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Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by Ermine, Sigrid |
Categories: analogy, anger, character, conflict, giggle, inspiration, writing,

Shark Swims in Anonymity


      

          Seafarers         outraged when they
            Discover         scenarios
                                             

              Stories         oxygenated 
              I writhe         for mercy


Poem Details | by Toney, Mark |
Categories: humor, husband, irony, satire, wife,

If It Takes Forever

drove wife to doctor
counting wheelchair ramp spindles
~waiting for Godot






7/10/2020

My wife smiled at this one.  Or was it a smirk?

Waiting for Godot is a play by Samuel Beckett

Poem Details | by Kavanagh , David |
Categories: betrayal, dark, humor, men, women,

Just below the belt

                  Dear John 

         A few words she wrote 
       It’s over found a real man 
          In fact we’re married 


                  Dear Jane

             He too put it plain 
      I have slept with your mother 
            That scar was it you


By
David Kavanagh.

Poem Details | by Cheney, Kenneth |
Categories: fun, funny, humor, humorous,

Farmer Fred's Not Dead

Farmer Fred reports with dread
He felt a bit light in the head
His wife sent him straight to bed
First time ever since they’d been wed
Fred tossed about with face turned red
Complained his stomach felt like lead
When suddenly he leapt from the bed
Proceeding directly to the head
I shan’t retell what transpired, instead
A quote direct from Farmer Fred
“I believe it something I was fed
That made me go all light in the head
And made my stomach feel like lead”
“First time ever since I’ve been wed
I felt so ill I’d wished I were dead”

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Donna and Don



This is the story of Donna and Don
whose habit of eating went on and on. 
For both loved eating enormously
and their size the same, unfortunately,
so that moving, one of life’s necessities
was reserved for toilet-only emergencies,
requiring a bullet’s speed and thrust
of a rocket, so that neither was first.
Sadly, neither ever got close to the door
and both had to make doo on the floor.


Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Over Forty Males and Females



I marvel at women
who in their forties
still retain the shape they had 
in their twenties.

Whereas their mates
have been quick
to morph into whales
with blubber just as thick.

Poem Details | by Greene, Gerald |
Categories: humor,

Inaugural Citation

The mayor beamed from ear to ear. He knew
He’d hit the jackpot with his latest plan
to generate much needed revenue.
He felt his civic scheme was better than
a gift from wealthy men with strings attached.
It was a perfect plot without a flaw
for Dayton’s needs. It wasn’t quickly hatched,
and was America’s first speeding law.
A man named Harry Myers was the first
to get a ticket for excessive speed,
that only increased bureaucratic thirst
in nineteen-four to feed a growing greed.
Twelve miles per hour was a big mistake,
as Harry used more gas and not the brake.

Poem Details | by vionet, Anais |
Categories: 11th grade, growth, how i feel, humor, poetry, teen, writing,

whatever it takes

I want to be a writer -
and like a new poker player -
I'm starting to evaluate my cards.

I post on several poetry sites 
I find syncing them kinda hard.

'Cause I'm the model of imperfection
heck, I'm the Edison of mistakes -
a teenager half-heartedly committed
to doing whatever it takes.

Does it help that I'm never happy?
That I constantly make updates?

At times I feel the proverbial cat 
chasing its own tail -
but I think I'm making progress
- like a literary snail.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

A Simple Typo



It was a simple mistake
anyone one might make.
A tweet the president sent
was far from his intent.
Somehow his finger hit 
the “d” key, not the “r” above it.
What he had meant to type
with an apology contrite
was how grateful so many read
his tweets, not that he was dead.
Millions on reading the news
rushed to fill church pews,
while millions more elated
packed the bars and celebrated.

Poem Details | by Thajudeen, Muhammad Safa |
Categories: care, confusion, humor, jobs,

COBBLER BECOMING CHARMER

A Cobra went to the police 
to complain 
it’s Charmer doing harm 
and not in charm 

A Cobbler went to the police
all the shoes to polish 

Police asked the Cobbler
to collect the Cobra
but in terms
not to harm the Cobra polishing 
Cobbler pleased to police 

Cobbler is very charm to the Cobra
Cobra is happy and no harm with Cobbler
Charmer without Cobra became a Barber 

Poem Details | by Lee Sr., James Edward |
Categories: adventure, analogy, engagement, funny, pets,

Kitty Pearl and Little Litty Lilly Loty Lolly Kat-

kute and kuttlely anty and so kuttery Little Litty Lilly Loty Lolly likes too Likes to chew The dawg bones When I come home from the office Kitty Pearl drinkin' at the kitchen faucet kute and kuttely Yellow and buttery Little Litty Lilly Loty Lolly likes too Likes to untie and nipple shoelaces on our shoes Here kitty, kitty No~ wait to stop that Scat cat for heaven sake Kat sitting on my hathat the condescending, contented cat sat on my hideous, hilarious hat While Little Litty Lilly Loty Lolly still pawing and gnawing my shoe latches
7/9/20 written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2020 ©

Poem Details | by vionet, Anais |
Categories: health, humor, humorous, irony, patriotic, political, teen,

simply gone - the virus

Wow, it turns out Trump was right.
I saw it on “the Onion” - posted overnight.

