Humorous and funny War poems and/or funny poems about War. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious War funny poems!
Written by
David Pekrul
Categories:
hockey, humor,
Hockey War
Imagine life without a war,
And just a hockey game to score,
When countries start to point the blame,
They take it out in a hockey game.
If someone threatens our coastline,
We face-off on the centre-line,
A slap-shot and a body-check,
By the hockey team from old Quebec.
We'd never need a military,
A hockey team is much more scary,
Instead of running all amuck,
The one who wins, controls the puck.
The winner of this hockey war,
Would best be known as "Hockey Corps",
We'd celebrate a "Hockey Hour",
With Canada, the World Power.
Written by
Isaiah Zerbst
Categories:
conflict, funny, military, silly, war,
Big-Frowned Scarecrow
Hopping mad, Billy glares through a port
at what foes seem to think is such sport.
Frown for frown, glare for glare,
scarecrow raises his hair.
He laughed yet while his foes took the fort!
"The human race has but one affective weapon,
and that is laughter."
Mark Twain
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
allegory, humorous, war,
The Pen Versus the Sword
The incorrect usage of tense
And phrases of total nonsense
Wipe out brain status
With more apparatus
Than the Department of Defense
Written by
Stanley Harris
Categories:
blessing, food, funny love, memory, peace, war
I Do Love Food
>I do love food.
When I was young, food was rationed.
So much of this, or that, you were allowed.
Each person had a ration book for adults and a child.
So much butter so much sugar, a few ounces of meat.
If you grew your own produce, fresh veg was a treat.
And what was put on the table, you did love to eat.
Many years have passed, and food is not rationed anymore.
The choice on the supermarket shelf, tells there is no sign of war.
Now we are leaving the EU, what will the supermarkets do?
Will the shelves be empty and bare?
Or will more British produce be for sale there.
I do love food, so hope it’s there.
British, nice with a price that’s fair.<
Written by
Deb M
Categories:
fun, humor, war,
At War With Tom Cunningham
Sir Tom Cunningham
Has started a war
It will be a fight
Like never before….
For all Vegemite lovers
It is time to revolt
Even comparing Marmite to Vegemite
Is the ultimate insult!
So gloves off Sir Cunningham
Or are you now an Earl
You’ve now started a war
With the wrong Aussie girl!!
Written by
Deb M
Categories:
fun, humor,
Tom and Debs Spread War
Sir Tom it seems you are the peoples leader
Your Marmite army fierce and brave
Our battle at Tastebud Hill
Revealed my Vegemite soldiers weak and afraid
Your leadership is superior
Though your cause extremely poor
You may have won “this” battle
But you haven’t won the war!!
So , I will retreat for now…..
However, Sir Tom watch your back
Be aware the Vegemite Queen will return
With an unexpected ,stronger attack!!!
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
humorous, war,
Useless Trivia You Need To Know
Here's a bit of trivia from World War Two I'll bet you didn't know,
Concerning the war-time Prime Minister of Japan, Hideki Tojo of Tokyo.
After the war hapless Hideki was jailed in Tokyo's Sugamo Prison,
Where he was given a new set of dentures 'cause he was losing his'n.
A waggish American dentist, determined to make a lasting 'impression',
Etched on Tojo's choppers in Morse Code this immortal expression:
'REMEMBER PEARL HARBOR" - 'Twas America's stirring battle cry!
He eternally gnashes his teeth in perdition after he was hanged to die!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
True Story!!!
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
history, humorous, war,
How General Grant Won the Civil War
He could fight and win battles, could this General Ulysses Grant!
Other of Lincoln's generals were continually sayin', "I can't!"
Though 'twas well-known that General Grant relished his schnapps,
Even soused he could concoct solid battle plans by studyin' his maps.
Becomin' frustrated with his other generals and their lack of action,
Abe suggested to an aide that if it would help them get some traction,
He'd like to know what Ulysses drank and where he got the stuff,
So he could send a barrel to every general to get him off his duff!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
Written by
Barbara Gorelick
Categories:
funny, history, uplifting, urban, visionary, war
The Earl of Sandwich
Please, sir, some meat and bread
I've not had a morsel for a week
It would stop this terrible hunger
My prospects now are terribly bleak
It's said the Earl is tender hearted
And oh so bloody awful rich
If I could have a taste of his
I'd call the thing a Sandwich
I hate to just come a beggin'
But I'm so hungry I am seeing red
Won't you ask the Earl again
Please, sir, some meat and bread.......
For Joe's Sandwich contest...lol
Written by
Charlie Murder
Categories:
business, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, romance, slam, war
Im Just Gonna Snap Okay Get Over It
i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee
i hate you
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate
you were so nice in the beginning
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow
i am still the nice guy
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.
i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant
Written by
John Fenn
Categories:
animals, confusion, funny, war
The Worlds Biggest ****
I like chickens,
They’re cuddly and they’re cute
When I goes out on Friday night
I wears a chicken suit
People stares at me an says
“Just look at him he’s barmy”
They won’t find it so funny
When I’ve raised my chicken army
We’ll take the world by storm
Then I won’t be the laughing stock
Surrounded by my chickens
I will be the biggest ****
I like chickens
They are my only friends
I love them all, the cockerel
The baby chicks the hens
We’ll dominate the world
And then this bird will rule roost
I’ll **** a doodle doo to give
My birds a morale boost
I’ll march upon the capital
Encircled by my flock
You’ll hear the people turn and say
“Just look at him, the ****!”
