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Funny Poems About Body or Body Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Body poems and/or funny poems about Body. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Body funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Body Poems.

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,

ARE YOU SITTING COMFORTABLY

ARE YOU SITTING COMFORTABLY
Poor Beryl had terrible piles So painful, they stuck out for miles With help from her finger Her piles did not linger Now comfy, she sits there and smiles! N/A In enter your own contest contest Contest finalised on 9/24 A Poem, I Wrote and Sent Drifting - Poetry Contest Sponsored by Broken Wings 09-22-17


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, humorous,

TOEING THE LINE - BAWDY LIMERICK

Sue’s panties gave her so much woe - She suffered from dire ‘camel toe’ But with help from soft plastic Her new outline’s fantastic It’s discrete and no one would know! 4/5/18

Poem Details | by Nina Parmenter |
Categories: body, death, humor, humorous,

Squelch


I heard the squelch of death again -
or was it just a neutron firing
deep within my boggy brain,

or possibly a cell expiring
down amongst a mucus mess?
It could have been my heart perspiring

(that may be a thing I guess)
or, deep down in the adipose,
the squealing of a fat-lump pressed

to serve as fuel, and I suppose
it might have been a small mutation -
“Pop!” (we get a lot of those),

a bronchiole’s sharp inhalation,
“Hiss!” a membrane’s gooey breath,
a bile-duct’s bitter salivation...

Probably, it wasn’t death.


29 Mar 2019

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, humorous,

LIARS

I went to the shops with my bride, Our nakedness we didn’t hide, We followed what folk ask - Just wear gloves and a mask, Both bereft, we stood there and cried! 03/22/20

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, wind,

HE'S HAVING A FART ATTACK

A constipated vicar named Bart Was in church when he dropped a huge fart He said 'Lord I have sinned' For I’ve got pooey wind Blushing scarlet he did soon depart! 26th April 2016

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, for him, humorous,

MY CONTST POM

Poor Viv got caught in his loo (Was sporting his pink tutu) His Mrs. was mad Said you ‘stupid lad - your hairy thighs still show through! My contst pom Sponsor’d by Viv Wiggly chckd with how many syllabls 7,7,5,5,7 10~07~16

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,

CLOWNING AROUND -BAWDY LIMERICK

I remember once dating a clown In the sack he was such a let down He was missing one ball And his todger was small It’s no wonder that he wore a frown! 11~12~17

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, wind,

FLATULENCE

For goodness sake, please stop
farting! I can smell that
foul stench all around our
flat. It stinks like a dead
fish! Small kids find it great
fun to let rip with their
farts … and then leave the room !

For fun ... Inspired by F Plaiedes contest… I will go with my gut reaction and enter my Fireworks poem lol


09/22/16

Poem Details | by Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories: body, dance, fun, humorous, silly, song, woman,

Witch's Titties

Oh, my name is Witch's Titties 
	I'm the leader of the band
Tho' only two in numbers 
	they sag down where life is grand
They swing like gaucho's bolos 
	to excite your fancy balls
Can toss 'em o'er my shoulders 
	to go dancing up the walls

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: beach, body, humorous,

HE HAD TO WEAR A FIG LEAF AT THE NUDIST COLONY

Dinky Winky 11-22-17

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, humorous, tribute,

OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN

Olivia Newton John A stunning sex bomb Starred in the film Grease Talk of ‘ those pants’ never cease! I wonder how she managed to dance In skin-tight shiny black satin pants At the sight of her tush All the blokes turned to mush And wanted to begin a romance! For filming she’s sewn into her clothes How she went to the toilet who knows! Her pants sold at an auction in June I bet the purchaser’s over the moon! Clerimerick Couplets (Hybrid Form) Poetry Contest Sponsored by Mark Toney 8/28/19

Poem Details | by John Henry Galas |
Categories: beauty, body, cute love, for her, funny, i love you, princess,

You Are Beautiful

I don't care if you are inaccurate.
I don't care if you're a tomboy.
I don't care if you're an oval or a circle.
I don't care where you come from or what you were.
I don't even care if you have a coconut cream pie-in-the-face.
You are good.
You are perfect.
You are a princess.
And I will always love you.
Like you should love yourself.

