Humorous and funny Twain poems and/or funny poems about Twain. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Twain funny poems!
Written by
Rhonda Johnson-Saunders
Categories:
humor, work,
Bed Sores - For Wit of Twain Contest
He spends one more day in his bed.
To-do-lists run all ‘round his head.
Noon came and then passed,
he’s still on his ***.
A hard day of work, he most dreads!
“If man had created man, he’d be ashamed of his performance.” – Mark Twain
Written by
Jeff Eklund
Categories:
funny, life, on work and working, travel,
Mark Twain Cover Up
In Hannibal Town
Tom Sawyer Conspiracy
Can you say White Wash?
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
funny
Split In Twain By Divorce
LIMERICK
You can have the two kids but not the hound
And I'll need the Caddie to get around
Said she I'll take the house
You good for nothin' louse
By your **** and bull I will not be bound
HAIKU
love that drifts apart
like two diverging rivers
ne'er to flow as one
COUPLET
Their marriage made in heaven was as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar
'Til his boozing and roving eyes caused the whole affair to falter
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 5 in PDs "Divorce Club" Contest - December 2010
Written by
Jim Slaughter
Categories:
humor, philosophy,
Paraphrasing Mark Twain on Modesty
Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more. (Mark Twain)
When Adam donned his fig leaf
Was a sense of decency assumed.
When sons of Adam
Again find it cute
To be comfortable
In their birthday suit
Will simple modesty be resumed.
Written by
Joe Dimino
Categories:
betrayal, humor, parody, political, trust, truth, wisdom,
Channelling Twain
Always fond of painting,
my preference, Realism,
I did a portrait of Bidden –
but the nose kept going
beyond the frame – so, with
desire for the problem to
tame, naturally, I got an-unnaturally
larger frame. Soon, with necessary,
repeated application, the wall gave way,
and the nose was out in the
rain – then, my neighbors
began to complain – myself at last
reasoning, that, when rendering
politicians, Modern Abstract, like Hunter's,
would be a medium more sane –
I discarded my begun Harris,
probably an ever greater
migraine.
Written by
Oliver Mckeithan
Categories:
humorous,
Twain No 6
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain
I can’t remember what I said yesterday so it must all have been true
Written by
Oliver Mckeithan
Categories:
humorous,
Twain No 5
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
Mark Twain
we have two wonderful border collies~ I prefer their company
Written by
Oliver Mckeithan
Categories:
humorous,
Twain No 2
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
Mark Twain
no wonder Washington is a stinking cesspool!
Written by
Oliver Mckeithan
Categories:
humorous,
Twain No 7
Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.
Mark Twain
I have a ton of experience~ why am I still making bad decisions
Written by
Oliver Mckeithan
Categories:
humorous,
Twain No 3
Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
Mark Twain
Ok.
Written by
Oliver Mckeithan
Categories:
humorous,
Twain Quote No 9
Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.
Mark Twain
If that is the case~ how come I still make so many bad decisions
Written by
Oliver Mckeithan
Categories:
humorous,
Twain No 8
I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
Mark Twain
at least I can still count to ten and spell cat
Written by
Oliver Mckeithan
Categories:
humorous,
Twain Quote number 10
'There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.'"[
Attributed to Mark Twain
anyone can tell a lie but it takes a politician to tell a statistic