Humorous and funny Body poems and/or funny poems about Body. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Body funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Body Poems.
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous,
My turds float like choc’late marshamallows
Just lurking about in the shallows
I guess that my butt
Is truly kaput
So doctor suggests bitter aloes
I questioned such treatment regime
Doc said it may keep my butt clean
Aloe on my finger
Won’t cause me to linger
And floaters will look like whipped cream
Doc chuckled and said “Listen here
Your floaters are nothing to fear”
Poop floats cos you’ve gas
Which is passed through your ***
No treatment’s required my dear.
DISCLAIMER - THIS IS NO REFLECTION ON THE STATE OF MY BOWELS JUST NEEDED A LITTLE LIGHTHEARTED RELIEF AFTER A VERY CHALLENGING WEEK
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, clothes, humorous,
Sue’s panties gave her so much woe -
She suffered from dire ‘camel toe’
But with help from soft plastic
Her new outline’s fantastic
It’s discrete and no one would know!
4/5/18
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous, wind,
A constipated vicar named Bart
Was in church when he dropped a huge fart
He said 'Lord I have sinned'
For I’ve got pooey wind
Blushing scarlet he did soon depart!
26th April 2016
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous, wind,
For goodness sake, please stop
farting! I can smell that
foul stench all around our
flat. It stinks like a dead
fish! Small kids find it great
fun to let rip with their
farts … and then leave the room !
For fun ... Inspired by F Plaiedes contest… I will go with my gut reaction and enter my Fireworks poem lol
09/22/16
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous,
ARE YOU SITTING COMFORTABLY
Poor Beryl had terrible piles
So painful, they stuck out for miles
With help from her finger
Her piles did not linger
Now comfy, she sits there and smiles!
N/A In enter your own contest contest
Contest finalised on 9/24
A Poem, I Wrote and Sent Drifting - Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Broken Wings
09-22-17
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, clothes, for him, humorous,
Poor Viv got caught in his loo
(Was sporting his pink tutu)
His Mrs. was mad
Said you ‘stupid lad -
your hairy thighs still show through!
My contst pom Sponsor’d by Viv Wiggly
chckd with how many syllabls 7,7,5,5,7
10~07~16
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous,
I remember once dating a clown
In the sack he was such a let down
He was missing one ball
And his todger was small
It’s no wonder that he wore a frown!
11~12~17
Poem Details | by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories:
body, dance, fun, humorous, silly, song, woman,
Oh, my name is Witch's Titties
I'm the leader of the band
Tho' only two in numbers
they sag down where life is grand
They swing like gaucho's bolos
to excite your fancy balls
Can toss 'em o'er my shoulders
to go dancing up the walls
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, clothes, humorous, tribute,
Olivia Newton John
A stunning sex bomb
Starred in the film Grease
Talk of ‘ those pants’ never cease!
I wonder how she managed to dance
In skin-tight shiny black satin pants
At the sight of her tush
All the blokes turned to mush
And wanted to begin a romance!
For filming she’s sewn into her clothes
How she went to the toilet who knows!
Her pants sold at an auction in June
I bet the purchaser’s over the moon!
Clerimerick Couplets (Hybrid Form) Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Mark Toney
8/28/19
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
beach, body, humorous,
Dinky
Winky
11-22-17
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, clothes, humorous,
I went to the shops with my bride,
Our nakedness we didn’t hide,
We followed what folk ask -
Just wear gloves and a mask,
Both bereft, we stood there and cried!
03/22/20
Poem Details | by
John Henry Galas |
Categories:
beauty, body, cute love, for her, funny, i love you, princess,
I don't care if you are inaccurate.
I don't care if you're a tomboy.
I don't care if you're an oval or a circle.
I don't care where you come from or what you were.
I don't even care if you have a coconut cream pie-in-the-face.
You are good.
You are perfect.
You are a princess.
And I will always love you.
Like you should love yourself.
