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Funny Poems About Burlesque or Burlesque Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Burlesque poems and/or funny poems about Burlesque. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Burlesque funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Burlesque Poems.

Poem Details | by Xavier Keough |
Categories: funny, introspection, nature,

Satan in my Bowels

Satan in my bowels
All I can say is 'ow'
Cringing and churning
My biscuits are burning
I’m praying for relief
Some sort of lanolin leaf
Wondering why I wasn’t born
Before the devil had horns 
Squatting in the bush
Mourning my tortured tush
Asking when trees portend
Charmin is our friend
So if you hear me cry
Shouting Jalapenos must die
Remember that camping is fun
Except when nature’s on the run


Poem Details | by Laura Mckenzie |
Categories: funny

It's all in the swing

Who says I’m getting old?
My hairs are not gray
Its beautiful sterling silver
The finest silver around
Who says I’m getting old?
My face isn’t bright red
I’m not having hot flashes
I just have constant sunburn
I love the outdoor
Who say’s I’m getting old?
Not me I’m as young as I feel
Tennis anyone?


Poem Details | by kim radcliff |
Categories: funny,

Smelly Poop

Poop is a smelly thing
poop is far from clean
when I poop, I poop on the pot
when I poop, I poop a lot
It's big and brown and looks like gravy
gosh it feels like I just had a baby
It's runny and smooshy , and really gross
In my family, mine smells the most.
I think I'm finished
I think I'm done
oh my goodness 
it's beginning to run
oh no, this won't be fun.
Wipe and flush, I'm on the run
to play outside in the sun.
But in the yard, hiding low
I think my dog had to go
dog poo on the ground
dog poo all around
dog poo is smelly too
dog poo is on my shoe.

Poem Details | by Xavier Keough |
Categories: father, funny, introspection, life, time,

Man

I’m a man
In case you couldn’t see
I don’t use the word “poopie”
And I’m addicted to TV
I’m a man
Who doesn't have time to bleed
But who still has compassion
For blind, busty women in need
I’m a man
Who isn’t defined by “it”
Though affectionate enough
To scratch a public itch
I’m a man
Driven by real adventure
Falling asleep on the sofa
Still wearing my dentures
I’m a man
A wild stud in full bloom
Waiting in the Jacuzzi 
Picking my Fruit of the Loom
I’m a man
Who hates to be mean
Crying in the bathroom
When it’s time to clean
I’m a man
Nothing more or less
A mountain of masculinity
Who never ceases to impress

Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: adventure, funny, mystery, parody, science fiction,

The Saucers Have Arrived!!!

they're here!
the saucers I've waited for...
It's hard to believe...
we've waited so long!

with a sense of wonder,
and a sense of joy...
at their arrival....
oh boy!...oh boy!...

yes, this seems to be
a red-letter day..
I'm left with only...
one more thing to say...

when, just when, 
will we wait,
till kittens turn to pups,?
do you think I might expect...
to get the matching cups!...
.

Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: funny, happiness, health, life, philosophy, satire,

Sweatin' The Small Stuff

Don't sweat the small stuff, they say...
I see it, a different way....
Small problems easily become big,
Make you pull your hair out,
So you gotta' wear a wig!

Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: education, funny, school,

Didn't You Go To School, Stupid??

yeah, and i came out the same way....

Poem Details | by Laura Meese |
Categories: confusion, funny, imagination, on work and working, teen,

The Elimination Method

Simple Mathematics, really.
To eliminate one component
To solve a problem quickly.


I’ll form the problem into a manageable state,
By easily eliminating an unwanted variable.
Now, just what variable to eliminate?


First, I will multiply the X by two.
That’s the first step. Done, I feel fine.
I will multiply the Y too.


Now, I add my X plus X.
My Y plus Y.
That was to make sure it checks.


Now here’s the predicament (easy my shoe!)
This is my problem,
And a real head-scratcher too!


