Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: games, humor, time,

My Challenge

  Playing solitaire to while the time away
    I found that I was sleeping later, every single day

  I tried to think of a new pastime
    to challenge myself some more

  So, first I became a sex fiend
    until in the act I began to snore

  Next I took up bungie-jumping
    but I found it rather a bore

  One last attempt – a crossword puzzle
    ‘til for ‘very sick,’ I wrote wuz’ll...    

  So back I went to solitaire, my old reliable friend
    and that is how challenging myself ~
                 brought this poem and me to an end

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: animal, drink, humor, me,

Tale of a Squirrel and Me

  A squirrel jumped onto my windowsill
    It was not afraid of me
  I winked at it, proffered a cup
    Mouthed, ‘Would you like some tea?’

  It hopped on in and dipped its head
    right into the scalding hot tea
  And that was the first and last time
    that varmint took an invite from me


Poem Details | by Goodling, Ina |
Categories: hilarious, humor, humorous, march,

Two Limericks For Saint Patrick's Day

I.

I strolled through a field of clovers 
Looking each one of them over 
When I found that fourth leaf 
All my joy turned to grief 
When my prize was snatched by a gopher.


II.
 
Last night as I left the bar 
A leprechaun stood by my car 
He offered to drive 
So I’d get home alive 
And now I don’t know where we are.

Poem Details | by Vionet, Anais |
Categories: boyfriend, humor, parents, paris, sad love, travel, vacation,

fly away

Peter had to fly,
was that just last night?
I have attachment issues.
I hate saying goodbye
- it always makes me cry
an embarrassing tear or two.

Holidays go so fast
relativity’s been proven at last!
Fourteen days of leisure
of sordid intertwined pleasures
on days free of study pressures.

This morning i was in despair
splayed out on an uncomfortable chair
with tangled, unbrushed hair
wearing faded PowerPuff underwear
bored, and wishing Peter was there.

Poem Details | by Dome, Peter |
Categories: baby, caregiving, giving, humor, humorous, nonsense, nostalgia, visionary,

Mad Inventions You'd Never Dream Of part 1

The Mother of Invention
Has given birth once more
And her new baby
Is as mad as before

Eddison or Tesla
Would spill their tea
I know because it happens to me

Baby suspenders?
I believe they are very rare these days
And I don't understand why
It's such a good idea
But I've had too many beers in the pub
And looking through beer glasses stuck to my eye

I wonder if they ever sold like hotcakes
And they'll catch on
I'd put my money on it
And hope I'm not wrong


Could be the perfect present for your friend's new baby?.

'Is that Sean Penn?''




Poem Details | by Havok, Kovah |
Categories: 8th grade, best friend, funny love, growth, happiness, happy, heart,

I Wish this was a Joke

I am in love again
I never thought I'd see the day
It was among things I had forgotten
How to feel in eigth grade

The first time that I met him
I was seventeen
And for a reason unannounced
All the school was called to the library

He, for his part, was in mourning
I, for mine, was not
He told me that his dad died
I told him Pyramid Head was hot

I asked about cremation
And the circumstance of demise
He confirmed incineration
And so I called the corpse precooked and suggested sides

Then I did a split and walked away
He was too shocked to be sad
He told me later I had made his day
And now is the best friend I've ever had

Poem Details | by Radhakrishna, Krish |
Categories: first love, funny love, giggle, giving,

Unreasonable species

he dare not correct even if she be wrong,
why does not her man learn forbearance in love,
he should know her by now, they been married long,
they were on holiday near the sandy cove.
an annoying habit most men she knew have,
to disagree with things female species say,
has a choice of red Porsche or marriage to save,
be reasonable man!if you want love, pay!


8 lines
11 syllables each line
ababccdd rhyme
Rhyme zone and How many syllables checked
An Old Farm poetry contest

Poem Details | by Allison, Jan |
Categories: body, humorous,

Uplifting

"My words may be fact or fiction, only the reader can decide!"
Quote by Poet


Uplifting

Unless you have been very well blessed 
Perfect pert breasts often sag over time
Let me be totally honest with you all
I once had magnificent mammaries ... but
Feeding my son for a year put paid to that
They now hang down like spaniel’s ears!
It's vital ladies purchase a well fitting brassiere
No one wants to see boobs flop like cows udders
Gravity isn’t always kind to us gals!

Poem Details | by Slaughter, Jim |
Categories: humor,

A Limerick for Saint Patrick's Day, 2024

A young newlywed colleen from Clones*
Surprised her husband with freshly baked scones.
Said the hubby, named Keith,
"Dear, I don't mean to beef,
But my teeth are more suited to biscuits than stones."

*A small town in Western County Monaghan, Ireland.


                              !!!Happy Saint Patrick's Day, P S!!!

