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Funny Poems About For Him or For Him Funny Poems

Humorous and funny For Him poems and/or funny poems about For Him. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious For Him funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other For Him Poems.

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, clothes, for him, humorous,

MY CONTST POM

Poor Viv got caught in his loo (Was sporting his pink tutu) His Mrs. was mad Said you ‘stupid lad - your hairy thighs still show through! My contst pom Sponsor’d by Viv Wiggly chckd with how many syllabls 7,7,5,5,7 10~07~16


Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, for him, friend, humorous,

BOOBY TRAP - DEDICATED TO ARTHUR VASO

My darling I know have put on weight But I didn’t expect you to set bear bait Now I am caught on the traps you set The pain is intense and I’m getting upset These boobies can no longer be concealed - I hope the clamp marks will soon be healed I will be starting my job as a sexy poll dancer We need the money - this new job is the answer Please will you hurry outside and release me Don't think of charging me a clamping fee!! 29th August 2016

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: for him, fun, funny, humor, humorous, tribute, work,

Plumber Acrostic

P     Pipes corroded

L     Lies, folds, and bends 

U     Under a sink

M     Mans the phones

B     Butt crack showing

E     Extracts gook and hair

R     Rodents and snakes

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: for him, humorous, tribute, words, work,

THE CALL GUY DEDICATED TO STEPHEN PENNELL

Steve works in a call center to earn an honest bob but some days he can't believe the words that flow from some folks gob They cus and curse Then eff and blind - you'd not believe your ears and if he wasn't made of sterner stuff he'd leave the room in tears! I said to him when folks are rude to remember the golden rule Just imagine them sitting in the nude that way you'll keep your cool! So when they rant and scream and shout He thinks of his meager pay but still tries his best to sort them out and ends the call with 'have a nice day'! Posted with the kind permission of Stephen Pennell 10~16~16

Poem Details | by Jillian Sabecky |
Categories: caregiving, family, food, for him, funny love, giggle, passion,

Banana Bread

Today my husband said ' I can really go for some banana bread' 
But this is what I made instead.

A gallon of Sweet Tea.
A bowl of Green Pea's.
Turkey Club on whole wheat followed by Smoked Meat.
Corn on the Cob along with Broccoli Raab.
Chicken Wings. Shoe Strings.
Pineapple upside down cake. A chocolate Shake. 
Baked Potato served with a Stuffed Tomato

Now my husband has a belly ache. 
I don't think he likes it, when I bake.

Poem Details | by TAMMY REAMS |
Categories: fashion, for him, funny, hair, hilarious, humor,

Toupee

It flips and flops from side to side 
and if the wind is blowing it will be going.
One ear is covered and the other is not
a curl or lock tied into a topknot.
Some look like a big fluffy feather that's been in a hazard
or the tail of a horse that's been forced.
Don't be scared because your missing hair
to a women a shinny bald spot is always hot!



1/23/15   T Reams

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, for him, humorous,

HE'S BENT

I feel terribly sorry for Rodger He developed a kink in his todger It looked such a sight when bent to the right that his poor wife ran off with the lodger! Submitted to Any poem (not for contest) Sponsored by Broken Wings 1st January 2016

Poem Details | by TAMMY REAMS |
Categories: cute love, for her, for him, funny love, humorous, marriage, smile,

It's Time for a Funny

Hello Honey, are you feeling sunny
or another day of crummy?

Are you going to be grumpy
because your a little lumpy?

Your still my little hunky
because your always spunky.

I love you my sweet Honey
because your never a dummy!

For my sweet hubby     T Reams

Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: beauty, for her, for him, humor, love, people, sexy,

When She

That look in her Scotsman's eyes When his darling opened her thighs Such a welcoming sight He entered his night As loving groans mellowed to sighs .

