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Funny Poems About Golf or Golf Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Golf poems and/or funny poems about Golf. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Golf funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Golf Poems.

Poem Details | by Thvia Shetley |
Categories: funeral, funny, sports,

A golf limerick

While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,

       his head bowed in prayer
       at this somber affair

to pay last respects to his wife!


Poem Details | by Martin Kloess |
Categories: golf, humor, sports,

A Golfer's Tale

Was out playing golf just for fun
With Father O’Toole in the sun
When club from hand burst
Hit priest as he cursed
And I hit his first holy one

Poem Details | by Keith Trestrail |
Categories: golf, humorous,

Golf Widows

What is it - this royal and ancient game
  that gets in your blood and under your skin?
That invites in men's hearts a peaceful aim
  till you shank one and your head starts to spin!
Not just a game for sadists and man-boys
  though it helps if misery becomes you;
new graphite, titanium and steel toys
  vex me slowly but what am I to do?
I am hooked - addicted to the flagged green,
  and no persuasion can my fix deny -
no finer joy (with pants on) has there been
  but take my wife before my clubs or DIE!
To all you widows who mourn us at play
hear this...'tis the fairway or the highway!


                  

               September 2004

Poem Details | by John lawless |
Categories: golf, humor,

WOMEN DRIVERS

WOMEN DRIVERS


The trouble with women drivers
with all of their if’s, ands, and butts

is that when they are driving for distance
they lose all their delicate touch

thinking the faster they get there
will cause all the others to blush

but no one cares how well they drive
as long as they make their putts.


John G. Lawless
2/15/2015

Poem Details | by Sheri Fresonke Harper |
Categories: caregiving, devotion, funny, health, miracle, passion, sports, success,

Slow Golf

Golfers ahead were really slow
because their dead balls just wouldn't go
     we offered them beer,
     later we found cheer--
 they stepped aside to let it outflow.

Poem Details | by David Fisher |
Categories: funny, golf,

Golfing With Sir Isaac Newton

When I went golfing with Sir Isaac Newton
He hit tee shots that were not comput’in
Though he struck balls sound
They stayed on the ground
Never making it to where he was shootin’

When we went inside to, have a tea
He showed his disgust with, gravity
I said, “That round went to pot
Coz for each hole’s first shot
For some reason you didn’t, grab a tee!”


Poem Details | by David Fisher |
Categories: funny, sports, golf,

Shout 'Foreplay'

I learned to golf the following way;
That after each stroke you shout, ‘foreplay!’
Then when you get up
You shoot for the cup,
And if asked give an instant replay.


For Craig's Golf Limerick contest

Poem Details | by Elton Camp |
Categories: funny,

The Golf Practice

The Golf Practice

By Elton Camp 


Sue hit the ball with a mighty swing 

Didn’t know problems it would bring 

Although Ms Sue had called out “Fore,”

It crashed through a window next door

The owner yelled at her, “Stupid thing.”



Poem Details | by David Fisher |
Categories: funny, games, golf,

Desert Golfing

When playing desert golf I parch easy
Which then means I don’t get pars easy
So when I am done
I hide from the sun
And play eighteen whole games of Parcheesi

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: golf, humorous, me, sports,

FLOG IS AN APT ANAGRAM OF GOLF


I’d watched the ‘Open’ and the 'Masters' And thought that l’d give golf a try I hired some clubs and little white balls From the tee I hoped my ball would sail high I lined up perfectly and took a swing But the ball stayed on that little blue tee I tried again and missed it once more I was a laughing stock for all to see! If questioned about my handicap I’d smile and say I don’t have one at all The only real problem that I have is I can’t hit the ruddy golf ball! A true story! Sports Shorts contest Sponsored by Joseph Soper 05 09 17

Poem Details | by Joshua Lacey |
Categories: funny

Don't Fool Around! (ode to golf)

Whack that ball; don't hit a tree
Be conked out in the head you see!
And don't hit into the rough
Oh my gosh; that sure is tough!
Or maybe in "the zone" you'll be!

Poem Details | by randy johnson |
Categories: funny, husband, wife, golf,

The remote

(This is a fictional poem)

I wanted to watch the king of Queens but I'm watching golf instead.
I'm too lazy to walk over to the set now that the batteries in the remote are dead.
I'm so bored as I watch these damn golfers putt.
I ordered my wife to change the channel and she kicked me in the nuts.
I can't stand this boredom, I want to be put out of my misery.
I'll be watching a lot of golf because I'm too cheap to buy new batteries.

Poem Details | by James Horn |
Categories: humorous,

Not On Golf Course

Not On Golf Course

If his performance was both perfect and pleasing
And days of his long life were continually increasing
How much better could he possibly, really be
Once mind and sex from body have been set free?

Regardless of when you ever want to start winning
In everything will be a start as well as a beginning 
So in poetry writing and performance set a pace
And think of all the new challenges you must face.

God gave me what I needed for my every effort
Along with comforting others when they are hurt
Use my poems as example of something worth seeing
But not on golf course when off you are teeing.

