Humorous and funny Urban poems and/or funny poems about Urban. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Urban funny poems!
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
funny, on writing and words, people, satire, urban,
Souper Sex Change
This Lil' poem
had to change it's name
With a title so lame
nearly got sent
to Soup's Hall of Shame!
Never fear
dude's on the poetic rise
silky set a' verses
new curves in them thighs
you bet
boys'll be
rubber neckin'
new flow's strapped
like an automatic weapon
Yep she's got new features
but didn't cost six grand
with a new set a' headlights
give the new girl a hand!
Written by
Barbara Gorelick
Categories:
funny, history, uplifting, urban, visionary, war
The Earl of Sandwich
Please, sir, some meat and bread
I've not had a morsel for a week
It would stop this terrible hunger
My prospects now are terribly bleak
It's said the Earl is tender hearted
And oh so bloody awful rich
If I could have a taste of his
I'd call the thing a Sandwich
I hate to just come a beggin'
But I'm so hungry I am seeing red
Won't you ask the Earl again
Please, sir, some meat and bread.......
For Joe's Sandwich contest...lol
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
black african american, funny, people, social, uplifting, urban
Juicy Kaboosey
her derriere
in the air high
eyes wearing out
Than-Bauk written for Rick Parise's contest
Written by
Ceasia White
Categories:
black african american, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, introspection, song-urban,
The Black Mistress
Black Mistress
That's what I'm suppose to be
Oh, no not me
I'm not coming second to another woman
No woman is coming before me
Black Mistress
That's what I'm suppose to be
Come get your clothes if you can't spend the holidays with me
You live with her not me
Black Mistress
You want to buy my love when you want please
Oh, no not me
I have my own and I'm not selling my goods to no one but I'm still not cheap
Written by
Jerry Dinzes
Categories:
devotion, funny, hope, urban,
A Limerick To Those Who Can Not Acknowledge the Evolution of Poetry:
You are witnessing a change in tone,
A new piece of the Rosetta Stone...
It may blow your mind
To find your behind
Has fallen quite far from the throne.
Written by
Teddy Kimathi
Categories:
humorous, identity, imagery, life, teenage, urban
Urban Culture
My name is in the ID,
but I assume many personalities
of celebrities and socialites,
some who seem to be lost in utopia.
Speaking of utopia,
I believe in everything Hollywood
says about aliens being green,
with big heads, lasers and all...
I'll enjoy burger fries and milkshakes everyday,
and pray that God will somehow
cleanse my body system.
Sex, partying and raving are the philosophies
I live by; You Only Live Once (YOLO).
Sometimes I'm tempted to sell my bed on eBay,
because sleep is not my friend;
I joke and drink all night with my friends.
Oh, back to my name!
Since I have multiple personalities,
you can call me a "Weapon of Mass Consumption".
Written by
Tom Bell
Categories:
angst, education, funny, urban,
Roller Skating On the Freeway
It can be a little bit tough,
While skating in the buff,
In the fast lane of the freeway,
You know I need not say,
Especially to me,
When you need your skate key,
So I'd suggest you try first,
To use the service road,
or call a hearse,
A helmet may be wise,
Unless they hit you in your eyes
And please note the word freeways,
Is for the benefit of our left-coasters
Cause that word in N.Y. would daze
There ain't nothin' free in N.Y.,
Just ask any right coast dork.
Written by
Junate Ersal
Categories:
art, funny, loss, urban,
Parking Ticket
Friends told a secret
Put the ticket on the shield
No more new tickets
I did not wait long
To realize the secret advice
When I got ticket
I did what they said
I left my car with ticket
Glad to know the trick
Dark when I came back
I saw the ticket gave birth
I do l!#*ve my friends
Written by
Marty Owens
Categories:
food, funny, urban,
Get Rich Quick
Blackeyes and turnip greens on New Year's day.
That's what we should eat, or so they say.
With pork chops or ham hocks glazed with honey.
Eating all this is supposed to bring you money.
This is tradition in the South where I live,
to eat such a meal, but this secret I give.
If you're eating this meal to gain riches untold.
Then my friend I'll confess, while waiting you'll grow old!
