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Funny Poems About Clothes or Clothes Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Clothes poems and/or funny poems about Clothes. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Clothes funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Clothes Poems.

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, humorous,

TOEING THE LINE - BAWDY LIMERICK

Sue’s panties gave her so much woe - She suffered from dire ‘camel toe’ But with help from soft plastic Her new outline’s fantastic It’s discrete and no one would know! 4/5/18


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, humorous,

LIARS

I went to the shops with my bride, Our nakedness we didn’t hide, We followed what folk ask - Just wear gloves and a mask, Both bereft, we stood there and cried! 03/22/20

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, for him, humorous,

MY CONTST POM

Poor Viv got caught in his loo (Was sporting his pink tutu) His Mrs. was mad Said you ‘stupid lad - your hairy thighs still show through! My contst pom Sponsor’d by Viv Wiggly chckd with how many syllabls 7,7,5,5,7 10~07~16

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, humorous, tribute,

OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN

Olivia Newton John A stunning sex bomb Starred in the film Grease Talk of ‘ those pants’ never cease! I wonder how she managed to dance In skin-tight shiny black satin pants At the sight of her tush All the blokes turned to mush And wanted to begin a romance! For filming she’s sewn into her clothes How she went to the toilet who knows! Her pants sold at an auction in June I bet the purchaser’s over the moon! Clerimerick Couplets (Hybrid Form) Poetry Contest Sponsored by Mark Toney 8/28/19

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: clothes, humorous, weather,

THERE'S A NIP IN THE AIR

The north wind is blowing and it’s turning cold I’m feeling quite chilly I guess I’m getting old I’ve finally dug out my sexy thermal vest It’s snug and warm and covers my hairy chest It’s silky and soft and causes no ripples Hides my boobies and covers my nipples Jan Allison 15th October 2014

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, humorous, me,

BRALESS

One handed, I can’t hook up my bra My fingers cannot reach round so far Just look at me now ... Like a droopy old cow They’re swinging I look so bizarre! Don’t worry folks... hubby came to my aid and helped me dress:-) follow up to my poem posted yestrday www.poetrysoup.com/poem/i_took_a_tumble_-_ouch_1017159 27/4/18

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: beach, body, clothes, humorous,

CROSS DRESSER

I espied a large woman called Evie (She was wearing her husband’s mankini) Though her skin was quite pale She looked like a beached whale It’s a pity his outfit’s so weenie Of her figure Evie is proud but Evie is so well endowed ‘Twas a bright a sunny day with huge boobs on display This outfit it drew quite a crowd An onlooker passed her a towel Saying cover those boobies they’re foul Please don’t wear a mankini - Wear a woman’s bikini Evie blushed red and gave him a scowl 3/28/18

Poem Details | by CayCay Jennings |
Categories: body, boyfriend, clothes, funny, hurt, lust, men,

My Pinged Pong


My eager man bought me a wee thong which I put on to best get along but rubbing bugging attacks soon whacked my fore and aft crack. My pinged pong found his dingdonged thong wrong.
... CayCay August 7, 2019

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: clothes, humorous,

CROSS DRESSING


Seen wearing his wife’s silken gown O’Keef’s soon the talk of the town In her basque and pink bra He looked like a p orn star His missus gave him a dressing down He says darlin’ I’m into cross dressing See, this is my way of confessing I wear your clothes for free - You’re the same size as me My desires I’m no longer suppressing 03/24/20

Poem Details | by Lycia Harding |
Categories: clothes, fairy, fashion, funny, gender, humorous, identity,

I Like My Body

I like my body when it's with your clothes.
With your skirts and with your hose.
Panties, bras and stilettos -
you must let me BORROW those!
Oooh, they're tight... I don't suppose
you've got these in open toes...?


======================
07/24/2015
Lycia Harding

For the 'Complete the Line' Contest
Line 3:  ‘I like my body when it is with your..’---e.e. cummings


Poem Details | by Cona Adams |
Categories: angst, brother, children, clothes, family, funny, school,

School Days

(and long brown stockings) 

I detest these stockings,
they're coarse, brown and ugly.

I hate the garters more;
elastic circles that cut off 
circulation and fail to halt 
the laddering down my skinny legs.

If only . . . I picture myself
in warm jeans and no teasing
from Tommy Rogers.

I put the garters to better use,
roll the repulsive stockings
down around my ankles. 

Tommy taunts,
"Who gave you
jointed toothpicks for legs?"

I lost it.

Now, Tommy has a black eye
and my nose is in the corner.


