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Funny Poems

These are funny poems written by international poets. Funny poems are added daily and hundreds of new funny poems are added weekly for your reading pleasure.

Poem Details | by Elliott, Regina |
Categories: 6th grade, 7th grade, chocolate, easter, family, funny, humor,

Easter Basket Capers

Take my chocolate rabbit?!!, you little twits,
don't think I'll swipe some of yours?!!, expect it!
you siblings think you're stealth, well, big damn deal,
hands off my Hersheys, you schlemiels!
your Reese's Easter eggs are mine, so throw a fit!


Poem Details | by Iversen, Peter |
Categories: humorous,

Finn's Lament in Two Parts

Finn boasted he was 100% Irish
So a DNA test he would relish
But many Danes showed up
He got lost in his cup
And said DNA tests were all rubbish

Finn's kids never did care
That they had bright blond hair
But still he was wrought
At the very thought
That Danes were everywhere

03/03/2021
checked on www.howmanysyllables.com

Poem Details | by Elliott, Regina |
Categories: 8th grade, 9th grade, business, funny, jobs, work,

Bakery Rules

Bakers, wear hair nets please, no double dips spoons,
wash your hands, be clean, not sloppy buffoons,
cover each and every sneeze,
give bratty kids a cookie, whether or not they
say, "please,"
don't dump gobs of frosting on a spoiled bridezilla's head,
or the wrath of the bridezilla's battle-axe mother, we will
surely dread !

Poem Details | by Leffanta, Rico |
Categories: giggle,

Love Thy Neighbour

The wife wandered out in the nude
Our neighbour thought he would intrude
They lay down to dine
à la 69
You'd think neither one had tried food!


Poem Details | by Stellinga, Mark |
Categories: humor,

A Hillbilly's Eulogy

Well…this old feller didn’t behave in the rightest way to live,
But he never done one single thing the good Lord won’t forgive,  

An’ I actually kinda envy him…accept fer his bein’ dead…
‘Cause --- ponderin’ all the years of “easier days” that lie ahead ---   

With no more paintin’ the house or shovelin’ snow or mowin’ the yard… 
I’m bettin’ the boss up yonder won’t be a-workin’ ‘im near as hard.




PS: I've got 4 new CDs - @ 4 1/2 hours each = (62 diversely varied poems), listed on EBAY - under - “Mark Stellinga Poetry” - should those of you who travel care to be so entertained. (We use PayPal)

Cheers,
Mark

Poem Details | by Rigoler, Maurice |
Categories: cat, humor,

Naughty Cat


I once took in a cat
whose fur was white as snow;
wherever the feline sat
there he left a halo.

And then one night
I woke up with an awful fright:
that sound, that gush!
I leaped and made a rush –

damn! not fast enough.
There, on my Queen Ann’s chair
a halo of white hair
encircling foul-smelling stuff!

In seconds he went cruisin’,
blindly through the night air,
and right behind him, a ruin,
my Queen Ann’s chair.

Poem Details | by Allen, Christopher |
Categories: humor, humorous,

Dog Up the Sleeve

The spare bedroom is full of
Waste cack 

The duck hunter, the pudel
A bouquet of sullage 

He evacuated his bowels
Outside the bookies 

His body aligned along
The north-south axis 

He looked up at me 
We were both on edge 

I didn't know the procedure 
Standing there like a yo-yo

The warbrode smells of wazz
Or was it wizz?

The vet didn't know what he was
But declared he wasn't a kangaroo 

(A standard male dog is commonly
Known as a dog)

This is man's best friend

Poem Details | by Summers, J. |
Categories: humorous, ireland,

Green Beer

An Irishman from out in Dubuque
Drank green beer till he started to puke.
He came home all plastered,
His wife said you bastard,
Sobriety for you is a fluke.

L. Milton Hankins Limerick contest

Poem Details | by Rone, Ken |
Categories: humor, humorous, language, military, word play,

Colonel

Colonel…Is that a word?
English can play tricks, bend rules.
But hey, WTF?

