Humorous and funny Baby poems and/or funny poems about Baby. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Baby funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Baby Poems.
Bathwater and bubbles are waiting,
but my child is nowhere near.
Yet, I can see from cookie crumbs,
he's crawled from here to there.
Oh, yes! he's been in the kitchen.
I see his crooked crumb trail,
which leads to our white kitten,
with a chocolate, sticky tail!
In every room I search
for my little chocolate mess.
Then, I find him in the my bedroom,
with his hands on my new dress!
Mrs. Cat, I'm bringing back your kitten
I'm completely done with baby sittin'
She cried all day
Not worth the pay
And , so sorry, we couldn't find her mitten
For the "Tell Me About It " contest
baby, body, humorous,
My unfortunate uncle named Rick
Was endowed with a very small wick
But he was still quite able
To impregnate aunt Mable
Who gave birth to a son they called Dick
2nd April 2017
baby, children, kids, humor,
I thought I’d invite toddlers for tea,
so my own would stay out of my hair.
They would sit and sip so daintily,
Follow rules, and play games so fair.
Smile ever sweet, use the word please
Say thank you, ma’am, and stay on their chairs.
Be careful with my fine china, says me.
They laugh, they snort, and they wiggle like hares.
They dive off the couch, with giggles of glee.
They land heaped together, gulping in air.
Chairs in a pile at the bottom of the stairs,
Everything in sight has been licked by Lee,
Chairs in a heap at the bottom of stairs,
Strange things are happening, how can this be?
I think I have been invaded by bears!
Got married, my surname’s now Cotton,
Our baby’s name can’t be forgotten,
We called her ‘ Polly Esther’
(I’m considered a jester)
My family thought we were rotten!
baby, grandchild, grandmother, grandparents, humor, humorous, relationship,
She was born with cat ears.
So cute! Everyone lied.
Some of us felt them.
They were striped, and furry.
Odd for a human head.
Gray, pink in the middle.
“Adorable!” some of us said.
“Can they be removed?” the new grandmother asked.
Making her daughter-in-law her enemy for life.
James Edward Lee Sr.
adventure, anxiety, caregiving, engagement, funny love, grandmother, grandson,
Can't dial ringers;
Babies cry and crawls;
what do you do?
what do you do?
When their diapers fall?...
written words by James Edward Lee Sr.©2020
Anthony Scandrick II
anniversary, baby, beautiful, beauty, caregiving, child, childhood, confusion, courage, dark, dedication, depression, devotion, freedom, goodbye, graduation, growing up, happiness, hope, humorous, lonely, lost love, love, mystery, passion, satire, slam, sorrow, sorry, success, suicide, teen, thank you, uplifting, write,
You almost had me,
I wanted you,
The way you stuck to me like super glue,
I was feeling you,
But I knew,
I could never have you,
But, the way you looked at me,
The way my body pleads,
We can never be,
Because I’m too old,
And your only thirteen.
Huggies pull ups,size 6 to 10 months,
Crawling around, had a sudden attack,
High quality,Huggies air lock,
Bubu,bubu,back again Mr Mention,
Mummy told grandma you were overseas,
Gaga,gaga,gaga but auntie told Tony,
You got a 3 months sentence,
Dudu,dudu,pampas need changing,
Get rid of this strange thing,
Here comes mom,baby start smiling,
Mama,mama,mama,mama start working,
Giggle,giggle,dirty pampas off,
Uhgu,ughu,ughu,baby oil wiping,
Hands raise to heaven,new pampas on,
Tee,tee,tee,a bottle,a few gentle rocks,
Twep,twep,finger in mouth,both eyes locked,
One last sentence,bugu,lugu,bugu,
Later,gonna take a nap....
baby, humorous, marriage,
The vicar surveyed her wide girth
Was scared that in church she’d give birth
He raised his eyebrows
Then rushed through their vows ...
He wasn’t adept at childbirth!
Inspired by the poem ‘Decision Needed’ by Maurice Rigoler
13TH April 2016
angel, baby, child, child abuse, divorce, giggle, humor,
There once was a child with a rattle
Who liked to crawl around cattle.