Poem Details | by Viv Wigley |
Categories: clothes, humor,

Why I don't wear a mankini

ouch cuts
my nuts


Viv Wigley, July 7th
For contest 'One footle' sponsored by Judy Konos

Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: clothes, humorous,

Bargain Day At The Goodwill Store

My good friend Cletus looked mighty spiffy in his new attire.

New suit, shoes, shirt and tie - he was ready to set the world afire

He asked me what I thought about his new duds but I hadn't the heart to say,

That I had donated his entire ensemble to Goodwill just the other day!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved

Poem Details | by Duke Beaufort |
Categories: clothes, humor,

a weird cooking misadventure

Felines have a versatile paw
That unfolds a razor like claw
An apron has strings
That cats see as playthings
While scratching chef's butt 'til it's raw


Author's Note: This story was related to me by an attractive and shapely associate who claims she sometimes works in her kitchen dressed only in her bra and an apron.

Poem Details | by Sunlite Wanter |
Categories: humor,

I Like Clothes


I like clothes
Someone makes them
Another places them on a rack,
No buttons to push,
You can even take them back.
No dot coms to remember,
Or passwords to crack.
I like clothes.

I like clothes
They may hang on you like a sack,
But you can depend on basic black,
Don’t have to spend hours with a geek,
When all you want is a human to speak.
I like clothes.

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, humorous,

SILENCE IS GOLDEN

We are ALWAYS taught to tell the truth But SOMETIMES there are exceptions to this rule If your wife says ... Does my bum look big in this .... NEVER say yes dear !!!! N/A in original contest Submitted to Second chance poetry contest sponsored by Broken Wings 02~11~16

Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: clothes, humor,

Dressed In Green

Old Paddy went to the pub dressed in green The oddest sight the boys had ever seen He wore thigh high hose All covered in bows Of cross dressing he was crowned this year's queen

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: clothes, humorous,

BORED IN MANHATTAN NFC

A young broad was bored in Manhattan So got dressed in outrageous fashion She looked so out of place Wearing satin and lace When a cop shocked her with his baton The cop was amazed by her attire Many men were filled with desire She was such an arresting sight That much to her delight He took her home to warm up by the fire 6th December 2015

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: clothes, humorous, , cute,

WHO IS YOUR NEIGHBOR- FOR CONTEST

I espied him in his designer suit Such a looker, he’s REALLY cute This morning he waved and shot me a grin Oh how I would love a date with him Think I’ve managed to catch his eye Got my heart set on a handsome guy I knocked on his door …he was wearing a dress I just stood there gawking I must confess! Just who is my neighbour - I’m not so sure But any dream of romance was premature! Contest Who is my Neighbour Sponsor Mystic Rose 09~03~15

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: clothes, humorous,

SHHHHHH - VICTORIA'S GOT A SECRET - FOR CONTEST

Victoria’s got a secret - But she’s told me I can share She’ll get his temperature rising With her sexy underwear Girls you can’t go wrong With a silky little thong A negligee or a nightie So sheer it sure is flighty Wear her panties and bras You can dress like the stars 05~25~15 Jan Allison Contest:- Sing a Jingle - Lyric Man

Poem Details | by David Fisher |
Categories: clothes, funny,

Leaf Briefs

Underwear used to be a fig leaf
Then somebody invented the brief
I think it’s absurd
To name it that word
I mean, what’s briefer than a leaf?

Was it named by a white collar thief?
Like a lawyer who longed to be chief?
I could see his purport
When he said in court
“Your Honor, I’ll make this brief, brief, brief.”

“First of all, I would not use a leaf
As our skivvies’ business motif.”
He then rests his brief case
And picks up his briefcase
That held leafs of briefs, and the chief’s briefs.


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: clothes, humorous, work,

OH BEER ME

There once was a brewer named Darryl Who when working wore such odd apparel He’d remove all his clothes Saying ‘I don’t need those’ And prance naked all day in a barrel Jan Allison 10th April 2016

Poem Details | by Martin Kloess |
Categories: clothes, humor, mystery, sexy, silly, words,

Have You Ever Imagined A Girl Without Her Clothes On

He dreamed of her without her clothes
Her panties and bra let’s lose those
With her high heels gone
Let’s not dwell upon
Why he had them on heaven knows

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, humorous, wind,

KNICKERS

Poor Pauline was caught unawares when she was in a rush She ripped the seam of her jeans exposing her enormous tush People started smiling when she had passed their way For her tiny G-string panties were clearly on display! She could feel a cooling breeze around her nether region Thank goodness it was summer and not the winter season! Jan Allison 24th April 2016

Poem Details | by William Robinson |
Categories: funny, love, people,

CLOTHES MAKE THE WOMAN

There was a young lady named Dela,
Who always dressed well for her feller.
What did Delaware?
I really don't care,
But I think she should have dressed weller.