Written by
Tim Ryerson
Categories:
funny, science, science fiction
"war of the Worlds" By H.G. (Hebert-Gautreaux) Wells
Martian Gumbo
One of dem Saucer land in da Bayou
Ole Boudreaux out huntin say "Jus who be you?"
Den he point him shodgun
And say "Lookee here son...
Jus found some green OKRA to seasonne my stew!"
Written by
Martin Kloess
Categories:
funny, humor, war,
A Leader They Were Proud Of
Soon we all must enter the fray
And keep this injustice at bay
Thus said the major
Who tripped on the floor
Thus ending the war for that day
Written by
Jack Ellison
Categories:
humor, world war ii,
An Old World War Ii Injury
Well how do you do, my name is Jack
Brain's still working but it's got a big crack
It's a World War II injury
Watching the war on TV
Munching on chips put my back outta whack
© Jack Ellison 2015
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
golf, humorous, war,
What Did You Do In the War, Daddy
"What did you do in the big war, Daddy?"
(Is often asked by a soldier's laddie.)
"I'm proud you asked me that son;
I packed a golf bag and gun,
Since I was the Gen'ral's guard and caddy!"
Written by
Jack Ellison
Categories:
humorous,
An Old World War Ii Injury
Well how do you do, my name is Jack
Brain's still working but it's developed a crack
It's a World War II injury
While watching it on TV
Munching on chips put my back outta whack
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
funny, war,
Archie Bunker
Archie Bunker served in Italy during Dubya Dubya Two,
And was wounded by an enemy gun that was aimed, Oh! so true!
He won the Purple Heart and was reluctant to talk about his scar, but,
Meathead found great glee in reminding him that he was shot in the butt!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 1 in PDee's "Battle of the Clerihews # 2" Contest - February 2012
Written by
Doris Culverhouse
Categories:
funny, historywar, war,
General Bedford Forest
CSA General Bedford Forest
Mighty killing warrior
Would've won the war no jest
If his horses were survivors
Gen. Forest lost 30 horses during the civil war and killed more soldiers than any
other general. It could be said he was lucky or his horses were unfortunate.
Written by
Jay Del Fierro
Categories:
funny
Currency War At Davos
Met a hustler named,Funky Cold Cash,
who had a swagger his attitude matched
with buckets of ducats and white collar dollars,
i watched as his limousine crashed...
*
Written by
Andrew Crisci
Categories:
brother, family, funny, world war ii,
Greaser
You didn't go to fight World War II in Japan,
You didn't ever go to FAT CITY,
but smooched with a DOLLY
in my washed and waxed Chevy van!
Looking like a real DUCK-BUTT,
you have the looks of a clown, not a CAT...
staring at that long-legged PAPER-SHAKER!
Eat more cereal, ANKLE-BITER!
You didn't learn to drive and lead,
for a grown man that's a NOSE-BLEED!
You didn't go to those night BASHES...
never being attracted to fake eyelashes!
GREASER, PILE-UP-Z'S or GET A LIGHTER!
Put down the HORN you bought at the Country Fair;
don't answer back as you usually do...CUT-THE-GAS,
or AGITATE-THE GRAVEL with quick toes!
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
evil, humorous, irony, life, today, war
An Air Raid
Even an invader's air raid
can be, as we're told, for aid.
Volodymyr Knyr
2014
Written by
Pam Deremer
Categories:
car, funny,
Parking Lot War
I'm in a hurry and can't be late,
but for a closer space I'll wait.
Around and around I slowly go,
a closer space is sure to show.
I see some tail lights start to glow
but it is in another row.
I must hurry and not delay.
I hit the gas...I'm on my way.
Victory will soon be mine,
instead I slam my brakes on just in time.
Don't these people crossing know
that I should be the first to go.
I honk my horn and wave my hand.
They don't seem to understand.
A closer space will save me time,
but now again I wait in line.
P.R.Deremer
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
humorous, me, soldier, technology, war,
I Was a Soldier's Soldier
The cavalry charged, leading the way
The infantry advanced, joining the fray
As for me, I was up to a little deviltry
Donned my goggles ~ battled virtual reality
Written by
Sarban Bhattacharya
Categories:
fantasy,
A Funny War
The cattle-rearer had shown his mettle by fighting in the battle, but weary as he was, drank from his kettle and with his comrades he tattled and tattled, while at once the chariot-wheels rattled, and as yet the strife was not settled, that cattle-rearer got confused a little, threw out his bottle, but could do nothing but tattled and tattled with his chattels.
Written by
Kunda Chamatete
Categories:
adventure, feelings, funny love, love, relationship, war
Love-Is-War
L-innets flock songless on a bough of love.
O-ur vows are sherds and my heart is a
V-oid that no sweet words can ever fill.
E-very beginnings have ends but ends are new beginnings.
I-n the kepler of her heart, I live; she hopes that
S-omeday the moon will give back light to the sun.
W-rongs are rights only done wrong
A-nd apologies seek to make wrongs rights.
R-iptides run but matters of the heart crawl.
19/06/2017