These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.
Bumper Jumper Humper Dumper
I went for a walk and what did I see, bears over there looking at me. My mind did a flash, Oh! bears don't eat me. I am tough as can be, I am way too old for thee.
health, hope, loss,
Jake's lost his job
It's not funny
In stocks and bonds
He's lost his money
He paces the floor
All he does is mope
Cheer up, Jake
~ There's hope
Verdi ha scritto molte opere
tante quante sono le forme di pasta
ma solo la pasta può essere
goduto in meno di tre ore.
Verdi wrote many operas
as many as there are shapes of pastas
but here’s a point to keep in mind:
pasta can be enjoyed in less than three hour’s time.
4th grade, 5th grade, 6th grade, 7th grade, 8th grade, animal, humor,
Headless penguins doing their dance
Walking their walk on the pebble sea of chance
Their fat little tummies pushed out so proud
But no voices at all in this penguin dance crowd
Are they twins? We others ask with concern.
Without heads can the penguin dance they learn?
They trot in the our midst and begin to jive and jiggle
In no way worried they are headless in the middle
They are arrogant! An outraged uncle yelled out.
And without heads! How is it possible? Says another angry lout.
I do not care for they are pleasant enough to me.
After all how nasty can two headless penguins be?
Little Johnny was feeling blue
Had a mishap with some glue
He thought he would cheat
And not fall off his seat
Now both buns are stuck to the loo
told Suzy Floozy
a real Doozy
a little Uzi
Poteet, Reason A.
11th grade, humor, scary,
Mudlarking as a child was fun
growing up on the Ohio.
Treasures wanted by nobody
became all mine, me oh, my oh!
Mudlarking as a new swimmer
squeezing my toes on the bottom
sometimes found a crawdad or two
Not funny, we never caught 'em.
Mudlarking means digging through mud
for one juicy tidbit, rumor
that belittles one's opponent -
not truthful and lacking humor.
Mudlarking has become nasty
hateful, spite-filled politico.
Mudlarkers mark a nation as
vitriolic, me oh, my oh!
April 6, 2020
animal, giggle, word play,
Our marriage was like a book:
With a cursory look
at the first chapter
I was glad it would end.
Concerning her husband, a wife dared
to say she never saw his bottom bared –
except once when he was caught streaking
and only because her mother began shrieking.
I’ve thought of trading in my wife
as I might a run-down old car –
lots of men do when they tire
of looking at the same old lemon.
The chassis has seen better days
and the odometer records a life
well traveled; moreover the old gal
leaks here and there and requires
new parts the more she ages,
a costly burden on my wallet.
And yet there’s something about her
I can’t quite bring myself to part with.
A warm attachment best describes it.
Or just an old man’s love for an old car.
Anyway, I just had to tell her the news:
Love, I’m keeping you just as you are.
I never thought it a crime
to write a poem without rime.
Far worse in my eyes
is to plagiarize.
When it comes to complaining
with humans it first appears
at birth with a brief slap
on our rears.
family, fantasy, funny love, nature, seasons,
The Seasonal family of
and Father Time
When it comes to
a family reunion,
they are never far behind.
Winter, spring, summer
With her daughter
always on the ball.
first born, Weather.
She is not as predictable
as we would like to think.
With named hurricanes
Weather has seasons
of her own.
Wind, Rain, Sleet,
A drought in the desert
together goes well
and on some occasions
she has been known
to give us hail.
Just to let you know
Weather is always
on the go.
naeemahmad , abdurraheem
friend, fun, funny, high school,
A class made up of combination of different students
Ranging from serious students to crazy students
Including both sleeping students and playful students
But Interestingly,they are all my fellow students!
I don't know if at all they should be called students
Cos learning is the characteristic of any student
Of which I see not in these Khamisa Students
But that doesn't mean they are poor students
Look, they pass their exams like no other students!
Just that jamia has made them this kind of students
I'm privileged to have them as my fellow students
Cos they mean more to me, than being fellow students!
10th grade, 11th grade, 12th grade, funny, hilarious, humor, humorous,
If you thought killer clowns were fun
Chainsaw Massacre Easter Bunny is right up your plate
If you like Stephen King novels and are not fearful,
You are really going to like CMEB
Come on down, I scream to my neighbor
Don’t be such a chicken.
Get out of that tree!
10th grade, 11th grade, 12th grade, 9th grade, baby, humor, humorous,
A rabbit an elk and a snowman walked into a bar.
I stared at this neonate.
Did eight month olds talk?
No wait. He is nine months old right?
I check the calendar.
Nine months going on ten.
My first time at babysitting him.
The bartender says.
I run to get a pencil to write this down.
He gurgles at me.
Loud gas bubble pops
I get out my phone to videotape him.
Go ahead, I say.
The door opens. His parents have returned.
His mouth slams shut.
You are diabolical I say.
A bad baby.
He laughs himself silly.
age, books, humorous, light,
I do not like being shushed
But I did not used to mind it
When I was a child
Or a pre-teenager
Or a teenager
Or an eighteen-year-old who knew everything
In the library some think it is necessary.
Librarians do a lot of shushing.
I have been using libraries since 1957
So I kind of know what I’m talking about
I used to be shushed by old lady librarians.
That was fine. It was their job.
I held no grudges
Today’s librarians look to be
About twelve or thirteen
Many even younger
I hate to generalize
But it seems worse
to be shushed by librarians
younger than my pantyhose
My chores are all done, what now shall I do?
I’ve self-checked my prostate and left nipple to.
I woke up this morning face down in the grass.
The dog won’t come in, she’s tired of my swass.
I guess I’ll just wait for a new morning’s sun.
The squirrels smell me coming and begin to run.
The backyard is empty, not even a skunk.
I’m all out of soap no way to defunk.
All is quiet, my corner still safe.
Ten more pounds, I’m beginning to chafe.
I’ve chewed the couch and the lazy boy chair.
I look like a hippy with all of this hair.
Civilization does need to return.
The dogs want me gone as my stomach swells and churns.
A fresh box of ding dongs and twinkies galore.
My britches don’t fit I can’t take much more.
I never thought that I would see the day.
A line outside Walmart, no freaking way.
How long will this last, I don’t have a clue.
I’m stuck indoors with the quarantine blues.
humorous, inspiration, inspirational, love,
the moment that changed my life
occurred in late August 1982
when the woman of my dreams
came out of my dreams
walking off a bus
and into my life
a few months later became my wife
first dreamt of her in 1979
back in my high school day
and I knew that some day
I would meet the woman
in my dreams
and I did and that changed my fate
when I met her that date
writing digest prompt - also a sonnet!
I visited the Toilet - A grand salubrious place
Of gleaming Glistening tiles - a really pristine place
A space to hold a Banquet - A conference of a ball
With tops of stalls and toilet doors - for those who like a fall
I know I rush-ed into it - what purpose, don't recall
For I slipped on Gleaming, Pristine tiles - and went smack into the wall
So, if you have a desperate need-go slowly if you will
I’m having with
lines bring this clown
April 5, 2020
entered in Joseph May's Find Your Musette Contest
humor, math, prayer,
The Lord has sent COVID-19
To wipe out the filth and un-clean
But I've had "The Bath"
So please check Your math
To ensure You harvest the Mean!
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