These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.
humor, inspiration, irony,
the Buddha smiles
because he knows
that he doesn’t
John G. Lawless
The morning of the spelling bee
I simply did not feel like me
The teacher said, to my surprise
“I think you must have butterflies”
So naturally I saw the nurse
Who looked inside and said “it’s worse”
I had to see a doctor soon
Inside of me was a cocoon!
The doctor came and peeked inside
A worried look he could not hide
“This is not good,” said Dr. Hiller
“The cocoon is now a Caterpillar!”
“But not to worry”, he did say
“Soon enough he’ll fly away”
“Does that make you feel better?”
No it doesn’t.
And that is the spelling bee that wasn’t.
I make pies
That’s what I do
Perfected each one
Tried and true
I’m the Pie Boss, no one denies
And that makes me
Lord of the Pies!
animal, cat, humor,
Who is that by my backdoor
With gift in mouth and maybe more?
I wondered what he was thinking
As through my yard on belly slinking
Through the grass still wet with dew
I watched with wonder, wouldn’t you?
And when I let him in the house
At my feet he dropped a mouse
And looked at me with face so sweet
Waiting for his morning treat.
Exchanges done, he walked away
To sleep in sunlight for the day
Until he feels the need once more
To leave a trophy on my floor.
funny, humor, old,
There once was a gray-haired old lady.
Her name was Miss Irma McGrady.
As sweet as can be
was little old she,
but at bingo she’d act rather shady.
For quick pick me up
some resort to the cup
to deliver that caffeine zap,
but I find that for me
dreamy sweet luxury
is to grab me a nice FAT nap!
~ It's summer time - the night is short ... the battery is full ~
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
children, fun, funny,
There is a robin and a worm
Who became best of friends
They seem to have so much fun
And they hope it never ends
Robin always laughed at worm
Cause, he wiggles when they play
It's almost as if my friend worm
Is trying to get away
Robin said, it's starting to rain
And I don't want you to drown
I promise I will keep you dry
By lifting you off the ground
Robin then picked up worm
And swallowed him that day
He ate three or four more worms
And then he flew away
There's a moral to this story
That I bet you haven't heard
It's, if you are a worm
Never trust a bird
body, humorous, wind,
I enjoyed onions for my tea*
With my tum onions don’t agree
Foul wind is departing
I cannot stop farting
alas allium’s make me windy!
I had made beef stroganoff which contained onions and garlic!
A concerned hen had this to say
to a jittery poulet’s very first lay:
Don’t fall for the first dude who
wants to get on with you.
And don’t let his size or eagerness
overwhelm your inexperience.
It won’t make a difference at all
on the size of your egg; think small.
I’ve given birth to many eggs
with only mild pain to both legs.
With the first pangs of distress,
follow these tips for an easeful egress:
Don’t panic, breath deep, keep calm;
the delivery will be without harm.
I’ve done it for years, said the hen,
all natural, too, never a caesarehen.
Best of all, no effects from postpartum
just a temporary sore barttum.
A crow with indigestion
took his doctor’s wise suggestion:
eat your fill of ants, then wait,
you’ll soon have no bellyache,
for ants are born with formic acid,
an ingrown natural antacid.
Only be advised, there are
side effects somewhat bizarre –
causing uncrow-like behavior,
odd, unsettling, though minor.
If eating ants and you still feel sick,
a purgative might do the trick.
But here, too, side-effects are severe,
the worse by far is diahrea.
I therefore would strongly advise:
Stay perched, don’t take to the skies.
Why risk the uneeded imputation
of the seagull’s nasty reputation.
COLLABORATING WITH SHAKESPEARE
O Romeo, ahh...Juliet - a pair.
These youths, so fair of face, in love, despair.
Though years would teach a major change of thought.
Dear Juliet would murder him whose caught.
Then he’d but be a Romeo, forspent
by blond and brunette hairs — not worth four cents.
Spare the old boy his years? Now don’t you quit!
Put down the potion, dear — love’s not worth it.
OH, look out
I think she saw us
that sneaky dinosaurus
the one call Rex’ll
chase the little one with speckles
when a Brontosaurus sneezes
it’ll shake all of the ‘treezes”
OH, beware the clever Raptor
you could be what he is after.
