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Famous Funny Poems

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Check out these 25 famous funny poems by famous poets. This is a select list of some of the all-time best and most-famous funny poems from throughout history. Read and share some of these top famous funny poems with your friends.

Ali , Muhammad

 | 

Now you see me

Now you see me, now you don't. 
George thinks he will, but I know he won't



Silverstein , Shel

 | 

Forgotten Language

 Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions of the crickets, And joined the crying of each falling dying flake of snow, Once I spoke the language of the flowers.
.
.
.
How did it go? How did it go?


Ali , Muhammad

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There live a great man named Joe

There live a great man named Joe
who was belittled by a loudmouth foe.
While his rival would taunt and tease
Joe silently bore the stings.
And then fought like gladiator in the ring.


Silverstein , Shel

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Where the Sidewalk Ends

 There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.
Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow, And watch where the chalk-white arrows go To the place where the sidewalk ends.
Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow, And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go, For the children, they mark, and the children, they know The place where the sidewalk ends.



Silverstein , Shel

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Whatif

 Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!


Silverstein , Shel

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Rain

 I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.
I step very softly, I walk very slow, I can't do a handstand-- I might overflow, So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said-- I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.


Silverstein , Shel

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Messy Room

 Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair, And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
His workbook is wedged in the window, His sweater's been thrown on the floor.
His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV, And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
His books are all jammed in the closet, His vest has been left in the hall.
A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed, And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed! Donald or Robert or Willie or-- Huh? You say it's mine? Oh, dear, I knew it looked familiar!


Lear , Edward

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There was an old person of Fife

There was an old person of Fife,
Who was greatly disgusted with life;
They sang him a ballad, and fed him on salad,
Which cured that old person of Fife.


Silverstein , Shel

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One Inch Tall

 If you were only one inch tall, you'd ride a worm to school.
The teardrop of a crying ant would be your swimming pool.
A crumb of cake would be a feast And last you seven days at least, A flea would be a frightening beast If you were one inch tall.
If you were only one inch tall, you'd walk beneath the door, And it would take about a month to get down to the store.
A bit of fluff would be your bed, You'd swing upon a spider's thread, And wear a thimble on your head If you were one inch tall.
You'd surf across the kitchen sink upon a stick of gum.
You couldn't hug your mama, you'd just have to hug her thumb.
You'd run from people's feet in fright, To move a pen would take all night, (This poem took fourteen years to write-- 'Cause I'm just one inch tall).


Silverstein , Shel

 | 

Its Dark in Here

 I am writing these poems
From inside a lion,
And it's rather dark in here.
So please excuse the handwriting Which may not be too clear.
But this afternoon by the lion's cage I'm afraid I got too near.
And I'm writing these lines From inside a lion, And it's rather dark in here.


Silverstein , Shel

 | 

Bear In There

 There's a Polar Bear
In our Frigidaire--
He likes it 'cause it's cold in there.
With his seat in the meat And his face in the fish And his big hairy paws In the buttery dish, He's nibbling the noodles, He's munching the rice, He's slurping the soda, He's licking the ice.
And he lets out a roar If you open the door.
And it gives me a scare To know he's in there-- That Polary Bear In our Fridgitydaire.


Silverstein , Shel

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The Little Boy and the Old Man

 Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon.
" Said the old man, "I do that too.
" The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants.
" "I do that too," laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, "I often cry.
" The old man nodded, "So do I.
" "But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems Grown-ups don't pay attention to me.
" And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
"I know what you mean," said the little old man.


Ali , Muhammad

 | 

My face is so pretty

My face is so pretty; you don't see a scar, 
Which proves I'm the king of the ring by far.


Silverstein , Shel

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Weird-Bird

 Birds are flyin' south for winter.
Here's the Weird-Bird headin' north, Wings a-flappin', beak a-chatterin', Cold head bobbin' back 'n' forth.
He says, "It's not that I like ice Or freezin' winds and snowy ground.
It's just sometimes it's kind of nice To be the only bird in town.
"


Silverstein , Shel

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Boa Constrictor

 Oh, I'm being eaten
By a boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor,
And I don't like it--one bit.
Well, what do you know? It's nibblin' my toe.
Oh, gee, It's up to my knee.
Oh my, It's up to my thigh.
Oh, fiddle, It's up to my middle.
Oh, heck, It's up to my neck.
Oh, dread, It's upmmmmmmmmmmffffffffff .
.
.