Poem Details | by Sunshine Smile |
Categories: for her, for him, funny,

- Men - Cars - Women -


  If you see
   a man opens
     the car door 
       for a woman ....
         He certainly has
           a brand new car ...
            or a very young
             and beautiful mistress
               His pride ...
                a conquest ... 
                  the gleaming varnish
                    reminds him of
                     sensual red woman lips
                      Excite shining
                       in his eyes - 
                        you will always
                          be his number two




13.01.2014
A-L Andresen :))

Poem Details | by Gwendolen Song |
Categories: best friend, blessing, chocolate, for him, funny,

Chocolate Delivery

It's an eternal arrangement

Every week or two I have promised to send him some chocolate

Nothing fancy-just a thought from me to him

Just to let him know that I am on board with our destiny 

We will be forever friends

Chocolate has medicinal properties too you know

It melts your heart and keeps us on the same page

Best friends forever so more chocolate I will send! 

It's sorta like storing up brownie points for the future you could say!

By the time I get to heaven I should have sent him one ton of chocolate 

And a gym membership! 


Gwendolen Rix
11-22-14

Poem Details | by Jerica Sanchez |
Categories: boyfriend, care, dedication, devotion, faith, first love, for her, for him, gender, girlfriend, happiness, happy, heart, heaven, home, house, how i feel, humor, husband, i love you, imagination, inspiration, inspirational, kiss, longing, love, marriage, miss you, missing, poems, poetry, romance, romantic, together, words,

FOREVERMORE

When I hear your name
My heart beats faster than usual
It's not that I am ashame
But It's just your name is too special..

Can't control the feelings
When I am with you
Can't stop smiling
When you hold me like you do

When you hug me then
I feel like I'm in heaven
You are a blessing from above
And you are the reason why I loved

I'll promise to love you FOREVERMORE..
And I will cherish you until the end of my borrowed life
And I will keep our precious memories as long as
we see each other in our next life..

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: for him, humorous,

ON REFLECTION - FOR CONTEST

(Him) Say babe, how'd you like to go out with me? (Me) Sure but I can tell you're married to your reflection! 05~03~15 Contest: Judy Konos Your best pick up Line ~awarded a 1st place~

Poem Details | by Marilyn Williams |
Categories: depression, faith, for him, funny, future, memory, time,

Do I Remember

I write it, but remember not. I say it, but forget me not. I feel it how it has to come, did I not feel like a perfect bum. So what it is I am trying to remember, my place and where I was December.

Poem Details | by Gretchen Cruz |
Categories: crazy, cute love, for him, humorous, i love you, love,

Crazy for you

CRAZY FOR YOU

I am crazy for you
Crazy enough to jump off
A bridge for you
Even though I’ve only seen you once
I am crazy enough to die for you

Even when I know nothing of you
I am still crazy enough to
Imagine a you and I

I’m crazy enough to stand in the rain
So I might catch a glimpse of you again
Crazy enough to follow you home
So to see you are alone

And I am crazy enough that 
No pain hurts me 
Crazy enough that I would die for you
Crazy enough to offer my soul for you

Yes I am crazy, crazy enough
To say I don’t know you 
Except by site, but yet I am crazy
Crazy enough to love you anyway


©GDC2014

Poem Details | by Jerry T Curtis |
Categories: adventure, anxiety, courage, for him, humor, husband, soulmate,

There I've said it

Ah, there's something I must tell you
and although I know it's late
I simply have to say it
'Cause, I don't think it can wait
I know you're sitting there
In the dark and all alone
Know I'ld rather, it in person 
Than like this, on the phone
But the distance in-between us
And the years that passed us by
Have shown a light upon this subject
And exposed an awful lie
So when you see me, I'll be different 
Don't be mad, and please don't cry
I'll always be your loving wife
Although, I've changed into a  guy


Poem Details | by harry horsman |
Categories: for her, for him, funny,

Harry And Vienna's Couplets

“He glides into my parlour with his shades a tad too low
Saying can you clip my moustache, I like whisk ‘n’ show.
So I take out my old blade and nip and oops I think I missed
Now he’s suing me for having nicked his upper lip, he’s pissed.”

“She says I tried to kiss her in the most sensual way
Full of Scotch whisky drunk just because I wouldn’t pay.
I saw the old blade heading for my throat thinking a joke
But this old queen pissed her off because I thought her a bloke.”