But teacher - I swear
this is all factual
my homework was eaten
by a Pterodactyl.
DINOSAUR(S) – FOR CHILDREN Poetry Contest
Line Gauthier sponsor
analogy, fear, funny,
The twilight gleam slowly melts
on the verdant expanse of the park,
the pathway lined by neon lampposts
gets deserted as the night silently falls.
Soon I see the maroon moon rise
over the thicket in the speckled sky
and sparkling stars sprout one by one,
I walk enthralled on the pathway alone.
As I float unmindful in air of reverie,
in trance the lighted lampposts I pass by,
a dark amorphous form appears lying flat
in front of me, riveting spell suddenly breaks.
Caught off guard frightened, I flinch
at my shaking shadow slithering past me.
June 14, 2019
Contest : What makes You Flinch
Sponsor : Julie Leigh Rodeheaver
It's lonely at the top
so join us at the bottom
No one sticks around when you flop
At number one they won't stop calling
To your own self be true
Lie to the world
Who made sadness blue
a top will twirl and twirl
Kiss your butt goodbye
We are our own kings
When the last person dies
the cockroach will reign
I can write a poem that’s short
Or write one that is long
If I had me a piano
I could probably write a song
I could write a funny limerick
About a place called Timbuktu
And with just three lines
That do not rhyme
I'd write a nice Haiku
I could write for you a story
About heroes brave and strong
But why wont someone tell me…
How do you write a wrong?
animal, children, fun, humor,
Dinosaurs lived years ago
But there's something you should know
They are just like you and me
Having fun through history
Here is a little rhyme
For a story at bedtime
Stanley is a stegosaurus
Who likes to sing in his school chorus
Bruno is a great big bronto
Playing superhero Tonto
Ryan is a raptor who
Makes nice art with glitter glue
Harry is a hadrosaur
Who builds puzzles on the floor
Tommy is a sweet T-rex
Muscles in the gym he'll flex
Tina is a pterodactyl
She is very musical
Sheila the sauropod
Collects random silly cards
Angelica the Ankylosaur
Is a cashier at the store
allusion, celebration, humorous, poetry, sea, tribute,
Sailor Sam once said :
I feel safe at the Sea or
in the Sand or Soil...
Because the Sea is my
Soil and Sand...
For me is all the
same said sailor
TRIBUTE TO MY FRIEND SAM WILSON
EX SAILOR OF MANY SHIPS IN BRAZIL
dedication, funny love, hurt,
please don't pierce and suck
not a tree
do and you die dear
For Maureen McGreavy's contest
education, funny, humorous, money, symbolism,
Why do bubbles pop
As raindrops fall on my head?
cute love, funny, humorous, silly,
arithmetic was never my cup of tea
yet i know two minus one
equals you minus me
whatever happened to our wonderful attraction
when did we become this silly subtraction
can you so easily
subtract me from your heart
add someone new and then
add me back so we will be
one plus one equals you and me
don't let little problems divide us
just let the good times multiple for us
our love each day is adding up to grow
please don't subtract us to zero
pretty baby can't you see
one plus one equals you and me
for two minus one equals you minus me
it just wouldn't add up for you or for me
funny love, humorous,
Harold's hope at love was nill and none
A groomsman at fifteen weddings
No pretty gal caught his eye
They seemed superficial
He was a great catch
People liked him
Mom said so
computer, cute love, fantasy, funny, imagination,
Tell me of your passions & your fantasies!
Give in to pure lust, it’s just you here with me!
We can make our own way, to our own secret place.
Where reality pauses & dreams state a case.
It’s desire with pure pleasure until we both just explode!
We'll only stop to start a new episode.
I bet when the ‘real world’ hears our moans of delight,
It will have them wondering just who’s wrong & who’s right!
It seems never enough…
Leaves you longing for more…
But you just wouldn’t know…unless you’ve cybered before!
creation, god, humorous, woman,
There was God all alone in the world
Nature and wildlife merely doing His bidding
Who to create first, Adam or Eve?
You want to be TOLD how to make Adam?
~ Are you kidding?
I was born in the Land of the Free
But nothing at all is free to me
I exist to pay tax
Or my neck gets the axe
Good government costs money, you see?
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