
As she screams, oh please don't come near

Thank the lord it was only a dream
A 6' 2" spider now that's a theme

Written by Clive Culverhouse
Categories: animal, fun, funny, humorous, imagery, nonsense, silly,

The Spider Rode The Horse

the spider rode the horse
the horse he rode as a rider

the cow had wondered how
the sheep was still asleep

the worm then rode the horse
the horse he rode on his turn

the goat had not seen owt 
the pig lined up for it

the farm that day felt different
a different farming day

the horse soon looking full
then towards him came the bull