Til its mom found out
And to her ex did shout,
You just lost your custody battle.
baby, funny, humorous,
BABY POOPY FOOTLE
09 June 2015
Five Fabulously Funny Footles Contest
Sponsor: Jan Allison
baby, body, humorous, woman,
A gravid young lady named Prue
Was bursting to go to the loo
She crossed her legs tight
With all of her might
It’s what pregnant ladies go through!
21st June 2016
baby, brother, funny, pollution,
like a snail and leaves a trail.
My baby brother.
america, baby, beautiful, blue, butterfly, funny, humorous,
Adam an American
Butter best baby
beautiful blue butterflies
buying buckwheat bread
Crackers cherry crust
cinnamon cheese cereal
crispy crunchy crumbs
Date Written: 7/20/2020
funny, baby, baby, candy, me,
Santa Baby won't you give me some candy tonight
Santa Baby won't you let sit on your lap snuggle
Up close and kiss goodnight
Santa Baby I need some Christmas lovin' you see
Santa Baby how neat that you came in a box
Spruced up just for me..
Santa Baby won't you give me some candy tonight...
In honor of Carolyn..
Got referred to a female Urologist
After which I needed a Psychologist
"I'm a licensed physician
Now resume your position!"
Next appointment? Her sister Proctologist
Just That Archaic Poet
baby, fun, horse, humorous, marriage, words,
Naught to say I shan't disparage
A cherub in its stroller
Laugh at married horse-drawn carriage:
Denounce a Holy-Roller!
Point my fingers in their direction,
And have a hearty chuckle!
In Truth it is my own reflection-
One which leaves me puzzled...
No one should suffer ridicule,
By the words bled from my tongue...
But in the end, I am the Fool
Who should never make the fun!
fun, funny, silly, mum,
On a flight to Auckland one day
A mother over hearing her son say
Cats and Dogs can have babies
Can planes do that maybe
Ask the attendant, see what she says
So off to the attendant he asks
Is it possible that planes do this task
Did your mother tell you
To ask me if it's true
Tell her to tell and not mask
As the little boy was walking away
Following him the attendant did say
No baby planes you will find
Qantas pulls out on time
Ask mum to explain this today
Written about a Joke I heard ;-)
sweet jelly baby
never dances but allures
tongue dances while tastes
sometimes seen with cap
they are colorfully dressed
just needs few pennies
Note: Jelly baby is a flavoured candy or sweet.
funny, age, age,
Since the time I was wearing a bib,
I was wise to the guys. That’s no fib!
“Hey, Baby,” I’d say,
“Come on over and play.
You just meet me tonight in my crib!”
And while most kids were learning to poo,
I was thinking up poems by age two.
I could coo a sweet verse
With no need to rehearse
Saying things like, “I’m gaga for you.”
I was writing my lines by age three
And creating sublime poetry.
First boys and then men
I caught with my pen.
LADY Gaga of verse now: that’s me!
For Susan Burch's
Ridiculous Self Exaggerations Poetry Contest
And now for PD's anything Goes!!!
CEO Andrew Sykes took a social crash dive
he asked a clerk when her baby would arrive.
"I'm not pregnant!" she exclaimed
her face was red and inflamed.
'Tis a miracle he fled her presence alive.
childhood, children, funny,
There once was a dream in my sleep
I was out in the fields with my sheep
I wanted to pee
Let it out with glee
I woke up with in a puddle in my keep.
Youngin Greg found an egg
Struck it with his mummy's peg,
Only taking one baby stroke
Out came the gooey yolk
Running down his leg.
addiction, anniversary, anxiety, art, baby, beautiful, beauty, blessing, boyfriend, class, confidence, conflict, desire, destiny, devotion, education, environment, faith, fantasy, fate, feelings, for her, fun, funny love, future, giggle, girlfriend, happiness, heart, heaven, life, light, loneliness, lonely, lost, lust, magic, strength, stress, sweet love, symbolism,
Often, I have uttered these words to myself
Your feminity has entranced my manhood
My vision is focused on your subject matter
A quick study of a woman's psychology
I feel you with my mind, and touch you with my eyes
Senses are heightened in your very presence
Soon, I will utter the ultimate words of encouragement
Constant admiration for your hidden strengths
Instant chemistry between us has changed our biology
Soon, I will hold you tight and recite the following;
Baby, I love you