Lear , Edward

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There Was an Old Man in a Tree

 There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a bee.
When they said "Does it buzz?" He replied "Yes, it does! It's a regular brute of a bee!"


Silverstein , Shel

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Gods Wheel

 GOD says to me with a kind 
of smile, "Hey how would you like 
to be God awhile And steer the world?"
"Okay," says I, "I'll give it a try.
Where do I set? How much do I get? What time is lunch? When can I quit?" "Gimme back that wheel," says GOD.
"I don't think you're quite ready YET.
"


Silverstein , Shel

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Picture Puzzle Piece

 One picture puzzle piece
Lyin' on the sidewalk,
One picture puzzle piece
Soakin' in the rain.
It might be a button of blue On the coat of the woman Who lived in a shoe.
It might be a magical bean, Or a fold in the red Velvet robe of a queen.
It might be the one little bite Of the apple her stepmother Gave to Snow White.
It might be the veil of a bride Or a bottle with some evil genie inside.
It might be a small tuft of hair On the big bouncy belly Of Bobo the Bear.
It might be a bit of the cloak Of the Witch of the West As she melted to smoke.
It might be a shadowy trace Of a tear that runs down an angel's face.
Nothing has more possibilities Than one old wet picture puzzle piece.


Silverstein , Shel

 | 

The Toucan

 Tell me who can
Catch a toucan?
Lou can.
Just how few can Ride the toucan? Two can.
What kind of goo can Stick you to the toucan? Glue can.
Who can write some More about the toucan? You can!


Lear , Edward

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C was a cat

C

was a cat
Who ran after a rat;
But his courage did fail
When she seized on his tail.

c

Crafty old cat!


Silverstein , Shel

 | 

Danny ODare

 Danny O'Dare, the dancin' bear,
Ran away from the County Fair,
Ran right up to my back stair
And thought he'd do some dancin' there.
He started jumpin' and skippin' and kickin', He did a dance called the Funky Chicken, He did the Polka, he did the Twist, He bent himself into a pretzel like this.
He did the Dog and the Jitterbug, He did the Jerk and the Bunny Hug.
He did the Waltz and the Boogaloo, He did the Hokey-Pokey too.
He did the Bop and the Mashed Potata, He did the Split and the See Ya Later.
And now he's down upon one knee, Bowin' oh so charmingly, And winkin' and smilin'--it's easy to see Danny O'Dare wants to dance with me.


Silverstein , Shel

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The Meehoo with an Exactlywatt

 Knock knock!
Who's there?
Me!
Me who?

That's right!
What's right?
Meehoo!
That's what I want to know!

What's what you want to know?
Me, WHO?
Yes, exactly!
Exactly what?
Yes, I have an Exactlywatt on a chain!

Exactly what on a chain?
Yes!
Yes what?
No, Exactlywatt!

That's what I want to know!
I told you - Exactlywatt!
Exactly WHAT?
Yes!
Yes what?

Yes, it's with me!
What's with you?
Exactlywatt - that's what's with me.
Me who? Yes! GO AWAY! Knock knock.
.
.


Silverstein , Shel

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Anteater

 "A genuine anteater,"
The pet man told me dad.
Turned out, it was an aunt eater, And now my uncle's mad!


Service , Robert William

 | 

The Choice

 Some inherit manly beauty,
Some come into worldly wealth;
Some have lofty sense of duty,
Others boast exultant health.
Though the pick may be confusing, Health, wealth, charm or character, If you had the chance of choosing Which would you prefer? I'm not sold on body beauty, Though health I appreciate; Character and sense of duty I resign to Men of State.
I don't need a heap of money; Oh I know I'm hard to please.
Though to you it may seem funny, I want none of these.
No, give me Imagination, And the gift of weaving words Into patterns of creation, With the lilt of singing birds; Passion and the power to show it, Sense of life with love expressed: Let my be a bloody poet,-- You can keep the rest.


Nesbitt , Kenn

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I rode a rainbow unicorn

I rode a rainbow unicorn.
We sailed across the sky.
(I’d fed him lots of Skittles,
since they always make him fly.)
We took off like a comet
on a long and graceful flight.
And everywhere the people stopped
and marveled at the sight.
His path was bright and colorful.
It sparkled, shimmered, shined,
as he arced across the heavens
shooting rainbows from behind.

 --Kenn Nesbitt

Copyright © Kenn Nesbitt 2016. All Rights Reserved.