Funny Poems About Vanity or Vanity Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Vanity poems and/or funny poems about Vanity. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Vanity funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Vanity Poems.

Poem Details | by Verlena S. Walker |
Categories: freedom, funny, sexy, teacher, technology, teen, teenage, together, vanity,

Having Sex - Footle

buck wild
rodeo style

Poem Details | by Cheryl Hoffman |
Categories: humor, vanity,

Eyebrow Vanity

At times my eyebrows can be my own arch enemies


Poem Details | by Ken Duddle |
Categories: funny, satire, work,

Vanity Press

dear mr. electrician you're a man of distinction thank you from me and the spouse for rewiring our house. you have worked hard no wire out of place you toiled and sweated nothing neglected. but we will not pay you and here's the reason why. we will send a patronising letter tell you there's no-one better. photos of your work will appear in an album top quality, leather-bound the cost to you just forty pound. you don't have to buy if you can't afford this sum but the album will be a reminder of a job well done.

Poem Details | by Gail Debole |
Categories: future, humor, sister, vanity,

Shared Ego - Year 2030

Written by Gail DeBole on September 12, 2013

There once were siamese-like twins
Who didn't share organs or limbs.
An ego was shared
Thoughts moving through air
Between sisters Donna and Kim.

With an ego bigger than most
The twins did nothing but boast
of trophies and wins
And spectacular whims.
The sisters were known coast-to-coast.

Poem Details | by Beatrice Boyle |
Categories: funny,

Vanity, Thy Name Is Woman

Vanity…Thy Name Is Woman!

My house is on fire
What shall I do
I’ve seconds to decide
My choices are few
Shall I grab my money
My precious jewels
Or my brand new furry
Bedside mules?

This smoke is deadly
I can hardly breathe
I make a mental list
Of what to bequeath
But live or die
I’ll wear my designer dress
I’ve got to look great
For all the press!

Copyright2012 Beatrice Boyle
(All rights reserved)

For Kristen Bruni's Last Chance Poetry Contest

Poem Details | by Paul Callus |
Categories: funny, vanity,

Traffic Lights

Fingers tapping show impatience
Urge the red to turn to green
Precious seconds go by slowly
Till the amber glow is seen.

This is it … the feet are itching
The gear lever is clutched tight
It’s the calm before the tempest
Then it’s there – a change of light!

But what’s wrong? There is no movement
Horns are blaring. It’s too much!
Right up front she holds the lipstick
And applies the final touch.

Contest: Any poem that makes you smile.
Sponsor: Poet Destroyer A
Placed 6th

Poem Details | by Gary Bateman |
Categories: allegory, fun, hilarious, humorous, hyperbole, symbolism, vanity,

Trickster Extraordinaire

Trickster Extraordinaire 
Eulen und Meerkatzen
Till Eulenspiegel
Medieval Clown
Fooled them all.

Mirrored people’s vanity
Judge of humanity
Wasn’t hard at all.

Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved,
June 8, 2016 (Double Dactyl)

Poem Details | by Teddy Kimathi |
Categories: humorous, identity, imagery, life, teenage, urban, vanity,

Urban Culture

My name is in the ID,
but I assume many personalities
of celebrities and socialites,
some who seem to be lost in utopia.
Speaking of utopia,
I believe in everything Hollywood
says about aliens being green,
with big heads, lasers and all...
I'll enjoy burger fries and milkshakes everyday,
and pray that God will somehow
cleanse my body system. 
Sex, partying and raving are the philosophies
I live by; You Only Live Once (YOLO).
Sometimes I'm tempted to sell my bed on eBay,
because sleep is not my friend;
I joke and drink all night with my friends.
Oh, back to my name!
Since I have multiple personalities,
you can call me a "Weapon of Mass Consumption".

Poem Details | by Gail Foster |
Categories: crazy, fish, flower, humor, mirror, psychological, vanity,

Narcissus and the Carp, a Tanka

narcissus, the pond
across the surface ripples
dead in the water, floating
not so koi now, bloated carp

by gail

Poem Details | by Gerald Dillenbeck |
Categories: bullying, humor, integrity, usa, vanity, wisdom, women,

Dear Donald, Again

I fear you cast yourself in lights too grand
and powerful.

Is it not enough
to acknowledge this legal investigation
of whether you have intended to use your limited powers
for obstructing justice,

You go too far
casting yourself as a witch
hunted for misuse of powers
intended for promoting justice,
ecological equity.

Donald Trump,
you are merely President
by minority vote;
you are no hunted witch.

Except, of course,
within your own alternatively factual universe.

Poem Details | by Al Juman |
Categories: giggle, humor, imagery, prison, sad, smile, vanity,

Said the Ambiguous Affair

Said the ambiguous affair
Call me, 
corral me, 
challenge me
into a beautiful affair.
Keeps a grin on even in my alone time.
It's like living the life of a daydreamer,
always there.
Will I regret it?
For God Sake 
It's an affair!
These things never ever goes to sleep.
They stay awake
like howling wolves.
Sometimes more so after you die.
© Al. Juman  The "said" Poet  7/7/2016

Poem Details | by Sandison Jumbo |
Categories: art, humorous, vanity,

The Tattoo

 The tattoo

She was covered with ugly stretch marks,
So, could not bare her skin at fun parks,
A tattooist, she’d thought,
Could make her look quite hot ,
The tattoos couldn’t hide her stretch marks!

