Funny Poems About War or War Funny Poems

Humorous and funny War poems and/or funny poems about War. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious War funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other War Poems.

Poem Details | by David Pekrul |
Categories: hockey, humor,

Hockey War

Imagine life without a war,
And just a hockey game to score,
When countries start to point the blame,
They take it out in a hockey game.

If someone threatens our coastline,
We face-off on the centre-line,
A slap-shot and a body-check,
By the hockey team from old Quebec.

We'd never need a military,
A hockey team is much more scary,
Instead of running all amuck,
The one who wins, controls the puck.

The winner of this hockey war,
Would best be known as "Hockey Corps",
We'd celebrate a "Hockey Hour",
With Canada, the World Power.

Poem Details | by Dan Keir |
Categories: adventure, dedication, freedom, home, hope, humorous, imagination, inspirational, introspection, journey, life, lonely, loss, lost, metaphor, mystery, nature, nostalgia, people, political, sad, satire, social, sorrow, spiritual, success, time, travel, uplifting, urban, visionary, war, write,

The Internet: Rtrn

A void of Facebook
Creativity dies here...

Poem Details | by Isaiah Zerbst |
Categories: conflict, funny, military, silly, war,

Big-Frowned Scarecrow

Hopping mad, Billy glares through a port
at what foes seem to think is such sport.
Frown for frown, glare for glare,
scarecrow raises his hair.
He laughed yet while his foes took the fort!

"The human race has but one affective weapon, 
and that is laughter." 
                              Mark Twain

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: allegory, humorous, war,

The Pen Versus the Sword

The incorrect usage of tense
And phrases of total nonsense
Wipe out brain status
With more apparatus
Than the Department of Defense

Poem Details | by Stanley Harris |
Categories: blessing, food, funny love, memory, peace, war,

I Do Love Food

>I do love food.

When I was young, food was rationed.
So much of this, or that, you were allowed.
Each person had a ration book for adults and a child.
So much butter so much sugar, a few ounces of meat.
If you grew your own produce, fresh veg was a treat.
And what was put on the table, you did love to eat.

Many years have passed, and food is not rationed anymore.
The choice on the supermarket shelf, tells there is no sign of war.
Now we are leaving the EU, what will the supermarkets do?
Will the shelves be empty and bare?
Or will more British produce be for sale there.
I do love food, so hope it’s there.
British, nice with a price that’s fair.<

Poem Details | by Deb M |
Categories: fun, humor, war,

At War With Tom Cunningham

Sir Tom Cunningham
Has started a war
It will be a fight
Like never before….

For all Vegemite lovers
It is time to revolt
Even comparing Marmite to Vegemite
Is the ultimate insult!

So gloves off  Sir Cunningham 
Or are you now an Earl
You’ve now started a war
With the wrong Aussie girl!!

Poem Details | by Deb M |
Categories: fun, humor,

Tom and Debs Spread War

Sir Tom it seems you are the peoples  leader
Your Marmite army fierce and brave
Our battle at Tastebud Hill 
Revealed my Vegemite soldiers weak and afraid

Your leadership is superior 
Though your cause extremely poor
You may have won “this” battle
But you haven’t won the war!!

So , I will retreat for now…..
However, Sir Tom watch your back
Be aware the Vegemite Queen will return
With an unexpected ,stronger attack!!!

Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: humorous, war,

Useless Trivia You Need To Know

Here's a bit of trivia from World War Two I'll bet you didn't know,

Concerning the war-time Prime Minister of Japan, Hideki Tojo of Tokyo.

After the war hapless Hideki was jailed in Tokyo's Sugamo Prison,

Where he was given a new set of dentures 'cause he was losing his'n.

A waggish American dentist, determined to make a lasting 'impression',

Etched on Tojo's choppers in Morse Code this immortal expression:

'REMEMBER PEARL HARBOR" - 'Twas America's stirring battle cry!

He eternally gnashes his teeth in perdition after he was hanged to die!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved

True Story!!!

Poem Details | by Maggie Dickerson |
Categories: adventure, animals, funny, imagination, inspirational, lost love, pets, war,


Nothing rhymes with llama
Nothing rhymes with lava
HEY! Llama and lava rhyme
I guess I knew that the whole time
When I see a llama, I shout
But when I see it not burning in lava, I pout
Ok, so that's not true
But I'm sitting here quietly with nothing to do......
I just realized that I've never seen a llama in the zoo.
I'm really starting to hate llamas now
I really wish they would all burn in lava
Still not true....
Still with nothing better to do...

Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: history, humorous, war,

How General Grant Won the Civil War

He could fight and win battles, could this General Ulysses Grant!

   Other of Lincoln's generals were continually sayin', "I can't!"

Though 'twas well-known that General Grant relished his schnapps,

   Even soused he could concoct solid battle plans by studyin' his maps.

Becomin' frustrated with his other generals and their lack of action,

   Abe suggested to an aide that if it would help them get some traction,

He'd like to know what Ulysses drank and where he got the stuff,

   So he could send a barrel to every general to get him off his duff!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved

Poem Details | by Charlie Murder |
Categories: business, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, romance, slam, war, nice, me, nice,

Im Just Gonna Snap Okay Get Over It

i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee

i hate you 
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate

you were so nice in the beginning 
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow

i am still the nice guy 
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.

i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant

Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: funny, history, uplifting, urban, visionary, war, wedding, wife

The Earl of Sandwich

Please, sir, some meat and bread
I've not had a morsel for a week
It would stop this terrible hunger
My prospects now are terribly bleak

It's said the Earl is tender hearted
And oh so bloody awful rich
If I could have a taste of his
I'd call the thing a Sandwich

I hate to just come a beggin'
But I'm so hungry I am seeing red
Won't you ask the Earl again
Please, sir, some meat and bread.......

