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Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by Tuazon, Maris Warrior |
Categories: funny, water,

My Wish Turns Into Astonishment

I throw a coin,
murmur my wish,
it's twirling while going down,
like it has ear that can hear
a dancing sound nearby.

I'm shocked and shook my head,
'coz the coin comes back
and says:
"Ouch! You hurt me!"
"The well has no water!"

I wipe my sweats,
suddenly spank my face
to make sure I'm not sleeping,
why the coin speaks?


Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Sophistry Then and Now


The shameless art of modern sophistry
has its roots in ancient Greek philosophy,
notably a school of philosophers whose only
aim was to persuade by means deceptively.
Their expertise was using favorite words
whose meaning they reduced to the absurd
in order to deceive and fool the public
by ingenius misuse of clever rhetoric.
This fallacious influence still survives
and unkowingly impacts our daily lives.
Today we know them as advertisers –
but don’t be fooled, they’re still liars.

Poem Details | by Johnson, Georgette |
Categories: humor, perspective,

Never Ending Thoughts

What is the brain?
What is the mind?
Are they the same? 
Or, not the same kind?

What is a thought?
What is a view?
Can they be taught?
Do yours reflect you?

What is perspective?
What is abstract? 
What is objective?
Can they be mapped?

Always a question;
Tangential flow;
My head a reflection 
of what I don’t know.  

But questions do linger;
Answers do pend.
Myself I do hinder;
There’s never an end!



9-24-2020

Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humor, husband,

Could I Borrow a Cup of Sugar

At first it was sugar
Could I spare a cup?
Don’t be silly, I replied.
Being new, I did not understand
It was not going to be just a one-time thing.
I sent her home with an unopened ten pound bag.
She would replace it on Tuesday.
That was ten years ago, I never found out which Tuesday.
Last week she came over to borrow my car.
I felt like a hard ***, but I said “no”.
She banged it up the last three times,
and I already gave her my husband.


Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: hilarious, humor, humorous,

Diet Pill Did Not Work

Ate a piece of double chocolate cake.
Was not satisfied, then I took a pink diet pill.
Diet pill did not work.
Had another piece of cake. A sliver this time.
Still hungry. Ate two bags of chips.
Small ones. Sugar, salt, salt, sugar.
Why don’t you take another diet pill? Husband suggested.
So I had that engraved on his tombstone.


Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: girlfriend, hair, humor,

The Dating Game, Reupped

Dad, I'm dating a girl with gorgeous blond hair
   Wonderful. Now what kind of mask does she wear

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

A Ten Year Old


When I was ten I stopped
being impressed by
humans boasting of their
many accomplishments.
That’s when I learned humans 
are made of mostly water, 
the very same I drink 
and use to flush that other
human accomplishment.

Poem Details | by lawless, John |
Categories: children, humor,

Sand Box Insanity

Lifting her mask
she whispered

"I'll show you mine
                      .....if you show me yours"

John G. Lawless
9/24/2020

Poem Details | by vionet, Anais |
Categories: 11th grade, growing up, humor, mom, teen,

capricious creatures

Senryus about those
capricious creatures that rule
over our lives - our moms.

Studying. My phone
beeps, I look at it - mom says,
- "you've been texting!" Argh!

Mom: "Why is it - that
everything is on the floor?"
Me: *thinking*... "gravity?"

"SORRY!, how could I
know answering your question
would be talking back??"

My mom can hear me
mumble a mile away but
can't hear me yell "what"?

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Margo


Poor Margo, she died in a tanning tube
her skin parched dry of blocking lube.
Said her husband with some emotion
I think it’s only fitting she be buried in
with same bikini she died in
and a large supply of tanning lotion.
I’m confident that where she’s going,
she’ll want her tanning still ongoing.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Politicians Fate


It’s official: the honest politician is
on the endangered species list.
But that won’t last too long, however;
they’re already becoming rarer,
and by reelection time, I think,
should join the ranks of the extinct.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Lover's Prayer


O moon fully bright
shine on my love and I tonight.

Arouse us to success –
it’s been months since she said Yes!

Naked in the backseat car,
why bring us both this far

when the night wears thin, hope too?
If you don’t act soon, I’ll have to.

