Humorous and funny Boyfriend poems and/or funny poems about Boyfriend. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Boyfriend funny poems!
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
allegory, fantasy, father, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness
Viagra Falls
There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
Written by
Laura Hannan
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, love, parody, passion, teen
A Brutally Honest Valentine's
My darling enigma, my dove
You’re the epitome of my love
Your smile shines at me pearly white
Pale skin shines and glints in the light
Silken locks, obsidian flow
Eyes just like ice, crystalline glow
Peals of laughter ring like a bell
Enchant me; I’m under your spell
You walk with a musical flow
Tiptoeing with softness through snow
But, alas, you open your mouth
Utter tripe spilling out
If only you’d keep your mouth shut.
(Love from Anonymous)
Written by
Flippant She-Creature
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, health, lost love, love
Shall I Compare Thee To Your Mother's ****
Shall I compare thee to your mother's ****?
Thou aren’t more lovely, but more flatulent.
Rough winds do shake it; and bring on a farce
And all her clothes hath all too short a rent
Sometime too hot-headed of hell doth burn,
And often is the true nature exposed;
And every foul from fowl; my stomach churns,
By reason, or by nature's raging closed.
But thy infernal diet shall ne’er start
Nor gain possession of which now I grasp;
Nor shall we meet again; let’s stay apart,
When in eternal sounds the voice does rasp,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can cry,
So long lives this, and I bid thee goodbye.
Written by
Tasha Taylor
Categories:
boyfriend, funny love, girlfriend, psychological, relationship,
Schizophrenia
"Doctor!
Doctor!
How is he?"
"Quite terrible, Miss.
He will not survive the night,
Probably not even the hour."
"What does he have?
Terminal cancer?
Pneumonia?
Cardiac Arrest?"
"No.
It is worse then all of those.
Even combined."
"Oh no!
Can I see him?
"I imagine you can, Miss.
But that's the problem.
I'm afraid I can't treat him
Since I can't--"
"Doctor! Please tell me.
I love him.
He's my boyfriend.
We have no secrets."
"Then you may wanna sit down.
Miss, I am sorry to inform you,
Your boyfriend is ailed with
A severe case of nonexistence."
Written by
Virginia Mitchell
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend
Oh! Dear Gawd!
Mom looks through windows
A watched pot will never boil
A daughter's courtship
Contest; "Redneck Psalms, Improve Human Foible"
Sponsored by: John Freeman
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
angst, confusion, depression, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, introspection
Shameful Morning
not sure how she got here
only know she needs to leave
underneath the stranger
my arm numb; asleep,
mouth a desert.
a hundred dead cigarettes dance my tongue dry
princess of night
exposed by light.
get me out of this;
another dreaded morning mess.
bed broken
along with my will.
I swore never again;
the lie is half the thrill.
~JSLambert
Written by
Fisayo Aderounmu
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, love, passion, romance,
Kiss
Kiss saves and kills
Drop by drop KISS increases
To form an ocean of EMOTION
EMOTION in love billows
Around many pillows
With PASSION it is POWERED
You lose control over your EMOTION
Your EMOTION now sets you in MOTION
To the journey of no return.
You may ask, What is bad in it?
The bad IN it is at the END of it!
Written by
Ph.D Volo Von Wolfenstein
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, lovelove,
Polynonsensicalamorous
I'm polynonsensicalamorous;
For me,
Romance is calamitous,
I woo and charm,
And raise some alarm,
When I try to arouse,
... By flexing my arm!
Some days its almost ridiculous,
Whatever I do,
It's frivolous!
So I dress to impress,
But I'm always despairing,
When I walk through the door,
I hear: "What are you wearing?"
They told me love was fabulous,
If you want the truth:
It's strenuous!
When I try to hit,
I always miss,
That hug I got,
...Should've been a kiss!
But if all is fair in love and war,
I should keep trying until I score,
And maybe one day I will cease to fuss,
If only I wasn't...
Polynonsensicalamorous.
Written by
CayCay Jennings
Categories:
body, boyfriend, clothes, funny, hurt, lust
My Pinged Pong
My eager man bought me a wee thong
which I put on to best get along
but rubbing bugging attacks
soon whacked my fore and aft crack.
My pinged pong found his dingdonged thong wrong.
Written by
Pepper Jones
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, dance, dance,
Viagra
I got up at six this morning
Feeling kind of weak
I had a shave and showered
As I walked my bones would creak
I have very bad arthritis
But I can kill the pain
I just have to take Viagra
Then go back to bed again
My girl is exasperated
Found out six months ago
A Viagra in the morning
Will keep me on the go
I cuddled next to her
":Lets dance they're playing our song"
Sleepy eyed she lay there
Snoring all along
Next morning I woke up
A note said she was gone
"Next time you hear your music
You must dance it all alone"
Written by
... Gigno
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, loveme,
Thirsty Clutch
I wanted something bubbly
Coke with ice cream trick
That fridge, again, empty
So I made my trip to Kwik
Swerving around this town in my horses
Parking up by the front door
No training could have prepared me for
What waited inside the store
Standing with her 2-liter of Diet 7-Up
If I just died, keep me here on heaven
I asked above not be taken so abruptly
Feeling luckier than sevens or elevens
Now she says that this place
Is wherever we stand here
Desiring her within my space
Needing her crystal clear
That gentleness of her touch
As we let go while giving in
When love has got its clutch
In times we are skin to skin
Written by
Izzy Gumbo
Categories:
funny
My Boyfriend Is a Beehive...
... that's naughty honey...
Reflecting upon the idea...
I dipped a finger and checked the air
The wind was moving and I could swear
That my boyfriends taste was everywhere
Licking my fingers in pure delight I
Extended again for another bite
...