For Russell Sivey's Good Luck Meal contest
Written by
Martin Kloess
Categories:
funny, humor, judgement, urban, words,
Now You Are the Judge In the Bench Tainter Case
Not saying this man was a saint
When benches let’s just say he’d taint
Imagine instead
What went through his head
When signs clearly said to wet paint
Written by
Teddy Kimathi
Categories:
business, drink, fun, humor, summer, urban
Cool Drink
Do you want to feel like a king?
Soar like an eagle? Sail like a Viking?
Buy coke, and you will be all the three in one!
As summer lasts, you will have fun!
Written by
Charles Henderson
Categories:
funny, urban
Meaner Than a Junk Yard Dog
You’re sure to get the meaning
of, “Meaner than a junkyard dog”.
It makes you want to run, not jog;
to avoid a severe creaming.
If you dis your girl by screaming,
ranting, raving like a road hog.
You’re sure to get the meaning
of, “Meaner than a junk yard dog”.
If toward lying you are leaning,
think twice, tell the true story.
You don’t want it to get gory.
Time is over for verbal preening.
You’re sure to get the meaning.
© Jun 03 2010 For Jared’s contest “The Rondel”
Written by
Madhu Mita
Categories:
friendship, funny, love, people, romance, urban
Between Friends
They were in love and they hated each other.
They couldn’t stand to be in the same room together.
Falling in love was a new experience.
It changed the way they looked at the world
and the way they looked at themselves.
It brought with it the intense agony
and ecstasy; the hedonism
that are part of being in love.
They didn’t want to fall in love but
they couldn’t help themselves.
It was something out of their control.
They had once been best friends
but now,
because of the woman they loved,
they hated each other.
Written by
Karen Cleaver-Bascombe
Categories:
how i feel, humorous, urban,
Train To White City
Slouching on the evening train
Ravelling through old anxieties,
It better than eye contact with robots
Haplessly Shuffling on and off
The deepest and fondest memories appear
Through the thorny ripples of mind
Speeding down memory lane
First memory, first bike, first bruise
First Day of school, no front teeth
Fast forward to first date,
Sloppiness of that first awkward kiss
First love pangs of distress
Until at last your realize
You passed your flaming stop.
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
environment, funny, humor, rude, thank you, urban
The Cordial Mister Dumpster
Douglas Dempster the Dumpster King
Hates to be called Doug Dumpster
But he's to blame if that's his name
Denying it is a real stumper.
Mashes the trash, burns it to ash,
Recycles all that's allowed;
A self-made man with a garbage can
That ought to make him proud.
Dougy Dumps whines and grumps
"Nobody gives me respect!
If not for me the world would be
Garbage-bedecked! Cluttered and wrecked!
Sad and neglected, infested, infected
But thanks to me it all gets collected!"
Well thank you Doug-in-a-Dumper
For keeping our alleyways bright
Put on your very best jumper
And we'll take you out tonight.
Written by
Andrew Crisci
Categories:
funny, people, places, social, urban
Morning Rush
I am widely read,~ Train doors open,
o my readers sit~some riders get off.
or stand on long~ " Pardon me, sir! "
train cars! Sleep~ Guys' faces daze,
they won't since~someone is too glad
words get tense,~ while her legs trot;
and action stirs; ~ no preacher cries
o another reason~ out at such sight!
they read a lot,~ Cops on the watch,
is not to make ~ suspicion of threat;
real eye contact!~dogs sniff package.
Written by
Nwando Obianyor
Categories:
children, funny, urban,
This Is the Key
This is the key of the kingdom.
In that kingdom there is a city
In that city there is a town
In that town there is a street
In that street there is a lane
In that lane there is a yard
In that yard there is a house
In that house there is a room
In that room there is a bed
On that bed there is a basket
In that basket there are some flowers.
Flowers in a basket
Basket on the bed
Bed in the room
Room in the house
House in the yard
Yard in the lane
Lane in the street
Street in the town
Town in the city
City in the kingdom
Of that kingdom this is the key.
