Humorous and funny Christmas poems and/or funny poems about Christmas. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Christmas funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Christmas Poems.
Poem Details | by
Linda-Marie Sweetheart |
Categories:
funny,
"12 Days of Christmas Craves"
On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
12 twinkling tiaras
Eleven emerald elephants
Ten Tiffany trinkets
Nine naughty negligees
Eight echoing elves
Seven sequined stars
Six sexy singers
Five fake fingernails s s s
Four furry foxes
Three tingling tamborines
Two turtledoves
And peach tree in pail via e-mails s s s.
*For P.D.'S 12 Days of Christmas.
*Written by: Linda-Marie "Sweetheart".
Poem Details | by
Sneha Rv |
Categories:
child, childhood, children, christian, christmas, funny, mom,
Reindeer wait
by the pane
I see shapes
A present!
Santa thinks
I’m asleep
Smells like mum
lent Santa
her perfume... ?
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
christmas, humorous,
At Christmas he’s a busy chap -
and rarely has time for a nap
But to his surprise
He got a huge rise
When Mrs Claus sat on his lap!
Holiday Themed Limerick Poetry Contest
checked with how many syllables
8,8,5,5,8
(Mrs classed as 1 syllable on soup counter, 2 syllables on how many syllables)
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
11/17/19
Poem Details | by
Terry Flood |
Categories:
christmas, humorous,
Santa came home with a reindeer
And Mrs Claus said with a sneer
‘Did you have to bring
That horny old thing?’
Rudolph said, ‘Madam, he lives here.’
13 December 2021
For: I Need A Good Laugh: Xmas Limerick Contest
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
Poem Details | by
Anais Vionet |
Categories:
11th grade, care, christmas, feelings, holiday, humor, teen,
It’ll be an old fashioned Christmas,
with Santa due down the chute.
I bet he Purells his reindeer,
and Lysols his hazmat suit.
It’s an old fashioned Christmas.
We’ll all have on our masks,
and our muffled yuletide carols,
will be just like seasons past.
We’ll observe all the guidelines.
We’ll eat six feet apart.
We’ll have disinfectant under the mistletoe,
and keep safety in our hearts.
Sure, it’s an old fashioned Christmas.
One unique to the times.
The love this year might be careful,
but the feelings are genuine.
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous,
She fell from the top of the Christmas tree
Bumped her head and said ‘oh deary me’
With pine needles sticking in various places
The Christmas tree fairy pulled funny faces
Jan Allison
5th December 2014
Not for Contest
Poem Details | by
Joyce Johnson |
Categories:
humor,
Dickens' Jacob Marley
favored drink made from barley,
died before Ebenezer,
that stingy old geezer.
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
christmas, humorous,
You got a duff gift from your ‘mate’
Too large, in a colour you hate
It simply won’t fit
You’ll never wear it
No nookie mate now you can wait!
12~28~14
A Quintain Christmas - Andrea Dietrich
~awarded 3rd place~
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
christmas, humorous,
Santa’s little helper felt poorly sick
Couldn’t deliver presents for Saint Nick
His red nose was gleaming
Blue eyes they were streaming
I hope that Santa will give him some Vick
24th December 2014
Poem Details | by
Sean Kelly |
Categories:
funny, seasons, thank you, christmas, christmas,
Mrs. Santa on last Christmas Eve
Was so naughty , at trying to deceive.
Not the slightest bit coy
When she met her toy~boy....
Now , believe what YOU want to believe .
Rudolf the randy raindeer
Took his lady friend out for a beer.
Then he took off his clothes.
Showed~off his red nose..
Saying.. who the hell said, I was *****...
What's the worst place at Christmas to be ?
Perhaps a turkey~dish laced with gravy....
It's more painful and airy
To be some poor fairy
With your +++ on the top of the tree .
A COOL YULE , TO ALL YOU GOOD SOUPERS.....
Poem Details | by
Andrea Dietrich |
Categories:
christmas, funny, holiday,
For anyone struggling in the holiday season!!
Although there's nothing much that I could add
to all the Christmas wishes ever made,
I'll wish for you that traffic won't be bad
the day you shop and that you may get paid
some kind of Christmas bonus for a change,
and when beneath the mistletoe you stand,
I hope you're not approached by someone strange,
but rather by a stranger who is grand!
And should you be so childish (I mean bold)
to ice skate on a lake or board the snow,
I pray for you that you don't catch a cold
or break a leg as down some hill you go.
My wishes, like my gifts, are kind of cheap;
May faith in them require no giant leap!
Poem Details | by
Arthur Vaso |
Categories:
christmas, hilarious,
Oh Christmas tree
Oh Christmas tree
Oh no I’m singing to a Christmas tree
Rum eggnog in me
Rum eggnog in me
Oh no I’m singing to the Christmas tree
Oh Christmas tree
Oh Christmas tree
Much pleasure thou can give me
Oh mistletoe
Oh mistletoe
I’hve a Christmas tree I want to show
Oh Christmas tree
Oh Christmas tree
Oh, I just kissed a Christmas tree
Oh Christine tee hee
Oh Christine tee hee
I thought you was a Christmas tree
No more rum for me
No more rum for me
Or my wife will toss me out
With the Christmas tree
Notes: I have no wife, and I have no tree, I may have some rum, but shhhhhh
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
christmas, humorous,
Bad gifts
Cause rifts
Be rash
Spend cash
Debit
Credit
Worthwhile
Their smile
20th December 2014
Poem Details | by
Arlene Smith |
Categories:
christmas, funny, silly,
Kicking Santa is not nice to do.
Chuck Norris has replaced him, 'tis true.
You'd better not pout,
or a swollen snout,
and a stocking of whoop-*** for you!
