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Poet Destroyer A
adventure, animal, beautiful, blessing, celebrity, funny, life,
~My Nutty Squirrel Poem~
Up in a tree, on a branch
Now you see me, now you don't!
Sneaky and fast, I'm adorable
Now, why would you hunt or shot me for fun?
Do you like, how fast I run?
I'm not just another chipmunk
Stuffing my face with nuts,
I'm classy and beautiful,
The best part of nature.....
Red pointed ears, I hear you drawing near.
Chuckle, chuckle, caffeine free
I saw you looking at my fine coat.
Fluffy and curious, touch me and I'm Calling PETA!
See YA--- Life Is Beautiful!!!
I'm stuffing these nuts back into my mouth
and Jumping onto another tree :) The End
Love The Squirrel from another World.
funny, love, sad,
I've never kissed a pig with my eyes closed
Nor have I ever held a hand of time
However, there was once when I proposed
But that was back when I was in my prime
I still recall how much she loved to dance
She'd laugh at me and make my face turn red
She taught me all the secrets of romance
That love was what one did, not what one said
I search the shadows for her purple hue
I take her mem'ry everywhere I go
Its smile has it's own special shade of blue
Its taste so sweet no one could ever know
They tell me only time mends broken hearts
I wonder just how long before it starts.
by Daniel Turner
abuse, funny, husband, me,
BLACK and BLUE
Today I wonder,
You hit me in the eye,
you made me cry.
My eyes are brown,
Now they're black and blue.
Is that what I get for loving you?
My lips are pink, now they're bloody red.
Is that what I get!!!
Do you wish I were dead?
My teeth are white,
I just lost three,
Is that what I get over a little fight?
I see a smile underneath,
I see you leaving with the police.
I finally got rid of you.
I can't believe I waited,
UNTIL I WAS BLACK AND BLUE.
NOTE: True story, I finally did the right thing and called the cops
If only I could make my way to Paris
To search the boulevards and rainy rues
I'd look to find my lonely heart an heiress
An Irish lass vacationing her muse
We'd find a quiet cafe' on the Seine
Where we could sit and share a laugh or two
By candlelight we'd toast with French champagne
Pretend that we were on our honeymoon
But how could I convince her I'm the one
To make all of her fantasies come true
She knows there's more to life than having fun
In Paris hearts get easily confused
I'd get down on one knee under the stars
Give her the paper ring off my cigar
an original poem by Daniel Turner
There was a lumberjack from Borehamwood
A chainsaw mishap took off his manhood
His Love life now a mess
And it caused him great stress
So he made himself one out of some wood .
He went to bed one night full of desire
Sue his wife put on her sexy attire
Things got steamy and hot
He gave it all he got
But with passion and friction it caught fire .
Written 5th March 2019.
For make me actually LOL 2 poetry contest
Sponsored by Nina Parmenter.
Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart
funny love, woman,
With her flair for chasing inspiration
She draws you in her reason
Connecting dots and constellations
She takes you by the hand
Her world as messy as her mind
You need a guide
And as you wade through her chaff
Her heaps of half thoughts
Her every whim expressed
The only thing you know for sure is
Out there exists
Contest Name: Disarray
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
Here lies Sidney Snoozer, a lover of sleep,
His last nap eternal – relaxed, six foot deep.
For Epitaph Contest 2
Hosted by Jesse Rowe
© 15th April 2019
funny, happiness, life, satire, upliftingme, me,
My butt crack
Is quite a split
It supports the rest of me
when I sit
you thought I was gonna say something else didn't you ?
My butt crack
Is a marvel to behold
It was cute when I was young
but now offensive since I'm old
My butt crack
Is pretty darn straight
can you imagine if it was crooked
pretty weird sight I would rate
My butt crack
Is funny to me
when I bend over in my jeans
It peeks out
for you to see
My butt crack
wanted me to write this today
for no other reason
then just to say......................
I gotta split
Eric (and sometimes not)
age, funny, nature, society, technology, youth,
leaves in the trees
an old man sitting
on a bench
and thinks of his youth
sitting on a bench
looking into his iPhone
simulates the falling
red yellowing leaves
Judith Angell Meyer
funny, imagination, song-
That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."
Your theory makes quite the impression
But I have this nagging obsession
A huge mass of matter
Explodes in a scatter
This is a layman's 'dumb' question
From whence came this gigantic ball?
Just how did the whole thing befall?
What was there before that?
And before even that?
And so on and so forth, et.al
Blank space, only vacuum you say?
Endless void? Flat nothing? Okay
Is nothing just nothing,
Or ain't nothing something
And what made the nothing I pray?
Clothes all clean
but the washing machine
ate up all my panties.
Raced to the store
to buy some more,
But bought instead some brandy.
Stopped at a shop
for a lollipop;
a treat I find so dandy.
My skirt fell down
In the middle of town.
Now everyone's eyeing my candy!
A UFO went to land in Dakota
But the brakes didn't work one iota.
