Humorous and funny Valentines Day poems and/or funny poems about Valentines Day. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Valentines Day funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Valentines Day Poems.
humorous, valentines day, roses are red,
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m up for a quickie
Do you fancy one too?
13th February 2015
Mark J. Halliday
chocolate, holiday, humorous, religion, valentines day,
Not much is known about him,
But all girls love him.
Saint Valentine's Feast,
On February fourteenth:
It would make more sense
To honor Aphrodite...
So then, why don't we?!
funny, love, valentines day,
old tigers from dens
waiting to come out of sleep
for Valentines kiss
old tigresses fear
may be played again
Wish you all P.S. friends Happy Valentines Day, enjoy
For Contest: 101 in a ROW contest -5
Sponsored by: PD
angst, humor, valentines day,
Walking on bleeding hearts like eggshell parts
My valentine broke Cupid’s angel wings
I don’t know what to believe when he brings
Ample heart-shaped boxes of Chocolate darts
We’ve been together since I don’t know when
He loves me he loves me not a gold ring
He comes home when he wants to, it’s his thing
Doesn’t like when I question where’s he been
Hopefully he’ll propose on bended knee
Expecting a dozen wild red roses
Or lay some myself where he decomposes
And his valentine, that’s me, will be free
Jerry T Curtis
humorous, valentines day,
Valen-time a woman's perspective
Inspired by one of Jan Alison's recent writes
You've given me red roses
carnations violets too
You even gave me tulips
To show your love was true
But now these days it seems
that the garden must be dead
'Cause the only kind of (flower)
that I get's for making bread
funny, funny love, valentines day,
You melt my butter.
You sop my gravy.
There is no other
like my redneck baby.
You're the frost on my mug;
the salt on my pretzel.
You really squish my mud.
You're the one I want to wrestle.
But if faithful, you're not,
or you be loose and fast;
not Cupid's arrow shot,
but mine, in your ***!
funny, humor, valentines day,
Chocolate adds to her behind
Sugar doesn't make her sweeter
It costs a fortune tryin' to feed 'er
Better think twice
It's mass produced
You know that's fake
Angels don't shoot arrows
Give me a break!
humorous, valentines day,
A tongue with good luck is embraced
By a honeyed candy-like taste
This holiday treat
Is a fabulous eat
And lies under silk lingerie laced
funny, love, romance, satire,
Hearts to you-hearts to you
What can be said about
Valentines day that's not
been said before?
Only to say that I
love you so much that I
gave up my whore.
humorous, valentines day,
Steve was hoping that on Valentine's Day
That he’d be lucky and he’d get a lay
He thought very hard
And purchased a card...
‘In loving memory’ it did say!
His girlfriend hit him over the head
She ordered him - get out of the bed!
When she read the sad verse
Her anger got much worse
Silly Steve now wished that he was dead!
13th February 2016
humor, valentines day,
To Valentines Day I am true
The joy of a score means...yahoo!
Sex is a pleasant
Heart holiday present
Now ruined since I’ve caught the flu
humorous, valentines day, valentines day,
This Valentine's Day I shall send
To my boyfriend so not to offend.
Even though I am fond,
If he does not respond,
No worries. He's got a best friend.
humor, poetess, valentines day,
SKAT A broke my poor delicate heart
with a topic i cant take part
On valentine i must craft
not by design did she draft
she a poet so dear and smart
© Nadiya (2 Feb '15)
Place 2nd in the contest 'a valentine limerick to the poet who broke my heart' by Skat A on 27 May 2015.
anniversary, boyfriend, girlfriend, happiness, hope, humorous, inspirational, lonely, lost love, love, philosophy, relationship, satire, valentines day,
No valentine on Valentine's.
I haven't met one yet.
Each year I wait another
for a person I've not met.
There's nothing I've done wrong:
yet waiting is in vain.