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: age, health, humor,

Your Age Described

Your age may best be described
                              ~ by the type of pills you are prescribed

Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humor,

She Does Not Like Interruptions

The owls were the last to arrive to the oak.
Selfish ebony ravens refused to scoot over.
Are all ravens the same then? I asked the storyteller.
She is my niece, and I discovered does not like interruptions.

She nodded her head. All of them, she said firmly. Exactly alike.
So none of them have minds of their own? She glared at me.
Turned her back and continued to tell her tale. Witches flew in from the north.
All of them? I asked. Every single one came from the same direction?

She stomped off.
I could hear her offer to tell a story to her daddy. 
They will get along famously.
They both like to generalize all ghosts, all owls, all witches.


Poem Details | by Ncede, Sibusisiwe Desireen |
Categories: appreciation, best friend, blessing, change, fate, feelings, funny love,

IT BREAKS MY HEART

Its is not what it seems to be
It is not about what is known
Is about the unknown
The knowledge acquired from knowing
Is an autonomy of sequence

It is not about reaching a destination
It is not about opening yourself to possibilities
It is about feeling the love
The growth acquired from maturity
Is arrival of soul mates in a nut shell

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: dark, humor,

Thought for Today


Don’t give a thought to the day
when, finally, you’re out of the way.
Death, you will find
makes people generous and kind.
In life you may have been an SOB,
but now as they pass by solemnly
and cast a reflective eye,
they'll look at you with TLC –
but in their hearts you’re still
the same old dirty SOB.
For as one lives so one dies –
despite well-meaning lies.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

A Solution for Better News



Because of goings-on during the night
the morning news is rarely bright.
I think the problem might be solved
if the planet never revolved
but kept its face in full sunlight
untouched by the evils of night.
That way morning news might be
less depressing for everybody.
But, then, and a likely upshot
after years of bad news, the shock
of waking up to a world of good news 
could be fatal, more bad news.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Erudite Lydia


A walking encyclopedia
was erudite Lydia.
Her vital statistics, however,
got absorbed into her figure.
Overly well rounded and read
from eating and reading in bed,
men rarely gave her a look they said –
because too heavily paginated.

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: humor, poetry,

The Crown of a 'Poet'

My metaphors, like petit fours
   My similes work abysmally
My meter sometimes peters out
   Allusions, mere delusions

My irony shows its wrinkles
   Enjambment's full of kinkles
Iambic, Trochaic, and Passaic
   All strike me as rather archaic

Some bards swear by clever rhyme
   I only wish I had the time ~
Dare I don the crown of a 'Poet?'
   I leave it to the reader to bestow it




              


Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humorous, marriage,

We Both Over React

A mosquito landed on my hand
I swatted at it so hard I have a bruise.
Then it flew onto my knee, a sweet land.
I tried to shoot it, but here is the bad news.

I shot my right leg, damaged my ACL at the knee.
Laughing husband man put down the baseball bat.
Said arrogantly, “How stupid can you be?”
I watched him proceed to burn the house down to kill rat.

So you see, now we are homeless and angry at each other.
I should have listened to my friend and my silly mother.
They both said we were too spontaneous to marry each other.
First time either of them were correct. Right, Grandmother? 

Poem Details | by Ward, Daisy |
Categories: happy, humorous,

PASTRY CHEF

The pastry chef made some cuisine
Then he went to use the latrine
He played in his pants
Which was covered with ants
Then fell into the mixing machine

Poem Details | by Ward, Daisy |
Categories: funny, happy, humorous,

DUMPED

The angry young man was dump
When he stole his girl friend's red pumps
He struted and swagged
Realized he's been tagged
As a cross dresser and a lame chump

Poem Details | by Ward, Daisy |
Categories: funny, humorous,

THE CHEF

The pastry chef made some cuisine
Then he had to use the latrine
He played in his pants
He wanted a chance
Then fell into the mixing machine

Poem Details | by Haight, Sandra |
Categories: cat, funny,

Dream Fulfilled


          Indoor kitten
      dreams about
      climbing trees.

Inspired
   he leaps
scrambling up the
       satin drape!


September 22, 2020

Contest: Paint A Picture
Sponsor: Joseph May


Form: Septolet
The Septolet is a poem consisting of seven lines
containing fourteen words with a break in 
between the two parts. Both parts deal with the 
same thought and create a picture.


Poem Details | by Collins, Dave |
Categories: confusion, funny, lost, people, planet,

From the top


Viewed from high above
humans wander the planet
lost ants with big shoes


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