Funny Poems About Valentines Day or Valentines Day Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Valentines Day poems and/or funny poems about Valentines Day. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Valentines Day funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Valentines Day Poems.

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: humorous, valentines day, roses are red,

My Funny Valentine

Roses are red Violets are blue I’m up for a quickie Do you fancy one too? 13th February 2015

Poem Details | by Mark J. Halliday |
Categories: chocolate, holiday, humorous, religion, valentines day,


Not much is known about him,
But all girls love him.

Saint Valentine's Feast,
On February fourteenth:
Mostly chocolates!

It would make more sense
To honor Aphrodite...
So then, why don't we?!

Poem Details | by Bl Devnath |
Categories: funny, love, valentines day,

Emotional Utterance

old tigers from dens
                                waiting to come out of sleep 
                                      for Valentines kiss 

                                      old tigresses fear
                                    emotional utterance 
                                    may be played again

               Wish you all P.S. friends Happy Valentines Day, enjoy

               For Contest: 101 in a ROW contest -5
               Sponsored by: PD

Poem Details | by Kim Rodrigues |
Categories: angst, humor, valentines day,

Valentine Schmalentine

VALENTINE SCHMALENTINE Walking on bleeding hearts like eggshell parts My valentine broke Cupid’s angel wings I don’t know what to believe when he brings Ample heart-shaped boxes of Chocolate darts We’ve been together since I don’t know when He loves me he loves me not a gold ring He comes home when he wants to, it’s his thing Doesn’t like when I question where’s he been Hopefully he’ll propose on bended knee Expecting a dozen wild red roses Or lay some myself where he decomposes And his valentine, that’s me, will be free
1/21/2017 Contest

Poem Details | by Jerry T Curtis |
Categories: humorous, valentines day,


Valen-time  a woman's perspective 
Inspired by one of Jan Alison's recent writes

You've given me red roses
carnations violets too
You even gave me tulips
To show your love was true

But now these days it seems
that the garden must be dead
'Cause the only kind of (flower)
that I get's for making bread

Poem Details | by Arlene Smith |
Categories: funny, funny love, valentines day,

Redneck Valentine

You melt my butter.
You sop my gravy.
There is no other
like my redneck baby.

You're the frost on my mug;
the salt on my pretzel.
You really squish my mud.
You're the one I want to wrestle.

But if faithful, you're not,
or you be loose and fast;
not Cupid's arrow shot,
but mine, in your ***!

Love, Arlene

Poem Details | by Daniel Turner |
Categories: funny, humor, valentines day,

Valentine, Shmalentine

Valentine, shmalentine
Chocolate adds to her behind
Sugar doesn't make her sweeter
It costs a fortune tryin' to feed 'er

Jewelry, shmewelry 
Better think twice
It's mass produced
And overpriced

Cupid, shmupid
You know that's fake
Angels don't shoot arrows
Give me a break! 

       January 20217

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: humorous, valentines day,

Valentine's Day Sweets

A tongue with good luck is embraced
By a honeyed candy-like taste
This holiday treat
Is a fabulous eat
And lies under silk lingerie laced

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: humorous, valentines day,

There's Nothing Worse Than An Inappropriate Verse

Steve was hoping that on Valentine's Day That he’d be lucky and he’d get a lay He thought very hard And purchased a card... ‘In loving memory’ it did say! His girlfriend hit him over the head She ordered him - get out of the bed! When she read the sad verse Her anger got much worse Silly Steve now wished that he was dead! 13th February 2016

Poem Details | by Charles Mcdauel |
Categories: funny, love, romance, satire,

Valentines Day

Hearts to you-hearts to you
What can be said about
Valentines day that's not
been said before?

Only to say that I 
love you so much that I
gave up my whore.

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: humor, valentines day,

Romance Foiled

To Valentines Day I am true
The joy of a score!
Sex is a pleasant
Heart holiday present
Now ruined since I’ve caught the flu

Poem Details | by Lola Barron |
Categories: humorous, valentines day, valentines day,

Plenty More Fish

This Valentine's Day I shall send
To my boyfriend so not to offend.
Even though I am fond,
If he does not respond,
No worries. He's got a best friend.

Poem Details | by Poesy Relish |
Categories: humor, poetess, valentines day,

Skat a Broke My Heart :D

SKAT A broke my poor delicate heart with a topic i cant take part On valentine i must craft not by design did she draft she a poet so dear and smart © Nadiya (2 Feb '15)
Place 2nd in the contest 'a valentine limerick to the poet who broke my heart' by Skat A on 27 May 2015.

Poem Details | by Trevor Mcleod |
Categories: anniversary, boyfriend, girlfriend, happiness, hope, humorous, inspirational, lonely, lost love, love, philosophy, relationship, satire, valentines day,


No valentine on Valentine's.
I haven't met one yet.
Each year I wait another
for a person I've not met.
There's nothing I've done wrong:
yet waiting is in vain.
And all that's left is hope
that love's a ball and chain.