Written by
Anthony Guccia
Categories:
addiction, desire, fun, funny, urban, drug
Dreaming of Snow
This poem is for amusement only, I do not condone or approve the use of drugs. The poem is about Cocaine, and if that offends you, please do not continue to the poem.
Snowflakes fall on shiny plate,
An Excited man, with razor does scrape.
Creates white lines with accuracy in form
Face now brightened, red, and warm.
grasping a bill, it is pleasure he does seek
With a mighty snort, a nose starts to leak
A frenzy of joy, quickly doth over take.
Joyous, Ecstatic, and beyond awake.
But, Soon his pleasure starts to wean,
For another line, will this man soon fiend.
Written by
Do You Write A Lot?
Categories:
funny, life, people, philosophy, urban,
The Name Game
I’d never have guessed the fuss behind names
To the rich and famous, their claim to fame
To some a status of great importance
Some changed by deed poll, classed as a hindrance
Mr, a title and blend of Master
Mrs, feminine can one go faster
Such fuss over names, fill me with laughter
They’ll always be here, before and after.
Written by
Marilyn Hernandez
Categories:
funny, health, satire, urban,
Upchuck
Ah, this sea
Of filth and pee
A cesspool of germs
That swiftly churns
A dreadful place
To hunch my face
I squirm and I moan
Over this so-called throne
To gag and hurl
My insides whirl
I stop to breathe
While I gasp and heave
I wipe off the drips
Of spittle on my lips
And clench my gut
Hope for anything but
A second round
Lift myself off the ground
To flush this sea
Of my debris
Watching it drain
As I try to refrain
Another wretched bend
Over my porcelain friend
Written by
Andy Morfett
Categories:
conflict, funny, identity, urban,
Neighbourhood Splotch
A rather young couple have
Moved in together
In the two up, two down
Across the street.
Not for them conventionality
Or conformity:
No wedding band offends
Her third finger, left hand
Nor, it must be said
From appearances,
Does bath water very often.
Long, lank and greasy hair
Drools over their acne-scarred complexions.
They proudly declare their membership
Of the rock music degeneration
With booming bass
And screeching electric guitars,
Earth-quaking the street.
Oh yes, they have defiantly
Made it clear
They’re not going to conform
And prefer to live their lives
Living in din.
Written by
John Beam
Categories:
america, humor, irony, urban, words, work
Meat and Taters
down to earth whole guy some where lost it the meaning urbane needs some help
Written by
Romeo Naces
Categories:
funny, people, urban,
Never Underestimate
when you're pestered by a glib insurance dude
and you wanna be alone without being rude,
when every corner you turn leads to a deadend
as you flee from your probation officer, my friend,
when you're chased by your most dreaded creditors
and their shadows close in on you inside elevators,
when from cultic lunatics there's no way out at all
and they push you against your will against the wall,
you can outwit them in a manner cool as a slamdunk,
you need not carry a gun, just learn from the skunk,
don't give up, don't give in, don't you lose heart,
never underestimate the potent power of your fart !
Written by
Jennifer Ratcliffe
Categories:
funny, health, life, on work and working, people, urban
Stress
Anxiety;
the fate that draws life near to me,
stretching out my palms to understand the emptiness
of my propriety.
Some rushing knuckles
through roots and eggshells,
but no gold dug,
just the fleet of mud.
I'll sprout a wrinkle
and regret the day
I let my wits run with anxiety.
Written by
Tone Jaxson
Categories:
black african american, funny, lost love, love, romance, urban
Men and Byrds
When I gazed upon the lavender SKY
The sun was there to get in my EYE
Blinding my sight for a short time
As I stared toward SPACE
My thoughtz began to RACE
Then something flew by catching my eye
It was a Byrd gliding by……
A sight easy to look at, impossible to HOLD
Gliding so smoothly, the gesture so BOLD
It kinda remindz me of my relationships with men…….
Who are easy to look at but impossible to HOLD
Gliding thru life smoothly with gestures so BOLD
Lookin at those Byrdz, a lovely sight INDEED
Similar to men in many wayz though different BREED
I love lookin up at Byrdz & sometimes men INSTEAD
But many men like those Byrdz will crap on yo HEAD
Written & copyrighted by Tone Jaxson