Funny Poems About Today or Today Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Today poems and/or funny poems about Today. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Today funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Today Poems.

Poem Details | by Paula Goldsmith |
Categories: hate, humor, love, relationship, today, together, uplifting,

Today

Today,
I love you.
Today,
I hate you.
This week,
I love you,
This week,
I hate you.
Can this go on,
it has for years.
This love hate relationship,
is now over.
I am kicking you to the curb,
to the trash can you must go.
Did you figure me out,
I am your bathroom scale.
Hooray~you are gone.

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: birthday, friendship, humorous,

I 'Ear' Daniel Turner Has a Birthday Today

A most charming poet named Dan Writes poems whenever he can He is sixty today So I’m writing to say Happy birthday from your friend Jan xxxxxxx An unfortunate poet named Daniel His huge ears made him look like a spaniel They dangled down so low Past his knees to his toe The plastic surgeon re-wrote the manual! The surgeon who was in charge He had never seen ears so large With a nip and a tuck Daniel was in good luck Dashing home to show his wife Marge POEMS POSTED WITH PERMISSION OF DANIEL TURNER 13th August 2016


Poem Details | by Elton Camp |
Categories: humor,

I Ran Two Miles Today

I Ran Two Miles Today  
  
By Elton Camp

Being too fat I really do despise
One solution is plenty of exercise

I’m proud to be able to say
I did rather well with it today

A sudden inspiration I got 
Started running on the spot

Nothing would make me slow down
I zipped across sidewalk and ground

I had a goal that I wanted to meet
And wasn’t going to take defeat

As the goal I drew near
Onlookers began to cheer

“Go chubby,” one called out
“Onward! another did shout

I kept running until I was ready to drop
That ice cream truck was hard to stop

Poem Details | by Terry Ireland |
Categories: age, hair, humor,

Hair Today

I’m  no longer lissom
And I'm no longer thin
I can see the growth
Of my second chin
But i check the mirror every morning
Hoping to avoid the despair
Of discovering my head has started
Growing through my hair.

Poem Details | by J.W. Earnings |
Categories: anger, childhood, class, confusion, crazy, dedication, children, kids, funny, growing up, growth, high school, how i feel, innocence, inspiration, life, middle school, people, rights, school, social, stress, student, teacher, teen, teenage, time, today, truth, words, writing, youth,

Bladder Problems In Class

Numbers on 
White board…names written hori-
zontally

Students ask
To go pee…right when class starts – 
THAT’S just wrong…

Bathroom line
Of students who have bladder
Problems – WOW!

People are
Not using lunchtime to do 
Their business 

No one knows
When to do their duties – SER-
IOUSLY?


Poem Details | by Michael Ward |
Categories: fun, funny, humorous, nice, nonsense, smile, today,

A Bit of Fun

A bit of fun

There is a man crying
In a AA van on the edge of town  
I think he is heading for a
Breakdown >

Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: funny,

Never Do Today What You Can Put Off Until Tomorrow

I purchased a brand new desktop
Quite sure I will use it alot
Still sits in the corner
Like Little Jack Horner
Procrastinate? Certainly not!

Poem Details | by Deborah Finneran |
Categories: beautiful, change, character, chocolate, food, fun, growing up, happy, heaven, humorous, i love you, imagination, inspiration, inspirational, introspection, joy, life, light, love, metaphor, philosophy, self, simple, strength, success, thank you, thanks, thanksgiving, time, today, truth, uplifting, visionary, wisdom, words,

Cookies-Food For Thought

Cookies -
Why can’t I have the chocolate one
I want more
She took my cookie
Hers is bigger than mine
I want to trade
That’s not fair

Cookies +
Thank you for the cookie
I love you
Thanks for all you do for me
I am satisfied
This is good
I am loved
Written By  Deborah Finneran :)  2013

Poem Details | by John Trusty |
Categories: funny, people,

Clerihew For Today

MARILYN MONROE
There’s a girl I wanted to know.
It could’ve worked out fine,
if Bobby and Jack didn’t head the line.

Poem Details | by Jacob Reinhardt |
Categories: analogy, art, change, city, class, community, culture, humor, humorous, identity, imagination, life, longing, philosophy, satire, self, senses, silly, slavery, social, society, time, today, truth, wisdom,

Clock

Clock!
You sculpt the clay of my life
With your rigid hands,
Shouting your high commands through morning alarms. 
Accusations fly
As you collect your daily payment of attention.

When I find myself savoring life’s sweetness,
You sprint behind my back.
And when pain drops my heart from my chest,
You linger, rubbernecking from the wall.

You enclose the whole of my life
In that circular frame,
Ever spinning in your infinite math,
Drunk with power!

Clock!
I can take no more of your tyranny!
I can afford no more of your triple A battery lunches-
I am afraid you’ve run out of time.
So keep your hands out of my business, I’m sleeping in today.

Jacob Reinhardt							09/05/2013

Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: funny

Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow

One day I was sitting in a field
Ogling at my afternoons yield
When across the road I seen
A lovely meadow so green
Cars don't see fur as a shield










http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-4.php

Poem Details | by Sonia Walker |
Categories: humorous,

I Wore My Red Scarf Today

I wore my red scarf today,
feeling sassy and full of play,
I am the epitome of a drama queen,
wherever I am there is always a scene
as I walk down the street foxy and lean.