For Joe's Sandwich

Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: funny, science, science fiction

"war of the Worlds" By H.G. (Hebert-Gautreaux) Wells

Martian Gumbo

One of dem Saucer land in da Bayou
Ole Boudreaux out huntin say "Jus who be you?"
Den he point him shodgun
And say "Lookee here son...
Jus found some green OKRA to seasonne my stew!"

Poem Details | by Martin Kloess |
Categories: funny, humor, war,

A Leader They Were Proud Of

Soon we all must enter the fray
And keep this injustice at bay
Thus said the major
Who tripped on the floor
Thus ending the war for that day

Poem Details | by Andrew Crisci |
Categories: beautiful, child, dad, holocaust, humor, life, war,

Guido's Humorous Laughter

How could a father tell his son
that seeing people boarding 
trains and sleeping in bunker 
beds was only a silly game? 
I'm sure, he never meant to lie!

And that innocent child
went along having fun;
his dad told him to behave,
promising him a large tank.

Guido's humorous laughter
was the mask he wore
to shield him from terror.

Not thinking his dad would be shot,  
he smiled when soldiers took him away.

The war ended, he got a ride in a tank!

Favorite movie: Life Is Beautiful

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humor, world war ii,

An Old World War Ii Injury

Well how do you do, my name is Jack Brain's still working but it's got a big crack It's a World War II injury Watching the war on TV Munching on chips put my back outta whack © Jack Ellison 2015

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: allegory, angel, business, funny, humorous, peace, war,

Hark--An Angel--The Harbinger of All Things Good

What flies though the air up above
Disguised as a peace seeking dove
For those who've not heard
Drones can send you the bird
From the land of brotherly love

Author's note: Is this really how to win friends and influence people (for the long term)?

Poem Details | by Jackson Labaugh |
Categories: beautiful, hate, humor, metaphor, political, sweet, world war i,

Haiku For Alphabet Soup

My alphabet soup,
it is getting very cold,
my microwave broke.

Poem Details | by John Fenn |
Categories: animals, confusion, funny, war

The Worlds Biggest ****

I like chickens, 
They’re cuddly and they’re cute
When I goes out on Friday night
I wears a chicken suit
People stares at me an says
“Just look at him he’s barmy”
They won’t find it so funny
When I’ve raised my chicken army
We’ll take the world by storm 
Then I won’t be the laughing stock
Surrounded by my chickens
I will be the biggest ****

I like chickens
They are my only friends
I love them all, the cockerel
The baby chicks the hens
We’ll dominate the world
And then this bird will rule roost
I’ll **** a doodle doo to give
My birds a morale boost
I’ll march upon the capital
Encircled by my flock
You’ll hear the people turn and say
“Just look at him, the ****!”

Poem Details | by Courtney Courtney |
Categories: adventure, art, brother, education, father, fear, funny, imagination, life, native american, passion, peace, people, religion, sad, school, science, travel, tribute, war,

My Big Brother Is Watching You Too

"My Big Brother" up and down the street
  He could be anyone you meet
  Spying on you from the street
  Looking in from every beat
"My Big Brother" isn't that sweet

"My Big Brother" and I don't know why
  Casting in from above the sky
"My Big Brother" the commie spy
  Listening in do or die
  Bringing his book in
  Taught within
My Big Brother, 1-800-LET-US IN
  Caught with paper and a pen 
All because, "My Big Brother" let himself in

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

An Old World War Ii Injury

Well how do you do, my name is Jack Brain's still working but it's developed a crack It's a World War II injury While watching it on TV Munching on chips put my back outta whack

Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, fantasy, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, imagination, inspirational, life, love, nature, people, romance, sea, seasons, uplifting, war

I Don'T Give a Hoot

<                             beneath swollen moon
                               silhouttes conjoinment dance
                               hooting escalates  

Entry For
Sensuous Senryus

Poem Details | by Doris Culverhouse |
Categories: funny, historywar, war,

General Bedford Forest

CSA General Bedford Forest
Mighty killing warrior
Would've won the war no jest
If his horses were survivors

Gen. Forest lost 30 horses during the civil war and killed more soldiers than any 
other general. It could  be said he was lucky or his horses were unfortunate.

Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: golf, humorous, war,

What Did You Do In the War, Daddy

"What did you do in the big war, Daddy?"

   (Is often asked by a soldier's laddie.)

      "I'm proud you asked me that son;

         I packed a golf bag and gun,

           Since I was the Gen'ral's guard and caddy!"

Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: funny, war,

Archie Bunker

Archie Bunker served in Italy during Dubya Dubya Two,

   And was wounded by an enemy gun that was aimed, Oh! so true!

      He won the Purple Heart and was reluctant to talk about his scar, but,

         Meathead found great glee in reminding him that he was shot in the butt!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 1 in PDee's "Battle of the Clerihews # 2" Contest - February 2012