Humorous and funny Today poems and/or funny poems about Today. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Today funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Today Poems.
birthday, friendship, humorous,
A most charming poet named Dan
Writes poems whenever he can
He is sixty today
So I’m writing to say
Happy birthday from your friend Jan
An unfortunate poet named Daniel
His huge ears made him look like a spaniel
They dangled down so low
Past his knees to his toe
The plastic surgeon re-wrote the manual!
The surgeon who was in charge
He had never seen ears so large
With a nip and a tuck
Daniel was in good luck
Dashing home to show his wife Marge
POEMS POSTED WITH PERMISSION OF DANIEL TURNER
13th August 2016
I Ran Two Miles Today
By Elton Camp
Being too fat I really do despise
One solution is plenty of exercise
I’m proud to be able to say
I did rather well with it today
A sudden inspiration I got
Started running on the spot
Nothing would make me slow down
I zipped across sidewalk and ground
I had a goal that I wanted to meet
And wasn’t going to take defeat
As the goal I drew near
Onlookers began to cheer
“Go chubby,” one called out
“Onward! another did shout
I kept running until I was ready to drop
That ice cream truck was hard to stop
anger, childhood, class, confusion, crazy, dedication, children, kids, funny, growing up, growth, high school, how i feel, innocence, inspiration, life, middle school, people, rights, school, social, stress, student, teacher, teen, teenage, time, today, truth, words, writing, youth,
White board…names written hori-
To go pee…right when class starts –
THAT’S just wrong…
Of students who have bladder
Problems – WOW!
Not using lunchtime to do
No one knows
When to do their duties – SER-
I purchased a brand new desktop
Quite sure I will use it alot
Still sits in the corner
Like Little Jack Horner
Procrastinate? Certainly not!
fun, funny, humorous, nice, nonsense, smile, today,
A bit of fun
There is a man crying
In a AA van on the edge of town
I think he is heading for a
There’s a girl I wanted to know.
It could’ve worked out fine,
if Bobby and Jack didn’t head the line.
beautiful, change, character, chocolate, food, fun, growing up, happy, heaven, humorous, i love you, imagination, inspiration, inspirational, introspection, joy, life, light, love, metaphor, philosophy, self, simple, strength, success, thank you, thanks, thanksgiving, time, today, truth, uplifting, visionary, wisdom, words,
Why can’t I have the chocolate one
I want more
She took my cookie
Hers is bigger than mine
I want to trade
That’s not fair
Thank you for the cookie
I love you
Thanks for all you do for me
I am satisfied
This is good
I am loved
Written By Deborah Finneran :) 2013
analogy, art, change, city, class, community, culture, humor, humorous, identity, imagination, life, longing, philosophy, satire, self, senses, silly, slavery, social, society, time, today, truth, wisdom,
You sculpt the clay of my life
With your rigid hands,
Shouting your high commands through morning alarms.
As you collect your daily payment of attention.
When I find myself savoring life’s sweetness,
You sprint behind my back.
And when pain drops my heart from my chest,
You linger, rubbernecking from the wall.
You enclose the whole of my life
In that circular frame,
Ever spinning in your infinite math,
Drunk with power!
I can take no more of your tyranny!
I can afford no more of your triple A battery lunches-
I am afraid you’ve run out of time.
So keep your hands out of my business, I’m sleeping in today.
Jacob Reinhardt 09/05/2013
One day I was sitting in a field
Ogling at my afternoons yield
When across the road I seen
A lovely meadow so green
Cars don't see fur as a shield
Hair today, gone tomorrow, it's starting to thin really fast
Thought I'd be one of those centurions with locks down past my ***
Think again, old fellow
You're starting to turn yellow
Don't want to pass on till my youthful appearance does pass
© Jack Ellison 2015
boyfriend, fashion, humorous, men, night, relationship, today,
He who's today in trend
is a tonight's boy-friend.
I wore my red scarf today,
feeling sassy and full of play,
I am the epitome of a drama queen,
wherever I am there is always a scene
as I walk down the street foxy and lean.
If there are any police officers reading this...
Please don't shave your head...
The reflection blinds the viewers of your dash camera footage when I see it on Cops.
It also looks like the flashing lights are on your head!
Aed Hashim Sheik Ahmad
funny, me, me,
Today is Monday
What else can I say
Hate it as I may
I still need the pay
Today is Monday
Can’t keep my mood at bay
So please stay away
If you don’t want to be led astray
Today is Monday
Wish I can call it a day
Nothing I would say
Would make me happy and gay
Today is really Monday
When work cannot be shared
Nothing I can do but stare
Give me more if you dare
So..Monday please go away
I can’t bear you to stay
Quickly come Saturday
Time for me to play
Playwright Wiliam Shakespeare
held rhyme & cadence ,so dear.
