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Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

New Slant on Life


A lady who underwent
two large breast implants
complained she wasn’t satisfied.
"Not only do I walk on a slant,"
she protested with discontent,
"but I feel italicized."


Poem Details | by Mawdsley, Ruth |
Categories: humor,

Bliss

my lips touch you, parting eagerly to caress you, savour your taste my mouth responds to your seductive skilfulness your ability to transport me totally to a state of bliss I love you Chardonnay

Poem Details | by Trim, Nick |
Categories: hilarious,

Have you ever been told

Have you ever been told you’re ugly not welcome
You smile with a mouth you shouldn’t open
Have you ever been told your bum looks like a birch tree
you’re an abundantly dirty sight it hurts to see

Have you ever been told you have a personality like a damp cloth
you carry a smell and that’s why we cough
has anyone ever said you’re a miserable moo
moaning morning and afternoon 

Don’t be so quick to think no one has now
I wrote this especially for you you cow
and all of the office chipped in for the pen and paper
You’re ugly you stink and we all hate ya

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: city, food, humorous, universe,

The Universe, Narrowed Down to New York


He was a bit overawed
   his topic, too broad
A speech on 'The Universe'
   ought not be too terse

So he narrowed it down
   to his beloved hometown
He focused on New York --
   Jews and Muslims who eat pork

He cited some verses
   from the Bible and Koran
Then he threw up his hands
   Said, "I've done the best I can."

The judges cried, "Bravo!"
   You're a brilliant young man
We award you first prize:
   An autographed copy of
   ~ 'Green Eggs and Ham'


Poem Details | by Drowley, David |
Categories: beauty, humorous, magic, success, woman,

PREDICTABLE

In confidence, at three-card Monte when I'd choose,
A complete mark, I found myself destined to lose.
Pulling rabbits out of hats I was just a twit;
As a rank amateur whose hand always got bit.

Many times, I stacked poker decks to force an Ace
But wound up, predictably, with red on my face.
Underneath shiny tin cups, I shuffled dry peas 
But bumbled badly with high regularity.

"Predictable" my friends told me since I was ten
Because I lost so oft, even I said “Amen.” 
Asked one time to saw a woman in half and then
To quickly put back her beauteous halves again.

Instead, I swept her up my arms, asking to wed;
Unpredictably, to me it was “yes,” she said.
12/04/2019

Poem Details | by Lee Sr., James Edward |
Categories: analogy, conflict, confusion, food, funny,

RUNNIN KETchup BURNIN TURNT MUSTARD TOAST-

a young boy asked me once if ketchup could run would it eat mustard and if mustard could turn would it burn if left in the oven and if ketchup wasn't read would it be a book and can you put mustard on honey toast now I'm so sad that ketchup ran now I don't have nothiN ta put on my bread LOL!!
12/4/19 Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2019©

Poem Details | by POETRY, ALKAS |
Categories: allusion, aubade, creation, humorous,

SUPER DINNER


 Caper with asparagus porridge,
accompanies fake ravioli
with supreme sweet eggplant ...
All sipped with a porto wine
of passion fruit ....
Hawaii vermicelli,
rubbing mussels
bread crumbs
crowded larva sections
inside peanut crumbs
portuguese cognac within
and pineapple with avocado
al juice

Poem Details | by Paul, Gregory |
Categories: funny,

Not Thinking


                                          ( Not Thinking )


                             There once was a guy from Toledo
                             That like to get rides on torpedo`s
                                  His butt was quite bruised
                                     His taylor not amused
                          When he had a huge hole in his tuxedo


                                   © Gregory Paul 11/30/2019

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor, word play,

An Honasst Definition


Constipation
is more a condition
of a state of behind
than a state of mind –
and a definition 
few will have the courage
to use a designation
as hard and vulgar as “blockage.”

Poem Details | by Rodrigues, Kim |
Categories: humorous,

SANDBLAST



Winter storm warning
expressed over desert pic —
ironic rambling

12/3/2019

Poem Details | by Cunningham, Tom |
Categories: humor,

The Bawdy Christmas Ball

The Christmas ball saw them all in the raw
Snow folk danced naked that everyone saw 
Snowballs and snowboobies
And the snowmens moobies
But it ended when they started to thaw.

Written 3 December 2019.

For Holiday Themed Limerick Contest

Syllables Checked At How Many Syllables.

Sponsored By Tania Kitchin.

Poem Details | by Somadas, Jenish |
Categories: funny, sea, sun,

The Lost Might

The Sun was far, hot and big
Before I trapped him in my camera;
Like the mighty sea lost its might
When carried away in a bucket.