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Hair today, gone tomorrow, it's starting to thin really fast Thought I'd be one of those centurions with locks down past my *** Think again, old fellow You're starting to turn yellow Don't want to pass on till my youthful appearance does pass © Jack Ellison 2015

Poem Details | by Volodymyr Knyr |
Categories: boyfriend, fashion, humorous, men, night, relationship, today,

On Being In Trend

He who's today in trend
is a tonight's boy-friend.

Volodymyr Knyr
2015

Poem Details | by Noel Flater |
Categories: 10th grade, career, humorous, language, sleep, today,

Toastmasters Speech - Poem

Toastmaster Speech - Poem

Today, writing my next Toastmasters speech
So today, my next poem will be out of reach
Hopefully next week, more words will I seek
But today, my next poem is asleep.

Noel from NoelsArt

Comments: Today, I’m writing an important Toastmasters speech.  After completing my next speech, I will finish Pathways Presentation Mastery speech path, which is a great accomplishment!

Poem Details | by Brian Strand |
Categories: humor, poetry,

Clerihew For Today

Playwright Wiliam Shakespeare 
held rhyme & cadence ,so dear.
Plays in verse were his thing
making our English lingo sing.

Poem Details | by Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty |
Categories: funny love,

Haiku Today November 28

creeping of the flesh
                                         fondling in an old back seat
                                               spooky cab rattles










                         haiku today november 28 ©  rajat kanti chakrabarty

Poem Details | by Christina Hons |
Categories: fun, hope, humor, light, river, water, weather,

What I Accomplished Today

What I had planned for the day is no longer an option for me.
20 minutes on a full body vibration machine
30 minutes in a sauna. Same for the oxygen bar.
A free lunch with my friend, but I cannot get to my car.
It has been pouring down rain for a few days. Everything is starting to flood.
Today I will be unable to meet my friend with a microscope who's fascinated by blood.
Turned on the television. Someone discussing Greek and Roman Parthenons.
Oh goody! What joy! It's an Ancient Aliens marathon.
Flipped open my journal looking for something to do.
Guess I'll enter a poetry contest or two.

May 15, 2015

Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: humor, technology,

What Robert Burns Might Say Today

O my tv's had a gray, gray screen
Since it blew up last June.
The radio plays no melody.
The piano's out of tune.

Alas! My ipod's ceased to work.
My laptop's gone kaput.
My car just died a violent death,
And now I am on foot.

When HBO plays great, my dears,
When car and gadgets run,
I'll pay thy exorbitant fees, my dears;
Then we'll all be having fun.

So fare thee well, my saviors dear.
I'll call thee in a while.
Take care of these, young fix-it men.
They're really worth a pile!


Robert Burns, Scottish poet, 1700's


entered in Julia Ward's A Light to Like Poetry Contest on June 25, 2017

Poem Details | by Aed Hashim Sheik Ahmad |
Categories: funny, me, me,

Today Is Monday

Today is Monday
What else can I say
Hate it as I may
I still need the pay

Today is Monday
Can’t keep my mood at bay
So please stay away
If you don’t want to be led astray

Today is Monday
Wish I can call it a day
Nothing I would say
Would make me happy and gay

Today is really Monday
When work cannot be shared
Nothing I can do but stare
Give me more if you dare

So..Monday please go away
I can’t bear you to stay
Quickly come Saturday
Time for me to play

Poem Details | by Paula Goldsmith |
Categories: animal, autumn, food, funny, humor, october, today,

October

Little squirrels scampering to hide their nuts,                                               
can I have some for my October pie.
Not on my pie you fly,
go away not on my cold cuts. 
 

Date Written:  9/28/2020

October Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Regina McIntosh

Poem Details | by Doris Culverhouse |
Categories: funny

Funny Thought For Today

If there are any police officers reading this...
    Please don't shave your head...

                 The reflection blinds the viewers of your dash camera footage when I                    see it on Cops. 

It also looks like the flashing lights are on your head!

Poem Details | by Tony Lane |
Categories: funny, holiday, christmas, christmas, time, today,

Is It Here Yet

Just a single week from now today will be a week ago, By the time that tomorrow’s today we’ll be on the way you know. Then yesterday will be two days ago and today will be yesterday, And two days from now will be tomorrow at least that’s what they say. Before you know it the time will pass don’t say there was no warning, Pretty soon we will all wake up and it will finally be Christmas morning. But why does it have to take so long and why do the days grow longer? Why does each passing minute make the anticipation that much stronger? I wish that there was a way to make Christmas come today, But then I guess all I’d really be doing is wishing my life away.

Poem Details | by Volodymyr Knyr |
Categories: evil, humorous, irony, life, today, war,

An Air Raid

Even an invader's air raid
can be, as we're told, for aid.

Volodymyr Knyr
2014

Poem Details | by Jimmi Canada |
Categories: cousin, culture, earth, emotions, family, fire, giggle, hyperbole, international, introspection, love, magic, simple, slam, thank you, today, voice, weather, wine,

Doe

Metti blic,

over-top soars of the harmonica,

the ancient way takes thee and smoke...

With soliloquies we join the mast-

sanctify the allegory,

sustain some good~ing!