Poem Details | by Bellevue , Belle |
Categories: humorous, irony,

Desperate Dan

Desperate Dan
There’s a man who's known as Desperate Dan Who's travelled the world in his camper van He'd love gals and leave ’em Without giving reason Then would drive off with just a "thank you mam." Unaware, Dan had sired ten strapping sons Waiting to have their revenge for all wrongs When he was spied in town They let all his tyres down And hung him from a tree by his ding dongs. 2nd March 2021 Two Limericks - Let’s have some Fun! Poetry Contest Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin Syllables - Checked on ‘How Many Syllables’

Poem Details | by Ellison, Jack |
Categories: giggle,

Bad Words



Never test the water with BOTH feet To feel the temperature or if it's too deep One foot at a time For testing the brine If it's over your head, bad words you'll bleep

Poem Details | by Sinha-Roy, Subimal |
Categories: animal, cat, humorous,

Head Stuck In Hole



There lived once in the old house a fat cat From half a mile she could smell a brat rat She was too lazy to run Spent her time under the sun Lying on worn out black and white old mat. One day when she did not find her food bowl She was sure it was the sly rat that stole Her stomach started to burn She saw the rat on the run Chased it blind, her head got stuck in the hole. _______________ March 2, 2021 Contest : Two Limericks-Let's Have Some Fun Sponsor : Tania Kitchin

Poem Details | by barry-nishanian, barbara |
Categories: how i feel, humorous,

LADIES, I'M IN A QUANDARY


LADIES, I'm IN A QUANDARY

Ladies, my Hubby once a year,
joins his cronies on the quay. 
Down on the river watching
the … “unloading” at dawn.

Ladies, he gave me a quaint perfume,
expects to smell its scent on me, 
and my platinum colored hair,
I hate scent … but it really turns him on.

Ladies, I’m in a real QUANDARY,
Biblically speaking, his Quiver is full,
lots of ammo doesn’t shoot blanks,
pray not … inseminates me.

Ladies this is what I may have to do,
I may poise myself to do penance.
Because I’ll fake a headache when he returns,
Ladies gotta prevent … unwanted pregnancy.

March I. 2021 copyright
Contest: P’s and Q’s
Sponsor: Michelle. Faulkner

Poem Details | by Wolf, Gershon |
Categories: games, giggle, satire,

Welcome to the Show

Welcome to 'Just Say No'
  As you all know
The object of the game
  Is to avoid everlasting shame

No juicy secrets may be revealed
  That's the easy part of the deal
No matter what transpires
  You must not light the audience's fire

With salacious tidbits or lascivious lies
  That's the only way you win first prize
A weekend without smartphone, social media or TV
  Indulge yourself ~ in a Shakespearean reading spree

Poem Details | by Fowler, Linda |
Categories: celebration, fun, funny, giggle, humor, humorous,

Stupor Snore

Saint Patrick slept in stupor self-imposed
in the back of the pub with the door closed
	they sang out for him
	to silence the din
but he snuggly snored on indisposed


03/01/2021
LIMERICKS in honor of St. Patrick's Day Poetry Contest 
Sponsored by: L MILTON HANKINS


Poem Details | by Watt, John |
Categories: humor,

Monoku Monday - Holy Humor

if you need an ark to save two of each animal i Noah guy creating Eve was the first known example of splitting the Adam fastest sinner in the Bible? Moses broke 10 commandments at once first tennis player in the Bible? Joseph - he served in Pharaoh's court loudest motorcycle? Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land they say that before Boaz got married the guy was Ruthless
[humor attribution - all humor was found online, sources unknown]

Poem Details | by HANKINS, L MILTON |
Categories: humorous, tribute,

Knees

Once there was a young lad from Aberdeen 
Whose knees were the knobbiest ever seen. 
	He bought himself a kilt, 
	Wore the kilt without guilt 
He kept his bony knees kilt-worthy clean.