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, break up, humorous,
THE IDIOM I MADE UP IS - HE EXPLODED LIKE A PRESSURE COOKER
My son has returned to our home
He’s mouthy and just loves to moan
Now nothing is right
We constantly fight
He’s like a dog missing its bone!
His wife was once such a good looker
Her red lips she just loved to pucker
After botox and filler
She looked like a gorilla ...
He exploded like a pressure cooker!
The tension between us is rife
I’m his mum and not his ex wife
But his reaction is mean
Shouting, letting off steam
She left him because of this strife!
Create an idiom contest Sponsored by Jesse Day
TOTAL FICTION WRITE!
07~28~16
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
beauty, body, humorous, image,
She's quite a busty lady, this fact cannot be denied
Tried to cover them up for years, her boobs shes tried to hide
But with a new found confidence all this is in the past
Shes got a brand new wardrobe gonna show em off at last
Ladies embrace your curves and lets take the ogling men down a notch
If they stare at your assets - smile sweetly and stare intently at their crotch!
Jan Allison
4th May 2014
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous,
I popped my cherry
innocence...
a thing of the past
Inspired by Andrea's contest
6th August 2015
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous,
A randy old fella named Jack
Always went sleep on his back
His todger would rise
Right up to the skies
It’s only a woman he’d lack!
21st March 2016
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, flying, humorous,
An overweight lady named Annie
Has got an absurdly large fanny
Since she boarded a plane
That is destined for Spain
She's wedged in the seat in Miami!
Thanks to Andrea for helping me with the meter for this one
Jan Allison
12th April 2016
Poem Details | by
Cindi Rockwell |
Categories:
age, funny, old, silly,
I am old. Old I am.
And frankly I don't give a damn.
I take bright pills for all my ills
And little rugrats call me gram.
Teeth are gone. Gone are they.
Can't chew my food the normal way.
I glue some in to fill my grin
I'm lucky if they stay all day!
I am vexed! Vexed am I!
And now I'm going to tell you why
I fall asleep in time to leap
And to the porcelain pony fly!
I am slow. Slow I am.
In stores I cause a traffic jam.
Joints go crack, can't bend my back
I failed my walker drive exam!
But say the word. The word just say.
And you and I can spend the day!
Let's eat prunes and sing some tunes
Then cuddle with my friend, Ben Gay!
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous, insect,
A nudist whose first name was Billy
Got stung by a bee on his willy
It swelled to a great size
One he couldn’t disguise
So he hid by a meadow lily
03~08~17
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
age, body, humorous,
Sue lies in her bed
boy she’s feeling HOT HOT HOT
dratted menopause!
04~08~17
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, food, humorous,
I visited Doctor Longdong
Told doc something’s terribly wrong
The pain in my hip
Is giving me gyp
He said it was caused by my thong!
I admit I’ve put on some weight
Can’t resist cream cakes on my plate
My ‘EX’ boyfriend was rude …
So I’m in a bad mood
Oh stuff it ….the diet can wait!
11~08~16
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous, senses,
I once knew an old bloke called Peter
Whose body could smell so much sweeter
He stank of stale wee
B O and coffee
T’was worse when he sat by the heater!
His daughter whose name is Anita
Tried hard to help Peter smell sweeter
He bathes twice a day
She gave him some spray
From Peter there is no foul fetor!
04~09~17
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous, lust, political,
A politician called Ronald Dump
Loves to pat pretty girls on the rump
At a peachy pert tush
All his brains turn to mush
His wife floors him – you should see the lump!
Fictional write for fun
7th June 2016
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, dance, humorous,
An acrobat whose name is Dale
Went pole dancing with his wife Gail
When he did the starfish
He looked such a dish
But suddenly Gail's face turned pale
As he performed his sexy pole dance
He'd got no undies under his pants
Poor Dale was distraught
When his todger got caught
It cut short a night of romance
13th July 2017
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
body, humorous,
Her huge boobies he longed to discover -
Vast mountains, quite unlike any other
He undid her bra strap
She gave him a big slap
Said hands off, or I’ll tell my big brother!
Inspired by but not for mountains contest
07~11~16