12/21/14
Contest: A Quintain Christmas
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
Poem Details | by
Pat Adams |
Categories:
christmas, holiday, horror, humor,
The elves filled Santa's sack with toys
For all the good little girls and boys
When he lifted it up he used his back
Instead of his legs and he tore his sack
An elf gave a band-aid to Santa, their proctor
Santa said, "No, I need to go to a doctor"
But sadly a doctor he would do without
There was no time, so he started his route
He stood up in the sleigh, his jewels in a brace
Yelling, "OW, Merry Christmas!", all over the place!
Poem Details | by
Sandra Haight |
Categories:
christmas, funny,
Rudolph Clerihew
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Lights up Santa’s path to steer.
For his nose to last through the night,
He sunbathes to charge up his light!
© Sandra M. Haight 2014
All Rights Reserved
~5th Place~
Contest: A Chrismas Character Clerihew
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
Poem Details | by
Paul Callus |
Categories:
funny,
late at night
a shepherd
woke his wife
I saw...heard
angels sing
in the sky!
it’s the wine
she mumbled
or UFOs!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In this case UFOs is 2 syllables
Contest by Charles Messina
Placed 2nd
© 18th December 2018
Poem Details | by
L Milton Hankins |
Categories:
childhood, christmas, humorous,
imagine me
upon his knee
a little child so meek and mild
thrilled to visit our dear Santa
in the heart of old Atlanta
such a precocious little child
thrilled to visit our dear Santa
in southern Georgia warm and wild
not in the least my mind beguiled
in the heart of old Atlanta
imagine me
thrilled to visit our dear Santa
a little child so meek and mild
in southern Georgia warm and wild
upon his knee
upon his knee
imagine me
THIRD PLACE WINNER
written December 1, 2021
for "Meditative Ballad" poetry contest
sponsored by Emile Pinet
syllables checked by HMS
rhymes check with Rhymezone.com
Poem Details | by
Tom Cunningham |
Categories:
christmas, humor,
Santa's reindeer went down with the flu
He panicked thinking what can I do
So he used all his charm
Borrowed cows from a farm
Not the answer but they'd have to do...
Folks out walking all watched him fly by
Saw no reindeer and they wondered why
But they started to cheer
Then all cowered in fear
As cow pats splattered down from the sky.
Written 23rd December 2020.
Poem Details | by
Kim Rodrigues |
Categories:
humor,
Christmas day on planet E
each pine tree
deliciously planted
uprooted
the sky is tinsillated, stars replaced by screwy bulbs
and to top it all off – mind you, like a cherry on top
a fat man in a red suit is flying through outer space
a U N I V E R S A L catastrophe
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
christmas, humorous,
Poor Frosty was built upside down
and quickly he’s talk of the town
He’s not wearing his smalls
so folks see his snowballs -
his smile soon turns into a frown!
When Santa learns of Frosty’s plight
he orders some work late that night
So his wife Mrs Clause
knits Frosty some new drawers -
but his ‘carrot’ doesn’t hang right!
*drawers classed as one syllable as per the UK pronunciation of the word
Both limericks 8,8,6,6,8
Christmas Limericks Old or New Contest
Sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire
Edited
11/30/18
Poem Details | by
Doris Culverhouse |
Categories:
funny, holiday
Make us some sunshine for Christmas Santa
It's mighty gloomy here, grey clouds over head
Put the color back into the day and moon light in the night
Bring me a tender heart and may kind words overflow
Santa you can bring it, bring it like no other
Call on the heavens to roll back the clouds
Warm my muscles and calm the aches
I won't ask for nothin' else Santa
Just put a warm glow in the sky!
Poem Details | by
B. Joseph Fitzsimons |
Categories:
christmas, holiday, humor, humorous, seasons, thanksgiving, winter,
Once commenced the fest of feasting and giving thanks for genocide,
‘Tis the season to be jolly to replace our thoughts of suicide.
Santa claws his way into a child’s mind insidiously,
And the air begins to reek again of yuletide idiocy.
The bliss of belief in an ancient hippie turned into a homeless wizard,
Adjoins the joy of gifts from an obese geriatric myth flying in a blizzard.
Eight deer reign behind his ninth whose nose an eightball thaws,
Fa-la-la-la-chainsaw-sounds-that-make-me-gnaw-my-inner-jaw.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
It follows us everywhere we go,
Take a look and ask like Jack, “what’s this?”
And see it’s but blinding capitalism aglow.
Poem Details | by
Terry Flood |
Categories:
christmas, humorous,
The UK just sanctioned a jab
That scientists made in a lab
My best friend, Maxine
Just had the vaccine
Which left just a tiny green scab
Her husband was lying in bed
He lay there with eyes full of dread
He didn’t expect
This weird side effect
His wife had just grown a new head
Then Christmas arrived right on cue
And Santa had had the jab too
And while it sounds silly
He’d grown a new Willy
And Maxine screamed... I’ve got one too.
Poem Details | by
Anna Hopper |
Categories:
christmas, funny,
This year is different
Surly you see
Covid got Santa
He set the elves free
Prancer’s in charge
Of running the sleigh
The gift bags reek
Of manure filled hay
Comet and Blitzen
Are engaged in a spat
Over which one will fill
The jolly guy’s hat
Dasher forgot
To strap down the tote
Rudolph’s nose has a short
And started to smoke
Donner’s mask was too big
So he traded with Cupid
Both were ripped in a fight
Over something so stupid
Now their noses are bare
And they can’t risk the spread
To innocent children
Sound asleep in their beds
So they’re two reindeer shy
And one big guy less
The sleigh cannot fly
It’s a whole Christmas mess