Poem Details | by Leffanta, Rico |
Categories: giggle,

Saint David Day

It is strange the Church did not care
The statue of David is bare
For women to see
A Saint he could be
With so little that he could share!

Poem Details | by ALLISON, JAN |
Categories: humorous, lust,

WIFE SWAP - bawdy


My uncle and aunt both go swinging To naked bodies they’re soon clinging Sometimes they swap keys With Fred and Louise Lou’s pretty but Freddie is minging But Freddie has got a big willy And auntie says it would be silly Not to sleep with him When she has a whim By jingo she is a game filly! FICTION POEM FOR CONTEST Both poems 9,9,5,5,9 checked with HMS Two Limericks - Let's have some Fun! Poetry Contest Sponsored by Tania Kitchin 01/03/21

Poem Details | by Rodgers, D.W. |
Categories: giggle, humor,

Elliot's Cats on Broadway

He’d a fetish feline without doubt
so did Tom, his sick mania flout
make phantasmagorical
a new categorical
and then Andrew did let the cat out.

Twas a bargain at just half the price
Nunn and Weber made Memory nice 
from works of a poet
and wouldn’t you know it
sometimes lightning indeed can strike twice.
___________________________________

1/3/2021
How Many Syllables

Poem Details | by Dietrich, Andrea |
Categories: humor,

Shameless Suzy


Shameless Suzy was swinging so high
she went almost straight up to the sky.
Right nearby her there stood
a new guy from the hood.
Up her skirt he was trying to spy.

Shameless Suzy surely was daring,
for she laughed and swang on not caring
when the guy called, "Hee hee,
for your undies I see."
No knickers was she even wearing!

March 1, 2021
for Tania Kitchin's Two Limericks - Let's Have Some Fun! Poetry Contest

Poem Details | by Dietrich, Andrea |
Categories: humor,

You Don't know Jack


When King Lion met Jack Kangaroo,
quite a struggle ensued at the zoo.
Leo tried to attack,
but Jack fired then right back:
"Are you crazy, Cat? I know Kung Fu!"

Submitted March 1, 2021
for L Milton Hankins' Limericks In Honor Of St. Patrick's Day Poetry Contest



Poem Details | by Flood, Terry |
Categories: drink, humorous,

Scrumpy Pumpy

The brewery's apple provider
Saved Stella Strongbow from a spider
While having a snog
He fell in the grog
And spent the whole evening in cider

Love blossomed ’cause she was a cutie
And, it must be said, quite a beauty
A little bit smart
A little bit tart
And more than a little bit fruity

                  ***

Contest: Two Limericks
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin

Verse one: Edited for syllable count 28 February 2021
Verse two: 28 February 2021


Checked using Syllable Counter: 9,9,5,5,9 & 9,9,5,5,9

Poem Details | by mason, kieran |
Categories: humorous, imagination,

THE BOGIE MAN

Around the town he was known as the Bogie Man
Not an evil spirit my friend but a Bogart fan
Always wore a trench coat like his hero wore
On his head a fedora was also worn for sure

The falcon he owns I'm afraid isn't Maltese 
Though he's a real tough guy everyone agrees
This Bogie Man has never visited Casablanca 
Something he yearns and almost certainly hanker

I saw the Bogie Man in town just the other day
"Here's looking at you kid" is what he did say
Bogie Man around town is so easy to spot 
I wonder though is better to have and have not

Poem Details | by Grenness , Julie |
Categories: appreciation, discrimination, fun, giggle, girl,

Cows of the Month

Cows of the Month, we're here!
This is a badge of honor, my dears,
Trophy of the year, hear, hear,
Once we were 'good little girls',
Now Cows of the Month do twirl,
Excuse me, what did you call me?
The basics, good manners for tea!
Cows of the Month, hear, hear,
It's trophy of the year, my dears!


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