Humorous and funny Golf poems and/or funny poems about Golf. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Golf funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Golf Poems.
funeral, funny, sports,
While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,
his head bowed in prayer
at this somber affair
to pay last respects to his wife!
golf, humor, sports,
Was out playing golf just for fun
With Father O’Toole in the sun
When club from hand burst
Hit priest as he cursed
And I hit his first holy one
What is it - this royal and ancient game
that gets in your blood and under your skin?
That invites in men's hearts a peaceful aim
till you shank one and your head starts to spin!
Not just a game for sadists and man-boys
though it helps if misery becomes you;
new graphite, titanium and steel toys
vex me slowly but what am I to do?
I am hooked - addicted to the flagged green,
and no persuasion can my fix deny -
no finer joy (with pants on) has there been
but take my wife before my clubs or DIE!
To all you widows who mourn us at play
hear this...'tis the fairway or the highway!
The trouble with women drivers
with all of their if’s, ands, and butts
is that when they are driving for distance
they lose all their delicate touch
thinking the faster they get there
will cause all the others to blush
but no one cares how well they drive
as long as they make their putts.
John G. Lawless
Sheri Fresonke Harper
caregiving, devotion, funny, health, miracle, passion, sports, success,
Golfers ahead were really slow
because their dead balls just wouldn't go
we offered them beer,
later we found cheer--
they stepped aside to let it outflow.
When I went golfing with Sir Isaac Newton
He hit tee shots that were not comput’in
Though he struck balls sound
They stayed on the ground
Never making it to where he was shootin’
When we went inside to, have a tea
He showed his disgust with, gravity
I said, “That round went to pot
Coz for each hole’s first shot
For some reason you didn’t, grab a tee!”
funny, sports, golf,
I learned to golf the following way;
That after each stroke you shout, ‘foreplay!’
Then when you get up
You shoot for the cup,
And if asked give an instant replay.
For Craig's Golf Limerick contest
The Golf Practice
By Elton Camp
Sue hit the ball with a mighty swing
Didn’t know problems it would bring
Although Ms Sue had called out “Fore,”
It crashed through a window next door
The owner yelled at her, “Stupid thing.”
funny, games, golf,
When playing desert golf I parch easy
Which then means I don’t get pars easy
So when I am done
I hide from the sun
And play eighteen whole games of Parcheesi
golf, humorous, me, sports,
I’d watched the ‘Open’ and the 'Masters'
And thought that l’d give golf a try
I hired some clubs and little white balls
From the tee I hoped my ball would sail high
I lined up perfectly and took a swing
But the ball stayed on that little blue tee
I tried again and missed it once more
I was a laughing stock for all to see!
If questioned about my handicap
I’d smile and say I don’t have one at all
The only real problem that I have is
I can’t hit the ruddy golf ball!
A true story!
Sports Shorts contest
Sponsored by Joseph Soper
05 09 17
Whack that ball; don't hit a tree
Be conked out in the head you see!
And don't hit into the rough
Oh my gosh; that sure is tough!
Or maybe in "the zone" you'll be!
funny, husband, wife, golf,
(This is a fictional poem)
I wanted to watch the king of Queens but I'm watching golf instead.
I'm too lazy to walk over to the set now that the batteries in the remote are dead.
I'm so bored as I watch these damn golfers putt.
I ordered my wife to change the channel and she kicked me in the nuts.
I can't stand this boredom, I want to be put out of my misery.
I'll be watching a lot of golf because I'm too cheap to buy new batteries.
Not On Golf Course
If his performance was both perfect and pleasing
And days of his long life were continually increasing
How much better could he possibly, really be
Once mind and sex from body have been set free?
Regardless of when you ever want to start winning
In everything will be a start as well as a beginning
So in poetry writing and performance set a pace
And think of all the new challenges you must face.
God gave me what I needed for my every effort
Along with comforting others when they are hurt
Use my poems as example of something worth seeing
But not on golf course when off you are teeing.
