Humorous and funny Vanity poems and/or funny poems about Vanity. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Vanity funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Vanity Poems.
Verlena S. Walker
freedom, funny, sexy, teacher, technology, teen, teenage, together, vanity,
PENNED ON AUGUST 14, 2014!
At times my eyebrows can be my own arch enemies
future, humor, sister, vanity,
Written by Gail DeBole on September 12, 2013
There once were siamese-like twins
Who didn't share organs or limbs.
An ego was shared
Thoughts moving through air
Between sisters Donna and Kim.
With an ego bigger than most
The twins did nothing but boast
of trophies and wins
And spectacular whims.
The sisters were known coast-to-coast.
Fingers tapping show impatience
Urge the red to turn to green
Precious seconds go by slowly
Till the amber glow is seen.
This is it … the feet are itching
The gear lever is clutched tight
It’s the calm before the tempest
Then it’s there – a change of light!
But what’s wrong? There is no movement
Horns are blaring. It’s too much!
Right up front she holds the lipstick
And applies the final touch.
Contest: Any poem that makes you smile.
Sponsor: Poet Destroyer A
allegory, fun, hilarious, humorous, hyperbole, symbolism, vanity,
Eulen und Meerkatzen
Fooled them all.
Mirrored people’s vanity
Judge of humanity
Wasn’t hard at all.
Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved,
June 8, 2016 (Double Dactyl)
funny, satire, work,
dear mr. electrician
you're a man of distinction
thank you from me and the spouse
for rewiring our house.
you have worked hard
no wire out of place
you toiled and sweated
but we will not pay you
and here's the reason why.
we will send a patronising letter
tell you there's no-one better.
photos of your work
will appear in an album
top quality, leather-bound
the cost to you just forty pound.
you don't have to buy
if you can't afford this sum
but the album will be a reminder
of a job well done.
humorous, identity, imagery, life, teenage, urban, vanity,
My name is in the ID,
but I assume many personalities
of celebrities and socialites,
some who seem to be lost in utopia.
Speaking of utopia,
I believe in everything Hollywood
says about aliens being green,
with big heads, lasers and all...
I'll enjoy burger fries and milkshakes everyday,
and pray that God will somehow
cleanse my body system.
Sex, partying and raving are the philosophies
I live by; You Only Live Once (YOLO).
Sometimes I'm tempted to sell my bed on eBay,
because sleep is not my friend;
I joke and drink all night with my friends.
Oh, back to my name!
Since I have multiple personalities,
you can call me a "Weapon of Mass Consumption".
Vanity…Thy Name Is Woman!
My house is on fire
What shall I do
I’ve seconds to decide
My choices are few
Shall I grab my money
My precious jewels
Or my brand new furry
This smoke is deadly
I can hardly breathe
I make a mental list
Of what to bequeath
But live or die
I’ll wear my designer dress
I’ve got to look great
For all the press!
Copyright2012 Beatrice Boyle
(All rights reserved)
For Kristen Bruni's Last Chance Poetry Contest
bullying, humor, integrity, usa, vanity, wisdom, women,
I fear you cast yourself in lights too grand
Is it not enough
to acknowledge this legal investigation
of whether you have intended to use your limited powers
for obstructing justice,
You go too far
casting yourself as a witch
hunted for misuse of powers
intended for promoting justice,
you are merely President
by minority vote;
you are no hunted witch.
Except, of course,
within your own alternatively factual universe.
crazy, fish, flower, humor, mirror, psychological, vanity,
narcissus, the pond
across the surface ripples
dead in the water, floating
not so koi now, bloated carp
bird, change, culture, hilarious, image, joy, vanity,
Wonder how a diligent doer always thrives...
Obeying the laws of alternative choices?
Delve into his world made of false joys...
Enthralling lies fascinate many naïve eyes!
Revel in his sarcastic, hilarious laughter...
Forming wide dimples in his warm cheeks!
Urgent is the need for things he never keeps...
Liberating those prejudices of guilt forever!
giggle, humor, imagery, prison, sad, smile, vanity,
Said the ambiguous affair
into a beautiful affair.
Keeps a grin on even in my alone time.
It's like living the life of a daydreamer,
Will I regret it?
For God Sake
It's an affair!
These things never ever goes to sleep.
They stay awake
like howling wolves.
Sometimes more so after you die.
© Al. Juman The "said" Poet 7/7/2016
art, humorous, vanity,
She was covered with ugly stretch marks,
So, could not bare her skin at fun parks,
A tattooist, she’d thought,
Could make her look quite hot ,
The tattoos couldn’t hide her stretch marks!