Submitted on December 03, 2019, for Hit Me With An Epi-Pen Poetry Contest sponsored by Maureen McGreavy

Poem Details | by Shaw, Indiana |
Categories: happy, humor,

O Lord, I So Need Cheering Up

O' LORD I SO NEED CHEERING UP

O' Lord I so really do need cheering up
The vicar is running around in the buff

Had it been anyone else, I'd be aghast
But as its the him I can but only laugh

To say God works in mysterious ways
I can see myself giggling here for days

"No; it is not a true story, but hey, who cares" . . . ; )

Indiana Shaw . . . 

 

Poem Details | by Poteet, Reason A. |
Categories: 11th grade, humor,

Fearless Farmer Cork

limerick

Have you heard of the fearless Farmer Cork
who commandeered a freight train in New York? 
Hoboes from near and from far
tried to hide in the hay car, 
upon which they discovered Cork's pitchfork.


December 1, 2019

contest: Five Word Challenge 
hostess: Beth Evans

Poem Details | by johnson, randy |
Categories: games, humor, truth,

Nintendo's Wii U Got a Bum Rap

Certain people hate the Wii U, they call it a piece of crap.
But I like the game console and I think it got a bum rap.
It's no XBOX One or PS4 but it's not an abomination.
I believe it was good and that's not an exaggeration.
Yes, a few of its games do stink, especially Paper Mario: Color Splash.
When I played that game, I'd get so mad that I wanted to throw it in the trash.
Nintendo released the Switch when they axed the Wii U.
People hated the console and so it was discontinued.
I hated to see the Wii U fail, it has become another Dreamcast.
Certain people hated the Wii U and now it's a thing of the past.

Poem Details | by Hinshaw, Robert L. |
Categories: confusion, humorous,

Communicating With Alexa

On Alexa for facts I do rely

   But seldom do I get a straight reply

      When requests to her I call

         She pays little heed at all

            Her curt response is: "Git lost!  Now goodbye!"

Poem Details | by Krutsinger, Caren |
Categories: cousin, food, humorous,

Should Have Dipped it for Cousin Sue

I might take some of that great beef stew
Let her dip her own, not having a clue.
She’d take all the beef, leaving veggie goo.
I asked my husband – you watched her do?

She was our guest, invited by you,
He said in defense, without a clue.
He should have dipped it up for Cousin Sue.
Next year’s feast will only be me and you.

I knew she was selfish, that is true.
But to take all the beef, that is new!
Go get some more beef to feed us two,
I told him angrily, pouting for stew.


Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: humor,

Face Lift

A woman to her husband:
“Dear, I’m having another face lift.”
“What?” he said; not again!”
“You want me looking young, don’t you?”
“Well, yes, of course. But, tell me,
where is all that new skin coming from?”
“My surgeon says my buttocks 
have more than enough.”
“Alright, then”, he said, throwing 
his hands in the air.
But then paused with a look of disbelief:
 “You realize what you’re forcing 
me to do, don’t you?”
“Oh yes, quite,” she said with a smile. 
“And why not, I’ve kissed yours for years.”

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: food, humor,

Cheese Tart

A recipe for a classic cheese tart
included a pound of cheddar for a start
followed with 8 ounces of an extra
cream cheese for good measure.

The bad news? Excessive cheese has risks –
a post-digestive blockage hard to fix –
and better known as constipation,
often fraught with nasty complication.

The good news. As a natural expedient
for relieving this stubborn impediment
the recipe recommends the best evacuant –
prunes, as many as are convenient.

Poem Details | by Shaw, Indiana |
Categories: christmas, horror, humor,

December Blues

DECEMBER BLUES

HO HO HO - Santa is on his way
OH OH OH - There goes my pay 

Indiana Shaw . . . : (

Poem Details | by Brewer, Geoffrey |
Categories: humor,

First Law of Reprehensibility

I little knew the gravity of my infraction
Till I perceived the weight of your reaction

Poem Details | by Smith, Gary |
Categories: humorous,

Beholden



She never stopped talking, but now silence is golden
She ran off with the lodger, to him I'm beholden.









Entry for
Hit me with an Epi-Pen Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Maureen McGreavy.
30/11/2019

Poem Details | by Robinson Jr., Freddie |
Categories: fun, humorous, money, parody,

ATM Terminator


Sarah Shopper!
Coupon please budget-y listen
and bankruptcy understand

That ATM Terminator is out there — 
It can’t be mall bargained with,
nor consumer reasoned with

An Automated Teller Machine 
doesn’t feel purse pity,
or cancelled check remorse
Or insolvency fear

And it absolutely 
will not cash register stop,
checkout ever!
Until you are empty pocket dead

Poem Details | by Adams, PAT |
Categories: confusion, funny, word play,

Wait, He Said What

When she found out she would be working late
She asked if he could pick her up at eight
Attempted romance
Drew looks askance
When he said, "It'll be hard to bear the wait!"

Poem Details | by Leffanta, Rico |
Categories: humor,

Q

Rock Hardonn had a magic wand
Of which his sister was not fond
She would beg and plead
But Rock had a need
For Barbie Q to meet James Bond


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