Scientists woke up today and the virus
was simply gone - the miracle - has happened.
And they said that Trump was wrong!

The once dying - started laughing
first responders broke into song
patients shrugged off ventilators
they can go back home where they belong.

That God has been so merciful
is a story ripped from scripture
and since Trump - the antichrist - is here
we can move on to the rapture!

Poem Details | by Trifiatis, Demetrios |
Categories: humorous,

ONE TONGUE ONLY









Fortunately, our Lord,

in His infinite wisdom,
 
has given us only one tongue to express,

what our eyes and ears witness every day

for 

if He had given us two, multiple would 

have been the confusion generated in

this world!









© Demetrios Trifiatis
      09 July 2020






Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humorous,

Stars Do Not Have Tails

You are a star she said.
I laughed hard.
My heels slipped.
I almost slid into the next galaxy.

Cows are not stars I told her in a haughty way.
I flipped my tail, striking her in the face.
Perplexing her. 
I could tell she was semi-shocked.

What was that for? She asked me in her prissy voice.
It was my tail, I told her. 
Stars do not have tails! She corrected me.

She is actually the most delusional duck I have ever met.
She threw back her beak and began to howl at the moon.
Just one more thing that seems a bit off…


Poem Details | by blown, sand |
Categories: cheer up, funny love, irony,

problem-oetry

hell is not in goodbye...
forever hell is in hello...

stan sand

Poem Details | by Flaherty, Christopher |
Categories: funny, slam,

No i am SPARTACUS

I am Spartacus

No, i am Spartacus

No, i am Spartacus

So am i

Me ?

No sorry i am just here 

For the free bar and buffet


Poem Details | by Elliott, Regina |
Categories: dog, funny, humor,

Piper

Piper, pernicious puppy, poised precariously,
pissed purposely, proudly, upon 
poor petunias....pity

Poem Details | by Ball, Judy |
Categories: funny, humorous, vacation,

I'M ON VACATION

I'm on vacation,
And having so much fun.
I've been organizing and cleaning,
And working off my buns.

Made curtains for my kitchen,
Made cake and cookies too.
Did the laundry, mowed the lawn,
Made supper for the crew.

Then I did the basement,
From one end to the other.
Shampooed the carpets, did the drapes,
Now there's just the cupboards.

I'm on vacation, let's partay!
This week has been the best.
Next it's back to work for me,
At last now I can rest.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

The Photon


The photon is an odd phenomenon,
unless it moves it has no mass.
How different humans who sit on
their phenomenons and gather a--!

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor, word play,

A Pig Question


To a psychiatrist 
a pig complained:
I need a matter explained
why our yearly losses
are rarely by natural causes?

Nonsense, said the shrink,
give it reconsideration
and you’ll find, I think
it’s just a pigment
of your imagination.

Poem Details | by Crocker, Norman |
Categories: cancer, humor,

Hairless Men

hairless men
joke about their condition
women don't

Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: humor, humorous,

Jaywalking is in His Genes

Sure I jaywalk he said. It’s in my genes.
I inherited this trait from my father.
I cannot help it.
He always jaywalked too.
I was astounded.
We had known each other for ten years.
I had never heard him talk about a father.
Where does your father live? I asked.
In heaven.
Oh, I’m sorry. What happened?
We are not sure.
All we know is he got hit by a car.


Poem Details | by Koplin, Mark |
Categories: humorous,

Summer Picnic

I ate some beans at a picnic, the magical tactical fruit.
It bubbled between my hips and jumped out as a toot.
Original recipe is what was printed there on the can.
There was no warning label, now me loo no longer stands.

Pork and beans and the guarded secret of bush.
Neither one are user friendly, and both are quite hard on the tush.
Maple cured bacon, garlic and onion to name a few.
Eat them with some beer, that will make a nasty brew.

Beware of the summer picnic with franks up on the grill.
The dreaded beanie weenie, will surely give a thrill.
Enjoy the great outdoors, the sunshine and all of the *****.
Don’t forget the beno or you’ll end up smelling like a skunk.

Poem Details | by Shaw, Indiana |
Categories: appreciation, cat, conflict, discrimination, food, humorous, perspective,

In Bad Taste

IN BAD TASTE

I am here dipping my spring onions into my mayonnaise
I never really got to find out, just why it became a craze

Shouldn’t it be sour cream, radish, and spring onion dip
Slurping all the sloppy drippy bit’s across my bottom lip

The kitty looks on, to it; it’s a total waste of sour cream
As the first experience was a face pulled far too extreme

The cat dreams of sour cream sauce and some sea bass
But, that is because she is one expensive taste kitty cat

My tastes not so expensive; it’s mayonnaise out of a jar
Dipping my spring onions as kitty cat looks on from afar

Indiana Shaw . . . ; ) 

Poem Details | by NORTON, BRYAN |
Categories: fun, humor, imagination,

The Stick

I tossed a stick up in the air
To watch it fly around
I waited for that stick to fall
Before me on the ground

It must have been a special stick
That did not make a sound
For when I searched the ground ahead
That stick could not be found

I never did retrieve my stick
That disappeared that day
Perhaps the stick was mad at me
For throwing it away

The moral of the story is
Be careful what you say
For if a stick can resurrect
Then you should learn to pray.












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