These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.
analogy, anger, character, conflict, giggle, inspiration, writing,
Seafarers outraged when they
I writhe for mercy
humor, husband, irony, satire, wife,
drove wife to doctor
counting wheelchair ramp spindles
~waiting for Godot
My wife smiled at this one. Or was it a smirk?
Waiting for Godot is a play by Samuel Beckett
Kavanagh , David
betrayal, dark, humor, men, women,
A few words she wrote
It’s over found a real man
In fact we’re married
He too put it plain
I have slept with your mother
That scar was it you
fun, funny, humor, humorous,
Farmer Fred reports with dread
He felt a bit light in the head
His wife sent him straight to bed
First time ever since they’d been wed
Fred tossed about with face turned red
Complained his stomach felt like lead
When suddenly he leapt from the bed
Proceeding directly to the head
I shan’t retell what transpired, instead
A quote direct from Farmer Fred
“I believe it something I was fed
That made me go all light in the head
And made my stomach feel like lead”
“First time ever since I’ve been wed
I felt so ill I’d wished I were dead”
This is the story of Donna and Don
whose habit of eating went on and on.
For both loved eating enormously
and their size the same, unfortunately,
so that moving, one of life’s necessities
was reserved for toilet-only emergencies,
requiring a bullet’s speed and thrust
of a rocket, so that neither was first.
Sadly, neither ever got close to the door
and both had to make doo on the floor.
I marvel at women
who in their forties
still retain the shape they had
in their twenties.
Whereas their mates
have been quick
to morph into whales
with blubber just as thick.
The mayor beamed from ear to ear. He knew
He’d hit the jackpot with his latest plan
to generate much needed revenue.
He felt his civic scheme was better than
a gift from wealthy men with strings attached.
It was a perfect plot without a flaw
for Dayton’s needs. It wasn’t quickly hatched,
and was America’s first speeding law.
A man named Harry Myers was the first
to get a ticket for excessive speed,
that only increased bureaucratic thirst
in nineteen-four to feed a growing greed.
Twelve miles per hour was a big mistake,
as Harry used more gas and not the brake.
11th grade, growth, how i feel, humor, poetry, teen, writing,
I want to be a writer -
and like a new poker player -
I'm starting to evaluate my cards.
I post on several poetry sites
I find syncing them kinda hard.
'Cause I'm the model of imperfection
heck, I'm the Edison of mistakes -
a teenager half-heartedly committed
to doing whatever it takes.
Does it help that I'm never happy?
That I constantly make updates?
At times I feel the proverbial cat
chasing its own tail -
but I think I'm making progress
- like a literary snail.
It was a simple mistake
anyone one might make.
A tweet the president sent
was far from his intent.
Somehow his finger hit
the “d” key, not the “r” above it.
What he had meant to type
with an apology contrite
was how grateful so many read
his tweets, not that he was dead.
Millions on reading the news
rushed to fill church pews,
while millions more elated
packed the bars and celebrated.
Thajudeen, Muhammad Safa
care, confusion, humor, jobs,
A Cobra went to the police
it’s Charmer doing harm
and not in charm
A Cobbler went to the police
all the shoes to polish
Police asked the Cobbler
to collect the Cobra
but in terms
not to harm the Cobra polishing
Cobbler pleased to police
Cobbler is very charm to the Cobra
Cobra is happy and no harm with Cobbler
Charmer without Cobra became a Barber
Lee Sr., James Edward
adventure, analogy, engagement, funny, pets,
kute and kuttlely
anty and so kuttery
Little Litty Lilly
Loty Lolly likes too
Likes to chew
The dawg bones
When I come home from the office
Kitty Pearl drinkin' at the kitchen faucet
kute and kuttely
Yellow and buttery
Little Litty Lilly
Loty Lolly likes too
Likes to untie and nipple shoelaces on our shoes
Here kitty, kitty
No~ wait to stop that
Scat cat for heaven sake Kat sitting on my hathat
the condescending, contented cat sat on my hideous, hilarious hat
While Little Litty Lilly Loty Lolly still pawing and gnawing my shoe latches
written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2020 ©
health, humor, humorous, irony, patriotic, political, teen,
Wow, it turns out Trump was right.
I saw it on “the Onion” - posted overnight.