July 15, 2017
death, humor, vanity,
I have a worthy goal
I pine to be a fossil
on permanent display
in some future museum
All it takes
is the proper soil
in which to reside
for years and years
of unflinching patience
And then a bit of luck
when a doctoral student
stumbles across my remains
and finds the subject
for her dissertation
Scientist will argue
over what it all means
and I will live on in death
as a smiling toothy enigma
beauty, crush, desire, funny love, mental illness, vanity,
This Side of the Mirror
I feel lost within the mirror’s eyes
Those charming narcissistic pools
As vast and blue as endless skies
Glittering like two polished jewels
As I look deep within those gems
I recollect such secret woes
Held trapped inside my lover’s skin
Is such a torture none should know
Drowned deep within the vainest vice
An honest pain baptized this soul
Although it seems that dreams are nice
When unachieved they take a toll
I can not hold, my love, so dear
Or press their lips upon my own
And even, could, I hold them near
The truth remains, I am alone
humor, vanity, world, universe,
Alas! At last must all be devour'd!
Still won't this brew- fate's bowels favor'd.
funny, nonsense, silly, tribute, vanity, word play,
Just one grey hair
Down a long winding road towards Aberdare,
Lives a curious little man, with just one grey hair.
His wife says it looks silly and must be cut,
"I use it as a comb over, it’s staying put.”
“The more you nag me, the more I’m galled,
I can’t cut it off; I would end up bald.”
She had quite a leaky old bladder,
and a rear end as flat as a platter,
she went to the store,
cant take it anymore,
Depends now makes her rear appear fatter.
Dale Gregory Cozart
I represent Modern Vanity
and also Modern Insanity
I can cuss in the gutter
and in verse I can utter
words that are Modern Profanity
Jerry T Curtis
celebrity, feelings, humorous, poetry, poets, vanity, writing,
I write a thousand words a day
Thinking up new things to say
Existing just below You all
Living high-up on "The Wall"
I always think, what will it take
For me to be-come less opaque
For them to know, I'm not a rube
And have MY FACE placed in a cube
Perhaps it's better now, to stay
beneath "The Wall" and write my way
Humbled by this awesome group
While crying in My Social Soup
Lol, I'm just happy to be read------really
allegory, analogy, character, hilarious, parody, political, vanity,
You prance about when on display,
as you strut your mane flows each way.
You flash so proudly to show you're pretty,
but will your plan save our city?
You talk of others who are to blame,
to you it seems just a game.
Your raucous edicts send us reeling,
then we find you're double dealing.
Our people need ideas not flare.
Can you look where we not dare?
Substance wins out in the long contest,
those with heart lead all the rest.
For the good of all should be your claim,
best for one is a weak refrain.
In the parade of life you're the pony,
history will show you're just a phony.
animal, beauty, horse, humorous, vanity, word play,
“Hey, when is my turn?”
asks the horse.
“Hold your horses,”
says the plastic surgeon,
“while I give the duck
a quick nip and tuck.”
Dr. Robert Ippaso
anxiety, humorous, parody, political, satire, usa, vanity,
“Impeach, Impeach” the chorus grows
Wise is the phrase “What I shall reap is what I sow”,
Show me the way, find me a door,
For this great stage I crave no more.
God know’s I’ve tried, perhaps too much
To put the world to rights and such
Is my reward, forlorn by friend and foe
I’ve never in my life felt so very low.
What will I do, how should I act,
Shall I perhaps try dignity and tact?
But why now fall for this vile ruse
To be sidelined, become a mere recluse?
Let me stand tall, tell them what’s what,
If I recall they did sign squarely on the dot,
I’ll show them how it still can be,
To have the greatest President our world will surely ever see.
funny, humor, vanity,
I have this disability
The one called imbecility,
Along with instability
And rampant incivility.
I lack dependability
And have no credibility.
I’m short on sensibility,
Am prone to gullibility
And have the inability
To see my fallibility.
And yet, with great humility
I say with plausibility
The concept “genius” – you’ll agree –
Really fits me to a tee.
In the mirror I looked
Then gave out a shout
It seems all my hair
Had just fallen out.
In the mirror I looked
Intending to pose
When I saw that I'd lost
The tip of my nose.
In the mirror I looked
And shook with great fear
I just don't know how
I'd lost my left ear.
Considering the things
I suddenly lack
I bought a new mirror
And they all came back!