The equation adds up nicely
And the X and Y are simplified.
But, how do I eliminate my algebra homework
Precisely? 

Poem Details | by JSLambert Mister ROBOTO |
Categories: caregiving, childhood, confusion, family, father, children, funny, happiness, holiday, husband, imagination, life, mother, natural disasters, nature, parody, people, places, satire, social, son, teen, wife

Redneck FATHER'S DAY------

***NOTE~TO BE READ WITH A RIDICULOUS "SILKY SOUTHERN DRAWL" (have fun:)***



"Storm over yet...?"

"Well hay'ell ye'ah! 
 woo-hoo!
 sum'body git me a da'gumm cole beer.
 whadda'bou  that boy th'er?
 sum'body git him'a cole beer too!"

"Diddy! that boy ain't nothin' but 8 years old!"

"Wha'choo sayin? 
 wha'th'a?
 na'I don't give a jolly'durn, if he ain't nuttin but 8 year'owed!
 shoot! 
 'dat boy dun' sat him thr'ew a big ol', storm! 
 torna'durr warnin' too!
 he gonna have him'a cole burr;  
 on me!"
 my treat!
 mama, git him'a cole burr! 
 ro'tt now; 
 ya'here?
 besides...
 ta'days father's day!" 



© 2011  ~JSLambert Esquire

   










Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: confusion, food, funny, parody,

Waiter, There's a Fly In My Soup!!!

Fly in the ointment,
I've heard said,
Flies will use you for
food, when you're dead
But a fly in the soup?
Which one of you??
How'd you get in somehow?
What did you do?

These rhetorical questions,
do not require answer,
But one thing does, for sure....
Just how did a zipper get in
my chicken noodle?
This question I do implore

My lips are torn,
my faith in Campbell's shot,
this is one thing,
to predict, I had a chance not


Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: funny, on writing and words, parody,

Mary Had A Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor passed out.

Poem Details | by Joseph Spence Sr |
Categories: funny, history, imagination, nature, people, places, romanceeve,

Adam & Eve Inventory Accountants

Adam was an 
acceptable accountant
And Eve a bubblingly 
bright bookkeeper;
Adam loved the 
First-In, First-Out
Accounting (FIFO) system, 
While Eve preferred 
The Last-In, First-Out
Inventory (LIFO) system;  
Together they testified that
Inventoried sweet fruit 
should neither 
Sits and spoil 
nor go to the 
Garden wastebasket 
Wrongfully.

Poem Details | by Bhavna Khemlani |
Categories: fantasy, funny, life,

The Eyeshadow Girl

The blend of colors enlightens her day when she decides to embrace them;
She loves various colors which bring alive a girl’s eyes;
Each color depicts the triumph of beauty from within that is eager to fly more than twice;
The charisma of colors vitalizes one’s surrounding being a priceless gem.

Surveying around, she picks her Jimmy Choo;
Picking up her Chanel bag she appreciates her labor of love;
Then she looks at her sister to Shoo;
She knows that materialism and spiritualism is hard work from blessing above.


Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: funny, on writing and words, parody,

Rub A Dub Dub

Rub A Dub Dub Dub
A gay ***** flick filmed in a tub.

Poem Details | by Sidney Hall Mad Poet |
Categories: funny

Pat a cake pat a cake

Butty girl, butty girl strip woman
Shake dem butty as fast as you can
Let me pat it and prick it then you will see
You’ll have a bun in de oven which will look just like me

Poem Details | by Randy Curry |
Categories: humorous,

He Fills My Cup




Mornings begin with my savior 
His richness every day fills my cup 
On loan is his bounty and flavor 
He helps this wracked body stand up. 
The warmth of his substance is welcome 
His essence spells relief to my eyes 
Full with his sweetness I’m spared boredom 
Without him this wracked body cries. 
One connection with him's not sufficient 
I thirst for the nectar of his soul 
Without his strength I'm deficient 
With his nourishment this body can stroll. 
When I’m wandering without much direction 
And I’m listless and moving too slow 
I just look to him for more gumption- 
He's another good cup of hot Joe

Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: adventure, fantasy, funny, imagination, satire, sea,

The Pirates Of Sean Penn's Aunts

Penn's Aunts, patch-eyed women
Cutlass carried, pistol too
You mess with Sean,
They mess with you
Give his movie a bad review,
You'll walk the plank,
That's what they'll do.

