Humorous and funny Violence poems and/or funny poems about Violence. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Violence funny poems!
Written by
Poet Destroyer A
Categories:
adventure, anti bullying, boat, humor, slavery, violence
Pirate Bay
```Pirate Bay the Haiku```
pirates fierce and mean
drowning fish, sea to sea
parrots on their butt
```Polly Wants A Cracker```
bloodthirst & brutal
Quartermaster Gone Wild
dirty wings on deck
```Sea World Adventure```
ship crew goes on strike
sailing the Caribbean
wooden leg splashing
~*~
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
food, fruit, humorous, people, spoken word, violence
A Peach and a Speech
The bigger/the richer/the faster the peach,
the better the chance to catch up someone's speech.
Volodymyr Knyr
2014
Written by
Lisa Costigan
Categories:
drink, funny love, humorous, violence,
Your Having a Giraffe
Just a normal Sunday sitting on my chair
When all of sudden in walked my auntie uncle Claire
What the hell you doing barging in like that??
He said your not going fu**ing believe it? I just ran over your Cat
I said the only pussy in this house is my other half,
We played a few drinking games and i beat him at charades
He soon ad enough of that tho so i pulled out deck cards then he stared moaning reckon the games i play are hard.
Well i had enough of his lip i couldn't take no more
so rubbed his face on cheese grater and now hes bloody sore.
Written by
Anthony Beck
Categories:
anger, angst, giggle, music, violence,
Game of Starbucks
I am standing
In a line scene
Cuz my body
Needs its caffeine
And in front of me some dink
Orders a confusing drink
Now he’s changing ‘round his order
With our patients growing shorter
And a sword from
Someone’s pocket
Now sticks through the
Guy’s eye socket
Du du du du
Du du du du
Du du du-du du-du du-du...
Written by
Gail Foster
Categories:
animal, emotions, humor, philosophy, truth, violence
The Mystic Aardvark
Alan the mystic
Aardvark
Rejected wrath and
Drama
Violence and ire
Alan said
Result in endless
Karma
by Gail
Written by
Randy Johnson
Categories:
funny, humor, husband, violence, wife,
My Wife's Car Is In the Lake
I forgot to set the parking brake.
So now my wife's car is in the lake.
You're looking at a man who can never catch a break.
My wife kicked my *** just because I made a mistake.
She broke my left leg and I'm having to use a crutch.
I don't blame her for being mad but coming at me with a chainsaw is a bit too much.
(This is a fictional poem)
Written by
Kevin Shaw
Categories:
funny, nonsense, silly, snow, violence, winter
In the Snow
In the Snow
As I was walking in the Snow,
I met a friend I didn't know.
You know me, I'm the one,
Stole your wife in Eighty One.
I smiled, then buried him in the snow
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
animal, humor, insect, murder, nursery rhyme, violence
Kill a Man, Jaro
Jaro was a killer
He bonked me on the head
He laughed and laughed
"You're dead, you're dead!"
Is what the killer Jaro said.
But I jumped up and kicked his crotch
That knocked him down a knotch
"You're daft! You're daft!"
Said I, said I, the woolly caterpillar.
Written by
Mark Toney
Categories:
animal, conflict, humor, men, violence,
Moisturizing Matador
A well-groomed matador José
Liked to moisturize with Oil of Olay
His hands lost their grip
The cape it did slip
He was gored as he cried out "¡Olé!"
Written by
Ryan Graham
Categories:
humor, humorous, violence,
Coffee
Why do I drink coffee?
It always makes me poo.
And when I smell that steaming turd,
it makes me think of you.
As you float there in the water,
I like to think you’re dead.
I pretend that I have killed you,
that I pinched off your head.
Written by
Valsa George
Categories:
anger, funny love, violence,
Shock Treatment
As one freshly released from Bedlam
He asked her, intending no harm
"Can I kiss you madam"?
As if he were her Adam
Her fist fell on his cheek ‘dum’ ‘dum’!
Written by
Rev. Gerald Dillenbeck
Categories:
culture, health, humor, power, usa, violence
Presidential Comedians
I hear in the Ukraine
there's a comedian
with no prior political experience
who has become their new President.
I wonder
they did not hear
we tried this model in the U.S.
a couple years ago
With predictable tragic/comedic results
not the least bit friendly
to public multicultural health
sold out
to support feudal monoculturing wealth
of not so funny kleptocrats.
Written by
Randy Johnson
Categories:
funny, humor, humorous, violence,
Black Friday
It's Black Friday and I grabbed the last iPad.
When I grabbed it, it sure made people mad.
One man kicked me in the crotch and another got his foot stuck in my ***.
Black Friday turns people into beasts, they sure don't have any class.
A man said if I didn't hand over the iPad, he would kidnap my wife's mother.
I told him to take the old crow, they deserve each other.
Black Friday brings out the worst in people and that's sad.
I'll break my foot off in your *** if you try to grab my iPad.
(This is a fictional poem.)
Written by
John Beam
Categories:
humorous, parody, satire, violence,
A Nation Zzz's
Butterflies and chickens who knows, Maybe the next catch phrase
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
giggle, snow, violence, weather,
A Weather Wizard
A weather wizard
delivered a blizzard
to Chicago yesterday
If I weren’t so lily-livered
I’d have torn out his gizzard
~ right away
Written by
David Crandall
Categories:
education, humor, violence, work,
Billy the Kid's Pa
I got to thinkin' about Billy the Kid
and the peculiar line of work he did.
If I were Billy's older brother or pa,
I would say, "instead of bein' a bad outlaw",
why not get yerself an education,
a 401K and three weeks' vacation.
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
animal, conflict, humor, violence,
Pearls Dipped in Swine
Pardon me, sir
But your fly is unzipped
Deeply offended
The ‘sir’ offered
To sock me in the lip
I responded in kind
We swung at the same time
Bottom line ~
Our teeth now
Like ‘pearls dipped in swine’
Written by
Joe Dimino
Categories:
humorous, hyperbole, judgement, perspective, planet, violence
One Saucer To Another
Saucer xx427P54 to Saucer xx37PR4
and two digits more – Earth again
Sabre Rattling its nukes: We've
seen this before, on other worlds
eventually reduced, to Radio Active
Pukes – Though an age-old way-station
for our alien species, when exploring,
or simply on vacation, should we
finally X-off this Tumultuous Turd?
Write across its sky, a large 4 letter
word, ending with “You” – telling
them they are globally through...
So hopeless the lot of them seem;
the opinion now of our entire Space
Team – Why bother to compel them
to stop? – maybe the Universe would
be far better off, if they were replaced
with an artificial, more congenial
galactic top....
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
dark, humor, money, murder, violence, word play
Perks of the Job
Terrorists deserve ‘severance pay’
~ Chopping off their heads would be ok
Written by
Martin Howard Samuel
Categories:
how i feel, humorous, violence, word play,
Sticks And Stones
Hate me slate me or berate me
call me names it's all the same I don't care
to my mind it's no more than
hogwash simply put just hot air
the proclivities of others
I don't judge
and their predilections
I won't begrudge
I live and let live
as I too do have mine
but tresspass on my territory
there's where I draw the line
tho' non-violent
step on my toes
and believe you will receive
a black eye or bloody nose