Poem Details | by Jennifer Young |
Categories: body, caregiving, crazy, funny, health, husband, rude,

The Tale of the Dirty Dick

Girls, if you ever find a man of great persistence
Listen to your ******, and say NO! with adequate resistance
You see chicks, when a dude gets a hard dick
If it's dirty, it can make you super sick
Painful pisses and cloudy urine will follow suit
All because Dirty Dick Man wanted to discharge his root
So, ladies, beware...there are diseases out there
No Dick gets serviced until it's clean and faire
Run, scream, shout, "Spank your ****ing monkey!"
Please, I beg of you, do as I now  propose
Keep your ****** sparkling clean-never let it decompose.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, break up, humorous,

HE EXPLODED LIKE A PRESSURE COOKER

THE IDIOM I MADE UP IS - HE EXPLODED LIKE A PRESSURE COOKER My son has returned to our home He’s mouthy and just loves to moan Now nothing is right We constantly fight He’s like a dog missing its bone! His wife was once such a good looker Her red lips she just loved to pucker After botox and filler She looked like a gorilla ... He exploded like a pressure cooker! The tension between us is rife I’m his mum and not his ex wife But his reaction is mean Shouting, letting off steam She left him because of this strife! Create an idiom contest Sponsored by Jesse Day TOTAL FICTION WRITE! 07~28~16

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: beauty, body, humorous, image,

Lets All Embrace Big Boobs

She's quite a busty lady, this fact cannot be denied
Tried to cover them up for years, her boobs shes tried to hide
But with a new found confidence all this is in the past
Shes got a brand new wardrobe gonna show em off at last
Ladies embrace your curves and  lets take the ogling men down a notch
If they stare at your assets - smile sweetly and stare intently at their crotch!

Jan Allison
4th May 2014

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,

CHERRY RIPE - DEFINITELY NOT FOR CONTEST

I popped my cherry innocence... a thing of the past Inspired by Andrea's contest 6th August 2015

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous,

FLAT ON HIS BACK

A randy old fella named Jack Always went sleep on his back His todger would rise Right up to the skies It’s only a woman he’d lack! 21st March 2016

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, flying, humorous,

SHE'S NOT LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

An overweight lady named Annie Has got an absurdly large fanny Since she boarded a plane That is destined for Spain She's wedged in the seat in Miami! Thanks to Andrea for helping me with the meter for this one Jan Allison 12th April 2016

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, food, humorous,

PAIN IN THE BUTT

I visited Doctor Longdong Told doc something’s terribly wrong The pain in my hip Is giving me gyp He said it was caused by my thong! I admit I’ve put on some weight Can’t resist cream cakes on my plate My ‘EX’ boyfriend was rude … So I’m in a bad mood Oh stuff it ….the diet can wait! 11~08~16

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: age, body, humorous,

SEXY SUE

Sue lies in her bed boy she’s feeling HOT HOT HOT dratted menopause! 04~08~17

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, for him, friend, humorous,

BOOBY TRAP - DEDICATED TO ARTHUR VASO

My darling I know have put on weight But I didn’t expect you to set bear bait Now I am caught on the traps you set The pain is intense and I’m getting upset These boobies can no longer be concealed - I hope the clamp marks will soon be healed I will be starting my job as a sexy poll dancer We need the money - this new job is the answer Please will you hurry outside and release me Don't think of charging me a clamping fee!! 29th August 2016

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, lust, political,

RONALD LIKES A NICE BIT OF RUMP

A politician called Ronald Dump Loves to pat pretty girls on the rump At a peachy pert tush All his brains turn to mush His wife floors him – you should see the lump! Fictional write for fun 7th June 2016

Poem Details | by Cindi Rockwell |
Categories: age, funny, old, silly,

HOW TIME STOLE MY BODY

I am old. Old I am.
And frankly I don't give a damn.
I take bright pills for all my ills
And little rugrats call me gram.

Teeth are gone. Gone are they.
Can't chew my food the normal way.
I glue some in to fill my grin
I'm lucky if they stay all day!

I am vexed! Vexed am I!
And now I'm going to tell you why
I fall asleep in time to leap
And to the porcelain pony fly!

I am slow. Slow I am.
In stores I cause a traffic jam.
Joints go crack, can't bend my back
I failed my walker drive exam!

But say the word. The word just say.
And you and I can spend the day!
Let's eat prunes and sing some tunes
Then cuddle with my friend, Ben Gay!

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, insect,

OUCH

A nudist whose first name was Billy Got stung by a bee on his willy It swelled to a great size One he couldn’t disguise So he hid by a meadow lily 03~08~17

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, humorous, leaving, relationship,

LEAVES TALKING

He called me a fat stupid old sow Said my **** was the size of a cow! So now we’re not talking In fact, I am walking From his life … I’ll go pack my bags now! N/A in Leaves talking Contest Submitted to any poem that got an N/A in September Sponsored by Janice Canerdy 09~16~16