Poem Details | by Curtis Moorman |
Categories: funny,

The Art of Dying Gracefully

THE ART OF DYING GRACEFULLY


As the family gathered around his bed
His eyes were rolled back in his head
They waited as he gasped for breath
Moments before he'd meet with death

They spoke briefly in quiet tones
Some even stifled sorrowful moans
His body shuddered, his eyelids closed
It looked as though he peacefully dozed

The pastor knelt by the bed to pray
When suddenly they heard the sick man say
I guess I put on quite a show
But I am just not ready to go

Contest - Burlesque Twist 
By: Natalie Flikkema

Poem Details | by Joyce Johnson |
Categories: funny

Burlesque

My naive picture of Burlesque
Some lovely ladies junoesque
Slapstick humor risky
Dancers rather frisky.
Mom would consider it grotesque.

For Miranda's contest

won an hm

Poem Details | by Charles McDauel |
Categories: funny, happiness, satire,

home

Home is where
you hang your hat,
and also where
your *** is sat.

Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: adventure, fantasy, funny, health, life, parody, satire,

Sickle Cell Bulimia

I was in a hurry
To weight only forty
Had no time for a drawn
out diet
So decided I would try it
Bought a sickle
Carved off my flesh
It didn't tickle,
But the blood was fresh

Got on the scale,
With my dying breath
Couldn't read the weight
Too much blood
And it was now too late

I probably weighted but twenty
A skeleton was I
Exceeded my desired weight loss
But for this I had to die.

Poem Details | by mike dailey |
Categories: funny, social

Toilet Paper Roll

The biggest controversy of the day
Is toilet paper – which way should it lay
Should it roll under and hug the bathroom wall
Or over the top and stand out till it’s small
Personally, I’m a top roll guy
It puts it that much closer to my thigh
And as we age our movements start to slow
I like things close because you never know


Poem Details | by jan oskar hansen |
Categories: first love, humorous,

love affair

The Love Affair 
The road that leads to a smallish agricultural flatland has
two walls. One wall was built by a slob, just throwing 
one stone on top of another. 

The other wall was built by a craftsman where stones 
fitted and he had used decorative and white painted
 cement between them.

Every Sunday the meticulous man walks to his wall 
and find great satisfaction to see his work again and
wishes the slob would rebuild his wall.

Every Sunday the layabout goes for a walk to, 
first to the bar for a few beers with his mates; he walks
 to the good man’s house and have sex with his wife.

Poem Details | by Paloma P |
Categories: allegory, conflict, humorous, hyperbole, irony, metaphor, nonsense,

Commonsensical Nonsense


Evanescent parlays of paradoxical exposure expecting perceivable combustion, hindsight still plays unavoidable heady games aftermath perception lives up to mean arithmetic
Specificity of angular slants contrasting circles' spatial commitment to conformity's configurations - - square pegs will never fit societal a$$holes

Poem Details | by David Dowling |
Categories: children, funny, lost love, love, naturesea, love, sea,

Love you like a Sea Urchin

I wanna love you like a Sea Urchin.
-Not just any other shellfish.
Baby, can't you see it's urgent?
we're strapped for time, so don't be selfish.

I wanna love you like a Sea Urchin.
-and all other points aside.
I know I ran from love in past lives,
'cause I didn't have a spine.

I wanna love you like a Sea Urchin.
-I admit i've been a round.
but of all the other fishies,
you're the one that I want now.

I wanna love you like a Sea Urchin.
-Won't you please come back soon?
oh boy, this globoid was a fool,
but he's a fool in love with you!