Humorous and funny Today poems and/or funny poems about Today. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Today funny poems!
Written by
Paula Goldsmith
Categories:
hate, humor, love, relationship, today, together
Today
Today,
I love you.
Today,
I hate you.
This week,
I love you,
This week,
I hate you.
Can this go on,
it has for years.
This love hate relationship,
is now over.
I am kicking you to the curb,
to the trash can you must go.
Did you figure me out,
I am your bathroom scale.
Hooray~you are gone.
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
birthday, friendship, humorous,
I 'Ear' Daniel Turner Has a Birthday Today
A most charming poet named Dan
Writes poems whenever he can
He is sixty today
So I’m writing to say
Happy birthday from your friend Jan
xxxxxxx
An unfortunate poet named Daniel
His huge ears made him look like a spaniel
They dangled down so low
Past his knees to his toe
The plastic surgeon re-wrote the manual!
The surgeon who was in charge
He had never seen ears so large
With a nip and a tuck
Daniel was in good luck
Dashing home to show his wife Marge
POEMS POSTED WITH PERMISSION OF DANIEL TURNER
13th August 2016
Written by
Elton Camp
Categories:
humor,
I Ran Two Miles Today
I Ran Two Miles Today
By Elton Camp
Being too fat I really do despise
One solution is plenty of exercise
I’m proud to be able to say
I did rather well with it today
A sudden inspiration I got
Started running on the spot
Nothing would make me slow down
I zipped across sidewalk and ground
I had a goal that I wanted to meet
And wasn’t going to take defeat
As the goal I drew near
Onlookers began to cheer
“Go chubby,” one called out
“Onward! another did shout
I kept running until I was ready to drop
That ice cream truck was hard to stop
Written by
Terry Ireland
Categories:
age, hair, humor,
Hair Today
I’m no longer lissom
And I'm no longer thin
I can see the growth
Of my second chin
But i check the mirror every morning
Hoping to avoid the despair
Of discovering my head has started
Growing through my hair.
Written by
Tim Ryerson
Categories:
funny,
Never Do Today What You Can Put Off Until Tomorrow
I purchased a brand new desktop
Quite sure I will use it alot
Still sits in the corner
Like Little Jack Horner
Procrastinate? Certainly not!
Written by
John Trusty
Categories:
funny, people,
Clerihew For Today
MARILYN MONROE
There’s a girl I wanted to know.
It could’ve worked out fine,
if Bobby and Jack didn’t head the line.
Written by
Noel Flater
Categories:
10th grade, career, humorous, language, sleep, today
Toastmasters Speech - Poem
Toastmaster Speech - Poem
Today, writing my next Toastmasters speech
So today, my next poem will be out of reach
Hopefully next week, more words will I seek
But today, my next poem is asleep.
Noel from NoelsArt
Comments: Today, I’m writing an important Toastmasters speech. After completing my next speech, I will finish Pathways Presentation Mastery speech path, which is a great accomplishment!
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
funny
Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow
One day I was sitting in a field
Ogling at my afternoons yield
When across the road I seen
A lovely meadow so green
Cars don't see fur as a shield
http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-4.php
Written by
Sonia Walker
Categories:
humorous,
I Wore My Red Scarf Today
I wore my red scarf today,
feeling sassy and full of play,
I am the epitome of a drama queen,
wherever I am there is always a scene
as I walk down the street foxy and lean.
Written by
Jack Ellison
Categories:
humorous,
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Hair today, gone tomorrow, it's starting to thin really fast
Thought I'd be one of those centurions with locks down past my ***
Think again, old fellow
You're starting to turn yellow
Don't want to pass on till my youthful appearance does pass
© Jack Ellison 2015
Written by
Brian Strand
Categories:
humor, poetry,
Clerihew For Today
Playwright Wiliam Shakespeare
held rhyme & cadence ,so dear.
Plays in verse were his thing
making our English lingo sing.
Written by
Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
Categories:
funny love,
Haiku Today November 28
creeping of the flesh
fondling in an old back seat
spooky cab rattles
haiku today november 28 © rajat kanti chakrabarty
Written by
Christina Hons
Categories:
fun, hope, humor, light, river, water
What I Accomplished Today
What I had planned for the day is no longer an option for me.
20 minutes on a full body vibration machine
30 minutes in a sauna. Same for the oxygen bar.
A free lunch with my friend, but I cannot get to my car.
It has been pouring down rain for a few days. Everything is starting to flood.
Today I will be unable to meet my friend with a microscope who's fascinated by blood.
Turned on the television. Someone discussing Greek and Roman Parthenons.
Oh goody! What joy! It's an Ancient Aliens marathon.
Flipped open my journal looking for something to do.
Guess I'll enter a poetry contest or two.
May 15, 2015
Written by
Janice Canerdy
Categories:
humor, technology,
What Robert Burns Might Say Today
O my tv's had a gray, gray screen
Since it blew up last June.