Poem Details | by Dimino, Joe |
Categories: humorous, imagination, inspirational, introspection, perspective, wisdom, writing,

The Writer

I evacuate
sitting on a throne
of waste…

till something live
emerges – taking
inspiration, wherever 
it comes from…

the writer strains

filling bowls

and wastepaper baskets

inspiration navigating
internals      and beyond

I am a Literary Proctologist
claiming from recycles

deciphering bottomless spirit scents

Poem Details | by Freie, Randy |
Categories: humorous,

Sticky Fingers

No maker of goods or wares was he

A taker of coin that none can see

Just a cad so cool and debonair

And a pickpocket extraordinaire

He distracts his prey with rhyme and verse

And slyly smiles while stealing their purse

So eloquently recites out loud

Then quickly disappears in the crowd

City to city he makes his way

To practice his craft from day to day

Of his next victim he'll soon descend

Then scatter like ashes on the wind

Whenever you're walking down the street

And ever a chance you too will meet

If he was a gun, I'd never **** it

And if I was you, I'd check my pocket

Poem Details | by Beaufort, Duke |
Categories: environment, humor, integrity, judgement, money, water,

avoiding a drain nightmare

About toilet paper guests swipe
The staff at hotels have a gripe
They say steal it not
And buy one-ply Scott
Which won’t clot your home’s sewage pipe

Poem Details | by Fowler, Linda Alice |
Categories: cat, fish, food, fun, humorous, silly,

Clancy and His Fish

There once was a Cat who made a wish.
It had to do with Clancy's pet fish.
	If its bowl would break,
	one swoop would it take
to proclaim Clancy's fish quite delish!

Poem Details | by Ireland, Terry |
Categories: house, humor, weather,

Weather

Almost from their conception
Our Yorkshire kids are told 
About our weather system
And our  three degrees of cold,
‘unch, unch, and bloody ‘unch
Peculiar to our County
A climate that makes us ‘ard
And why we treat our weather 
With much respect and regard. 
That’s why we start ‘em young
Recommend dress that’s best
Clothing suited for the weather
From t-shirt to thermal vest.
We take  weather serious in Yorks
It has that style verve and punch.
And we  know the difference between
 ‘unch, ‘unch, and bloody ‘unch.

Poem Details | by Etgen-Baker, Sara |
Categories: humorous,

In the Village of Blarney

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Blarney there’s one magic stone. When you kiss it, you’re put in ‘the zone.’ You’ll soon gab with words so glib. Matters not if truth or fib. With a stout Guinness, one must atone.

Poem Details | by Welch, David |
Categories: appreciation, food, fun, happiness, humorous, light,

The Taco Song

Mexicans make many things,
but the best is tacos,
bull-fighting is kinda cool,
not as cool as tacos.

Cheese and chips and refried beans,
folks put them in tacos,
awesome spices in the meat,
the soul of the taco.

You can buy them in the street,
lots of folks sell tacos,
or in a cantina seat,
they should sing of tacos.

You don’t need a plate to eat,
the genius of tacos,
as a setting their complete,
need no frills with tacos.

Have them wild or with heat,
either’s great with tacos,
some use fish they caught at sea,
that is one strange taco.

Get chorizo, get the steak,
now I want some tacos,
money can’t buy happiness,
but it sure buys tacos…

Poem Details | by Culverhouse, Clive |
Categories: adventure, fantasy, fun, garden, humorous, ocean, sea,

Driftwood - A Brief Fantasy Adventure

sculptured hobo of the sea
a pirate’s swashbuckling adventure
siren, kraken, leviathan
or some other ocean creature
but now enjoying retirement
as peaceful a garden feature



Poem Details | by Peranteau, James |
Categories: history, humor,

Surprise love

.

once
the
sneak
peak

twice
the
sneak
peak

thrice
the
shotgun wedding




*the bard doth know
     peek vs "peak"

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: cat, giggle, murder,

Pest Control

   Mysogynous Mouse
  
      espied a cat in the house
 
        ~ exterminated the louse

Poem Details | by Edmonds , Beryl |
Categories: dad, humorous,

Dad Limericks - See Notes

Dad went to work on an egg each day Til one day the egg cracked on the way Pants covered in yolk It was not a joke That his colleagues egged him on, all day. Dad had an egg every single day He wouldn't have it any other way Til he got egg bound And suddenly found That he was clucking the day away. Daddy was fond of his eggy bready Every morning mommy got it ready One day she was late Much to her distaste He ran off with merry leggy Peggy. Daddy asked a barmaid for an eggnog She thought that he was asking for a snog She took him outside And to her surprise He said I was asking where was the bog.

Poem Details | by Peranteau, James |
Categories: humor,

I luv pretty pink pussies

.

                kiss me
             shut me up




*ask Google; for photos uv "French
  Pink Pussy Willow trees" ;)

Poem Details | by O'Hara, Mabel |
Categories: betrayal, dark, evil, giggle, word play, writing,

Poached Words

All his best lines were mine; devoured my mind; words plagiarized. 
Receiving compliments that came from my pen. He smirks and laughs with a devilish grin "I got away with it, again!" 

He calls himself an ocean, pretending to be a 'deep sea green.' If I can go back, I would have never shared my precious poetry. 

They say what you put out there, you get back, waiting for karma to bite him in the @$$!

Poem Details | by Hughes, Mark |
Categories: humor, life, men,

Symptoms of Age-Male

I've been told in terms
of descriptive measure,
describing a gland
not my tool used for pleasure.

Huge and ginormous
are two they do use
as explained up above
so as not to confuse.

Urologist speaks
of this particular gland,
not shared by you women,
exclusive to man.

When bigger is better
as some who may state,
but not when it comes
to a man's prostate.

With age will come symptoms,
for most it will be,
a once simple function
now made tough, just to pee!



Poem Details | by Study, James |
Categories: humorous, people, song,

Posey And Shirley

Posey and Shirley two bad men I once knew
Bar room brawlers and stinkers these two
might had made a millionaire
had I told about this pair
Because this was way before boy named Sue

Poem Details | by Stein-Freer, Daniel |
Categories: funny, god, imagination, life, mystery,

Delusional

Delusional

We share the same
Birthday!

Wahoo!!!

But William H. Macy
Is NOT
Willam Defoe.

Thank God.

-Gray Squirrel

03-13-2024


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