© Harry J Horsman & Mystic Rose

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, for her, for him, hair, humorous, mother son,

FOR PHILLIP and DIANE GARCIA - DITCH THE BEARD

Phil’s caveman look is very weird He really should shave off his beard His mother is right He looks a strange sight The Neanderthal look’s to be feared! Since December Phil’s been hirsute He needs to give his beard a boot He’ll cut it off in the sink But his mum won’t cause a stink Cos without it he looks real cute! Poem Posted with Kind permission of Phillip Garcia To understand the poem please read my comments on Phillip's poem https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/3443_or_t_minus_44_880105 02~26~17

Poem Details | by Julie Grenness |
Categories: allusion, devotion, feelings, for him, funny love, hero, longing,

HER NAME WAS LUNA

HER NAME WAS LUNA

They nearly met when younger,
She met him on the 12th of never,
They grew old apart, whatever,
Ships in the night of stars,
Ever fond thoughts from afar,
She met him on the 12th of never,
Luna kept him young forever.

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: for him, humorous, hurt, spoken word,

THE TRUTH HURTS

He’s adept at not mincing his words Venom flows like enormous great turds On his throne he will sit Vitriol he will spit Packs a punch in the heart of us birds Some may know a man just like this Words like fists - he slams us a kiss He is cruel; he is curt Using speech that could hurt His sharp words you cannot dismiss Can’t control what flows out from his mush To the point - he won’t beat round the bush There’s no compromise No little white lies Tells you straight that you’ve got a huge tush! N/A in contest judged on 6/27/16 Submitted to I go Zero,Nothing, Nada 1 sponsored by Broken Wings 06~24~16

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: body, for him, humorous, pain,

THE TOOTH THE HOLE TOOTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TOOTH - FOR VICTOR BUHAGIAR

Poor Victor began to feel ill When he heard the dentist’s loud drill his knees began to shake But he had bad toothache So he sat in the chair quite still The dentist said “please open wide There’s a dental nurse by your side Your fear we understand And she will hold your hand This won’t hurt a bit”, OUCH… he lied! Posted with permission of Victor who challenged me to write a poem about his recent dental experience … the nurse holding his hand is pure poetic licence 08-10-17

Poem Details | by Jason Williams |
Categories: boyfriend, cute love, for him, funny love, love, word play,

His Other Names

His Other Names
by Jason Williams

Although he has a proper name,
and his friends acknowledge but one,
I rarely call him the same because
to me, he has a great sum!

He is often . . .

     . . . my Baby.
     . . . my Boo.
     . . . my Baby Boo.
     . . . my Sweetie.
     . . . my Sweet Baby Boo.
     . . . my Sweet Pea.
     . . . my Sugarlump.
     . . . my Butter Bean.
     . . . my Pumpkin.
     . . . my Pookie.
     . . . my Snugglemuffin.
     . . . my Love.

Poem Details | by Cameron Hartley |
Categories: analogy, boyfriend, cute love, for him, funny, love, metaphor,

Mocha

I usually find the taste of coffee
Far too bitter for my taste
But this mocha is smooth 
And so sweet

Warm on my lips
And rushing hot on my tongue
Flooding my body with heat
And making me want more

I feel more awake with every sip
But can never get enough
Since mocha coffee is addictive
And if the taste is slightly bitter too

I want it all the more


Author's Note: Do I really like coffee? No. Like the smell, like the ice cream, but tastes icky.
No, this poem is talking about a person. This was written to tease him.
It's funny because he's mocha colored :)

Poem Details | by Ayesha Karim |
Categories: butterfly, city, desire, fantasy, farewell, for him, funny,

The Stranger

The Stranger


I sit beside a handsome guy.
I imagine his breath on my neck.
He is tall.
His brown eyes are nice and,
O he has such gorgeous brown skin,
dark hair and a deep tan.
I want to kiss him on the lips.
I gesture towards him.
He moves a few inches and gets up.
Then leaves….
I realize I don’t know his name.

Poem Details | by Joan Donnelly Ellis |
Categories: for him, funny love, romance,

Procrastinator



 How do you expect me to respond
 When you say I love you then you're gone
 Yes I know you're shy but how can I
 Prove my love true when away you fly
 Are you teasing and playing a game
 If that is so you should be ashamed
 Seriously if you really care
 Board the love train we've a life to share

Monorhyme
 9 syllales per line 
 Joan Donnelly Ellis March 3 2016
 Inspired by Silent One's poem ," Come A Little Closer ".