The radio plays no melody.
The piano's out of tune.
Alas! My ipod's ceased to work.
My laptop's gone kaput.
My car just died a violent death,
And now I am on foot.
When HBO plays great, my dears,
When car and gadgets run,
I'll pay thy exorbitant fees, my dears;
Then we'll all be having fun.
So fare thee well, my saviors dear.
I'll call thee in a while.
Take care of these, young fix-it men.
They're really worth a pile!
Robert Burns, Scottish poet, 1700's
entered in Julia Ward's A Light to Like Poetry Contest on June 25, 2017
Written by
Aed Hashim Sheik Ahmad
Categories:
funny, me, me,
Today Is Monday
Today is Monday
What else can I say
Hate it as I may
I still need the pay
Today is Monday
Can’t keep my mood at bay
So please stay away
If you don’t want to be led astray
Today is Monday
Wish I can call it a day
Nothing I would say
Would make me happy and gay
Today is really Monday
When work cannot be shared
Nothing I can do but stare
Give me more if you dare
So..Monday please go away
I can’t bear you to stay
Quickly come Saturday
Time for me to play
Written by
Tony Lane
Categories:
funny, holiday, christmas, christmas, time, today
Is It Here Yet
Just a single week from now today will be a week ago,
By the time that tomorrow’s today we’ll be on the way you know.
Then yesterday will be two days ago and today will be yesterday,
And two days from now will be tomorrow at least that’s what they say.
Before you know it the time will pass don’t say there was no warning,
Pretty soon we will all wake up and it will finally be Christmas morning.
But why does it have to take so long and why do the days grow longer?
Why does each passing minute make the anticipation that much stronger?
I wish that there was a way to make Christmas come today,
But then I guess all I’d really be doing is wishing my life away.
Written by
Doris Culverhouse
Categories:
funny
Funny Thought For Today
If there are any police officers reading this...
Please don't shave your head...
The reflection blinds the viewers of your dash camera footage when I see it on Cops.
It also looks like the flashing lights are on your head!
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
evil, humorous, irony, life, today, war
An Air Raid
Even an invader's air raid
can be, as we're told, for aid.
Volodymyr Knyr
2014
Written by
Paula Goldsmith
Categories:
cool, dream, humor, sleep, sweet, today
Ice Cream
When I fell asleep I had a wild~ bizarre dream,
My bathtub was filled up with wonderful ice cream.
All my favorite flavors are in my tub,
I was smelling good and it was a great scrub,
Looking at my phone it had gone by a live stream.
Written by
Cecil Hickman
Categories:
family, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, life, parody, people
Usa Marriage Justice Today
Oh, my sweet girl, come and shack up, with me.
We shall live on welfare and space out to see.
How many food stamp cards, we can arrange,
We shall visit for meds and beg for change.
Upon the riverbanks, we shall catch a cold.
Then we shall collect our oxy-cotton gold.
I shall gather clothes from good wills chest.
You prepare to go visit relatives in the west.
My sweet girl I shall give you no gold.
However, get you, giving us babies to hold.
A bed of daisies, I shall have waiting for you.
For freshening up our pet hound, old blue.
Our cousin Joe has a house that is so big.
We shall move in, us all, even with our pig.
Written by
Brian Eatherton
Categories:
humorous
Today and Tamara
I didn't see Tamara today
But I may see Tamara tomorrow.
Written by
I Am Anaya
Categories:
golf, humorous,
At The Country Club Today
At the country club a sight for sore eyes
Brunch with the bunch and giraffic surprise
Two tall orders, son of a gun
It surely beat the hole-in-one!
Anticipating sharing a slurped prize
Written by
Amy Swanson
Categories:
fantasy, funny, imagination, places, visionaryday, day
On a Day Like Today
On a Day Like Today
by Amy Swanson 12/2008
On a day like today,
I just want to scream.
This day is so cold!
I'd much rather day-dream...
...of a small tropic island
where sun always shines -
Yes! That would do nicely!
(though just in my mind)
On a hot sandy beach,
where the water's deep blue;
relaxing and warm,
with palm trees in my view...
and a drink in my hand,
with that little umbrella!
My warm, leisured day
would read like a novella...!
But I open my eyes -
drat! this dull winter gray!
I prefer my day-dreams
on a day like today! :)
Written by
Emma Anonymous
Categories:
children, funny,
Commentary On the Youth of Today
I cannot skip
instead I hop
I cannot flip
instead I flop
I cannot do so many things
instead I play computer games
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, relationship,
Not today Tumbleweed
Suck off
Ted’s teaching grandma to suck eggs
“Don’t patronise me lad,” she begs
"It’s a job I can do
SO much better than you
Just scarper on your asses legs!"
Gran whispers words I won’t repeat
Ted’s blushes as red as a beet
She is so worldly wise
And it is no surprise
This jackass won’t usurp her seat!