And all that's left is hope
that love's a ball and chain.
food, funny, love, valentines day,
My body does shiver and swoon
My voice will quiver and croon
My heart's desire
It sets me on fire
- A quiche made with liver and prune.
funny, satire, valentines day,
I gave you red roses,
I wrote you beautiful notes,
I read you romantic stories
and love poems with blushy quotes
I tried my best to keep you,
I thought I knew what to do,
but you left me sweet lady
for a "man" you call Sue?
I never saw it coming,
but I gave you my best;
now you and Sue can share
Valentine kisses and all the rest
My Valentine card ends
with a question just for you,
"Who leads when you dance,
is it you or is it Sue?"
Happy Valentine's Day!
No, not autobiographical.
flower, for her, humorous, valentines day,
If I gave you them - you’d probably kill me.... but you could re-use them on my grave!
Contest: Melt my heart with just one line
Written on 11th Feb 2016
allusion, christian, first love, funny, satire, valentines day,
The day for the love if this was every day not love for the day
how i feel, humorous, valentines day,
For twenty four hours
I don’t need a card
Or blood red roses
On Valentine's Day
Save your money
Say you love me
It costs nothing
But means the world
Put a price
On your love
Sponsored by Broken Wings
Checked with how many syllables
humor, humorous, imagery, life, love, relationship, valentines day,
She looked so beautiful
in her evening dress -
her perfume blended so well
like a jigsaw pattern,
together with her smile.
I hugged her,
and kissed her cheeks.
My girlfriend witnessed the entire act;
she threw our Valentine's cake
at my face - that's not how
I anticipated to enjoy the cake,
like Christmas snowballs....
Her body swayed like a wrecking ball,
as she stormed out of the party. For a
moment the room was dead silent - no
sound of music, glasses, or conversations
in the air, not even whispers of gossip.
My girlfriend didn't know that I was
having a moment with my sister.....
humorous, i love you, money, romance, satire, valentines day,
I see it piled sky high on the supermarket shelves
Perfect pink packaging containing calorific chocolates and cute cuddly toys,
seductive scents or sexy silk underwear
Slushy Valentine’s cards with ridiculous romantic rhymes
Stick on a cardboard heart and it's not just the vendor who is smiling!
A sea of red roses that stretches as far as the eye can see
Notice how the prices inflate higher than a helium 'I Love You' balloon
Yet on 15th February everything will be half price
Is this the price of true love or am I just a cynic?
Valentine Shmalentine Contest
Sponsored by Nicola Byrne
funny, holiday, valentines day,
On Valentine's Day Cupid rules,
A bow and arrow his trusty tools.
He shoots an arrow at a he,
Then takes aim at a she,
And they both become lovesick fools.
Kim Merryman for Linda-Marie's February Funny Bone contest.
food, humorous, valentines day,
I need meat on Valentine ’s Day
A Love Sausage was on display
We will eat one tonight
And to hubbies delight
Much later he will get a lay
But hubby keeps pestering me.
To see my ‘pasties’ after tea.
I will give him some hassle.
About my titty tassle,
Cos they are not very comfy
I admit, yes I have to confess,
A love sausage brought from M & S,
Is a valentines treat,
Cos I do love my meat,
And there’s ‘pasties’ under my dress!
Fictional Poem For Libralori who loves eating Croissant's, thanks for the inspiration!
*M & S is a British Store, they are selling 'love sausages' for Valentine's Day
beautiful, beauty, chocolate, february, funny love, how i feel, valentines day,
My Valentine, oh how I love thee, from head to toe
The one whom every day I see
My Funny Valentine is simply me
Beautiful vibrant woman, that's definitely me
One who loves herself from land to sea
Romance, chocolates, a single red rose
Delightful I suppose, to some and I assume to most
As for me, my own funny Valentine
A toast to me, for being content within me
humor, valentines day,
Women love this yearly thrill
The day of hearts and flowers
As men, the cowards that we are,
Dread the task and cower.
For women wait with scented air
For tribute to be rendered
And if the booty’s not just right
They then act all offended.
And men, poor fools, seek outside help
By asking other women
To choose for them the perfect gift
No man had ever given.
After years of struggle
Men finally learn the trick
Give her what she really wants
“Your heart upon a stick”.
John G. Lawless