Funny Poems About Woman or Woman Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Woman poems and/or funny poems about Woman. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Woman funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Woman Poems.

Poem Details | by Maureen Mcgreavy |
Categories: funny love, woman,

Disarming Disarray

Out there
With her flair for chasing inspiration 
She draws you in her reason
Connecting dots and constellations


She takes you by the hand
Her world as messy as her mind
You need a guide

And as you wade through her chaff
Her heaps of half thoughts
Her every whim expressed
The only thing you know for sure is

Out there exists

Date: 11.19.2019

Contest Name: Disarray

Sponsor: Nina Parmenter

Poem Details | by Jan Allison |
Categories: beach, fantasy, humorous, woman,

The Mythical Fisher Woman - Inspired By Contest

I encountered her on a dark stormy night Her huge trout like lips were a scary sight Strands of white spittle formed on angry lips huge folds of fat spilled over her wobbly hips With scaly grey skin and blood red eyes and legs so fat they chafed her thighs Hair tangled and matted like limp seaweed She reeked like a fish of an ancient breed Reaching out for me with her claw like nails Slime dripped from her hands like rancid snails I tossed her a coin and hurried on my way She’s not been seen since that stormy day 03-28~17

Poem Details | by Barbara Barry-Nishanian |
Categories: funny, woman,

Point of View

Point of View Hag in the mirror Squinting at me Waiting and watching A young face to see. She doesn’t know Face that stares back Never thought she’d see That old hag in black. But here they are Alone the two Seeing each one From own point of view. 10/2017

Poem Details | by Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories: body, dance, fun, humorous, silly, song, woman,

Witch's Titties

Oh, my name is Witch's Titties 
	I'm the leader of the band
Tho' only two in numbers 
	they sag down where life is grand
They swing like gaucho's bolos 
	to excite your fancy balls
Can toss 'em o'er my shoulders 
	to go dancing up the walls

Poem Details | by Cynthia Jones |
Categories: humor, imagery, inspiration, poetry, september, writing,

Cross-Eyed Woman -Limerick-

Cross eyed woman had a nasty fall after running into a brick wall she was hit over the head with a big loaf of bread while trying to play basketball. Copyright Cynthia Jones Sept.23/2004

Poem Details | by Arthur Vaso |
Categories: art, friend, funny, giggle, humorous, poets, woman,

Waiting For Any Woman

Be patient
be very very patient
after that
add more patience
then wait
and wait
and wait and wait and wait
become a waiter
at least you will be paid to wait

When she finally finally arrives
give her the biggest smile you possibly possess
tell her, "Hello love, you are early and
looking very majestically beautiful my sweet!
what have you done to your hair love?"
since you have waited a century or two or three
it's a safe gamble she has, and you my friend
will be a big winner.

Therefore when you wait and wait and wait
be a winner
even skeletons

Poem Details | by Rico Leffanta |
Categories: funny, giggle, humor, lust, passion, sexy, woman,

Jan's Halloween Dream

Jan's spouse said she's gilding the lilies
For treating herself to new frillies
All the neighbours got hot
When they saw what she bought
And that really gave Jan the willies!

Poem Details | by Randy Johnson |
Categories: angst, funny, on work and working, me, me,

A 94 Year Old Woman Kicked My ###

(This is a fictional poem)

A 94 year old woman kicked my ###.
She beat the crap out of me and left me bleeding on the grass.
Every time I got up, she knocked me down again.
She beat me really hard and I sure as hell didn't win.
The fight started when she asked me to put out my cigar.
I told her that I'd shove it up her vagina and I guess I went too far.
When she got through beating me, I had lost most of my teeth.
Now people laugh at me and all I feel is grief.

Poem Details | by Stanley Ohlswager |
Categories: humor, woman,

Shady Lady

There once was a lady who loved to face the sun
      Following it as it crossed the sky,
Particularly between the hours of eleven to one.
      But  no one could figure out why.
Some said to develop a sunny disposition
      To overcome a previous condition
For  it was rumored that this lady
      Had a background that was shady.