Better with the butter
Indeed its true...but
There's a scent in the air
With a golden glow and after
Summing it up I came to know...
That my Boyfriends honey
Was on sour dough.
...
Having seen that
Sent me realing on back
And my walls went up
In stacks upon stacks
Determined to never again...
...
Write a sweet book
with a bitter nut's pen.
Written by
Poet Destroyer A
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, love,
Bed Bug Bites
BED BUGS BITES
It's time to fix the mattress
fluffy pillows and blankets,
enough room for just one more.
BITE ME' if you can!
Swat after, swat, after swat!
Red itchy skin, what the h3ll!
The open breeze feels real good,
crawling too bite NATE!
BY; PD
________________________________________
NOTE~ I've never been bitten by these insects,
I just love the way my mother would always say...
"Don't let the bed bugs bite!"
Contest: "Bite me!"
**I bite Nathan, who'll probably will love it ;-)**...LOL...
Written by
Heather Hill
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, romance, sad, song-sympathy, teen
The Break Up- Footle Contest
Cold stares
heart tares
Written by
Andrew Crisci
Categories:
boyfriend, character, crush, funny, games, teacher
Distraction In the Classroom
Some boys forget their mom's words,
they leave for school in a mad rush
with uncombed hair looking like nerds;
in the classroom they have a crush.
Liz, their teacher, wears tight jeans,
they can't concentrate on the test;
she's happy for attracting the teens,
their girlfriends notice their unrest.
They hate their beautiful teacher,
but her vulgarity makes them sneer:
her character isn't worthy of cheer.
When paper planes start a warfare,
Liz's hair seems a style so rare;
all the boys laugh: it is a snare.
Written by
Cecilia Macfarlane
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, body, girl,
Birds -N- Bees
Your raging hormones you must ignore
For desires will shake you to your core
Listen to your heart
Before you embark
Make love with someone you truly adore.
Sciences class teaches us what we should know
About body parts and where they should go
Willie goes in ****
Quicken breaths we huff
All consumed till body fluids flow.
But alas the girl did not have none
Boy finished before girl was done
He is satisfied
She is horrified
Damn the hype about two joining as one.
Written by
Charlie Murder
Categories:
business, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, romance, slam, war
Im Just Gonna Snap Okay Get Over It
i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee
i hate you
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate
you were so nice in the beginning
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow
i am still the nice guy
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.
i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant
Written by
D. C. Jordan
Categories:
boyfriend, feelings, humor, mother son,
Girl From Wheeling
There was a young lady from Wheeling
West Virginia, that is
Who had a peculiar feeling that
Her boyfriend Jack was cheating
She took it to his Mom
“Mom” she said, “your son Jack
Is really pissing me off.
I'm ready to hit the ceiling.”
“Ya know,” Mom said, “You crack me up.
I'm tickled he goes to your head
He irritates me the same way about you
So I tell him to stay unwed.”
So Mom was the other woman
The young lady from Wheeling suspected
So she lay on her back and considered Mom amd Jack
“I would like to see them dissected!”
Written by
John Williams
Categories:
children, humorous, boy,
Flirting Boyfriend
Giggling Girty became quite shirty
When her boyfriend was acting flirty,
With a handful of mud
Delivered with an awful thud
Her boyfriend is now dizzy and dirty.
Written by
Jimmy Anderson
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend
Emmmmm Good
The spring in my pants was so dandy.
She wanted to suck it like candy.
When she closed her eyes.
I gave my surprise.
Never saw a girl quite that handy!
For Francine Roberts "Wow me in 5 lines" contest
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend
Hickey Dickey
I knew of a guy called Dickey
Whose life became rather tricky
When he kissed the girls
They left pretty burls
Never showing us his hidden hickeys
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, husband, life, love, passion
Mrs Hemorrhoid
You messed around
and married a real
"pain-in-the butt" man
known throughout the land
for ripping
burning
completely deserting
then leaving
women hurting
his only claim to fame
is over reacting
and lacking class
a self-proclaimed pain in the ***
a crook with line
and hook to cast
things will never be the same
trade away your maiden name
to Mrs. Hemorrhoid
and wear his name with class.
Written by
Ceasia White
Categories:
black african american, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, introspection, song-urban,
The Black Mistress
Black Mistress
That's what I'm suppose to be
Oh, no not me
I'm not coming second to another woman
No woman is coming before me
Black Mistress
That's what I'm suppose to be
Come get your clothes if you can't spend the holidays with me
You live with her not me
Black Mistress
You want to buy my love when you want please
Oh, no not me
I have my own and I'm not selling my goods to no one but I'm still not cheap
Written by
Tim Ryerson
Categories:
boyfriend, funny,
And Now, For the Rest of the Story - 'Nr'
So when-Jack-and-Jill reached the top of the hill
Jack couldn't stand still (Tried to snatch a cheap thrill)
Kissed Jill on the mouth
(Things quickly went south)
Then Jack said to Jill...'Can looks really KILL?'
Okay, naughty boys and good girls
Let's give Mother Goose one more whirl...
Once the elderly, eccentric Miss Muffet
Informed neighbors: 'Kiss-my-keester and stuff it!'
Thus poor Charlotte the Spider
Dropped and plopped down beside her
And Miss Muffet squashed her flat with her tuffet...
3/19/2013
The title is a direct quote from the late, great Paul Harvey: Radio and Television commentator...
Written by
Marty Owens
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, people, space
Mars and Venus
On Mars it's a man you will see.
On Venus a lady will be.
But what's so amazing,
Will make all your heads ring.
They both get together with glee!