It didn't take long
to decide what was wrong
seems the space ship was made by Toyota!
funny, me, , memorial,
"A cappuccino would be nice
And thank you Anne dear friend.
Since Bert has died I've felt quite lost,
But time has helped things mend."
"I guess what hurt the most dear Anne
Was finding in Bert's will;
To me he never left a thing;
A truly bitter pill."
"He never left you anything!
I thought Bert more sincere,
But is that diamond ring not new
You're wearing sister dear?"
"Well let me put it this way Anne.
Bert's will did leave a bit;
Five grand for a memorial stone
And this dear Anne ... is it."
funny, funny love,
I thought it was kind of romantic
I wasn't being a fanatic
I pulled it out in the cold
You thought that was a bit bold
I wrote it in the snow about you and me
How much I love you I wrote it with my pee
I almost froze it off - it and my left ball
Then you hurt me when you said it was too small
It's like out of the pool
It follows the same rule
Not that I expected you to drool
But you didn't need to be cruel
Now I pull it out again and what I write
Your not going to like - it might cause a fight
Not just what it says about you that is quite biting
But the fact it was your sister who did the writing
It lands on tables and under your bed
It also clings to your computer screen
on clothes it goes
and of course
in your food
not in the mood
In the air, everywhere, I don’t care
You can have it mop, cloth, feather duster
I don’t want it
here or there
dust if you must
Scratch me a note of “clean me” on my shelf
If I dust today it will just come back
Vince Suzadail Jr.
There are things I don't understand
And would really like to know
Such as why they call it rush hour
And you move so freakin' slow
How come you get a learner's permit
To get a license to drive a car
But they don't give one for a marriage license
Now I think that's going too far
Why do they put deer crossing signs up
Do you believe there is really any need
In all my years of driving
I've never met a single deer who can read
I was reading a map in the park
And it definitely astonished me so
It had a red X that said you are here
And I was wondering how they know.
art, dark, evil, funny, humorous, internet,
poem will resume very soon
turn off ad block
is not that kind of poem
please favorite me
I am flavor to be
pause for second ad
add ads, subtract ads
multiply wine ads
get more wine
is a long damn add
bought the Mercedes
snap snap and chat
I never leave home
there she rests
in the trunk
with that new car smell
everything is modern these days
even my jail cell
fairy, fantasy, fun, funny, humor, humorous,
Pumpkin turns carriage
Prince offers marriage
The Elves and the Shoemaker
Business lacks clout
Shorties help out
Scaling her tresses
Young prince impresses
The Three Little Pigs
Wolfie wants bacon
Brickwork frustrates him
Puss in Boots
Smooth talking feline
Princess makes beeline
Hundred year nap
Ended by chap
Beauty and the Beast
Loving what’s ugly
Renders it lovely
Hansel and Gretel
Candy trap foiled
Witchy gets boiled
14 September 2018
Written for Six-Word Couplet Series Contest
Hosted by Mark Toney
John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo
Honey it's probaly not best befor I have
To look deep in my eyes and ask what
Cause Im far from a romantic and
your far from a thinker.
Short skirt nice legs.
Your a go go dancer and I just another drinker.
After a few glasses I'll savor that last drop.
I'll lose my mind.
And hopefully you'll lose your top.
have a private party for only two.
well shed more than ambition.
As i drink outta your shoe.
I'll empty your liquor cabbinet and you'll keep
my wallet shrinkin.
My dear it dont take a rocket scientist to
figure out what Im thinkin.
bird, food, funny,
They said how she ate was absurd;
A "Fatso", they called her she heard,
And ever since then
That poor, baby wren
Just pecked at her food like a bird.
Contest: Any Animal or Creature Limerick
funny, humor, humorous, poetry, poets, wisdom, writing,
How high the bar that makes a poet Real!
(He walks in mists, and shadows of himself)
To be a poet, is to burn with steel
Set short time in the forge, the lesser self!
He brands his heart with fiery words, set down
And burns his mind with thinking, ‘til it glows,
He hopes, of sonnets, his will be the Crown,
And hopes that all the brilliance of light, shows!
But, oftener, he writes a humble piece,
A few words cramped into a simple form,
But somehow, in his feelings, a release!
Yes, humble-bumble often is the norm.
And that high bar, he reaches seldom, and
Leaves barefoot footprints in the fruity sand.
funny love, silly,
On this merry-go-round
Of breakups and breakdowns
Singing the blues
In our ding-a-ling shoes
We take our heartache's milkshakes
Spiked with itty-bitty pity
Before we tangle and wrangle
In the rebound playground.
Poem of the Day
April 18, 2020
JSLambert Mister ROBOTO
allegory, fantasy, father, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, health, hope, husband, imagination, life, love, passion, people, places, romance, social, wife,
There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
sand, oozing through toes
water down my swimsuit piece
how I love the sun
new sun-rays run my soul
wind swims around my pale skin
strong & Long Lasting
The Viagra moment fades
power by the sun
Vixen photos of my youth
rock hard & bigger