Poem Details | by Maureen Mcgreavy |
Categories: appreciation, humor, life, woman,

Meeting Mid Life

hello hot flashes   goodbye mad dashes

December 20th, 2018

Poem Details | by Mike Gentile |
Categories: fun, humor, humorous, men, sexy, woman,

Vi Agra

Her last name was Agra, I saw on the bar
              My nerves told me, I wouldn’t get very far
But then I did spy
        Her first name was Vi
I worried no more as we walked to my car

A name like Vi Agra can make a guy think
                   Or run like Niagara gone over the brink
But one thing’s for sure
         She won’t be a bore
Le’s hope it’s not over before I can blink!

Poem Details | by Patricia Cresswell |
Categories: humorous,

Widder Woman

Widder Woman

hate boxes and neat little slots
pigeon holes burn my behind
all those safe-making creations 
that pacify the peeps. 

stuff an unknown quantity
into a bag of mundane
catch me first.

if I must be widow then a merry one
will I be and 
as soon as my sciatica clears up
I streak the whole damn street.

Poem Details | by Linda Alice Fowler |
Categories: fruit, funny, humorous, kiss, lust, sleep, woman,

Snow White

Snow White took an unladylike bite
of a big red apple polished bright
	she snoozed quite a while
	he kissed her with guile
and they shared an afternoon delight

Poem Details | by Nwando Obianyor |
Categories: adventure, children, funny, woman, old, old,

Old Roger

Old Roger is dead and gone to his grave,
Hum,ha! gone to his grave.

They planted an apple tree over his head,
Hum,ha ! over his head.

The apples grew ripe and ready to drop,
Hum,ha ! ready to drop.

There came a high wind and blew them all off,
Hum,ha ! blew them all off.

There came an old woman to pick them all up,
Hum,ha ! pick them all up.

Old Roger got up and gave her a knock,
Hum,ha ! gave her a knock.

Which made the old woman go hipperty hop,
Hum,ha ! hipperty hop.

Poem Details | by Zamreen Zarook |
Categories: age, angel, beautiful, beauty, body, boyfriend, celebration, celebrity, change, character, creation, desire, emotions, children, friendship, girl, girlfriend, hero, humorous, i love you, image, life, memorial day, memory, middle school, relationship, romantic, school, society, student, teen, teenage, truth, wisdom, woman, women, words, world, youth,

Fake Words

Fake Words – Zamreen Zarook

God have given us mouth,
Not to speak to north and south,
Tongue is given under an oath,
So it’s our duty to protect them both.

Girls chat fake with boys,
Having a notion that the boys are toys,
They often make varied noise,
Thinking to keep a trap on handsome guys.

Boys are also human being,
So it’s not possible being clean,
Things varies in the way they are seen,
So positive thinking will make you keen.

Boys’ minds are pure,
As it is pure bio,
So don’t try to pour vino,
Which will take decades to get cure.

Poem Details | by Dan Keir |
Categories: adventure, angel, beautiful, business, childhood, death, education, fantasy, farewell, freedom, friendship, funeral, funny, growing up, happiness, happy, health, holiday, home, hope, humorous, imagination, inspirational, nostalgia, on writing and words, parody, passion, patriotic, peace, people, philosophy, slam, social, song, sorrow, sorry, spiritual, time, woman,

Ding Dong the Wicked Witch Is Dead

Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.

Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.

Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.

Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.