Scientists woke up today and the virus
was simply gone - the miracle - has happened.
And they said that Trump was wrong!
The once dying - started laughing
first responders broke into song
patients shrugged off ventilators
they can go back home where they belong.
That God has been so merciful
is a story ripped from scripture
and since Trump - the antichrist - is here
we can move on to the rapture!
Fortunately, our Lord,
in His infinite wisdom,
has given us only one tongue to express,
what our eyes and ears witness every day
if He had given us two, multiple would
have been the confusion generated in
© Demetrios Trifiatis
09 July 2020
You are a star she said.
I laughed hard.
My heels slipped.
I almost slid into the next galaxy.
Cows are not stars I told her in a haughty way.
I flipped my tail, striking her in the face.
I could tell she was semi-shocked.
What was that for? She asked me in her prissy voice.
It was my tail, I told her.
Stars do not have tails! She corrected me.
She is actually the most delusional duck I have ever met.
She threw back her beak and began to howl at the moon.
Just one more thing that seems a bit off…
cheer up, funny love, irony,
hell is not in goodbye...
forever hell is in hello...
I am Spartacus
No, i am Spartacus
No, i am Spartacus
So am i
No sorry i am just here
For the free bar and buffet
dog, funny, humor,
Piper, pernicious puppy, poised precariously,
pissed purposely, proudly, upon
funny, humorous, vacation,
I'm on vacation,
And having so much fun.
I've been organizing and cleaning,
And working off my buns.
Made curtains for my kitchen,
Made cake and cookies too.
Did the laundry, mowed the lawn,
Made supper for the crew.
Then I did the basement,
From one end to the other.
Shampooed the carpets, did the drapes,
Now there's just the cupboards.
I'm on vacation, let's partay!
This week has been the best.
Next it's back to work for me,
At last now I can rest.
The photon is an odd phenomenon,
unless it moves it has no mass.
How different humans who sit on
their phenomenons and gather a--!
humor, word play,
To a psychiatrist
a pig complained:
I need a matter explained
why our yearly losses
are rarely by natural causes?
Nonsense, said the shrink,
give it reconsideration
and you’ll find, I think
it’s just a pigment
of your imagination.
joke about their condition
Sure I jaywalk he said. It’s in my genes.
I inherited this trait from my father.
I cannot help it.
He always jaywalked too.
I was astounded.
We had known each other for ten years.
I had never heard him talk about a father.
Where does your father live? I asked.
Oh, I’m sorry. What happened?
We are not sure.
All we know is he got hit by a car.
I ate some beans at a picnic, the magical tactical fruit.
It bubbled between my hips and jumped out as a toot.
Original recipe is what was printed there on the can.
There was no warning label, now me loo no longer stands.
Pork and beans and the guarded secret of bush.
Neither one are user friendly, and both are quite hard on the tush.
Maple cured bacon, garlic and onion to name a few.
Eat them with some beer, that will make a nasty brew.
Beware of the summer picnic with franks up on the grill.
The dreaded beanie weenie, will surely give a thrill.
Enjoy the great outdoors, the sunshine and all of the *****.
Don’t forget the beno or you’ll end up smelling like a skunk.
appreciation, cat, conflict, discrimination, food, humorous, perspective,
IN BAD TASTE
I am here dipping my spring onions into my mayonnaise
I never really got to find out, just why it became a craze
Shouldn’t it be sour cream, radish, and spring onion dip
Slurping all the sloppy drippy bit’s across my bottom lip
The kitty looks on, to it; it’s a total waste of sour cream
As the first experience was a face pulled far too extreme
The cat dreams of sour cream sauce and some sea bass
But, that is because she is one expensive taste kitty cat
My tastes not so expensive; it’s mayonnaise out of a jar
Dipping my spring onions as kitty cat looks on from afar
Indiana Shaw . . . ; )
fun, humor, imagination,
I tossed a stick up in the air
To watch it fly around
I waited for that stick to fall
Before me on the ground
It must have been a special stick
That did not make a sound
For when I searched the ground ahead
That stick could not be found
I never did retrieve my stick
That disappeared that day
Perhaps the stick was mad at me
For throwing it away
The moral of the story is
Be careful what you say
For if a stick can resurrect
Then you should learn to pray.
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