Jonathan Thesarious Hilarious Horn
funny, golf, humorous,
Golfing Is Great When Done Indoors
How many ways would I have to count
To finally come up with a fair amount
That to tide me over would be enough
If things got tough and ended up in the rough.
Golf games are like a bear who is grizzly
When outside it starts to become drizzly
Guess what golfers and bless their heart
Start heading straight for their golf cart.
When golf game and weather are miserable
It would be more desirable and sensible
While playing, it more and more pours
You dazzle your fans by doing it indoors.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
golf, humor, nature,
On Pebble Beach's seventh green
I paused to watch an otter.
He dove, cavorted, spun around,
An acrobat on water.
Then lolling, drifting, eyeing me
He twitched brown nose and whiskers.
His thought, that moment, mirrored mine:
"He plays all day, that rascal."
David De la Croes
The was a young golfer whose mother
Constantly around him would flutter.
All over each green,
Her antics were seen,
Until he thumped her with his putter!
2 April 2013.
As poor Bob left to play the short nine
His nagging old wife began to whine
"Its golf or its me!"
"With that I agree!"
His lawyer told her just where to sign....
Robert L. Hinshaw
Entry for Jan Allison's "Five Fabulous Fun Footles" Contest
(22 Oct 2016)
jan oskar hansen
giggle, girl, golf, gothic, grandfather,
Short fun haiku
God didn`t like snakes
So he told lies about me
Man loath and fears me
I`m a crippled tree
In the middle of a wheat field
I`m the big rock
The farmer ploughs around me
One day he bitterly says.
It was the tallest tree
In the petrified forest
Lightning struck in half
I`m the smallest tree
In the woods of trepidation
I starve to stunt growth
At the restaurant
I`m the last the waiters see
Serving stops at three
fun, funny, golf, imagery, light, men, onomatopoeia, silly,
Grip it, rip it, stick it.
Bombed it, flopped it, topped it too.
Stay, sit, slice, scoot,
Run, kick, roll, draw,
Carry, fly, die, spin,
Watch the little ball go in.
Hop, get up, get down,
Break, oh please just bite,
Ah, the glories of the ball in flight.
On the screws, hit it pure,
Nailed it, straight and sure,
Chunked it, yanked it,
Shanked it, pulled...
Oh, it broke the other way,
Sorry guys I got fooled...
Not my day.
giggle, golf, humorous,
I'm playing with golf ace Tiger Woods
It’s raining, so we pull up our hoods
Tiger misses the green -
Then shouts words so obscene
He just cannot deliver the goods!
N/A in Name Dropper Contest Judged 13/10/17
Sponsored by Kevin Shaw
Submitted to Another 2017 Stunner
Sponsored by Line Gauthier
Checked with Rhymezone and how many syllables 9,9,6,6,9
Golf a game of supposed gentlemen
Played in exotic and scenic glen
With a stick and tiny balls
Which either rolls or crawls
Or chuck chucks like a lethargic hen
Sheri Fresonke Harper
betrayal, confidence, destiny, golf, humorous, sports,
Best be those who mind their tees and traps
for a green man lurks in the swamps
wanting to win over the lives of the tramps
mucking their way to rev up the amps.
Life costs plenty true and to be sure
so a pot of gold is good as green’s grass
to dampen the drizzle and tender a lure
for a game a golf will tempt any lad or lass.
But be wary for the trick is to know
On which end the rainbows pot will fall
One good trap will sink you like a blow
While fair sailing makes you feel very tall.
The truth is, oh lad and lasses, traps be quick
And traps be full, they hide and bely
Every hubris act that gabs it on thick
causes elf to ensure your success is but a lie.
Robert L. Hinshaw
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
Robert L. Hinshaw
golf, humorous, war,
"What did you do in the big war, Daddy?"
(Is often asked by a soldier's laddie.)
"I'm proud you asked me that son;
I packed a golf bag and gun,
Since I was the Gen'ral's guard and caddy!"