July 15, 2017

Poem Details | by Roy Batts |
Categories: death, humor, vanity,


I have a worthy goal
I pine to be a fossil
on permanent display
in some future museum

All it takes 
is the proper soil
in which to reside
for years and years
of unflinching patience

And then a bit of luck
when a doctoral student
stumbles across my remains
and finds the subject
for her dissertation

Scientist will argue
over what it all means
and I will live on in death
as a smiling toothy enigma

Poem Details | by Edward Schmitz |
Categories: beauty, crush, desire, funny love, mental illness, vanity,

This Side of the Mirror

This Side of the Mirror I feel lost within the mirror’s eyes Those charming narcissistic pools As vast and blue as endless skies Glittering like two polished jewels As I look deep within those gems I recollect such secret woes Held trapped inside my lover’s skin Is such a torture none should know Drowned deep within the vainest vice An honest pain baptized this soul Although it seems that dreams are nice When unachieved they take a toll I can not hold, my love, so dear Or press their lips upon my own And even, could, I hold them near The truth remains, I am alone

Poem Details | by Bernard Chan |
Categories: animal, beauty, horse, humorous, vanity, word play,

Vain Animals

“Hey, when is my turn?”
asks the horse.
“Hold your horses,” 
says the plastic surgeon,
“while I give the duck
a quick nip and tuck.”

Poem Details | by Andrew Crisci |
Categories: bird, change, culture, hilarious, image, joy, vanity,


Wonder how a diligent doer always thrives...
Obeying the laws of alternative choices? 
Delve into his world made of false joys... 
Enthralling lies fascinate many naïve eyes!
Revel in his sarcastic, hilarious laughter...
Forming wide dimples in his warm cheeks!
Urgent is the need for things he never keeps... 
Liberating those prejudices of guilt forever!

Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: humor, parody,

Modern Vanity

I represent Modern Vanity and also Modern Insanity I can cuss in the gutter and in verse I can utter words that are Modern Profanity

Poem Details | by Greg Gaul |
Categories: allegory, analogy, character, hilarious, parody, political, vanity,

Show Pony

You prance about when on display,
as you strut your mane flows each way.

You flash so proudly to show you're pretty,
but will your plan save our city?

You talk of others who are to blame,
to you it seems just a game.

Your raucous edicts send us reeling,
then we find you're double dealing.

Our people need ideas not flare.
Can you look where we not dare?

Substance wins out in the long contest,
those with heart lead all the rest.

For the good of all should be your claim,
best for one is a weak refrain.

In the parade of life you're the pony,
history will show you're just a phony.

Poem Details | by Cheryl Hoffman |
Categories: humor, vanity,

Her Only Solution

She had quite a leaky old bladder,
and a rear end as flat as a platter,
she went to the store,
cant take it anymore,
Depends now makes her rear appear fatter.

Poem Details | by Arthur Plisenhayer |
Categories: humor, vanity, world, universe,

Universe's Cookery

Alas! At last must all be devour'd!
Still won't this brew- fate's bowels favor'd.

Poem Details | by Tom Harris |
Categories: funny, humor, vanity,

I Have This Disability

I have this disability
The one called imbecility,
Along with instability
And rampant incivility.
I lack dependability
And have no credibility.
I’m short on sensibility,
Am prone to gullibility
And have the inability
To see my fallibility.
And yet, with great humility
I say with plausibility
The concept “genius” –  you’ll agree – 
Really fits me to a tee.

Poem Details | by Dr. Robert Ippaso |
Categories: anxiety, humorous, parody, political, satire, usa, vanity,

A President's Musings - In Trumps Own Words

“Impeach, Impeach” the chorus grows
Wise is the phrase “What I shall reap is what I sow”,
Show me the way, find me a door,
For this great stage I crave no more.

God know’s I’ve tried, perhaps too much
To put the world to rights and such
Is my reward, forlorn by friend and foe
I’ve never in my life felt so very low.

What will I do, how should I act,
Shall I perhaps try dignity and tact?
But why now fall for this vile ruse
To be sidelined, become a mere recluse?

Let me stand tall, tell them what’s what,
If I recall they did sign squarely on the dot,
I’ll show them how it still can be,
To have the greatest President our world will surely ever see.

Poem Details | by Jerry T Curtis |
Categories: celebrity, feelings, humorous, poetry, poets, vanity, writing,

The Wall

I write a thousand words a day
Thinking up new things to say
Existing just below You all
Living high-up on "The Wall"

I always think, what will it take
For me to be-come less opaque
For them to know, I'm not a rube
And have MY FACE placed in a cube

Perhaps it's better now, to stay
beneath "The Wall" and write my way
Humbled by this awesome group
While crying in My Social Soup

Lol, I'm just happy to be read------really

Poem Details | by David Hyatt-Bickle |
Categories: god, humor, humorous, mythology, pride, vanity, voice,

The Abyss King

The proud ruler known vainly as Saklas
In the abyss proudly proclaimed with brass:
“I am god, no other but me!”
Then a voice above said in glee:
“You are completely wrong Saklas, you ***.”

Date: 09/06/2022
I counted the syllables myself

Poem Details | by Pat Adams |
Categories: humorous, vanity, women,

Drawn Wrong

Her natural eyebrows she denies
Quickly with a pencil she applies
Drawn way to high
She startled her guy
With a permanent look of surprise!