Poem Details | by George Aul |
Categories: funny, satire, valentines day,

Cupid's Twisted Arrow

I gave you red roses,
I wrote you beautiful notes,
I read you romantic stories
and love poems with blushy quotes

I tried my best to keep you,
I thought I knew what to do,
but you left me sweet lady
for a "man" you call Sue?

I never saw it coming,
but I gave you my best;
now you and Sue can share
Valentine kisses and all the rest

My Valentine card ends
with a question just for you,
"Who leads when you dance,
is it you or is it Sue?"

Happy Valentine's Day!

No, not autobiographical.

Poem Details | by Randy Imwalle |
Categories: food, funny, love, valentines day,

My Heart's Desire

My body does shiver and swoon
My voice will quiver and croon
My heart's desire
It sets me on fire
- A quiche made with liver and prune.

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: how i feel, humorous, valentines day,

Valentine's Day Sucks

Inflated prices For twenty four hours I don’t need a card Or blood red roses On Valentine's Day Save your money Say you love me It costs nothing But means the world I cannot Put a price On your love I love You for Free Valentine Contest Sponsored by Broken Wings Checked with how many syllables 01~10~17

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: flower, for her, humorous, valentines day,

Plastic Flowers For My Sweet Pd

If I gave you them - you’d  probably kill me.... but you could re-use them on my grave!

From JA

Contest: Melt my heart with just one line
Sponsor PD
Written on 11th Feb 2016

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: humorous, i love you, money, romance, satire, valentines day,

Valentine's Day Cynic

Love I see it piled sky high on the supermarket shelves Perfect pink packaging containing calorific chocolates and cute cuddly toys, seductive scents or sexy silk underwear Slushy Valentine’s cards with ridiculous romantic rhymes Stick on a cardboard heart and it's not just the vendor who is smiling! A sea of red roses that stretches as far as the eye can see Notice how the prices inflate higher than a helium 'I Love You' balloon Yet on 15th February everything will be half price Is this the price of true love or am I just a cynic? Valentine Shmalentine Contest Sponsored by Nicola Byrne 01~20~17

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: food, humorous, valentines day,

A Valentine's Meal Deal - Bawdy

I need meat on Valentine ’s Day A Love Sausage was on display We will eat one tonight And to hubbies delight Much later he will get a lay But hubby keeps pestering me. To see my ‘pasties’ after tea. I will give him some hassle. About my titty tassle, Cos they are not very comfy I admit, yes I have to confess, A love sausage brought from M & S, Is a valentines treat, Cos I do love my meat, And there’s ‘pasties’ under my dress! Fictional Poem For Libralori who loves eating Croissant's, thanks for the inspiration! *M & S is a British Store, they are selling 'love sausages' for Valentine's Day 02/14/22

Poem Details | by John Beam |
Categories: allusion, christian, first love, funny, satire, valentines day,

Sugar Coated

The day for the love                                                                                                                                                                if this was every day                                                                                                                                                              not love for the day

Poem Details | by Teddy Kimathi |
Categories: humor, humorous, imagery, life, love, relationship, valentines day,


She looked so beautiful
in her evening dress -
her perfume blended so well
like a jigsaw pattern,
together with her smile.

I hugged her,
and kissed her cheeks.

My girlfriend witnessed the entire act;
she threw our Valentine's cake
at my face - that's not how
I anticipated to enjoy the cake,
like Christmas snowballs....

Her body swayed like a wrecking ball,
as she stormed out of the party. For a 
moment the room was dead silent - no
sound of music, glasses, or conversations
in the air, not even whispers of gossip.

My girlfriend didn't know that I was
having a moment with my sister.....

Poem Details | by Kim Merryman |
Categories: funny, holiday, valentines day,


On Valentine's Day Cupid rules,
A bow and arrow his trusty tools.
He shoots an arrow at a he,
Then takes aim at a she,
And they both become lovesick fools.

Kim Merryman for Linda-Marie's February Funny Bone contest.

Poem Details | by Candi Stricker |
Categories: beautiful, beauty, chocolate, february, funny love, how i feel, valentines day,

My Funny Valentine

My Valentine, oh how I love thee, from head to toe
The one whom every day I see
My Funny Valentine is simply me
Beautiful vibrant woman, that's definitely me
One who loves herself from land to sea
Romance, chocolates, a single red rose
Delightful I suppose, to some and I assume to most
As for me, my own funny Valentine
A toast to me, for being content within me

Poem Details | by John Lawless |
Categories: humor, valentines day,

Valentine Heart - Repost

Valentine Heart

Women love this yearly thrill
The day of hearts and flowers
As men, the cowards that we are,
Dread the task and cower.

For women wait with scented air
For tribute to be rendered
And if the booty’s not just right
They then act all offended.

And men, poor fools, seek outside help
By asking other women
To choose for them the perfect gift
No man had ever given.

After years of struggle
Men finally learn the trick
Give her what she really wants
“Your heart upon a stick”.

John G. Lawless