Jonathan Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran

Poem Details | by James Horn |
Categories: funny, golf, humorous,

Golfing Is Great When Done Indoors

Golfing Is Great When Done Indoors

How many ways would I have to count
To finally come up with a fair amount
That to tide me over would be enough
If things got tough and ended up in the rough.

Golf games are like a bear who is grizzly
When outside it starts to become drizzly
Guess what golfers and bless their heart
Start heading straight for their golf cart.

When golf game and weather are miserable
It would be more desirable and sensible
While playing, it more and more pours
You dazzle your fans by doing it indoors.

James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
RiverSea Plantation
Bolivia, NC

Poem Details | by David Bose |
Categories: golf, humor, nature,

During a Round of Golf at Pebble Beach

On Pebble Beach's seventh green
I paused to watch an otter.
He dove, cavorted, spun around,
An acrobat on water.
Then lolling, drifting, eyeing me
He twitched brown nose and whiskers.
His thought, that moment, mirrored mine:
"He plays all day, that rascal."

Poem Details | by David De la Croes |
Categories: humorous,

Golf Limerick

The was a young golfer whose mother
Constantly around him would flutter.
All over each green,
Her antics were seen,
Until he thumped her with his putter!

2 April 2013.

Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: funny, sports,

For The Love Of Golf


As poor Bob left  to play the short nine
His nagging old wife began to whine
"Its golf or its me!"
"With that I agree!"
His lawyer told her just where to sign....


3/28/13

Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: golf, humorous,

Five Fabulous Fun Footles

THE DUFFER


Clyde Rolf
Played golf

In rough
That's tough

Mishap
Sand trap

Putts missed
He's pissed

So far
No par

Entry for Jan Allison's "Five Fabulous Fun Footles" Contest
(22 Oct 2016)

Poem Details | by jan oskar hansen |
Categories: giggle, girl, golf, gothic, grandfather,

fun haiku

Short fun haiku 

God didn`t like snakes 
 So he told lies about me
Man loath and fears me  

I`m a crippled tree
In the middle of a wheat field 
Doing nothing 

I`m the big rock
The farmer ploughs around me
One day he bitterly says.


It was the tallest tree 
In the petrified forest 
Lightning struck in half   

I`m the smallest tree 
In the woods of trepidation
I starve to stunt growth 

At the restaurant 
I`m the last the waiters see 
Serving stops at three  

Poem Details | by Greg Gaul |
Categories: fun, funny, golf, imagery, light, men, onomatopoeia, silly,

Ah, Golfslangadang

Grip it, rip it, stick it.
Bombed it, flopped it, topped it too.

Stay, sit, slice, scoot,
Run, kick, roll, draw,
Carry, fly, die, spin,
Watch the little ball go in.

Hop, get up, get down,
Break, oh please just bite,
Ah, the glories of the ball in flight.

On the screws, hit it pure,
Nailed it, straight and sure,
Chunked it, yanked it,
Shanked it, pulled...
Oh, it broke the other way,
Sorry guys I got fooled...
Not my day.

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: giggle, golf, humorous,

I'VE PLAYED AROUND WITH TIGER WOODS FOR CONTEST

I'm playing with golf ace Tiger Woods It’s raining, so we pull up our hoods Tiger misses the green - Then shouts words so obscene He just cannot deliver the goods! N/A in Name Dropper Contest Judged 13/10/17 Sponsored by Kevin Shaw Submitted to Another 2017 Stunner Sponsored by Line Gauthier Checked with Rhymezone and how many syllables 9,9,6,6,9 09-15-17

Poem Details | by Tahera Mannan |
Categories: funny

Golf

Golf a game of supposed gentlemen
Played in exotic and scenic glen
With a stick and tiny balls
Which either rolls or crawls
Or chuck chucks like a lethargic hen

Poem Details | by Sheri Fresonke Harper |
Categories: betrayal, confidence, destiny, golf, humorous, sports,

Traps

Best be those who mind their tees and traps
for a green man lurks in the swamps
wanting to win over the lives of the tramps
mucking their way to rev up the amps.

Life costs plenty true and to be sure
so a pot of gold is good as green’s grass
to dampen the drizzle and tender a lure
for a game a golf will tempt any lad or lass.

But be wary for the trick is to know
On which end the rainbows pot will fall
One good trap will sink you like a blow
While fair sailing makes you feel very tall.

The truth is, oh lad and lasses, traps be quick
And traps be full, they hide and bely
Every hubris act that gabs it on thick
causes elf to ensure your success is but a lie.

Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: golf, humorous,

Weekend Duffer

Randolph
Tried golf

Paid fees
Bought tees

Teed off
Pals scoff

Drive ****
In rough

Balls lost
They cost!

Oh crap
Sand trap!

Putts bad
Gets mad!

More flubs
Breaks clubs!

So far
No par

Played poor
No more!

Club house
To souse!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired

Poem Details | by Robert L. Hinshaw |
Categories: golf, humorous, war,

What Did You Do In The War, Daddy

"What did you do in the big war, Daddy?"

   (Is often asked by a soldier's laddie.)

      "I'm proud you asked me that son;

         I packed a golf bag and gun,

           Since I was the Gen'ral's guard and caddy!"