Poem Details | by Katherine Stella |
Categories: adventure, dedication, fantasy, funny, happiness, imagination, inspirational, parody, people, philosophy, thank you, uplifting, visionary

I Am Woman Hear Me Roar

I am strong as that of a mighty eagle
Won't back down to predators

I am strong that of atlas
Can carry the world on my shoulders

I am strong that of a loco motive
Reaching final destinations 

I am strong that of God
Only within His calling

                              For the hand who touches
                                 Is the man saved

I have the willpower
To see it through

I have structure
To make it happen

I have knowledge 
To share unto others

                              For I am woman
                                Hear me Roar

Entry For Rambling Poet's
I Am Strong Contest

Poem Details | by Volodymyr Knyr |
Categories: body, humorous, people, relationship, sexy, woman, women,

A Skin Peel

The thorougher the skin peel, 
the stronger the sex apeal.

Volodymyr Knyr

Poem Details | by Sima Mittal |
Categories: children, kids, funny, woman,

The Chocolate

The Chocolate!

She is a deliciously smart gal,
For each and everyone's her pal.
Be it in the brownie or cake,
Or the icy cold milk shake.
She sure can change everyone's morale!

Poem Details | by Rico Leffanta |
Categories: america, confusion, funny, history, language, spoken word, woman,

The Boston Tea Party - 1773

An ancestor known as, "Miss Lottie"
Was a New York socialite "hottie"
To her lasting disgrace
She slapped Paul Revere's face
When he invited her to the p-ah-ty

Poem Details | by Robert Candler |
Categories: angel, beauty, blue, body, cute love, desire, feelings, giggle, girl, hello, hope, humorous, lust, relationship, romance, sexy, song, sweet, together, uplifting, woman,

Please Help Me, Re-Lyric

Please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You.
You're just so damn sexy,
That's why I'm hittin' on you.
You don't have to love me,
Some good sex will do.
Please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You.

Yes, you turned me on
When I saw you walk in...
The face of an Angel,
A body just made for Sin.
Now, I may be real horny,
But one thing is true:
What would satisfy me, Girl
Would be to satisfy You.

So please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You; 
And I hope that you're fallin'
In Lust with me too;
But if not, then please fake it,
Please don't leave me "blue"...
Please help me, I've fallen
In  Lust  with  You.

Poem Details | by Flora Mae Gudez |
Categories: creation, high school, hilarious, humorous, my children, sexy, woman,

Behind the Selfies

I have a very brief confession
that I have to make.
It's about the selfies 
and it'll make you break.

I only wear glamorous tops 
during my homemade shots,
Since bottoms aren't seen
And only the face is on screen.

I give all my efforts
In putting some makeups
Just to look pretty on my selfie
And wrote on it -- hashtag no makeup.

I put on my lipsticks
And do the sexy duck face,
Then captioned the output with bible quotes
Though it doesn't relate.

Mom wondered
Why I locked myself in my room.
Oh please, I was just doing a selfie
and surprisingly came out well groomed.

Poem Details | by A.O. Taner |
Categories: beautiful, cute love, dedication, desire, destiny, devotion, emotions, encouraging, funny love, girlfriend, grief, heart, heartbreak, heartbroken, how i feel, i love you, i miss you, innocence, kiss, love, love hurts, math, meaningful, miss you, missing, missing you, nice, passion, recovery from, romance, romantic, sad love, senses, sensual, symbolism, together, true love, voyage, wisdom, woman, word play,

4 Love

Love is a four letter word
she whispered into his ear,

So is four, as is word
he whispered back into her fear,

Such is "you and I"
cried his heart - she could hear,

Their cheeks hugged, eyes kissed
each shedding a single tear.

Poem Details | by T Wignesan |
Categories: humor,

Limerick: Once a Tennis Woman Named Sue Baule

Limerick : Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule

Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Tried to avoid being called : « Screw Ball ! »
So she got her haïr cut
In the shape of a snout
Since at French Open gets dubbed : « Screwed Doll ! »  

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2013

Poem Details | by John Williams |
Categories: humorous,

High Maintenance Woman

A stunning woman, so beautiful and polite,
But causing concern, I'm thinking twice,
My girl puts my credit card to much use
Tantamount to severe financial abuse,
Although, I do enjoy her other vice.