Plays in verse were his thing
making our English lingo sing.
culture, eve, funny, symbolism, time, today, truth,
Today, while in Oregon, I stopped to get gas.
To the stoned-out gas attendant, who had a man-bun
And whose name was Jordan,
I handed a 100 dollar bill.
I waited and watched
The Dutch Bro’s line across the median
Slowly tick down as the gas dial
quickly ticked up.
“Okay, here is 85 cents.”
He counts my bills out.
“And we have
He shyly smirks.
And we both laugh.
A laugh shared with a stranger.
The opposite of irony is wrinkly
And the human connection still remains.
Hasta la vista, 2015.
funny, holiday, christmas, christmas, time, today,
Just a single week from now today will be a week ago,
By the time that tomorrow’s today we’ll be on the way you know.
Then yesterday will be two days ago and today will be yesterday,
And two days from now will be tomorrow at least that’s what they say.
Before you know it the time will pass don’t say there was no warning,
Pretty soon we will all wake up and it will finally be Christmas morning.
But why does it have to take so long and why do the days grow longer?
Why does each passing minute make the anticipation that much stronger?
I wish that there was a way to make Christmas come today,
But then I guess all I’d really be doing is wishing my life away.
fun, hope, humor, light, river, water, weather,
What I had planned for the day is no longer an option for me.
20 minutes on a full body vibration machine
30 minutes in a sauna. Same for the oxygen bar.
A free lunch with my friend, but I cannot get to my car.
It has been pouring down rain for a few days. Everything is starting to flood.
Today I will be unable to meet my friend with a microscope who's fascinated by blood.
Turned on the television. Someone discussing Greek and Roman Parthenons.
Oh goody! What joy! It's an Ancient Aliens marathon.
Flipped open my journal looking for something to do.
Guess I'll enter a poetry contest or two.
May 15, 2015
evil, humorous, irony, life, today, war,
Even an invader's air raid
can be, as we're told, for aid.
RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY
creeping of the flesh
fondling in an old back seat
spooky cab rattles
haiku today november 28 © rajat kanti chakrabarty
10th grade, career, humorous, language, sleep, today,
Toastmaster Speech - Poem
Today, writing my next Toastmasters speech
So today, my next poem will be out of reach
Hopefully next week, more words will I seek
But today, my next poem is asleep.
Noel from NoelsArt
Comments: Today, I’m writing an important Toastmasters speech. After completing my next speech, I will finish Pathways Presentation Mastery speech path, which is a great accomplishment!
O my tv's had a gray, gray screen
Since it blew up last June.
The radio plays no melody.
The piano's out of tune.
Alas! My ipod's ceased to work.
My laptop's gone kaput.
My car just died a violent death,
And now I am on foot.
When HBO plays great, my dears,
When car and gadgets run,
I'll pay thy exorbitant fees, my dears;
Then we'll all be having fun.
So fare thee well, my saviors dear.
I'll call thee in a while.
Take care of these, young fix-it men.
They're really worth a pile!
Robert Burns, Scottish poet, 1700's
entered in Julia Ward's A Light to Like Poetry Contest on June 25, 2017
animal, autumn, food, funny, humor, october, today,
Little squirrels scampering to hide their nuts,
can I have some for my October pie.
Not on my pie you fly,
go away not on my cold cuts.
Date Written: 9/28/2020
October Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Regina McIntosh
family, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, life, parody, people, socialsweet, sweet, cousin,
Oh, my sweet girl, come and shack up, with me.
We shall live on welfare and space out to see.
How many food stamp cards, we can arrange,
We shall visit for meds and beg for change.
Upon the riverbanks, we shall catch a cold.
Then we shall collect our oxy-cotton gold.
I shall gather clothes from good wills chest.
You prepare to go visit relatives in the west.
My sweet girl I shall give you no gold.
However, get you, giving us babies to hold.
A bed of daisies, I shall have waiting for you.
For freshening up our pet hound, old blue.
Our cousin Joe has a house that is so big.
We shall move in, us all, even with our pig.
fantasy, funny, imagination, places, visionaryday, day,
On a Day Like Today
by Amy Swanson 12/2008
On a day like today,
I just want to scream.
This day is so cold!
I'd much rather day-dream...
...of a small tropic island
where sun always shines -
Yes! That would do nicely!
(though just in my mind)
On a hot sandy beach,
where the water's deep blue;
relaxing and warm,
with palm trees in my view...
and a drink in my hand,
with that little umbrella!
My warm, leisured day
would read like a novella...!
But I open my eyes -
drat! this dull winter gray!
I prefer my day-dreams
on a day like today! :)